


All the Difference: the Jericho Prequel

by HixyStix (GaiaMyles)



Series: Bill/Sarah [1]
Category: Jericho (US 2006)
Genre: Additional Warnings in Chapter Notes if Needed, F/M, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-20 02:02:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 95,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14885534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaiaMyles/pseuds/HixyStix
Summary: Bill Koehler is a sheriff's deputy in Jericho.  While he has friends and a good job, there's something missing from his life.  However, even if he found someone to love, would his panic attacks drive her off?Sarah Morgan is freshly arrived in Jericho, looking to assuage the depression that has followed her like a plague.  She's convinced she will never find a stable life and as for love?  Probably not for her.This is a story about two damaged people who manage to find love and hold onto it in spite of everything stacked against them.A Bill/OFC fic because Bill needs some lovin' too.





	1. First Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> This all started when I decided Bill needed someone at home waiting for him during the show, so I created an OC. And, well, it kinda grew.
> 
> This story covers the five years before _Jericho_ begins. I've played with the timeline - this begins in 2010, making the bombs go off in 2015.
> 
> BIG thanks to [WarlockWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarlockWriter) for being my fic beta!
> 
> There's much more to this story than is being posted, if you're so inclined. Shoot me questions here or on my tumblr, [ihaveallthesefeelsokay](http://ihaveallthesefeelsokay.tumblr.com/).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meet cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moodboard credit to [WarlockWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarlockWriter)!

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=n2ea20)

**First Meetings**

Sarah paused just inside the sheriff’s department door, relishing the blast of heated air that came her way.  Darn the winter cold and the plains winds; she was not cut out for this. Why had she left the relatively balmy south for Kansas again?  She really should have thought this through better.

“Can I help you?”

Shaken from her grumpy thoughts, Sarah looked up at the man who’d greeted her: tall, dark-haired, and looking slightly bored.  She pasted on a smile as she moved up to the counter and braced for yet another introductory interrogation.

“Hi,” she said, forcing cheerfulness.  “I moved here from Tennessee a week or so ago.  I’ve looked online, so I  _ think _ I have the gist of it, but I wanted to make sure I understood the process for getting my concealed carry permit.”

The deputy stared at her for a moment.  “You’re the new librarian, right?”

“That’s me, yes.”  Sarah reminded herself she’d signed up for this when she chose to move to a small place.  Didn’t make it any less awkward to be constantly singled out as new, though.

“Lewis Connor.  Welcome to Jericho.”  He shook her hand and grabbed some paperwork from a drawer below him, leaving Sarah stunned at how quickly he got to business.  Seemed like he was the first person she’d run into who didn’t have twenty questions about who she was and why she’d moved to Jericho.  She’d honestly expected more curiosity, especially considering what she’d asked.

Deputy Connor spread the forms out on the counter in front of her, pointing out the different parts of the application and requirements as he explained them, including the need for proof of a firearms safety course.

“Yeah…”  Sarah sighed after he clarified what sort of courses counted.  “That’s what I figured. I used to be certified as a range safety officer and took other classes, but I’m not sure I can find those records anymore.  I seem to have lost half my files in the move.”

The deputy shrugged and handed her another bit of paperwork.  “Well, if you’ve got an old permit that’s still valid and proof of residence here, I can get you set up with a six-month temporary permit right now.  That should give you time to find the certification or take a course before you officially apply.”

Sarah pulled out her permit, grateful her parents had talked her into getting a Tennessee one before moving, and a few things she hope constituted proof of residence.  “I don’t hold out much hope that I’ll find the certification. Who can I talk to about signing up for a course? Do you have a list online?” she asked, quickly filling out the first form.

“I can recommend a few private instructors, but once a year some of the nearby Sheriff’s departments get together and host a course.  It’s probably a lot cheaper if you don’t mind waiting for the next one.”

Sarah huffed.  “Considering how much moving cost, cheaper sounds wonderful.  Can I go ahead and sign up?”

“Sure thing.  We’ve got a flyer, but Bill’s organizing the next one and he just got in from patrol.”  Connor turned, scanning the office behind him. “Hang on a moment and I’ll get him for you.”

“Sounds perfect, thanks.”

Connor disappeared down a hall in the back of the room and Sarah fiddled with her pen as she scanned the rest of the forms.  This looked about the same as at home. Why’d she have to go and lose all her paperwork?

Movement in the back caught her attention and Sarah looked up to see a new deputy follow Connor out: shorter, blonder, and still buttoned up in his winter coat, which he unzipped as he reached the counter.

“Bill Koehler,” he said brusquely, though he smiled as he held out his hand.  “Hear you’re interested in our pistol course.”

His hand was still cold from being outside, Sarah noted.  “Yeah. I’d like to go ahead and get signed up if there’s still room for me.”

He chuckled and it was a nice laugh to go along with a nice smile, Sarah thought.  “Plenty of room so far. It’s in May and these things don’t usually fill up until the last minute.”  He went ahead and spelled out all the basic information: price, time, location, what she’d need to bring, and so on.

Sarah had to admit it sounded like the easiest solution, or at least the bits she actually heard did; the more she watched him talk, the cuter Deputy Koehler became.

Dang it, she really needed to get ahold of herself.  She’d ended things with Aaron just five months ago and moved away partially to start fresh.  Crushing on every attractive guy she met wasn’t going to get her anywhere. She forced herself to look down at the paperwork and follow along, making note of the pertinent information.  Like the fact he didn’t have a wedding ring.

Down, girl.  Even if he didn’t have a ring, he probably had a girlfriend.  Or was married and just didn’t like wearing jewelry. Or was gay.  All the good ones fell into one of those categories, it seemed.

Anyway, it wasn’t like he paid her any particular attention; Deputy Koehler took all her paperwork, printed out her temporary permit, and wished her a good day.

Sarah left, bracing against the wind, and took a moment in the car to mentally castigate herself for being so easily distracted.  Jericho was supposed to be a new place, with a new job and new opportunities. She was supposed to be a new person here. This lonely romantic stuff was something she’d hoped to leave behind.

Oh well.  Jericho had five thousand people.  Some study she once read said you only ever really knew five hundred people where you lived, so it was a nine in ten chance Sarah would never meet this guy again after the class in May.  Forgetting him would be easy.

~~~

 

It took a bit, but Sarah began to settle into life in Jericho.  She unpacked most of the boxes and made her rental house feel like a home.  Working at the library suited her and many of her coworkers were friendly people who made the work days pass quickly.  Learning her way around Jericho itself was easy, but she got turned around on the country roads outside of town – they changed direction frequently to avoid cutting through farm properties.  All in all, she adjusted to the smaller scale of this corner of the world and a pace of life that followed plantings, harvests, and the shift whistle at the salt mine.

The adjustment was made easier by a visit from her parents that included a weekend of hiking in the Rockies and better food than she could afford on her own.  Internet let her keep up with friends and family back home, as well as the few Jericho friends she made.

Beyond that, Sarah stayed fairly solitary.  Sure, there was a night or two out with coworkers, but for the most part she kept to herself.  It wasn’t an exciting life, but it worked for now. It was quiet, like Jericho itself.

Just what she’d been looking for.

A year or so of this and she’d be ready to head back home, or maybe another new place.  Somewhere better suited to her tastes that she could approach on her own terms, from more solid footing.  Then, maybe, Sarah could look to branch out and establish herself, become involved in her community and invested in her future.  Make friends, date, be a person again.

But not yet.  Jericho was a place to keep her head down and regain her confidence after losing that last job.  To prove she could do this on her own. Not a place for wasting time on fancies.

Like that deputy that kept popping up in her mind.

~~~

 

Bill leaned against the meeting room wall, trying to keep an eye on everyone there.  Only five of their students had shown up – out of twenty – but there were still fifteen minutes before class started and everyone present was settling in or chatting with their neighbor.  Until they dismissed at the end of the day, Bill was responsible for each and every one of them, so he tried to be aware of all that was going on around him.

Jesus, he hated running these things.  But it was Jericho’s turn and if he didn’t do it, someone else had to.  It just made sense that he volunteered; he didn’t have a wife or kids or a second job or some other responsibility these classes took time from, like most of the other deputies.  Only thing counting on him was his dog.

“Hey, Koehler!”

Bill glanced to his right, where Vela, a deputy from Rawlins up north, sat handing out the class packets to participants as they arrived.  “Yeah?”

“Cover me for a sec, will you?”  He gestured towards the restrooms out in the hall.

“Sure,” Bill said, already moving to take his place.  He would spend the day standing back from the teaching, making sure things ran smoothly, and part of that was being able to step in when the instructors needed a break.

He flipped through the packets again, makings sure they had all the correct papers in the correct order.  He’d double checked everything once already that morning, but he couldn’t help checking just one more time that he hadn’t overlooked something.

He’d just finished looking at the bottom packed when the next student walked in.  Bill looked up at her and saw a brief flash or something cross her face. Recognition, perhaps?  This either meant he’d pulled her over – unlikely, or her expression would have been sour – or… Bill glanced at her nametag and smiled.  He recognized her after all: Morgan. Slightly heavyset. Brown hair, blue eyes. Nice smile, seemed genuine. Worked at the library. New to Kansas.  And–

“You’re the only person signed up from Jericho today,” he said lightly, paging through his stack for the packet with her name on it.  Her smile froze and lost its sincerity, he noted. Had he done something wrong?

The odd expression only lasted a moment and by the time Bill checked in her revolver – a 2” Taurus, freshly cleaned – he wondered if he’d just imagined it.  “This all looks good. We’ll get started here in about ten minutes. Any questions?”

“No,” she said quietly.  “Think I’m good.”

Her voice was almost sad.  Maybe he  _ wasn’t _ imagining things?  He’d been polite, he thought, but who knew?  Women were so damn confusing. No wonder he hadn’t been on a date in years.

 

Truthfully, Bill hadn’t expected things to go badly, but it was still a relief to make it through the morning session without a hiccup.  It would be easier from here on out: one more inside session and then the students would all go out and shoot. Every single instructor here was more than competent in range safety, though, and for him, practical activities were a whole lot easier to facilitate than classroom instruction.

Lunch found the whole group scattered: some were out front, enjoying the spring sunshine, but most people had found a quiet corner of the building to spend their break in.

Grabbing his box lunch, Bill found a free spot at a table just a few seats down from the woman from Jericho.  She’d been quiet all morning and he’d noticed her flipping through the packet during some of the lectures, but he’d also seen her graded test and she’d aced it.  She knew the material, at least.

Bill eyed his sandwich doubtfully.  They’d been catered by a deli nearby in Menlo at a price low enough that made him worry about just what this turkey was actually made of.  The fact that the sandwich looked nearly picture-perfect just made him more suspicious. Wrapping it back up, Bill decided he’d just eat the bag of chips.  At least he could trust those were quality controlled.

“Are you the course coordinator?”

Bill jerked a bit in surprise.  He hadn’t been expecting conversation and, oh shit, that sounded like the start of a complaint.  What had gone wrong? “I am. Do you need something?” he asked carefully.

“Uh,” she started awkwardly.  “No. I, uh, just noticed you haven’t taught any sections and you’re watching  _ them _ more than you are us.”

Bill watched her single out the other instructors with a gesture.  She shrugged.

“Back home, I worked for the Boy Scouts and a large part of my job was running trainings like this.  I thought I recognized the way you were acting because I’ve done it, too. It’s stressful.”

Bill nodded.  Huh. Not what he was expecting from the new librarian.  “Yeah, it’s was my turn to organize this. We do these regularly, so mostly I just had to make sure the facilities were ready and the classroom stuff went smoothly,” he explained, relaxing a bit, and pointed out one of the other deputies, a blonde female.  “Moore’ll take over for the range stuff here in a bit and I get to stop supervising.”

The woman – Bill really wished he could remember her first name or that she’d turn so he could see her nametag – picked up her syllabus, studying it.  “That’s right after lunch?”

“Should have been, but we ran behind,” Bill admitted.  “Gonna go over carry holsters first. Make sure everyone knows the main options and how to put them on.”  Oh, fuck. All the example holsters were still in his trunk, weren’t they? He’d better grab them before lunch was over.

Bill still had a minute, though.  He might not remember her first name, but he did remember her application.  “You had your license before you moved here, right?”

She nodded, quickly chewing and swallowing a bit of sandwich.  “Didn’t have proof of safety training, though,” she explained, hiding her mouth behind her hand.  “I make no claims about my skill level when I shoot, but I’ve worked as a range safety officer a few summers.  Scouts, like I said. It wasn’t my main area, but I had the training and would jump in if they needed help. Didn’t get around to documenting most of it, unfortunately.”

Huh.  Well, she probably really did know her stuff for the range, then.  That didn’t always translate to skill with everyday carrying, but at least she knew how to handle a weapon safely.  “This was all review, huh? Thought you looked a little distracted,” Bill said. “We’ll be out on the range before too long.  That should be more interesting.”

She looked a little stricken and Bill wondered if he’d phrased that wrong and offended her.  Again. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the time to do damage control; Vela was trying to get his attention across the room.  “Sorry, gotta go,” he muttered, quickly gathering the remains of his lunch.

If she had a response, Bill never heard it.

“What’s up?” he asked, once he joined the other instructors.

“Did you remember the  holsters?” Vela asked, frustrated.

Bill groaned inwardly.  Some of these guys were unforgiving towards other departments.  If only he’d gone ahead and gotten up instead of having that last bit of conversation.  “Yeah, I was just heading out to get them. They’re in my car.”

“Guess it’s good we didn’t need them until after lunch,” shrugged Parker, an officer from Goodland.  “Ya did right being so long-winded, Vela.”

The last thing Bill wanted was to get caught up in stupid interdepartmental rivalry.  He had enough stress going on already. “I’ll be right back with them,” he promised, taking the opportunity to leave.

Things had been going so well; maybe lunch would just be a blip in the day.

 

Of  _ course _ she was going to have to show that she knew how to wear her holsters.  Why else had the instructions said to bring the ones she owned to the class?

Sarah seriously considered pretending she didn’t have a holster and trying on the examples the instructors brought.  It was too late, though. She’d set her holsters on the table before the realization hit her. So instead of playing it cool, she was nervously waiting for the cute deputy – Koehler, she reminded herself – to get to her.

The ankle holster was easy to demonstrate.  So was the one she clipped into her purse.

The other two were trickier.

Deputy Koehler held one up by the snap strap, looking slightly baffled.  “I’m actually not familiar with this kind. How do you wear it?”

Sarah sheepishly took it back from him and held it up to her shirt.  “Uh. It’s a, uh, a bra holster. The strap clips, uh… here in the middle and the gun tucks in, uh… underneath.”

His eyes widened and he hurried to move on.  “Right. Okay, then. Is that your last one?”

“No,” Sarah said, the word out of her mouth before she could help it.  Oh,  _ shoot _ .  Too late to take it back now.  She gulped. ‘Uh. I’m wearing the last one.  It’s how I usually carry and I was going to… uh, after I left the class.”

He waited expectantly, leaning against the table between them, gaze drifting downwards.  He obviously expected another leg holster.

She was going to have to show him differently.

Sarah very slowly lifted the side of her t-shirt, trying to ignore the increasingly uncomfortable expression on his face – to be honest, she was equally mortified.  “Uh. C…corset holster,” she stammered, holding the section of shirt almost all the way up to her bra, exposing the holster’s pink and cream lace. She flinched a bit when his hand jerked, as if he wanted to reach out and touch the corset.

The deputy blinked and pulled his gaze back up to her face, wide-eyed.

“Best way I’ve found to carry,” Sarah muttered, trying to fend off a blush.  “Women’s clothes aren’t exactly cut for regular holsters.”

Deputy Koehler nodded quickly, still looking terrified.  “Oh. Okay, yeah, you’re… you’re good to go. Go on outside.”  He anxiously motioned her away and Sarah took the opportunity to dash into the hallway.  It took her almost a full minute to regain her composure before she went to shoot.

 

After that bout of awkwardness, it was a relief to get out on the range.  At this point, Sarah just had to prove she could competently and safely shoot – once that was checked off, she was free to go or stay and get some target practice in.

Considering how the afternoon had started, she might be better off leaving quickly, but the promise of range time was a big temptation.  Range fees were part of what she’d paid for the class, anyway.

Sarah fell into a little group of four and they were called to the firing line before too long.  Any missteps now would jeopardize her certification, so she double-checked everything as she went: target up, stand organized, glasses on, earplugs in, range hot, revolver loaded, feet planted, standing in the correct pose–

“Stance is a little wide,” said a soft voice behind her, nudging her foot in a couple inches as he did so.

Sarah looked up and back and right into Deputy Koehler’s face and  _ wow _ , the sun made his hair look like a halo, the light fuzzy through her safety glasses.  She must have stared just a little bit too long; he gave her an odd look and took a few steps back to keep observing the rest of the line.

Way to be subtle, woman.

Sarah shook her head, pushing those thoughts from her mind and focused back in on what she was doing.

Two rounds of five shots later, Sarah gathered her things and her target and stepped back.  Folding her target, she went to put it under her gun case. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw someone looking at her – she peeked and Deputy Koehler turned away quickly.  The motion put his eyes right in a ray of sun and Sarah saw they glowed, too. Her mouth dropped open and she couldn’t look away. She hadn’t been able to decide before if they were brown or hazel, but she decided then that amber was the best word, if not gold. 

His gaze drifted back to her and she quickly turned back to her things.  No sense making things weirder than they already were.

 

Thank God, they were almost done for the day.

Bill glanced around the room, mentally cataloging the stuff still lying around – did it belong to an instructor or a participant or had it been left behind by someone?  That bag belonged to Vela, that stack of papers belonged to the guy from Menlo, that purse belonged to the woman from Jericho…

The woman with the bright blue eyes that caught him watching her.  Bill couldn’t believe he’d let himself get distracted like that.

At that exact moment, she walked in, carrying her gun case from the range.  She gave Bill a quick nod in acknowledgment and grabbed her purse before coming over to where he stood by the door.

Bill started leafing through the paperwork as soon as she headed his way, but she made it to him before he found her completion certificate.

“What do you need from me?” she asked.

“Just sign out,” he muttered, gesturing to the sheet on the table beside him, “and I’ll give you your certificate as soon as I find it.”

“Do I need to bring that with me when I come apply for my permit?”

Bill shrugged.  “I’m taking a copy back with me, so you shouldn’t need to, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have it with you as backup in case someone in my office screws up and loses it.”

She laughed shortly and set her papers down on the table while she filled out the sign-out sheet, letting Bill get a glance at her targets.  Defined shot groups for the most part, with a few outliers – above and to the right of the groups, so she was probably anticipating the recoil.  Pretty decent for an amateur. Probably – it depended on how much practice she got.

“How often do you get to the range?”

Sarah – Bill glanced at the paper to remind himself of her name – jumped a little when he spoke, as if he’d surprised her.

“Oh!  Um, not nearly enough,” she said sheepishly.  “I used to go every couple months or so, but I haven’t been to a range since I moved here.  Didn’t really know where to go.”

So nothing lately.  She’d probably be a good shot if she got regular practice.  “This range is owned by the sheriff’s department and isn’t open to the public, but there are some other around here that are pretty decent,” Bill explained.  “There’s one on Route 616 that’s good – an outdoor range for rifle and handgun and they have a separate area for trap and skeet. There’s another one down south across the county line in Monument, if you’d prefer an indoor range.  There’s a whole list of local ranges on our website, but those are the two I’d suggest.”

Sarah relaxed as he talked and gave him a small smile.  “I should have thought to check your website! I’ll have to go try out the ranges on a weekend here soon.  Thank you.”

Bill finally found her certificate in the stack and held it out for her.  Sarah grabbed it but didn’t pull away, pausing as if she were about to say something.  When she didn’t say anything right away, Bill gave her a quizzical look. Was there something he was missing?

She took a quick breath.  “Thanks for organizing all this,” she said hastily, almost stumbling over the words.  “I know it’s a hassle and stressful, but my end of things went well. So, uh, thank you.”

Wow.  That wasn’t what Bill was expecting.  Usually these classes went by relatively unremarked.  He couldn’t help but smile. “That’s good to hear. Thank you.”

She returned his smile shyly and turned to leave.  Bill felt like he should say something else, but what?  Comment on her shooting? Already did that. Her gun and holsters?  No, not going back there. What else did he know about her? Oh, right!

“Hey!”

Sarah stopped in the hallway and looked back.

“It’s a few months late, but welcome to Jericho.  Hope you like it here.”

That got a real smile from her.  “Yeah. So far, so good. I think I’ll be okay here.”


	2. First Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First dates are always awkward, aren't they? Especially when friends get involved.

**First Dates**

Bill didn’t even realize he was doing it, but as they drove past the library, he turned his head to watch the building.

Beside him, Jimmy sighed and hit the blinker, pulling into the next parking lot.  “Are you gonna keep doing this?”

“Doing what?” Bill protested, though he knew exactly what Jimmy meant.

Jimmy gave Bill a patronizing look.  “Staring at the library. Constantly bringing up that pistol class in conversation.  Asking if I knew about different types of women’s holsters. You may think you’re being subtle, but you’re not.”

Bill fought to keep embarrassment from coloring his face.  It was true, he kept thinking of that woman – Sarah – from the pistol class.  The new librarian with the pretty eyes who could shoot well and knew her way around a range.  “And?” he asked defensively.

“And you should nut up and ask her out already.”

Bill sputtered.  “What?”

Jimmy shoved the car into park and gave Bill another look.  “Bill, stop it. You’re obviously keen on this girl and it’s been _how_ long since you dated last?  According to Margaret’s friends, she’s single.  We don’t get new people in town all the time, so if you don’t ask her out, someone else will.”

Bill fell silent.  He had to concede that Jimmy was mostly right.  “But what if she’s single because she’s turned down everyone who asked?”

“No.”  Jimmy shook his head.  “You’re not doing this again.  You’re going to go in there right now and ask her to lunch before you overthink this and get all worked up.  Don’t even _think_ about weaseling out of this.  I will go in there and ask _for_ you if I have to.”

Bill balked.  Jimmy opened his door.  Bill relented.

“Okay, fine, I’ll do it.”

Bill straightened his uniform as he walked back to the library.  Why did his partner have to be so damn perceptive? Why couldn’t he just let Bill live in peace?  A lonely peace, but one he’d come to terms with.

He stopped outside the door to psych himself up.  Come on, Koehler, you can do this. She’ll say no, but it won’t be the end of the world, he told himself.

 

Jennifer elbowed Sarah in the side as she was trying to pack for the luncheon.  “You got a visitor, hon,” she said, grinning mischievously. “Heard him ask Eileen where he could find you.”

Sarah eyed her coworker warily before following her gaze to the library’s main circulation desk.   _Oh_.  There was Deputy Koehler.  The cute one. Surely Jennifer didn’t mean…

Jennifer did mean.  She shot Sarah a suggestive look before swanning off to the back room.  Sarah groaned inwardly at the thought of what story her gossip-prone coworker was cooking up and tried to busy herself with paperwork while the deputy made his way over.

Sarah intended to come across as busy and oblivious to his approach, but she worried her calculated noninterest was _too_ obvious.  She decided to change tacks and take the initiative, forcing a smile and looking up when he reached the Reference Desk.  “Deputy Koehler! Can I help you?”

“Bill,” he said, somewhat gruffly.  “Call me Bill. Please.”

“Bill,” Sarah repeated, trying – and failing – to avoid nervous chatter.  “And I’m Sarah, then. Is this a follow up from the class? Did I mess up some paperwork?  Or can I help you with something here at the library?”

Bill took a deep breath and looked her straight in the face.  “I was wondering if you’d like to go to lunch today. With me, that is.”

Oh no.  He was asking her on a date.  Today. This was happening. Sarah was caught completely off guard and without any of the right words.  “N…no,” she stammered.

“Oh.  Uh, okay then,” Bill said, deflating a little as he turned to leave her workstation.

Shoot, he thought she was turning him down.  Well, why wouldn’t he? Sarah mentally castigated herself.  “No, wait!” she called, moving out from behind the desk. “That came out all wrong.  I meant that I _can’t_ today.  I’ve already got lunch plans.  Work thing, so I’ve got to be there.  In a few minutes, actually. I was about to leave when you got here.”

“Oh!”  He looked a bit more hopeful.  “So, maybe another day?”

Thank goodness, she hadn’t run him off yet.  Sarah nodded, eliciting a small smile from the deputy.  “Another day would be _great_.  Lunch or dinner or whatever.”

He nodded.  “That would be good.  When would work for you?”

Sarah glanced at the clock on the wall, trying to gauge how much time she had left.  “I’m generally open any day,” she admitted, hoping it didn’t come across as boring and pathetic.  “Why don’t you call me later and we’ll figure it out? I’m really sorry I don’t have more time to talk about it now.”

She reached down and grabbed her purse, stopping when she saw him still waiting.

“Can I get your phone number, then?”

Sarah looked at him curiously.  “You _have_ my number.  Or you did – it’s on all the paperwork I filled out for the class.  Not to mention you could probably just look me up at your work and get all the information you could possibly want.”

“That’s not really how it works,” he explained earnestly.  “It’s kinda illegal to use the work system for that. Invasion of privacy without due cause and all that.”

“Right, of course.  Why didn’t I think of that?”  Sarah laughed and jotted her cell number down on a post-it note.  “Call me tonight. Or text. I’m good either way.”

Bill truly smiled then.  The edges of his eyes crinkled and he had dimples and oh, Sarah was in real trouble now.  “I’ll call you tonight. After six work?”

Sarah nodded.  “Great,” she said more tersely than she meant, so of course she babbled to make up for it.  “I’ll talk to you tonight, then. I’ve got to get out of here or I’m going to be late but, uh.  I’m glad you asked.”

She didn’t wait to see his reaction to her goodbye; Sarah was too afraid she was blushing to actually look at him.  She pushed past Jennifer on her way out the back door, ignoring the question she was already starting to ask.

Sarah didn’t stop until she reached her car in the back parking lot, breathing heavily.  A date. The cute deputy she’d crushed on asked her on a date. He actually sought her out.  And was going to call her.

That just _didn’t happen_ to dumpy, plain Sarah Morgan.

Except it had.

 

Bill watched Sarah rush off, holding the post-it note in his hands.  He glanced at it once she was gone; still an out-of-town number. He wondered if she was waiting to change it to a Kansas number or if she planned on keeping this 423 prefix.  Did she even plan on staying?

On the edges of his vision, he saw some of Sarah’s coworkers staring at him.  He wondered if that meant she got a lot of men asking her out or none at all. Loathe to be the center of attention, he folded the note and stuck it in his pocket before heading back out to Jimmy.

“She said no,” Bill said, sliding back into the passenger seat.

Jimmy sighed dejectedly.  “I’m sorry, man. I really hoped she’d say yes.”

Bill let him start the car up again, enjoying the schadenfreude for a moment.  “Got her number, though,” he added nonchalantly as they eased towards the road.

The car jerked as Jimmy hit the brakes.  “What?”

Bill leaned back in his seat, carefully not smiling.  “She said no to lunch today because she was busy. She gave me her number so we could go out another time.”

Shaking his head, Jimmy nosed his way back into Main Street traffic.  “You’re an asshole, Koehler. Letting me feel bad for pushing you and then telling me she actually said yes.”

Bill grinned to himself, watching the library fall away behind them in the side view mirror.  He couldn’t believe he’d actually gotten a date. Maybe he should listen to Jimmy more often.

~~~

 

Bill drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, trying to decide if he should wait in the car or in the restaurant.  Which would seem less eager? Or did he _want_ to seem eager?  Damn, why was this so hard to figure out?  He was an adult; dating shouldn’t be this intimidating.

Then again, this _was_ the first date he’d been on in six years, since Amanda dumped him.  Maybe a little anxiety was appropriate.

He finally decided to compromise; he’d wait outside the restaurant.  Maybe that would strike the right balance for Sarah. Maybe he wouldn’t blow this just yet.

He scanned the parking lot, looking for her car.  He’d had Jimmy look her up in the work system for him: some old speeding tickets, but nothing else.  He learned she was renting in a good area of town and drove an older tan Mazda Tribute. Hopefully he wouldn’t spill out this information and seem like a stalker.

A tan Tribute pulled into the gravel parking lot and Bill’s heart raced a little faster.  She was here. He looked down. He’d just worn a nicer pair of jeans and a button-down. Was he underdressed?

She hopped out of the car and Bill breathed a sigh of relief.  She was also in jeans, with a nice shirt.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting long,” she said by way of greeting.

“Just a minute or two,” Bill reassured, holding the door open for her.  That got a smile as she passed him.

Sarah stood inside, watching him.  She must be waiting on him to pick a table.  He scanned the room and pointed to an open booth in the back.  That’d give them some privacy, at least.

She checked him out as he passed, he was sure of it.

Bill grinned.

 

Initial conversation was stilted and they were both awkward and shy, but by the time they ordered, Bill started to relax.  He thought Sarah was as well; her smiles were reflected in her eyes now.

Jesus, it was nice just watching her talk.  She had a slight twangy accent he hadn’t picked up on before and she was animated as she spoke.  Bill almost hated when it was his turn to talk.

There was a lull in the conversation and Bill tried to think of a topic that wasn’t cliché.  He failed. “So what brought you to Jericho?” he asked, hoping she wasn’t tired of answering that question.

Sarah shrugged.  “Luck, I guess? I drove through Jericho once on a road trip and thought it seemed nice.  When I decided I needed to get out of Tennessee for a little while, this was one of many places I sent applications to.  The library here called me back and everything just fell into place.”

Bill’s heart sunk.  “So you’re only here temporarily?”

Before Sarah could answer, Bill heard his name from across the diner.

“Bill!  Buddy!”

Oh, shit.  Bill knew that voice and it meant his night was ruined.  Probably the next few months of his life, too.

Stanley plopped into the booth beside him, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face.  “How’s it goin’, man?”

“Just fine,” Bill answered tensely.  He hadn’t told anyone but Jimmy about this date for this exact reason.  Jimmy could keep a secret from everyone but Margaret. In contrast, Bill’s parents were desperate for him to find someone to settle down with and Stanley tended towards nosiness and a complete lack of tact.  There wasn’t anyone else he was close enough to confide in.

Still grinning, Stanley turned to Sarah.  “Stanley Richmond,” he said, holding out his hand.  “Bill’s better looking best friend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Sarah replied graciously before introducing herself.

“What are you doing here, Stanley?”  Bill stared pointedly at his so-called friend.

Stanley leaned back, stretching his arms out above his head.  “Oh, y’know. Bonnie’s out with friends tonight and I wanted to eat something I hadn’t tried to cook.  So here I am!” He beamed as if expecting Bill to welcome him with open arms.

Bullshit, Bill thought.  Jimmy let the date plans slip and Stanley couldn’t help but crash the party.  Giving that man a night free from responsibility was asking for mischief.

Still, he couldn’t call out his best friend in front of Sarah; that would make the date even more awkward that it already was.  He had no choice but to hope Stanley would leave on his own.

 

Of course, Stanley didn’t leave.  He flagged down the waitress, ordered, and spent the whole meal peppering Sarah with questions.  Bill enjoyed listening to her talk – she seemed so intelligent – but he resented being pushed out of the conversation on his own date.  Why couldn’t Stanley have reined in his troublemaking instincts for just one night? Was Bill going to have to plan every date for nights Stanley was busy with Bonnie?

Was he even going to get another date?  Aw hell, what if Sarah decided Stanley was a better date than he was?

Thankfully, that didn’t seem to be that case.

“Do you want to meet up again?” Sarah asked shyly after Stanley finally left them alone.  “Since we didn’t really get to talk tonight and all?”

The pent-up tension left Bill’s shoulders and he grinned.  “That’d be good.”

“Maybe this weekend?”

“Yeah.  That’d work.”  But what should they do?  Wait, she mentioned… “You said  you like hiking, right? Want to go out to Bass Lake Park?  They’ve got some nice trails out there.”

“If you promise me you’re not luring me out into the wilderness to leave me for dead,” she joked.  “I mean, I couldn’t exactly call the police on you if you have nefarious plans.”

Bill laughed.  “Yeah, you’re safe from that.  I’ll call you to set it up?”

“Sounds good,” Sarah said cheerfully.  She stood there for a moment, as if thinking, before saying a rushed good-bye and heading off to her car.

Bill watched her leave the parking lot, confused.  Had she been waiting on something? Should he have walked her to her car?  Was she expecting him to try and kiss her? Shit, he had no clue what he was doing.

Well, not quite.  He knew exactly what he was doing next.

 

Bill didn’t knock.  He stormed straight into the Richmond’s living room, yelling for Stanley.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

Stanley leaned against the kitchen island, beer can in hand.  “Hey, I was just being friendly.”

Bill fumed.  “You were being a _jackass_.  That was supposed to be a _date_.”

“Yeah, I could tell.”

“Then why–”  Bill cut himself off, shaking his head.  “I’m gonna kill Jimmy for telling you where we were.”

Stanley laughed.  “Don’t blame Jimmy; that was just plain bad luck on your part.  I was on my way into town, looking for food, and saw your junky old car in the parking lot.”

Bill glared.  Stanley could make fun of his 90s SUV all he wanted, but the farm’s truck was easily fifteen years older.  Bill wouldn’t be distracted from why he was mad. “And you thought it would be fun to crash my date?”

“I didn’t know it was a date until I got inside.”  Stanley shrugged. “By then it was too late to turn around.  Everyone knows you’ve been crushing on that girl, so I’m glad you grew a pair and asked her out.”

“Yeah,” Bill said pointedly.  “I did ask her out. That was supposed to be our first date.”

“Oops.”  Stanley took an unapologetic swig of beer.

“ _Jesus_.  You’ve been hanging around Jake too damn much.  You’re turning into as much of a jackass as he is.”

That finally provoked a reaction from Stanley.  “Hey! I work my ass off taking care of Bonnie and this farm.  If I want to hang out with my _other_ best friend during my free time, it’s none of your business, Bill.”

“It is if you follow him to Jonah’s!” Bill shouted.  “That’s where you were this afternoon, wasn’t it? Out at his compound with Jake.  He’s dragging you into that shit, too!”

Stanley set down his beer.  “If you’re gonna start saying stuff like that, you can get the fuck out of here.  You ought to know I don’t mess with that shit. I’ve got too much riding on this farm to risk fucking things up,” he said coldly.

“Well, congratu- _fucking-_ lations for not being a total idiot!  You’re still an asshole for interrupting my date.  Jesus, man, it’s not like I get to go on a lot of them!  I’m damn lucky she wants to try again. Without you.”

Stanley muttered something Bill couldn’t quite make out.

“What was that?” Bill snapped.

“I said that was obvious if you’d been paying attention.  She was talking to me but watching _you_ , you jerk!  Lord knows why.”

That brought Bill up short.  “…really?”

Stanley barked a laugh.  “Shit, you really do have a crush.  Yes, you idiot, I think she _like_ likes you.”

Well damn.  Now he really wouldn’t ever live this down.  Bill fought to keep from turning red.

He was saved by the sound of a car door slamming outside.  Stanley pointed at him threateningly. “I don’t give a shit if you’re mad; don’t you dare argue with me in front of Bonnie.  She doesn’t need your help learning how to be a bratty teenager.”

The warning was needless.  As soon as he realized Bonnie was home, he’d reined in his temper.  Thank God being a cop taught him that skill. “If she’s anything like we were,” he said with a sharp smile, “you’re doomed.”

~~~

 

The cough meant nothing.  It was just some dust in the air tickling her lungs.

Sarah recognized she was lying to herself, but she was determined nothing would mess up today’s date, not even this cough.  It had started the day before: infrequent, but with a strange reverberation in her chest.

Luckily, cough suppressants kept it at bay while she and Bill hiked.  Until now, at least.

“You okay?” he asked, pausing a few feet in front of her.

Sarah nodded, holding back another cough.  “Yeah. Must have swallowed a bug. It’s nothing.”

Bill wiped some sweat from his brow.  “That sucks. Guess they’re out early this year.  It _is_ pretty warm.”

Sarah laughed.  “To me, the temperature is nice and pleasant.  You don’t have the humidity levels out here that I’m used to.”

“Think I’m glad,” Bill said.  “I spend enough time outside that I hate the humid days.”

“Ew, yeah, your job.  I didn’t think about that.”  Sarah pulled a face. “Your day really does depend on the weather, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.”  Bill stepped off the trail and found a seat on a log that overlooked the lake.  He gestured for Sarah to rest with him. “So is it really different? Living here now?”

“Compared to Tennessee?”  Sarah thought for a moment.  “Yeah it is. A lot more than I thought it would be, to be honest.  I thought it would be hard adjusting to living somewhere so small, but it’s been the little things that get me.”

Bill frowned a little when she called Jericho small, but he didn’t comment.  “The little things?” he asked instead.

“Yeah, the stuff I never knew mattered to me, like plants.”  Sarah pointed out a nearby tree. “I don’t know what that is, for example.  I didn’t know the names of most of the plants back in Chattanooga, but at least they were _familiar_.  These aren’t.  The birds and bugs are different, too.  The fresh air here doesn’t smell the same as fresh air back home.  The winter was a lot colder and drier than I’m used to. It’s far enough north that the sun’s at a different angle than at home.  Radio stations start with a K instead of a W.”

She stopped, suddenly afraid of offending him.  “It’s just a lot to get used to,” she added lamely.  Maybe it was time for a subject change. Something innocuous.  She glanced up at the clouds that had gathered the last half hour.  “So what’s the spring weather like here? Do you think it’s gonna rain on us?”

Bill shrugged.  “It might?”

As if on cue, a large raindrop fell and splashed on his nose.

“Wanna rethink that answer?”  Sarah laughed, standing back up.  “That’s probably a sign to get moving again.”

 

The downpour hit before they made it to the parking lot.  Bill hustled to open the passenger door for Sarah, rooting in his pocket for his keyring.  It wasn’t often he wished his car was newer. While it might not have made much of a difference – Sarah’s hair was dripping and he knew he was soaked to his boxers already – it would have been nice to push a button rather than fumble for his keys.

He apologized once he made it into the driver’s seat.

Sarah grinned at him, brushing some wet hair out of her face.  “Not your fault. Either of us could have checked the radar before we came out here.”

Bill didn’t want to admit he _had_ checked and thought the rain would miss them.  Definitely wishful thinking. “Yeah. So what now?”

Sarah shivered visibly.  “Well, I want to get warm and dry first, but uh.  We could go to a movie or something. Um. Unless you wanted to go on home?” she asked nervously.

Oh good.  He’d hoped she wasn’t ready to run from him.  “Movie sounds good. Sounds dry,” he tried to joke.  It got a smile, so point for him. A moment later, he realized he didn’t know what kind of movies she watched.  He might have just got himself stuck with something horribly boring. “Uh. What do you want to see?”

Sarah bit her lip and thought a moment.  “You may have already seen it, but I haven’t watched Iron Man 2 yet and I’ve wanted to go.  If you like that kind of movie?”

Bill was flooded with relief.  Marvel movies. She liked Marvel movies.  He could definitely do this. “I saw it with Stanley – the guy who crashed dinner – but I’d love to see it again.  It was good. I’ll drop you off at your house and then we can both dry off. Maybe there’ll be a showing we can make it to; if not here, then in Goodland or New Bern or somewhere.  You wanna look it up when we get home or you want me to?”

Sarah pulled her phone out of her purse.  “I’ll look it up while you drive.”

“Oh, you have a smartphone.  I’ve still got a flip phone,” Bill admitted.  “Didn’t think about you being able to look it up now.”  He glanced behind them and backed out of the parking spot.

“I had a flip phone until last year.  One of those ruggedized ones.”

“That’s what I’ve got!” Bill said.  “I’ve broken a few, but they hold up better than the others.”

Sarah laughed.  “You’re rougher than I was, then.  I never managed to break mine. I _did_ drop it forty feet out of a tree, though.”

“What were you doing forty feet up a tree?” Bill asked, curious, as he pulled out onto the road.

“I worked at a Scout summer camp.  I oversaw the climbing and COPE programs.”

Oh right, she mentioned the Boy Scouts at the pistol class.  Bill had never heard of the last thing, though. He quirked an eyebrow and glanced at her.  “COPE?”

“Challenging Outdoor Personal Experience.  It’s one of those things that teaches leadership and teamwork and problem solving and such through field games and a ropes course.  It sounds hokey, I know,” Sarah protested, “but it worked. We had both low ropes – stuff about a foot off the ground – and high ropes – stuff up in the trees.  I had to climb the trees every day and rig the safety lines.”

“They didn’t have that when I was a Scout.”  Bill was grateful: he hadn’t liked climbing trees even as a kid.

“Oh, you were a Boy Scout?” Sarah asked excitedly.  “Are you an Eagle?”

Bill shook his head.  “Wish I was, but I dropped out at Life.  My grandfather was one of my scoutmasters and I quit when he died.”  He still thought Grandpa Skip would be disappointed with him for that decision, but it was too late to go back and fix it.

“Oh, that sucks,” Sarah said sympathetically.  “I can see that it would have been hard to continue.”

She coughed again and Bill noticed that her arms were covered in goosebumps.  “You sure you’re okay?”

She waved a hand dismissively.  “I’m good. Just need to get dried off.”

“Sorry we got rained on,” Bill apologized again.

She grinned at him.  “I think I can forgive you for making me wet.”

Bill’s eyes grew wide and Sarah cried out – she must have realized what that sounded like.  “I meant I don’t mind getting rained on!” she exclaimed, burying her face in her hands. “I was just trying to be funny, not…”

It was too late.  Bill already had mental images he didn’t need to be having on a second date.  It was too easy to imagine her embarrassed flush as something else. He had to cover for it, for her.  “I knew what you meant,” he said quickly, gripping the steering wheel and looking firmly at the road ahead.

Sarah stared down at her phone.  “Let me look at those movie times.”

 

Sarah sprinted into her house, still mortified.  She had an hour before she was supposed to meet Bill at the Jericho three-screen theater.  Maybe she’d be up to showing her face by then.

In the meantime, she had to see what she could do about this cough.  The medicine bottle was already halfway empty, but that should last her through the night.

Maybe she should stick it in her purse.  She’d be okay if she overdosed on it just one night, right?  She’d be even more mortified if she coughed through a movie.

 

An hour later, Sarah was wishing she’d tried something stronger than the cough suppressant.  Hot flashes kept washing over her: she definitely had a fever now.

Well, that meant she wasn’t giving Bill a good night kiss.  Not that she’d have the guts to initiate one, but she’d be more than happy for him to try.  Tonight, though, she’d have to ‘fess up to being sick if he did.

That was no fun.

She waved at Bill, who was already waiting outside the theater and didn’t he look spiffy in that red button down?  Sarah hoped she’d cleaned up half as well.

“Got the tickets,” he said, holding them up as proof.

Ooh, Sarah was glad of that, even though she still felt a flash of guilt.  “You didn’t have to get mine. But thank you.”

“I wanted to.  I’ll even get popcorn.”  Bill held the theater door open for her and gestured at the concession stand.

He was being chivalrous – opening doors, paying for her, being generally polite.  Sarah usually worried that guys secretly resented all that, but maybe Bill didn’t mind.  Sarah _definitely_ liked that.

 

Sarah definitely liked the movie, too.  She _didn’t_ like feeling this icky.  She made it through the movie – attempting to conspicuously leave her hand on her knee where Bill could have grabbed it if he wanted – but her head swam as soon as she stood up.

She touched her cheek as they left the auditorium and Sarah could feel the heat radiating from her skin before she made contact.  Was this a reaction to the extra dose of cough medicine or was she well and truly sick?

Either way, she needed to get home and go to bed before she got any more light-headed.

But she was on a _date_.  Was there a way to bow out politely but abruptly?  Sarah couldn’t think of one.

“So how’d you like the movie?” Bill asked as soon as they reached the lobby.

Sarah gave a weak grin.  “Tony Stark is my favorite forever and ever.  I know nothing about the comics, but I’m looking forward to the rest of the Marvel movies.  Especially Avengers.”

“Right?  If it’s as good as this one…”  Bill trailed off after turning to look at her.  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look okay anymore.”

It was less than tactful for him to point that out, but Sarah was glad he did.  Maybe he wouldn’t think she was trying to make up excuses to get away from him. “Yeah, I think I started running a fever during the movie.”

Bill held the back of his hand up to her forehead.  It was cool and nice and Sarah wanted to lean into his touch.  She controlled her impulses, however. Didn’t want to seem eager.

He grimaced.  “You definitely are.  You should have said something; we could have left!”

“No, we couldn’t have!” Sarah mock-protested.  “I wanted to see the whole thing. But now that I have, I think I better call it a night.”

Bill looked concerned.  “You gonna be okay driving home?  You want me to drop you off?”

“It’s just a couple miles,” Sarah pointed out.  “I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be fine.”

Bill looked as if he might argue, but he backed off and walked her to her car instead.  “Is it okay if I check on you tomorrow?”

Sarah gave him one last smile.  “Absolutely.”

~~~

 

It was almost lunch.  Was it too early to call?  What if he woke her? What if she had something serious?  What if it was all his fault because he got them caught in the rain?

Oh God, she was probably sick and dying because of him.

Bill sat on his couch next to his sleeping dog, pretending to watch TV and trying not to stare at his phone.  Trying not to overthink everything that happened the night before. Trying to control his breathing and distract himself.

It wasn’t working.  Damn it.

Maybe he should get out and do something.  Too rainy to do a lot of things though. Movie?  He’d just seen one. Hardware store? He didn’t need to spend money on anything right now.  Trip to Goodland or somewhere? He’d probably end up hydroplaning and wrecking, just like half the idiots he saw on the job.  He’d walked Sadie just an hour ago, so that didn’t–

Bill’s phone buzzed on the coffee table, signaling a text message.

_Just left the doctor.  I’ve got pneumonia – what fun!  Hope I didn’t get you sick._

Pneumonia.  People died from pneumonia.  Fuck, Sarah was going to die because he couldn’t read a damn weather map.

No, Bill had to stop thinking like that.  Last thing he needed was to get any more worked up.  Breathe, Koehler.

 _sounds serious_ , he tapped out.   _do you need anything?_

_A new set of lungs would be keen, if you have any lying around.  Otherwise I’m relying on antibiotics to fix me._

At least she was up to joking?  Bill didn’t really know what else to do.   _ok_ , he texted back.   _feel better soon.  let me know if you need something._

 

It only took five minutes of puttering around the apartment for Bill to end up on WebMD’s pneumonia page.  In a herculean effort to not be a hypochondriac on Sarah’s behalf, Bill made himself turn off the computer and leave the apartment, giving Sadie a pet as he grabbed his keys.  The beagle mix woofed sadly when he opened the door.

“Sorry, baby,” he said.  He had a plan now: Jimmy had forced him into this dating thing, so Jimmy could deal with his worries now.

Apparently Jimmy had issues of his own – Bill could hear the kids wailing before he knocked.

“Oh great, you’re here.  Hold the baby,” Jimmy said as soon as he opened the front door.

“Hi?” Bill tried, looking awkwardly at the crying toddler Jimmy had forced in his arms, and followed his friend into the house.  “What’s wrong with Sally?” he asked, over the sobbing.

“She’s fine,” Jimmy explained hurriedly.  “Just had a scare. Woody pulled her crib over and she rolled right out, but it landed on his leg and now he’s bleeding and I couldn’t juggle them both long enough to bandage him right.  Margaret’s gonna kill me when she gets home,” he muttered.

Bill looked in the bathroom, where Woody sat on the side of the tub surrounded by bloody paper towels, and then at the chaos in the nursery.  “Margaret’s gonna kill you when she gets home,” he agreed.

“Thanks for the support.”  Jimmy sat down on the toilet by his son.  “All right kiddo, stop the waterworks. Show me your leg again.”

“Can I have a Bob da Builder band-aid?” Woody sniffled.

“Yeah, sure bud– wait.”  Jimmy looked worried. “Bill, will you look in the cabinet and see if we have any left?”

Bill looked.  “You’ve got Sesame Street and this other cartoon I don’t know.”

Jimmy glanced over.  “Dora, Bill. That’s Dora the Explorer.  Will Dora work, Woody?”

“No!”

 

Bill had been right about Jimmy providing a distraction.  They’d tripped from one frantic full-blown emergency to the next for an hour and a half after Bill showed up – calming kids down, cleaning up the nursery, feeding them lunch – and finally they had a break while both kids napped.

Bill flopped on the couch, exhausted.  “Jesus, Jimmy. How do you do this every day?”

Jimmy handed him a beer.  “I don’t. Margaret does. She’s amazing.”

“Yeah.”  Bill nodded in agreement.  “Speaking of, where is she?  She’s not usually gone on Mondays.”

“Remember the gift certificate I got her for Mother’s Day and our anniversary?  She and one of her girlfriends are having a spa day at that place down in Hays. Stuff takes like five hours, plus the drive there and back.  She said I was on my own for dinner.”

Bill held up his bottle in a salute.  “Rough day, man.”

“Tell me about it.”  Jimmy shook his head.  “Seriously, when you get married, don’t do it in May.  Having to find presents so close together for _both_ your anniversary and Mother’s Day is hell.”

“You’re assuming I’m going to get married and have kids,” Bill pointed out.

Jimmy gave him a look.  “’Course you are. You’re that kind of guy.”

“Kinda need that kind of woman, too,” Bill groused.

“Well, you’re dating someone now, aren’t you?  That’s a start. How’d yesterday go, by the by?”

“Great!  Up until Sarah got sick.”

Jimmy looked worried.  “Food poisoning?”

“Pneumonia.”  Bill quickly relayed the text message conversation he’d had this morning.

Jimmy set his beer on the end table.  “What the hell are you doing here?” he asked, incredulous.

“What?”

“This is your chance to cinch things with her!” Jimmy explained.  “She doesn’t have family here or anyone to take care of her. You should go take her medicine and soup and stuff.  You can be her knight in shining armor!”

Bill eyed Jimmy suspiciously.  “I can’t decide if you’re actually giving good advice or if you’re just turning into that married friend who wants all of his other friends to be married too.”

“I’ve only got your best interests at heart, man.  Remember, I’m the one who has to put up with your sulky butt every day.”

“Point,” Bill admitted.  “So what do I need to do to pull this off?”

 

Sarah let the remote clatter to the floor beside the couch as a coughing fit hit her.  Ow and ugh and ick. Pneumonia was the worst sort of sick, she decided. It hurt to breathe but you couldn’t stop coughing up gunk.  Super gross _and_ painful.

She took a sip from her mug, but one more cough happened in the middle of a swallow and tea went everywhere, soaking into her blanket.

Once more: ugh.

Sarah slowly sat up and shuffled off to the bedroom, digging in her hope chest for yet another blanket.  Maybe tomorrow she’d have the energy to actually do laundry, but it certainly wasn’t happening today. She snuggled back down on the couch, trying to ward off fever chills and coughs as she dozed off again.

 

The doorbell rang just as she got comfy.  Who in the world could that be?

Sarah shuffled to the door, trying to stifle coughs and hoping she didn’t have bedhead.  Whoever it was would just have to deal with her ratty pajamas and I’m-in-misery-please-go-away-glare.

It was Bill.  Of course. Shoot.

Bill glanced at her pajamas and Sarah suddenly wished she’d left her regular clothes on after getting home from the doctor.  

“I…  I woke you up, didn’t I?  I’m sorry. I just wanted…  Well, I figured you didn’t have anyone in town to help you if you needed anything and you _did_ say it was okay if I checked on you so I got some stuff.”  He held up some bags to show her. “Can I come in?”

Sarah tried to say something but started coughing instead.  She stepped to the side and waved him in, burying her face in the elbow of her other arm.

After a quick look to orient himself, Bill went straight back into her kitchen and started unpacking his bags, explaining each thing as he went.  A large Styrofoam container held chicken rice soup from a local restaurant. “It’s the next best thing to homemade in town,” he promised. “And you really didn’t want anything I made myself.”

Another bag contained liquid cough and cold medicine.  “Oh bless you, you’re my savior,” Sarah said, reaching for the bottle immediately.  “I’m already almost out, so I’ve been trying to go as long as possible between doses.  It’s been crazy hard.”

Bill handed her the medicine and picked up the last bag as Sarah started peeling the plastic wrap off the bottle.  “I also bought some DVDs. I thought that if you’re up for it, maybe we could watch something and I’ll be here to fetch more medicine or soup or whatever you need.”

Sarah looked at him gratefully – or as gratefully as possible while fighting off a coughing fit.  “Bill, that sounds wonderful, but I’m contagious. I’ll get you sick if you stay here.”

He shrugged.  “So stay on your side of the couch.”

Sarah gave a short laugh and dug through the cabinet under the sink.  She pulled out an aerosol can and handed it to him. “Here. Lysol. Spray it before you touch anything and maybe it’ll help.”

Bill gave the can a test spritz into the kitchen air.  “It won’t aggravate your lungs?”

Sarah grabbed the medicine bottle again.  “That’s what this is for.” She poured out a dose and paused before she drank it.  “Uh. So I have a tendency to get a little loopy after I’ve been on these kinds of meds for a while, just so you’re warned.  Please don’t hold anything I say against me.”

Bill just smiled at her.  “I promise I won’t laugh at your expense.”

“Good.”  Sarah downed the medicine, making a face at the taste.  “I’ll hold you to that.”

Bill glanced into the living room and pointed at her pile of wet towels and blankets.  “Are those dirty? I can run laundry for you. If you want.”

“You really are a saint, aren’t you?” Sarah asked appreciatively.  She showed him the laundry machines in the garage and picked up the DVD bag while she waited for him to come back.  Sarah frowned at the two titles he’d bought: _Sweet Home Alabama_ and _Iron Man_ , both still wrapped in their store packaging.  Bless him, he’d tried to guess.

“Bill?” she called once she heard the washer start.

He stuck his head back inside.  “Yes?”

“Did you buy these specifically to bring over here?”  Sarah held up the DVDs to show him.

“Uh.”  Bill stepped back into the kitchen, watching her guiltily.  “I didn’t know what movies you liked other than what we saw yesterday, so I guessed.”

 _Iron Man_ was an obvious but good guess.  And truthfully, so was _Sweet Home Alabama_ , but she suspected he’d tried to find a stereotypical chick flick.  “Just so you know, I already own both of these. But you should have picked out something _you_ wanted to watch.”

“I don’t mind either of them,” Bill insisted, only half effectively.

“Sure,” Sarah laughed – a mistake, since it set her off coughing again.  As soon as she could breathe, she gestured back to the den. “Come on, let’s go look at my DVD collection and see if we can find something you like.”

She let Bill pick a few movies from the shelf by her TV – silly ones, which was good because she didn’t think she could follow anything with a plot between her fever and the medication she’d just taken.

With a little direction around her cabinets, Bill fixed them both a bowl of soup and helped her get settled in on the couch before sticking in a DVD and sitting back on the opposite end of the couch.  The title screen came up and Sarah smiled, breathing in the steam from the soup and letting it soothe her abused throat.

They watched the movie: they laughed, Sarah coughed (but not as much as before), and Bill got up at some point to wash and put away the soup bowls and spoons.  When he came back from moving the blankets to the dryer, Sarah stretched out on the couch: head propped up on multiple pillows and legs across Bill’s lap.

Some part of her knew the medicine was affecting her judgment – she wouldn’t have dared do that otherwise – but at this point, Sarah didn’t really care.  Especially when Bill started idly massaging her feet and ankles as he watched the TV. He glanced over a few moments later, caught her staring at him instead of the screen, and faltered in his motions.

“No, please keep going,” she said, vaguely hoping she wasn’t being whiny.  “That feels good.”

Saying anything at all now that the medicine had kicked in opened the floodgate and Sarah started babbling: she told Bill how _Blazing Saddles_ was one of her favorite movies, how it was one of two movies her family watched together every year but that they hadn’t this year since she moved away, how she could recite it word for word (and she tried to demonstrate but gave up halfway into the scene), how it had been her parents first date and did this count as a date for the two of them, how she liked his badge better than Sheriff Bart’s, how he was much cuter in his uniform than Sheriff Bart in general but also specifically in the butt area, how she could see that he was holding in laughter and “Bill, you promised not to laugh at me” and at some point soon after that, she quit being aware of what she was saying.  Or anything else, for that matter, as she drifted off to a medicated sleep.

 

Bill tried not to laugh at Sarah’s ramblings, but he could only hold it in so long, especially once she started slurring all her words.  The medication seemed to work as a truth serum; maybe he should have tried this with his exes.

Sarah’s mumbling soon evened out into raspy breathing and he realized she’d fallen asleep, feet still in his lap.  Bill was struck with indecision. The movie wasn’t quite over yet, but was it creepy of him to stay until the end? Should he stay in case she woke up?  Would standing up wake her or would he be able to slip out quietly?

The dryer buzzed out in the garage, making his decision for him.  As gently as he could, he stood up and left Sarah curled on the couch.  He could at least fold the blankets and pick up the trash they’d left in the kitchen.  If she wasn’t awake when he finished, he’d leave. She probably needed the sleep anyhow.

Sarah slept through the whole thing.  Bill tucked her under a clean blanket, left the rest in her armchair – hopefully within easy reach – grabbed the unopened movies to return at the store, and snuck out, locking the door behind him.  Hopefully she’d feel better soon and they could get together again.

He stood in customer service line at the store, questioning all his actions.  Had he done the right thing showing up? She didn’t seem to mind, but maybe he’d been too intrusive.  No way to tell until she called or texted him next.

Bill glanced at his watch.  He needed to get back to the apartment anyway.  Sadie was probably more than ready to take her afternoon walk.  He loved his dog, but she liked to be on a schedule even more than he did.

 

Sarah slowly blinked awake, rolling over to watch the pink and orange rays of sunset start to creep across the floor.  And cough, of course.

She was still on the couch, but wrapped up in a blanket – one of the ones she’d soaked in tea that morning.

She glanced around.  Bill was nowhere to be found, but she hadn’t imagined him showing up: her blankets were piled on the armchair by the sofa, washed and folded.

Aside from the blankets and the fact that her kitchen looked cleaner than before, there was no sign Bill had been there at all.  No note, no text message waiting on her phone.

But then again…  Sarah looked at the blank TV screen, vaguely remembering what she’d said while they watched the movie.

Oh God, she’d completely embarrassed herself.  No wonder Bill ran out of there as soon as she fell asleep.  He must’ve been so uncomfortable. She should have insisted he leave right away; she knew better than to let him see her medicated.  She was weird enough _without_ help.

Sarah rolled over on the couch, pulling the blanket over her head.  She felt too bad to properly deal with her mistake now. She’d face up to it and apologize to him, but later.  Now she’d just hide in the couch for a while.

~~~

 

Antibiotics didn’t cure her completely – the liquid in her lungs had to go away naturally – but Sarah _was_ feeling healthy enough to go back to work on Thursday.

As she expected, all her coworkers wanted to know how the weekend date went.  Sarah managed to fend off most of their questions, though she did confide in Joanna, the one coworker she’d gotten close to.

“I still haven’t heard back from him,” Sarah confessed as they reshelved books together.

“You should call him,” Joanna insisted.

It was exactly the response Sarah expected, but not the one she wanted to hear.  “I don’t know. I’m afraid I embarrassed him. I definitely embarrassed myself.”

Joanna shook her head, taking the next few books from Sarah.  “You won’t know unless you call. He’s probably thinking you’ll call him when you feel better.”

“Maybe,” Sarah mumbled.  It’d already been a few days since he was at her house.  Texting him out of the blue now would be especially embarrassing – she’d have to come up with some excuse why she’d been silent.

Easier to wait for him to call her.  Besides, guys were supposed to do the pursuing, right?

~~~

 

“Still no word?”

Bill shook his head sadly, staring at the road in front of them.  “Still no word,” he confirmed. “That’s the last time I let you talk me into trying some grand romantic gesture.”

Jimmy laughed.  “That was hardly grand or romantic.”

“It was for me, okay?” Bill protested, glancing quickly at his partner.  “She probably thought I was being a stalker just showing up at her house.  I bet she only let me in because she wasn’t up to arguing.”

“From what you said, it sounded like it went kinda well.”

Bill frowned.  “Yeah. I thought it had.  But it’s been a week now. She’s back at work – I’ve seen her car at the library.  Obviously, I fucked _something_ up.”

“I don’t know man.  Have you texted her?” Jimmy asked.

Bill shot him a look.  “If she wanted to hear from me again, she’d have let me know when she was feeling better.  She doesn’t want to talk to me, so just drop it, Jimmy.”

Jimmy did, at least out loud.  There was a look in his eye that told Bill he wasn’t forgetting about it anytime soon.

Great.  Just what Bill needed.  More reminders of how he screwed things up.

~~~

 

Sarah slumped in her car seat and closed her eyes, fighting back tears.  This was _not_ how the day was supposed to go.  She finally felt well enough to get stuff done outside of work, so she’d spent her day off cleaning and running errands.  This was supposed to be a relatively quick trip over to the Costco in New Bern to stock back up on supplies, not the fiasco it turned into.

No matter what she _should_ have been doing, Sarah was now stuck on the side of the road waiting for a mechanic or someone to make it out to her.  She’d tried to change the flat herself, but her piece of junk jack warped and broke.

Getting the spare on was only the first part of the job anyway – whatever she’d hit had left a good gash in the tire, not just a small puncture.  She was probably going to have to replace the tire entirely.

She knew where she’d have taken the car if she were still in Chattanooga.  To her dad first, to be honest, then to that tire place on Highway 153 that they’d always gone to.  Here in Jericho, though, she had no clue.

So instead of doing anything, she was stuck waiting for AAA to show up.  She could look up places online, but how did she know which tire places were good and which would try and rip her off because she was relatively clueless about what tires should cost?  She should ask someone local.

There was Joanna, who probably wouldn’t know, but her husband Brett might.  She could also try her landlord, but this seemed a weird thing to call and ask him.

Or she could call Bill.  He might not want to date anymore, but surely he wouldn’t mind offering advice on where to take her car.  He was a deputy: he probably helped people deal with flat tires all the time. It was after his shift, so she wouldn’t be bothering him at work.  It made the most sense.

Sarah stared at her phone for a full five minutes, building up the courage to dial.  It’d been over a week now, so why was she still embarrassed?

Finally she sucked it up and called his cell.

“Hello?”  Oh, he sounded cautious.  He really hadn’t wanted to hear from her.

“Um.  Bill, hi, it’s Sarah.”

“Hey!  How’re you feeling?”  Now he sounded upbeat.  A good sign, maybe?

“Um.  Better.  But, uh, I’m calling because I need some help.”

“You okay?”  And now he was back to being cautious.  Great.

Sarah covered her eyes with her free hand and hurried to say what’d happened.  “Yeah. I was on my way back from New Bern and I got a flat. AAA is coming, but I don’t know where to go to get my tire patched or replaced.”

“AAA takes forever out here.  Do you want me to come change it for you so you don’t have to wait?”

“No!” Sarah insisted.  “You don’t have to do that.  I swear, I know how to change a tire, but my jack is broken, otherwise I wouldn’t have called AAA at all.  I can wait, promise.”

“I’ll come out there.  It’ll be quicker. Where are you?”

Sarah protested a little more, weakly, but gave in and told Bill how far down Highway 48 she was.  Oh gosh, this was even more embarrassing than she thought it would be. Now Bill would think her incompetent.  Why did she ever think calling him would be a good idea?

 

Gravel crunched as Bill pulled off the road in front of Sarah’s car.  She was sitting with her door open, obviously avoiding being stifled in the head, and Bill hoped she hadn’t run her battery down, too.

“Thank you for coming to rescue me,” she said before he even managed a hello.

Bill smiled at her, trying to gauge if she was pissed he came out there.  “It’s no problem. I’m just glad you had enough reception to call. So what happened?”

Sarah led him to the front passenger side and gestured futilely at the extremely flat tire.  “I don’t know what I hit, but it deflated quickly. The tires are only a few years old, so I don’t think it was wear.  And like I said, I swear I know how to change a tire on my own, but I ran into trouble.”

Bill knelt down to look under the car and wow, that was one messed-up jack.  “Okay, yeah, that would make it hard.” He ran his fingers along the treads of the tire, looking at the gash, and jerked back suddenly.  His fingers stung where he’d been cut, but the edges of the wound were clean. He shoved his fingers against his jeans to staunch the bleeding.  “Looks like you hit some glass. Do you know where you ran into it? It should be cleaned up before anyone else gets a flat.”

“Quarter mile back that way?”  Sarah shrugged weakly and gestured behind her.  “I’m sorry, I don’t know the landmarks well enough to tell you anything specific.”

“It’s okay.  I’ll call one of the guys on duty to come out here with a cleanup kit.  They’ll find it and get it taken care of.” Bill walked back to his SUV and rummaged around in the trunk, pulling out a much sturdier jack and some wood blocks to stabilize it with.

Sarah looked impressed.  “I can’t believe you had that on hand.  I don’t know many people that invest in that quality of stuff.”

Bill gave her a one-shouldered shrug and a slight smile.   _He_ was impressed she recognized expensive tools when she saw them.  “Comes with the job. Even if I’m not on duty, people still expect me to be able to help them and it pays to buy the good stuff.”

Sarah flushed with embarrassment.  “I, uh, I’m sorry I had to call you out here.”

Bill waved off her concern and rolled up his sleeves before setting up the jack.  “It’s okay, like I said. I don’t mind.”

Once his jack had the car high enough, Bill slid underneath so he could pull out the broken one and see if there was any more damage to the underside of the vehicle.

“I’m so sorry I said all that stuff last week,” Sarah blurted out.

Bill froze, unsure of what to say.

“I told you that medicine affected me and then I went and made you uncomfortable and I was so embarrassed and you didn’t call.  I should have called, Joanna said, but I was so sick the first few days it never even occurred to me and then it’d been so long and you hadn’t called or texted so I thought you didn’t want to hear from me again and I understand if you don’t.  I shouldn’t have called you today, but I just didn’t know who else to call and now you’re out here in the dirt when you should be enjoying your time off and I’m so sorry. I should have been able to do this myself. I’m a mess and no wonder you didn’t call and–”

It was an entirely inappropriate response, but Bill burst out laughing.  “Stop, stop it! Stop apologizing!” he wheezed and crawled out from under Sarah’s SUV.

Sarah stilled, looking terrified.

Bill stood back up, brushing the dust off his hands.  “It’s _okay_.  I told you that.  I was worried you thought I was creepy for showing up at your house and I was waiting for _you_ to call _me_.”

“Uh.  Oops?” Sarah said, relaxing a little.

“Yeah, oops.”  Bill grinned and shook his head.  “Look, do you have any groceries that need to be put away quickly?”

“No, I just got stuff like paper towels and laundry detergent,” Sarah said tentatively.

“Great.  Do you want to go somewhere and talk – in air conditioning – once I get your spare on?  There’s a barbecue joint a couple miles back towards town.”

Sarah seemed relieved.  “Yeah. Yeah, that would be great.  I’ll, uh, I’ll leave you alone to do this unless you want my help.”

“Hold the lug nuts for me and I’ll have this done in just a few,” Bill promised.

 

The barbecue was middling, the restaurant was quiet in the pre-dinner lull, and Bill and Sarah were able to talk in relative privacy.  They didn’t talk long, but it was enough to clear the air.

“I’m kinda an idiot when it comes to dating,” Sarah admitted as they stood in the parking lot.

“Yeah, well, I’m not exactly great at it either,” Bill pointed out.

“Guess it takes practice.”

“Guess so.”

They stood there awkwardly for a minute, Sarah scuffing her shoe against the gravel.

“Call me this time,” she said suddenly.  “At least as long as you want to.”

Bill frowned.  “I thought we just agreed we both wanted to?”

Sarah bit her lip and shrugged.  “I know. I just want to be sure.”

Bill reached out for her hand – the first time he’d held it.  “Be sure,” he said softly and leaned in.

Sarah gave a short gasp when he kissed her cheek.  Her skin burned hot where his lips had touched it and she involuntarily grasped his hand tighter.  “Okay,” she breathed, at a loss for anything more eloquent.

Bill dropped her hand and pulled her into a hug.  “I’ll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can grab dinner this week.”

Sarah leaned into him, enjoying the rumble of his chest when he talked.  He was just a couple inches taller than she was, so her head fit right against his shoulder.  “Sounds good,” she said once she finally pulled back. She took the initiative this time and reached up to kiss his check.  “I’ll talk to you then,” she added before running off to her car.

How had such a crappy day turned out so well?  Joanna was right: she _should_ have called Bill sooner.


	3. Summer 2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Settling into the idea of dating. A kitten joins the party. Sarah can't shoot a shotgun accurately if you paid her. And Bill has to figure out a birthday gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read my other Jericho stuff, there's a section here that will be familiar. This is what it was originally written for; I decided to post it as a stand-alone without trying to introduce Sarah as an OC.

**Summer**

**June**

It had been a good week.

Sarah was still amazed how well everything had worked out, but she and Bill managed to get together for dinner without a single miscommunication or interruption.  Her biggest problem right now was avoiding her most gossip-prone coworkers.

Oh, and her mom.

“No, nothing exciting has happened since I got the tire fixed,” she lied.  She wasn’t ready to share Bill with her parents. This thing they had could still fizzle out at any moment and she didn’t want to get their hopes up.  “It’s been pretty boring here, like usual.”

Nancy sighed over the phone.  “Just promise me you’re not hiding away in your cave again.”

“I’m not, Mom, I swear!  I’m out and about right now, listen!”  Sarah rolled down the car window to let her mom hear the passing traffic.

“Are you doing that while you’re driving?!”

Sarah sighed.  Her mom didn’t mind talking and driving, but doing anything _while_ talking and driving was grounds for being fussed at.  “I’m sitting at a red light. Chill.”

“How many red lights do you _have_ there?” Nancy asked, sounding genuinely intrigued.

Sarah grinned.  “Still too many for Dad’s taste.  I’m actually in Goodland, on my way to Wal-Mart.”

“You should really shop locally if you can.”

“Says the woman who lives at Costco and Publix.”  Sarah rolled her eyes.

The light turned green and Sarah inched forward.  The car in front of her hit the brakes in the middle of the intersection and then swerved slowly to the left, straddling something in the middle of the road.

Sarah noted the small pile of fur sadly.  Some poor animal had been hit; not a rarity out here but still upsetting.

The pile moved and a small head rose up.  The pile of fur was alive – and it was a kitten.

“Shit, hold on!” Sarah said, cursing uncharacteristically, and threw her phone down on the passenger seat.  Completely disregarding the fact she was in the middle of a busy intersection, she shoved her car into park and leapt out.

Someone behind her honked and she gestured for them to wait.  There was no way she could leave a live kitten in the middle of the road like this.  Carefully, she bent down and scooped the tiny kitten up, putting it in her lap once she got back into the car.

Sarah put the car in gear again and picked up the phone.  “Still there?”

“Of course I am!  What happened?” Nancy sounded breathless.

“You won’t believe it, but there was a kitten in the road.  I stopped and picked it up.”

“Sarah, you worried me!”

“Sorry.  I just had to act quickly because I was in the middle of traffic.”

“Don’t tell me you stopped traffic to get a kitten.”

“Um,” Sarah said, which was admission enough.

“At least you’re still alive,” Nancy sighed.  “Tell me about the kitten.”

“Hold on.”  Sarah carefully pulled onto the shoulder and studied the kitten lying limp in her lap.  It was gray and white in color but grungy-looking. It still breathed and held its head up, but she saw a huge white spot on the back of its otherwise gray head – she fought back a wave of nausea when she realized she was looking at the kitten’s skull.  “Shoot, it was hit by a car or something. It’s tiny, about the size of my palm, and somehow it’s still alive. Its eyes aren’t open but there’s blood on them and on its nose. Oh gosh, I don’t know if it’ll make it.”

“It might not,” Nancy cautioned.  “What are you going to do?”

“I’d take it to the emergency vet if I were back home, but I don’t think there’s one out here that’ll be open on a Sunday evening.”

“I’ll look it up for you,” Nancy offered.  “Can you afford a vet visit?”

“I should be able to, as long as it isn’t exorbitant.”  It probably would be, Sarah realized.

Nancy tsked, but didn’t say anything else about the cost.  “Looks like the closest twenty-four hour vet is in Hays.”

“So just over two hours away.”  Sarah’s heart fell.

“They’re probably going to tell you to put the kitten to sleep,” Nancy warned gently.  “And then charge you an arm and a leg for it.”

Her mom was right, Sarah knew.  She wanted to cry at the injustice of it all.  “I know,” she said, voice starting to waver. “But what else can I do?”

Nancy thought for a few moments.  “Take it home and make it as comfortable as you can tonight.  Maybe it’ll make it through the night and you can take it to a Jericho vet in the morning.”

Forgetting all about Wal-Mart, Sarah turned and headed home.  She drove as gently as she could, trying not to jostle the kitten in her lap.  She was sure it wouldn’t make it through the night and she wanted the kitten’s last hours to be as pain-free as possible.

Very carefully, she took the kitten inside the house and pulled out a spare towel, stuffing it into an empty plastic bin.  She laid the kitten down inside it, slowly sliding her hand out from underneath. The kitten sunk into the towel, barely moving, and Sarah let herself cry.  Just the idea that by the morning this tiny kitten would be dead… Should she have even stopped? Would it have been more merciful to leave it and let another car end its misery?

There was a small chance it would pull through, yes, but Sarah wasn’t feeling it at that moment.

~~~

 

Morning came and miraculously, the kitten was still alive.  Still lying limply and looking dazed, but very much alive.

Sarah had very purposefully avoided looking up vets the night before, so that she wouldn’t get her hopes up, but now she had no clue where to take the kitten.  Luckily, she had help – Bill referred her to the vet he used for Sadie.

The vet looked the kitten over and very seriously asked, “Are you planning on keeping this kitten?”

Sarah thought for a moment.  “If it lives, probably,” she said, even though her heart was already screaming yes.

“He’s going to live,” the vet said.  He stood the kitten up, showing Sarah the way he put no weight on one of his legs and pointing out other injuries.  “This leg’s broken and I’ll need to put him under to set it. This skin tear over his skull will heal, but he may not ever have fur there.  This eye is damaged and he’s probably blind in it. If it swells up, we may have to remove it. He may also have some health problems down the road, but he can recover from all this in the meantime.”

Sarah was flooded with relief.  Maybe she’d done the right thing rescuing the kitten after all.  “Okay. Whatever you need to do.”

An hour later, she left the vet’s office with a groggy but healthier seeming kitten in a cast, a whole host of medications to give him, and instructions to observe the kitten for the next twelve hours to make sure he didn’t have an allergic reaction to any of them.

Sarah texted Bill as soon as she got home.   _Looks like I have a kitten now._

_thought it wasn’t gonna make it?_

_I was wrong.  He’s doped up on medication and I’m supposed to watch him for the next 12 hours, but he’s mostly okay otherwise._

_does that mean no dinner tonight?_

Oh crap, she’d forgotten they were supposed to go out again.  Maybe there was an alternative… _Want to come over here?  We can order pizza. I promise not to get loopy on you this time._

_sounds good.  as long as you don’t eat something weird like anchovies._

Sarah laughed.   _Weirdest I get is mushrooms, but I won’t force you to eat them._

_then it’s a plan._

Sarah settled back into the couch, watching the kitten curled up asleep in his towel.  Sometime soon she’d have to go get food and litter, but he ought to be okay until after the twelve hour mark.  She had shredded cooked chicken and water for him and she could always clean up any messes.

But what to do for the eight hours until Bill showed up?  She could start a new book, maybe. Get some laundry done.

Wait.  It was June fourth – she had a much better idea.

 

“Where’s the patient?” Bill asked once Sarah let him in.

She pointed to a plastic tub sitting on its side.  “He’s been up a little bit, trying to learn to walk with the cast, but I think he wore himself out.”

Bill got down in the floor and peered at the kitten.  He was scruffy and dirty and the cast was as long as he was.  “Cute,” he said, trying to sound genuine. The kitten blinked at him sleepily.

“I think so,” Sarah said.  Bill could tell she meant it.

Sitting back up, he glanced at her TV, paused mid-show, and saw a familiar face.  “Is that _Band of Brothers?_ ”

“Yup.”  Sarah grinned.  “I told you I’m a history geek.  I couldn’t think of a better way to spend D-Day than marathoning it.”

She couldn’t know, could she?  “Is this your first time watching it?” Bill asked cautiously.

Sarah shook her head.  “Second. What about you?”

Jesus, she definitely didn’t know who his grandfather was.  Did he tell her or let her figure it out later? “I’ve seen it a time or two.  So you spend D-Day fighting the war from your couch?”

“D-Day, Memorial Day, Veteran’s Day, Pearl Harbor Day….”  Sarah listed off each holiday on her fingers. “I’ve got the DVDs of _Tora! Tora! Tora!_ and _Battle of Britain_ , too.  Still haven’t gotten around to watching _Saving Private Ryan_ or that new miniseries _The Pacific,_ but I plan on doing that over the fourth of July.”

Bill chuckled.  “You _did_ warn me about the history buff thing.”  Maybe he’d just let her figure it out. “So did you want to keep watching this or do you want to do something else?”

“It’s up to you,” Sarah said, grinning.  “If you go ahead and order the pizza, I’ll let you be the lieutenant to my armchair general.”

Bill scoffed.  “I don’t get a higher rank than that?”

“Depends on the success of your dinner-finding mission.  Promotion _is_ a definite possibility.”

Bill came back a few minutes later with a facetious salute.  “Lieutenant Koehler with a mission report: pizza has been ordered and should be here within a half hour.  Is that enough for a promotion or do I need to try harder?”

Sarah mock-glared.  “You’re a sarcastic jerk, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, probably,” he said with a cocksure grin.  “Wanna finish your marathon?”

Sarah patted the empty seat next to her.  “Only if you join me.”

“If you insist.”  Bill settled in as she pressed play.  Even all these years later, it was weird to see someone pretend to be his grandfather and the other men he’d met as a child, but Sarah paid rapt attention.

Someday soon, Sarah would figure out who his grandfather was, but until then, Bill was going to enjoy every minute of this.  He nodded along every time Sarah added some bit of trivia about the real Easy Company, pretending he hadn’t heard the same stories from the actual men involved.  He even encouraged her to keep talking.

“So you’ve read the book?” he asked innocently.

“Of course!” Sarah laughed.  “And all the memoirs I could get my hands on.  I particularly liked Donald Malarkey’s stories.”

And yet she didn’t remember that Don Malarkey wrote about visiting his friend Skip in Kansas every other year.  “Really? What did you learn from his book?”

Given the opportunity, Sarah set off on a long-winded but enthusiastic ramble, practically paraphrasing the entire book.  About three minutes into her speech, she clapped her hands over her mouth. “I’m sorry I’m talking too much! You just found a topic I like,” she said shyly.

Bill wrapped an arm around Sarah and pulled her close, both to comfort and to hide his smile.  He kissed the top of her head. “You don’t need to apologize for that. Keep going.”

Sarah shook her head and leaned into him, looking up into his face.  “Forgot what I was gonna say. You’re saved from my chatter.”

Bill gave serious thought to trying to kiss Sarah just then; she probably would have let him.  By the time he made up his mind, however, the moment had passed. As consolation, he held her close as she restarted the show and snuggled up against him.

~~~

 

Lights flared in her mirror and a siren blipped and Sarah felt a twist of panic in her gut.  She knew she hadn’t been speeding.

Oh wait, could it be Bill trying to be funny?  He knew she had a weekend work meeting at 3:00, though, so surely he wouldn’t make her late.

Sarah hit her hazard lights and pulled over – slowly – into the next parking lot.  If this was Bill, she was going to be pissed.

It wasn’t Bill.  A dark-haired female deputy stepped out of the car and sauntered up to her window.  Sarah dug out her license and registration as requested.

The deputy – Lamar, according to her nametag – studied them for a while.  “Do you know why I pulled you over?” she asked finally.

Sarah shook her head.  “Honestly, I really don’t.”

“Didn’t use your blinker when you changed lanes back there.  You need to signal before you make a move like that.”

A move like what?  Sarah knew she’d hit the blinker – admittedly for only three flashes before she eased into the right lane, but she’d hit the blinker nonetheless.  This was bull, but arguing would probably just assure her a ticket. “I’m sorry,” she said contritely. “I’ll be sure to use my signal from here on out.”

Deputy Lamar handed back her paperwork and peered into the car.  “This is just a warning, but I’ll have to write a ticket if I catch you again.”

Sarah nodded, trying to keep her face schooled.  “Yes, ma’am.” At least a warning meant she wouldn’t be late to work.

She could have sworn there was a grin on Deputy Lamar’s face as she walked back to her car.

~~~

 

Weddings were great.  Bill loved the traditions, the service, and the idea of two people starting a life together.

Wedding receptions, on the other hand, were straight from hell.  It was part of going to weddings though, so Bill was stuck with overblown toasts, bad dancing, and a bunch of people he didn’t know.  To top it off, the seating chart put him with his back to the door, which made every cop instinct in his body go on high alert.

Not for the first time, Bill wished he’d convinced Sarah to come along with him.  He’d only RSVP’d for one, but that was before he’d met Sarah. Surely Gail Green could have fit another person into the mix.  Sarah nixed that idea, insisting she didn’t want to be rude, so Bill had to fend for himself.

Bill smiled blankly at the couple across from him – college friends of April, he thought – and fiddled with his empty champagne glass.

There was stumbling behind him and Bill looked up just in time to see Stanley trip over someone’s chair leg.  Bill reached out and steadied him, stopping Stanley from hitting the floor.

“Drunk already?” he asked.

Stanley plopped into the seat next to him.  “Mr. Green. Bailey’s. Lots of beer,” he explained.

Bill didn’t even have to ask who he was with.  Jake obviously invited Stanley to tag along to the pub and Emily Sullivan followed Jake’s every step these days.  Bill considered Emily a friend, but Jake fucking Green was another story completely.

Jake, who picked fights with Bill as a kid, who tried to convince Stanley that Bill was ‘too boring’ in middle school, who bragged in high school about all the illegal things his grandfather let him do.  Jake, who’d come home from college looking for more trouble – and from all accounts, he’d found it in Jonah Prowse’s employ.  Jake, who had a knack for surviving stupid things that should have killed him years ago.  That Jake Green.

Bill had heard things lately from work about Jonah suggesting he was planning something big.  The whole department knew his freight business was a shill for smuggling and theft – the man had already been convicted of extortion, after all – but they hadn’t been able to prove anything yet.  Jonah was very careful about his activities and compatriots; it was almost like he was the Don of his own little Midwest Mafia.

Bill bit his tongue and didn’t comment on Stanley’s choice of company.  “Need some coffee?”

Stanley shook his head.  “Nah. Emily’s gettin’ some for us both.”

Sure enough, Emily joined them a minute later with two cups of coffee.  Stanley took his gratefully and the three of them sat in silence, nursing their drinks, until the wedding party filed into the room.  A waiter – some college kid Bill didn’t know, which meant he wasn’t a troublemaker – filled everyone’s champagne glasses for the toasts.

Jake got up unsteadily from his seat at the head table, almost knocking the ice bucket over as he made his way to the microphone.  The entire Green family looked braced, as if they didn’t know what would come out of Jake’s mouth. Bill didn’t think that fear was unjustified.

“Okay, the big toast,” Jake began.  “Before I start, is there anyone who _hasn’t_ written me a speech?  It makes me wonder how screwed up you think I am if you can’t trust me to say a few things about my brother.”

Bill and Stanley both winced and looked away from Jake.  This was definitely starting out uncomfortably.

“The thing is…  Well, yeah, the thing is, these are all pretty lame.  Not one of them mentions my brother’s musical theater phase when we all thought he was gay.  Seriously! You have not heard disturbing until you’ve heard him singing ‘One Hand, One Heart’ in the shower every morning.”  Jake laughed at his own joke and looked at the crowd around him for reactions. His parents, behind him, watched disapprovingly, and most of the guests were shifting awkwardly in their seats.

Jake sighed and continued.  “I tease my brother a lot, but the truth is…  Truth is I’m very proud of him. I’m, uh, proud of how kind he is.  I’m, uh– I’m proud of how giving he is.  And, uh, he’s a very lucky man.  Really.”  He held up his glass for the toast.

Bill followed suit, impressed with how Jake had rallied at the end and turned his awkward story into a decent toast.  Some part of Bill suspected that had been one of the speeches Jake had been given to read, but he wouldn’t dare suggest that out loud today.  He’d save that thought for Jimmy during tomorrow’s patrol.

The toast from April’s maid of honor went much more smoothly, appropriately gushing over April.  The meal was served, the mood of the reception slid back into that of a normal wedding, and soon the dancing began.

Bill opted not to join in the line dances, preferring to sit back and people watch.  It was the curse of being a cop that he knew too much about some of the guests here: he knew who called in every time their neighbors forgot to mow their lawns, who’d had Child Protective Services visit them, who’d been stopped for drunk driving or buying marijuana.  It made it hard to relax in public.

Instead, Bill watched Stanley try – and fail – to pick up one of April’s bridesmaids.  He watched Jake and Emily sneak off to a corner by themselves, just like in high school.  He watched Eric and April dance, thoroughly engrossed in each other.  Their sex tonight was probably going to be pretty good.

Bill made a face and rubbed his temples.  Why did that thought always have to occur to him every single wedding he went to?  It wasn’t like he _wanted_ to think about other people’s sex lives; the idea just crept up on him unawares.  Maybe it was the result of him _not_ having a sex life.  At least he had a girlfriend now, so that might change.

Maybe.  He hoped.  He was tempted to visit Sarah after this and see...

 

Sarah answered the doorbell to find Bill still dressed up – a _much_ better delivery than the Chinese she’d been waiting on.  Wow, he looked good in a suit.

“Did you come straight from the wedding?” she asked, appreciating the view as he walked past her into the house.

“Yeah.”  Bill shucked his jacked onto a chair and loosened his tie.

“How was it…?”  Sarah’s question trailed off when Bill stepped closer and took her face in his hand.  She looked up at him, wide-eyed. Was he about to–?

Yes, he was.  Bill leaned over just a bit and kissed her for the first time.

The kiss wasn’t the sweet, tentative sort she’d been expecting.  It was assertive and demanding and just what she’d wanted and oh, she had _not_ been prepared for this.

Sarah stood on her toes to even out their height and let her arms snake around Bill’s back.  God, the man gave good hugs, but he was even better at kissing. She pulled back for air and let her hands run down his back, feeling his muscles through his shirt.  “Bill,” she whispered.

“Sarah.”  He gave her a cocky grin and then he was kissing her again and his fingers were exploring: through her hair and down her back and up her sides, getting close to her breasts.  She moaned happily, not wanting him to stop. Bill’s hands slid down and cupped her butt, pulling her into him, and Sarah realized he was half hard and this was probably leading to something much more than kisses and caresses.

She didn’t want that – well, no, she really _did_ want that, but she’d made up her mind months ago that things would be different if she dated again.  She couldn’t let this go further, no matter how badly she wanted Bill to throw her down on the couch right now.  “Wait,” she insisted, pulling away reluctantly.

Bill stopped as soon as she said something, but didn’t completely let go of her, keeping his hands loosely on the small of her back.  “What’s wrong?” he asked, more calmly than Sarah felt.

Sarah tried to find the words to explain, but was cut off by a tentative knock at the door.  She looked around Bill and saw the food delivery boy watching them awkwardly through the glass.  Oh Lord, how long had he been there? She blushed as she paid him and took the food.

In the short time she’d been at the door, Bill had managed to compose himself and straighten his clothes, although his cheeks were still flushed.

“Sorry I didn’t order any for you,” Sarah apologized, laying out the boxes of lo mein and sesame chicken on the table.

“I didn’t tell you I was coming over,” Bill pointed out.

“Yeah…”  Sarah blushed, thinking of what just happened and why he must have shown up.  “The wedding went well, I take it?”

“You should have been there with me.”  Bill watched her intently. “What were you gonna tell me?”

Sarah blinked, shaken from her brief reverie, and a shiver ran down her spine.  “Oh. Uh. Nothing.” She sighed at Bill’s skeptical look. He was right; she needed to actually talk to him about it.  “Well, something. Give me a minute to make sure I word this properly.”

Bill slid into the seat opposite her and waited patiently while Sarah collected her thoughts.

“I really liked what we did just then,” she started slowly.  “But I don’t want it to go much further than that, at least not yet.”

She watched Bill’s face for some sign of disappointment or condemnation, but there was none.  “Okay… so no making out?” he asked.

“Nothing below the waist,” Sarah said bluntly.  “Everything else is, uh, welcome. More than welcome, actually.”

“Are you waiting until marriage?”

Sarah huffed a laugh.  “Little late for that; I’m no virgin.  But I haven’t had great experiences with sex.”

Bill’s eyes widened and Sarah realized he thought she’d been raped.  Of _course_ that was a cop’s first thought.

“Nothing bad,” she added quickly.  “I haven’t been hurt, I just rushed into it with the other guys I dated and it seemed to mess things up.”

“Messed things up how?” Bill prompted, looking confused.

“It just…  Things seemed to stagnate.  We’d have sex as a fallback instead of getting to know each other better, instead of coming up with other activities to do.  And after I broke up with my last boyfriend, I swore that next time I’d wait to make sure we had something else to build upon.”

Bill didn’t say anything.  Sarah hoped she hadn’t just run him off.  There were so many ways he could take what she said personally.

“Please don’t think this is anything about you,” she pled desperately.  “Swear to God it’s me. I’d like to give us a good try, so I don’t want to mess it up right here at the start.  I know sex is just part of adult relationships, but I hope it’s okay to not have it now.”

Bill leaned forward and looked her in the eyes.  “Okay, so no sex of any sort. If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.”

Sarah prayed he meant that and wasn’t just saying it to placate her.  “Thank you,” she said fervently. “I’m so sorry.”

Bill shook his head, dismissing her apology.  “No, I’m glad you told me. I didn’t mean to push you further than you wanted to go.”

“Like I said, that was fine.  Great, actually. And even a little further would have been okay.  Just nothing past second base yet.” Sarah’s expression turned stricken.  “I, uh, I hope you’re not put out with me. I shouldn’t have said anything, should I?  I should have kept my mouth shut and let it happen if that’s what you wanted. I’m sorry, we can forget–”

Bill reached across the table and grabbed her hand, cutting her off.  “No,” he said firmly. “I said I was glad you told me and I meant it. You don’t need to apologize for telling me what you want out of this.  Out of our relationship. Ever.”

Up until the point she demanded too much and Bill figured out she wasn’t worth the trouble, Sarah thought sadly.  Maybe Bill would give her a sign before they reached that point and she could do damage control.

Still, she wanted to enjoy this before he figured out she was crazy.  She stood and he followed, keeping his distance. He didn’t move back when she approached him, however.

Sarah traced Bill’s jawline with a careful finger, feeling the roughness of his late afternoon stubble.

He watched her closely, amber eyes seeking out hers.  “Sarah,” he said softly.

“Shh,” she said, standing on her toes just enough to reach his mouth.  The kiss was gentle and soft and she wanted more. Sarah pulled away the tiniest bit, his breath still hot on her skin.  She slid her hand around the back of his head, twining her fingers in his hair.

The next kiss was deeper as Sarah opened up to Bill.  She held him close and let him explore her mouth. They broke and she gave him another light kiss.

He’d been holding his hands in the air above her shoulders, like he didn’t know if he had permission anymore, but he set them down now.  He caressed her arms, sliding his hands up her short-sleeved shirt.

Sarah ran her hands over his chest and stomach, feeling his muscles through his shirt.  Oh, she wanted to touch him, but she didn’t want to tease. She looked down and Bill pressed a soft kiss into her forehead and stood there, barely touching her with his chin and his nose.

“If you’re sure you’re okay with this,” Sarah said slowly.  “I don’t want to go any further if it’s just going to frustrate you.”

Bill lifted Sarah’s chin so they were looking eye to eye.  “I told you I was okay with it. I meant what I said. I don’t want _you_ to be uncomfortable.”

Sarah reached up and grabbed his hands, sliding them up under her shirt.  “Then I want you touching me,” she said. “And I want to touch you.”

Bill’s eyes closed as he very gently ran his hands up to her breasts.  Sarah found his caution endearing. She leaned into his touch and untucked his dress shirt.  His skin was warm, making her want to never let go.

Bolstered by a sudden courage, Sarah grabbed Bill’s sides and walked him backwards to the couch.  He fell back into it and she followed, straddling his lap. She scooted forward and kissed him, hands sliding down the back of his shirt.

Sarah stopped suddenly when she realized he was hard again.  She pulled back. “Bill, I’m not trying to tease…” she said.

He shook his head and slid his hands back up her shirt, pulling her closer.  “You’re not. I can deal with it.” He kissed her again, forcefully, like the first time.

Sarah shivered as he ran his hands down her sides, thumbs going over her stomach.  Maybe he really would put up with her desire to wait. Miraculously, he also didn’t seem to mind her extra weight – it wasn’t keeping him from touching her, at least.  Apparently he found her desirable enough, if the erection pressing into her thigh was any sign.

Stop fretting, she told herself.  Sarah had a very attractive man making out with her.  Why was she worried about anything else?

Bill kissed her neck, making her gasp.  She unbuttoned his top two buttons so she could reach his chest.  He wasn’t very hairy, but he _was_ muscular under there.  Bill nibbled just below her ear and Sarah shuddered happily.  She kissed along his jaw, returning the favor. Bill made a desperate grunting noise when she reached his neck and kissed her way down to his shoulder.

Bill lifted her face back up for another open kiss, and she danced her tongue in his mouth this time.  He was sweet and earthy and tasted exactly like he smelled. Sarah found it intoxicating.

Maybe he really would put up with all her flaws.  Maybe he would stay with her when he figured everything out.

Sarah knew she was kidding herself, but for this one moment, everything was right.  She was going to enjoy that as long as it lasted.

~~~

 

“So when are we gonna meet her?”  Jimmy drummed his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently.

“Who?” Bill asked, confused at the non sequitur.

“Sarah.  You’ve been dating her a few weeks now, so when do you let her meet everyone else?”

Huh.  Jimmy had a point.  After the fiasco with Stanley, he _hadn’t_ made an effort to introduce her to anyone else in Jericho.  That should probably change. “You and Margaret want to meet us for dinner sometime?”

“Can’t afford the babysitter again this month,” Jimmy said sadly.  “Nah, Margaret and I were talking about having a cookout Saturday, inviting the rest of the guys and their families.”

Good God, all the other deputies at once?  That would be throwing Sarah to the wolves – but it made sense.  A cookout at Jimmy’s would be relaxed, mostly out of uniform, and maybe less intimidating.  “I’ll ask Sarah,” Bill promised.

~~~

 

Sarah shifted nervously in the car seat, checking yet again that the dish in her lap was sealed properly.

Bill noticed her anxiety.  “You don’t have to worry,” he reassured.  “This is just a casual thing, not an interrogation.”

Sarah didn’t quite believe him.  “I’m just… I’m not very good at small talk.  I hope they like me anyway.”

“You did great talking to me when we first met,” Bill countered.  “Just be you and you’ll be fine.”

“That’s what they always say,” Sarah said cynically, then laughed to cover the fact she was still scared.  Meeting a guy’s friends was nerve-wracking. Meeting them when they were a bunch of cops – a suspicious lot at best – was a whole new level of anxiety-inducing.

Bill shook his head and came around the car to let her out.  “You’ve got this. But let me know if it gets overwhelming.”

Sarah looked up at Bill in wonder.  How did he know she needed an escape route?  Even if she didn’t take him up on it, it helped to know the option was there and she could use it without incurring his ill-will.

They were met at the door by a tall woman with dark hair.  “I thought you’d be here earlier, Bill,” she scolded, but smiled at them both.  “And you must be Sarah. I’m Margaret Taylor. Come on in.”

Sarah relaxed as she was herded inside.  Maybe hospitality here in the Midwest wasn’t going to be that different from hospitality back home, after all.  They followed Margaret into the kitchen and Sarah handed her the bowl. “Cowboy Caviar,” she offered. “It’s a dip.”

Margaret peered into the Tupperware.  “Looks good. Did you bring chips?”

Sarah looked back at Bill’s empty hands and felt a flash of panic.  “Oh shoot!” she said, embarrassed. “They’re sitting on my counter at home!  I can run back and get them; just give me a minute.” Except she hadn’t driven.  Maybe Bill would run her home.

“Don’t worry,” Margaret laughed.  “We’ve got something here, I’m sure.  Bill, go introduce her to everyone and I’ll look.”

“Yes, ma’am.”  Bill put a hand on the small of Sarah’s back and guided her through the house to the backyard.

It was a loud and lived-in backyard.  Lawn mowers, wheelbarrows, and other tools leaned against a worn-looking shed.  Two preteens chased a shrieking preschooler through the grass and down a bright plastic slide.  Over by the grill, a small group of laughing adults sat in folding chairs.

Of course, as soon as Sarah and Bill stepped outside, the adults’ chatter stopped and they focused on her.  Sarah had flashbacks to her first couple months in Jericho, when being the new girl made her fascinating.

“Guys, this is Sarah.  Be nice,” Bill warned while two extra chairs were pulled up.

Sarah nodded a hello and tried to pay attention to names as everyone was introduced.  It was futile – she’d always been bad with names – but she did her best. The easiest one to remember was Sara Lamar, the only female deputy and the one who’d pulled her over last week.  She winked at Sarah but said nothing. Sara and one of the other deputies – Connor, she thought – were still in uniform.

“Still on duty,” Bill whispered.  “They’re just here instead of patrolling.”

Bill found her a chair between himself and a larger man who was bouncing a toddler on his knee.

“I’m Jimmy,” the man reminded her, smiling broadly.  “And this is Sally.”

Sarah smiled and waved at the toddler, who squealed happily.  “Your daughter?”

Jimmy nodded and pointed to the kids playing in the yard.  “And the littlest one out there’s my son Woody. You probably met my wife, Margaret, inside.”

Sarah tried to file away all the faces and names, but didn’t get a chance to do anything other than smile and nod.  Jimmy seemed to be a talker.

“I’m Bill’s partner, if he didn’t mention it.  Patrol partner, I mean, not anything else. I don’t know what he’s told you about us, but he’s talked a lot about you.  Well, a lot for Bill. I’ve been telling him he needed to introduce you to people, but he told me what Stanley did and I guess that’s why he hasn’t.  I’m glad you came with him today.”

It was a lot all at once, but Sarah couldn’t help smiling at Jimmy’s ramble.  He seemed so genuine.

“All right, Jimmy, cool it,” Bill said, leaning over Sarah.  “You can take a breath between sentences and let other people say stuff.”

Sarah laughed when Jimmy clammed up.  “It’s okay. You weren’t bothering me,” she assured.  “I don’t really have anything to say, anyway.”

“How about you tell us how much Koehler paid you to pretend to be his girlfriend,” one of the other men suggested.  “Billy’s not good with the ladies and everyone knows it. _Especially_ the ladies.”

Most of the group laughed and a wave of embarrassment washed over Sarah.  She didn’t dare look at Bill for fear of blushing. She’d expected lots of questions and distrust, not this.

“Guys, stop,” Bill said, voice tight in warning, which just sparked another round of laughter.

“Oh, now he’s getting wound up.  We’d better stop before he has to give her hazard pay for dealing with his bitching,” crowed another deputy.

Sarah knew her cheeks had to be bright red with mortification.  She had to get out of here. “Um. I’m gonna go check on the food I left with Margaret,” she muttered.  Her chair clattered over when she stood quickly, but she didn’t stop to right it before she fled inside.

“God damn it!” Bill hissed, as loudly as he dared with the children nearby.  “Are you _trying_ to run her off?”

“Yes,” said Connor.

“Someone has to make sure she knows what she’s getting into with you,” Sara offered unapologetically.

Salem leaned back in his chair, grinning like a cat, and saluted Bill with his beer.  “You think any of us believe you actually got a girlfriend on your own? Have you _been_ on a date since you’ve been on the force?”

“True,” joked Sara’s husband, Travis.  “I bet money you were going to show up with a blow-up doll instead of a real person.”

Riley shrugged.  “My money’s still on her being hired.”

“That’s not a bet, that’s even money, Paul.  We _all_ think she’s hired.”

“Nah, he just had to wait for a new person to come to town who didn’t know any better.  Only way he could get laid.”

Bill glared at his coworkers.  “You’re assholes.”

“So you’re not getting laid?”

“Even escorts have standards, Sara.”

Bill looked to Jimmy for help but found none – Jimmy picked that moment to take Sally out in the yard and away from the adults’ conversation.

Bill sighed loudly.  “What’s it gonna take for you guys to stop acting like dicks?”

Salem rubbed his hands together.  “Oh, good, we’ve made it to the bribery stage.  Let’s get negotiating, Koehler.”

 

Sarah’s hands were still shaking when she reached the small den.  Margaret was still moving around in the kitchen, from the sound of it, but Sarah hoped she would go unnoticed for a few minutes while she calmed down.

No such luck.  “You need something?” Margaret asked, leaning through the doorway.

“No, I’m good.  Just needed quiet for a moment,” Sarah said, trying to keep her voice from wavering.

Margaret apparently knew better.  “Did they start in on you out there?” she asked, moving fully into the room.

Sarah laughed weakly.  “I’m not sure if they were going after me or Bill, but it was bad,” she admitted.

“Jackasses.”  Margaret shook her head.  “Come on in here and sit at the table.  Let Bill suffer while they get it out of their systems.  He’s used to it.”

Sarah followed her into the kitchen, finding it easier to comply than to argue.

Margaret offered Sarah a beer from the fridge, but she passed, asking for water instead.  “Not much of a beer person,” she said apologetically.

“I’ll forgive you.”  Margaret grinned, but didn’t say any more.

Sarah focused on her breathing for a minute, willing the trembling in her hands to go away.  “I’m sorry,” she said, once her heartbeat was under control. “I just got overwhelmed out there.”

“No need to apologize,” Margaret said matter-of-factly.  “They can be jackals.”

Sarah nodded bleakly.  “Apparently.”

“It’s part of being a LEO – law enforcement officer,” Margaret added for Sarah’s benefit.  “They’re all driven by machismo and forget what normal humor is like. Even the women. It’s worse than high school, I swear.”

Margaret handed Sarah a freshly washed head of lettuce and Sarah broke off leaves for burgers while Margaret continued.

“Jimmy has his days, but I keep him in line most of the time.  And Bill’s gotten a lot better since he was partnered with Jimmy.  Bill’s a good guy, actually. You picked the right one of those fools to date.  It’s about time he found someone.” Margaret paused and thought a moment. “That’s probably why they’re acting like this.  Lewis and Sara are both married and Paul’s an affirmed bachelor. Harry will date anything with two legs and boobs, but they expect that from him.  Bill’s always been pickier. You’re the first person he’s ever brought around to meet them.”

“I’m not the first person he’s dated, am I?” Sarah asked, surprised at how much that thought worried her.

Margaret laughed.  “Oh, no. I’ve known Bill since elementary school and I promise he’s had girlfriends.  He just had a bad breakup before he went off to the academy and hasn’t dated since.”

“Oh.”  Sarah hadn’t thought Bill was a dating virgin, but it felt odd to get confirmation of previous relationships.  It had probably been equally weird for him when she told him why she didn’t want to have sex, she realized. God, she regretted that conversation more each day.

Bill chose that moment to slink inside.  “I’m so sorry. I thought they’d leave you out of the bullying or I never would have asked you to come.”

“It’s okay,” Sarah began, but she saw Margaret shake her head.  “I mean, no, it’s not okay. But it’s not your fault and I’ll be fine,” she amended.

“They’ve promised to behave, if you want to come back out,” Bill asked.  “Or we can leave.”

Margaret scoffed.  “How’d you manage that?”

“I’m buying everyone’s lottery tickets next two weeks.”  Bill shrugged. “Cheap, as far as these things go.”

Sarah groaned inwardly.  She was learning all sorts of things about Bill tonight, not all good.  “You play the lottery?”

“Yeah.”  Bill was nonplussed.  “The whole department buys tickets each week.  We split the money if we get anything.”

Sarah bit back her instinctive comment about the lottery being a tax on people who couldn’t do math.  “I guess that works,” she compromised.

“You okay to come back outside?” Bill asked gently.

Sarah looked over at Margaret, who smiled encouragingly.  “Yeah, I will.”

“Stick with me,” Margaret suggested.  “Those idiots know better than to cross me.”

“That’s for sure.  You’re scary as hell when you want to be,” Bill winked and held out a hand for Sarah.  “Come on, darlin’.”

Sarah’s heart fluttered as she took Bill’s hand.   _Darlin’._   She liked the sound of that.

~~~

 

Sarah saw Bill’s coworkers again sooner than she would have liked.

She recognized the one sauntering up to her car now as Lewis Connor.  “Oh, hey, look who it is,” he said, grinning. “You’re dating a deputy.  I would have thought you’d know better than to speed.”

Sarah fought to keep from glaring.  “It’s forty-five through here, right?  I thought that’s what I was going.”

Connor shrugged.  “Radar had you at forty-seven.”

She looked at him incredulously.  “You pulled me over for forty- _seven_?  What the hell!  I thought there was a margin of error of a few miles per hour on those things.”

He just gave her that shit-eating grin again.  “Hey, I don’t make the rules; I just gotta enforce them.  But tell ya what: just because you’re dating Bill, I’ll let you off with a warning.”

~~~

 

Sarah threw her purse down behind her desk, grumping.

“Woah, what’s up with you this morning?” Joanna asked, spinning her chair around to face Sarah.

Looking around first to make sure she wasn’t overheard, Sarah hissed, “Pulled over _again_ on the way into work today.”

Joanna frowned.  “Again? How many times have you been pulled over?”

“In the last two weeks?  Five times now. It’s always something stupid, like I didn’t use my blinker, or I should have had my lights on already, or I took a turn too fast.  They always say they’re letting me off with a warning.”

“It’s not Bill, is it?” Joanna asked, sounding concerned.

“No, it’s his coworkers.  They’re harassing me, I know, and I should just suck it up and deal with it, but it’s really irritating.”  Sarah sighed and started setting her station up for the day.

“That’s not good.  Have you talked to Bill about it?  Or Sheriff Dawes?”

“No.”  Sarah saw the look Joanna was giving her and shook her head in protest.  “I told you how the cookout went. If they’re giving _me_ this sort of treatment, I can only imagine what sort of crap _he’s_ getting from them.  If I complain about it to the sheriff, things might get worse for him.  This is probably just some hazing I have to suffer through quietly.”

“You should still tell Bill about it,” Joanna muttered, lowering her voice as one of their more gossipy coworkers joined them.

“So how’re things going in dating world?” Jennifer asked, leaning against Sarah’s desk.

“Oh, uh,” Sarah fumbled, trying not to catch Jennifer’s eyes.  “Fine.”

“Still in the honeymoon phase, then?” Jennifer cooed.  “That’s adorable. What’ve you two got planned this weekend?”

“Uh, I’m not entirely sure yet,” Sarah said, wishing she had some way out of this conversation.  “We haven’t really discussed it.”

Jennifer patted Sarah’s arms.  “You make sure he’s doing stuff for you, too, hon.  Not just,” Jennifer paused and bent down to whisper, “using you to get himself off.  Ask Joanna. I warned her about that with Brett, too.”

Sarah’s eyes widened and she heard Joanna stifle a laugh.  “I, uh. Um. That’s not… Th… thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” she stammered.

“Just watching out for you, dear.”  Jennifer gave Sarah’s arm a final squeeze and went back to her own desk.

Sarah spun her chair around, mouth agape.  “Did she just– Did she just try to find out if Bill and I are sleeping together?”

Joanna shook with silent laughter, covering her mouth with her hands.  “I think that’s exactly what happened.”

“Oh Lord.”  Sarah covered her own face.  “I wonder how she’ll interpret what I said?  That happened so quickly, I didn’t think it through!”

Joanna shrugged.  “There’s no telling.  We’ll just have to see what the others ask you about this afternoon.”

“Lord,” Sarah repeated.  “That woman is something else.”

“I still think you should be feeding her blatant lies to see if she buys them.”

“Like what?” Sarah asked.  “That Bill’s got an S&M sex dungeon in his apartment and we use it every night?”

“That’s a start.  But you could also tell her about the high speed chases and drug busts Bill lets you tag along on.  And the orgies all the deputies participate in, of course.”

“I’m half tempted to try it.  Tell her so many outlandish things she’ll have no clue what’s real or not.”  Sarah shook her head. “If only I had the guts to actually follow through.”

“I’m just glad she’s focused on you now instead of me.  It was a long three years before you moved here.” Joanna finally turned back around to her own desk.  “Take it from me, you’ve got to have a little fun with it or it’ll drive you crazy.”

“I’ll work on that part,” Sarah promised.

“And tell Bill about his coworkers.”  Joanna looked over her shoulder pointedly.

“Yes, mom,” Sarah shot back sarcastically.

~~~

 

“I’ve made Stanley swear on his parents’ graves to behave today,” Bill promised.

Sarah watched him drive, grinning to herself.  “You mentioned that already.”

Bill didn’t seem to hear her.  “And Bonnie’s deaf, but she lip reads just fine, so don’t worry about it.”

“You said that, too.”

“And I told them–” Bill cut himself off and looked over at her.  “I’m repeating myself, aren’t I?”

“Just a bit,” Sarah allowed.  “You’re the nervous one this time.  It’s cute.”

Bill looked affronted, but smiled a moment later.  “After the cookout, I’m surprised you agreed to meet anyone else I know.”

Sarah shrugged.  “Well, Jimmy and Margaret were great.  And I already met Stanley, so I’m not too worried.  We’re even Facebook friends – which, by the way, you and I aren’t.  What’s up with that?”

“I don’t have a–  Wait, what?  You’re friends with Stanley?”

Sarah couldn’t help but grin at how shocked Bill seemed by this news. “Yeah.  After that date he crashed, he found me and friended me on Facebook.  I added him back because I didn’t see any harm in it.  He mostly seems to post stupid memes, anyway.”

“He didn’t tell me he did that,” Bill grumbled.

“I didn’t either,” Sarah pointed out.

“Yeah, but…  He’s my best friend.  He should have told me he was spying on you.”

Sarah laughed.  “Spying on me?  Well, it must be super fun for him since my Facebook is nothing but cat pictures now that Jackson no longer looks like a one-eyed Frankenkitty.  And do you really not have a Facebook or is it just buried behind twenty-seven million different privacy settings because of your job?”

“I really don’t have one.  Never seemed worth the trouble,” Bill explained.

“I’m surprised.  I’d’ve thought you’d love Facebook.”

“I don’t really get into the whole social media thing,” Bill pointed out.

“Yeah, but Facebook is so community oriented,” Sarah argued.  “Lots of places are using it now to announce and plan local events.  Your _work_ has a Facebook page, even.”

“That’s all Sara’s doing.  I don’t touch it.”

“You should.”

Bill shrugged noncommittally.

“No.  I’m gonna make you get a Facebook,” Sarah said excitedly.  “I’ll help you get it set up. You’ll love it, I know!”

“We’ll see,” Bill said.

Sarah wasn’t convinced he’d really let her do this, but she was definitely going to push for it.  The man may be a flip phone fan for life, but he could at least join in on Facebook.  Shoot, her grandmother had Facebook already!

~~~

 

Sarah had said she was bad at shotgun, but Bill hadn’t realized _how_ bad.  She’d also said she used to teach it, after all.

So far, out of the fifty clays he’d thrown for her, Sarah had hit seven and he was pretty sure those were by sheer dumb luck.

“I taught people how to do it _safely_ , not skillfully!  I was the epitome of ‘those who can’t, teach’!” she protested when Bill pointed it out.

He glanced down at Bonnie who rolled her eyes in true almost-teenager fashion.  “You’re up, kid. Show her how it’s done,” he said.

Bonnie hopped up and took the shotgun from Sarah, who sulked as she sat down between Bill and Stanley.

Bonnie immediately hit the first two clays at the top of their arcs.

“How long’s Bonnie been shooting?” Sarah asked, awed.

Stanley shrugged.  “Bill’s been working with her on shotgun just this past year.”

“She wasn’t big enough to withstand the recoil on a 20-gauge before,” Bill added.  “Or I’d have taught her sooner.”

“He bought her a rifle when she turned seven, too.  A little pink .22 for Christmas.”

Bill got the idea that Stanley was trying to embarrass him, but it wasn’t working.  “She was plenty old enough. You and I were shooting by that time.”

“Yeah, but our teachers were our dads, not two twenty-one year old goofballs,” Stanley pointed out.

“Speak for yourself!” Bill protested.  “I was twenty-two and a deputy. You were the one who wanted to teach her, anyway.”

“ _You_ were the one who had a seven-year-old shooting at silhouettes with targets over their crotches.”

Bill grinned at Sarah, who laughed.  “Nothing wrong with making sure she’s prepared for anything.”

“Next time we come out here, let’s shoot rifle,” Sarah suggested.  “I’ll do a lot better.”

“You’d have to.  You set the bar pretty low today.”

“You’re a jerk, Stanley.”

Bill’s grin never faltered.  Sarah was holding her own with Stanley and Jimmy had passed on the message that Margaret approved, too.  He really couldn’t ask for more right now.

He tossed an empty shell casing at Bonnie’s back to let her know that her round of twenty-five was up.  She turned around beaming, proud of her performance, and flounced back to her chair. “It’s easy, you just need to practice,” she informed Sarah.

Sarah nodded solemnly as if she’d never heard that suggestion before.  “Thank you for that advice, Bonnie.”

“Bill’s a good teacher.”

Bill shrugged when Sarah looked up at him.  He’d done well with Bonnie, he’d admit that much.

Sarah smiled.  “I’m sure he is.  Maybe he’ll help me.”

Bonnie turned to Bill.  “You should teach her how to do it.  She sucks major ass right now.”

“Bonnie!” Stanley cried, getting her attention with a rough tap on the shoulder.  “Don’t say things like that!”

“What?  You say it all the time,” she protested.

Stanley faltered.  “Well, um. I’m an adult and I can say that.  You’ll get in trouble at school if you say stuff like that.”

“I’m not _stupid_.”  Bonnie rolled her eyes.  “I don’t swear in front of teachers.”

“Bill, where did I go wrong?” Stanley groaned.

“Probably around the time you became her guardian,” Bill offered.

“You were as bad as I was!  You used to come home from work cussing up a storm.  Maybe her potty mouth is _your_ fault.”

Bonnie grinned and shook her head.  “It’s all your fault, Stanley.”

Sarah looked lost in thought, but shook herself out of it.  “Were you guys roommates at some point?” she asked.

Oh, that’s right.  Bill had warned her about a lot of things when it came to the Richmonds, but he’d forgotten to mention the two years he stayed with them.

“Bill used to live here,” Bonnie said matter-of-factly.  “He was my nanny.”

 _That_ came close to embarrassing Bill.  “I wasn’t her nanny. I just moved in for a couple years to help out while Stanley figured out how to run the place.”

“You were her nanny because you sucked at farming,” Stanley argued.  “Suck it up and accept what you were.”

“That’s cool, though,” Sarah said.  “You guys must be really good friends.”

“Yeah, well, I hang around because of Bonnie, not _this_ idiot,” Bill said, pointing at Stanley.  Bonnie beamed and he felt that small swell of accomplishment that happened whenever he made her happy.

“You’re just lucky I put up with your sorry a– with you,” Stanley finished lamely.

Bonnie punched her brother on the shoulder.  “See, Stanley! You curse, so I can too!”

“That’s not how it works,” Stanley whined.  “Bill, make her behave. Use your magical nanny powers.”

Bill raised his eyebrows and gave Bonnie a look.  She pouted and settled back in her chair.

Stanley leaned over and stage-whispered to Sarah, “Magical nanny powers.  I told ya.”

 

**July**

Bill pulled up behind Salem and parked, doing a quick check that his radio and gear belt were all in order before he stepped out of the car.  Technically, he wasn’t on duty yet, but he was still in uniform and backup was nice, even if you hadn’t called for it.

Salem blanched when he saw Bill walk up and it took Bill a second to recognize the stopped car as Sarah’s.  He didn’t think she was a reckless driver, so why was she stopped? Of course, she could have always been on best behavior when he was around, he realized.  “What’s going on?” he asked, once he got close enough to see Sarah in the window.

Salem shrugged, trying to be nonchalant.  “Not wearing her seatbelt right. Didn’t realize who it was until I pulled her over.”

Anger flashed across Sarah’s face and she laughed harshly.  “Oh, _that_ is complete bull!  You’ve pulled me over enough times I’d be surprised if you don’t have my driver’s license number memorized!”

Sarah’s uncharacteristic vehemence caught Bill off guard.  “Wait,” he asked, puzzled. “You’ve been pulled over multiple times?  Your name hasn’t been in the citation log.”

Salem started to answer but was cut off.  “That’s because I haven’t been getting tickets.  Just a bunch of warnings. Swear to God, I’ve been stopped every single time one of these guys spots my car!”

Well, damn.  Bill thought he’d extracted promises from the others to leave Sarah alone, but apparently he’d been mistaken.  “Uh-huh. I see.”

Salem at least had the decency to look embarrassed when Bill glared at him.

Bill leaned down and squeezed Sarah’s shoulder through the open window.  “You’re good to go. I’ll see you tonight.”

As Sarah drove off, he stuck a finger out accusingly at Salem.  “You, back to the station and don’t you dare think of going anywhere else first.”

 

Bill stormed into the station, fuming as he cornered Salem at his desk.  “What the fuck, man? What happened to ‘two weeks of lottery money and we’ll leave her alone’?” he hissed.

“Sara started it,” Salem said lamely.

“Oh, don’t you bring me in on this.  You’re the one who got caught,” said Sara, looking up from the radio scanner.

“’The one who got caught’?  How many of you have been harassing my girlfriend?!” Bill asked the room at large, glad no civilians were in the office.

“Is there a problem, Bill?” Sheriff Dawes asked, peering out his office door.

“No,” chimed in the other deputies just as Bill said, “Yes.”

Sheriff Dawes watched them all patiently.

“They’ve been harassing a civilian.  Singling her out for weeks now. She _could_ sue us for that if she wanted,” Bill pointed out.

“It’s your girlfriend, Koehler!  Stop acting like we’re picking on a random civvie.”

Bill wheeled on Riley.  “And that makes it okay?  Just because she’s been dating me means she’s exempt from the rules?  What about all the women Harry’s seen? Can I start pulling them over ‘just because’?”

“I’ve never bitched when my girlfriends get teased a little!” Salem argued.

“Boys, stop it.”  The sheriff shook his head, just like he was chastising children.  “You are trained and sworn deputies. You know better than to abuse your authority.  This needs to stop.”

Bill glared triumphantly at his coworkers.

Once the sheriff closed his door again, Sara grumbled, “No one likes a tattle-tale, Koehler.”

Salem stalked by Bill’s desk, coming intimidatingly close.  “You bring him in on it again, we’ll be dealing with this just you and I.  I took you down at the Academy, I can do it again.”

Bill bristled, but didn’t flinch.  Salem might be able to take him out in hand-to-hand, but Bill would be damned if he stooped to his level and made threats.  Bill was the bigger man, metaphorically speaking, and he knew it. Everyone in the department knew it.

At least they ought to.

 

Sarah would have given anything to know what Bill said to his coworkers after she left.  Whatever happened left him antsy – he hadn’t stopped fidgeting since he came by to pick her up for dinner.

“You okay?” she asked gently, reaching over to touch the back of his hand.

Bill shook his head, frowning.  “You never should have had to deal with that.  If it _ever_ happens again, you tell me.  You should have told me it was happening this time.”

Sarah hung her head.  “Probably. I just thought that they’d make life hard on you if you complained about it on my behalf.”

“They will,” Bill confirmed.  “But I can take it.”

Sarah sighed and sunk back into the car seat.  She’d ended up making Bill mad _and_ getting him in trouble with his coworkers.  Great.

Bill maneuvered the car into a parking spot and took a few deep breaths.  “Don’t worry about it. It’s over and done with,” he said. Sarah could tell he was trying to be reassuring.  “You still up to meeting my parents?”

“Little late to back out now,” Sarah joked.  “But yeah. I am. You good with introducing me?”

Bill squeezed her hand in answer.

Sarah followed Bill into the restaurant, praying tonight would go well.  Parents had always liked her before, but there was always the chance Bill’s would be the exception.

Bill waved at a table in the back, using his other hand to grab Sarah’s.  “They’re gonna love you,” he whispered. “Let’s go.”

Sarah let him lead her to the table and smiled as Bill introduced her to his parents, Hank and Pam.  She shook hands with them both and slid into the booth first – she was getting used to the fact that Bill always wanted to be on the outside, facing the door so he could move quickly if he needed to.

She started to study the menu, but looked back up at Pam instead.  “Wait, I know you!” she said happily.

Pam smiled.  “I wasn’t sure if you’d remember me.”

“You know each other?” Bill asked incredulously.

“Well, I didn’t know she was your mom,” Sarah pointed out.  “But she comes into the library and I’ve helped her a few times.  Stuff for DAR, if I remember correctly.”

Pam nodded.  “I’ve been helping potential members with their genealogy reports and Sarah took care of us.”

Bill shook his head and looked at his dad.  “Did you know they’d already met?”

Hank nodded.  “Your mom told me about it,” he said simply.

Sarah laughed.  “Well, here I was worried about what sort of first impression I’d make tonight.  Too late for that!”

“You were always very polite and very helpful,” Pam confirmed.

“I try,” Sarah said shyly, smiling at the compliment.  That comment alone let her relax and let go of some of the nervous tension that had built up.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d already met Sarah?  Or introduce yourselves to her?”

“We wanted to let you make the introductions officially,” Pam said.

“And _I_ hadn’t met her,” Hank pointed out.

Bill threw up his hands.  “Well, fine! Anything else I should know about?  Has she met the New York part of the family already, too?”

“You’ve got family in New York?” Sarah asked.  Somehow, Bill had struck her as coming from a long line of Kansans, not a fellow transplant.

“I was born in upstate New York, near Niagara,” Pam explained.  “My parents moved here when I was a child. I stayed, but one of my brothers moved back.”

“Oh, neat!  What brought your family to Jericho?”  Sarah was genuinely curious.  She’d ended up in Kansas by accident, but surely that wasn’t how _everyone_ came to this town.

“The mine; what else?” Hank laughed.  “This whole place runs on salt.”

Sarah couldn’t disagree.  The blue-collar nature of Jericho had been a culture shock after growing up in a white-collar part of Chattanooga, but she’d begun to see the humble – and very rough – beauty in it.

“Dad picked up some machining skills during the war, so a mine like this was perfect for him.  It was a nice place to grow up.”

Bill’s parents were obviously older than hers, but Sarah wasn’t sure how much older.  “Korea?” she asked, hoping she wasn’t guessing too old.

She wasn’t.  “World War II,” Pam corrected.  “Dad was a paratrooper in Europe.”

“Oh wow,” Sarah sighed.  “I bet he had – has? – some great stories.”

“Had,” Pam confirmed, but Bill cut his mother off.  

“Okay, enough with the family history, Mom.  Sarah doesn’t come here as much as we do; she needs a chance to look at the menu.”

 

Sarah jabbed Bill in the shoulder after they bid farewell to his parents.  “You cut your mom off so many times tonight! You didn’t need to be rude!” she fussed.

Bill held up his hands in surrender.  “I didn’t want them to bore you and Mom can go on forever if you let her!  I swear I was just looking out for you.”

“Sure…”  Sarah wasn’t convinced, but she decided not to press the issue any further.  She had other things worrying her. “You think they approved of me, then?”

Bill laughed.  “I think you had them charmed before we even showed up.  I’m glad you’re good at your job.”

“It’s all that built-in Southern charm,” Sarah joked.  “Can’t help it that I’m just naturally sweet.”

Bill grabbed her hand and spun her around to face him.  He kissed her and pulled back, making a face. “Nope, not sweet.  You ate too much blue cheese dressing for that.”

Sarah knew he was kidding, but a wave of self-consciousness washed over her.  She reached up and kissed his cheek in an attempt to hide it. “Let’s go get dessert somewhere and then I’ll see if I can change your mind,” she whispered in what she hoped was a flirty way.

Bill grinned, flashing his dimples and making Sarah weak at the knees.  “I think I’ll take you up on that offer.”

~~~

 

The radio squawked to life in the darkness.

“ _Code eight!  Code eight on Braintree!  Code eight!_ ”

Bill shot straight up in bed, hoping he’d dreamed that.  He’d never heard a code eight – officer in dire need of help – used outside of training in the almost seven years he’d been a deputy.  He’d lived in fear of ever hearing it.

Sara’s voice transmitted next, worried enough Bill knew he hadn’t dreamed it or woken up to some midnight drill.  “ _Confirming a code eight on Braintree Court in Jericho proper.  All officers please respond. Connor, please update as possible_.”  Her words were calm, but Bill knew she was as desperate as he was for more information.

Despite the fact that it was three in the morning and he’d been asleep just minutes before, Bill had his gear on in record time.  He stopped only long enough to give Sadie a quick ear scratch and apologize for leaving her again so soon.

Braintree Court was in the Pines, the most expensive area in Jericho and generally a quiet place.  What could have happened there that made Connor so desperate for backup? The radio remained silent other than officers checking in as they arrived on the scene – with everyone in the same place, there was no need to use the radios.

Bill’s apartment was on the south side of town, about as far from the Pines as was possible – _he_ certainly didn’t fit into this neighborhood – making him the last on the scene.  As soon as he turned onto the street, it was obvious where to go. Pajama-clad people stood in the road, watching a house lit up with the flashing of patrol cars and ambulances both.  Riley stood guard in the driveway, turning away anyone who got too curious.

“Home invasion,” he explained quickly as Bill jogged up.  “Homeowner killed one of them; the other put up a fight. No surprises who’s involved and we’re all gonna be fucked because of it.”

Bill could have figured part of that out a second later when angry yells sounded from the front of the house.

“ _He_ shot him!  He _killed_ him!  Why’re you arresting me?  Arrest _him_!  I didn’t do anything!” howled Mitchell Cafferty – one of Jonah Prowse’s lowlifes – as he was manhandled into the back of a patrol car by Connor and Salem.  Mitchell’s nose was broken and blood dripped down the front of his shirt, but judging from Connor’s black eyes and busted lip, he’d probably earned it. Bill wondered whose body he’d find inside.

Bill nodded as Connor and Salem passed, all interdepartmental animosity dropped for the night.  They were deputies first, after all.

Sheriff Dawes greeted him at the door.  “Good, you’re here. I need you processing the scene while Jimmy gets a full report.”

Bill nodded, unsurprised; the sheriff had been pushing him into a crime scene specialty.  It worked for Bill; he generally had an iron stomach and he’d never been as good as Jimmy at dealing with people.  It sounded like Jimmy already had his hands full – Bill could hear loud sobbing further back in the house.

The sheriff pointed away from the noise.  “Walk through the dining room. There’s pieces of the kid all over the den.”

Sheriff Dawes referred to everyone under forty as ‘kid’, so Bill still had no clue who’d died.  It might have been Jake – and Bill felt his stomach lurch at the thought. Only for Stanley’s sake, he told himself, but it was a lie.  He may not have liked Jake, but he’d still known him since they were kids.

The homeowner turned out to be Gray Anderson, one of the owners of the salt mine.  Of course, Bill thought, if a dumbass like Mitchell Cafferty was going to knock over a house, it was going to be the house of the richest man in Jericho.

Gray looked to be in shock, barely registering the EMT buzzing around him at the kitchen table, checking his vitals.  Jimmy sat across from him, trying to calm down the sobbing Mrs. Anderson.

Just past them in the den, Bill saw what was left of the second home invader – and he knew he’d never forget the sight.  It took him a moment, but he recognized the kid – and ‘kid’ was the right term – despite the fact he was missing a quarter of his face.

“Jesus _fuck_ , Chris,” Bill swore under his breath.  Emily Sullivan’s little brother. Jonah Prowse’s only son.  Riley was right: there was going to be hell to pay before this was all over.

Three hours later, Bill slunk out of the finally-deserted house and locked up behind the EMTs carrying out Chris Sullivan’s remains.

This hadn’t been the grisliest thing Bill had ever seen, to be sure – there were some car wrecks and suicide calls that kept showing up in nightmares – but it was the first time he’d really known the person involved.  While he worked, Bill had managed to make himself forget that he knew a name for the bits of blood and brain splattering the hardwood, but it’d been exhausting to stay focused. He was done with that, though, and had a camera full of bloody photos, a pad full of notes, and a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t off-duty just yet.

The street was quiet and empty, except for Bill’s car and Salem’s patrol car, parked across the front of the drive for easy visibility.  Bill collapsed into Salem’s passenger seat without waiting for permission.

“You and I are out here for a few more hours,” Salem said by way of greeting, confirming Bill’s guess.  “Connor checked into the clinic with a concussion and a broken rib, but he’ll be fine. Taylor’s taken the Andersons to a hotel for the night and Sheriff sent Riley and Sara home to get some sleep.  They’ll take over for us when we’re up.”

Bill nodded, glad for the update on everyone.  “Cafferty?”

“In a cell, scared shitless.  He fought hard enough that I think he wanted us to shoot him.”

“I wouldn’t want to be him right now,” Bill said, shaking his head.  “Jonah’s gonna have it out for whoever survived and let Chris die.”

“Tell you what, I do _not_ want to be there when Jonah finds out.”

“I just hope he stays out of town.”  Hope was all Bill had; Jonah was usually canny enough to be subtle, but he’d also never lost a child.  He might try to target the Andersons, he might attack the salt mine, he might take it out on Jericho in general, or he might do nothing at all.  Bill had no way of predicting what would happen in the morning.

“Sheriff’s gonna ask the mayor for a curfew, just in case.”  Salem rubbed his temples. “It’s gonna be a long day.”

A long day with a lot that could go wrong.  Bill glanced at the clock – 3:58. Too early to call his parents to tell them to stay home today, but he could leave Sarah a text message.  He couldn’t tell her any details yet, but maybe she’d call out from work and stay in if he asked her to.

“Talking to your girlfriend?” Salem asked wryly when Bill pulled out his phone.

“Don’t you fucking start with me,” Bill snarled.

Salem laughed hollowly.  “Not tonight, man. Tell her to carry today.  Just in case Jonah’s shit hits the fan.”

That was not the response Bill had been expecting.  For Salem, it was a shocking show of concern. Still…  “I was gonna.”

Salem snorted.  “No, you weren’t.  You were gonna tell her to stay home and hide out, weren’t you?  That’s what you always tell your parents when things look skittish.  She’s a big girl with a permit. Let her use it.”

Bill bristled.  Salem was being too perceptive for his liking.  “Why don’t you get some sleep?” he suggested. “I’ll keep an eye out and punch you in the nuts if things get interesting and I need your help.”

“Nah, Koehler.  I’d sleep through that; your throws couldn’t hurt a fly and we both know it.”  Despite his words, Salem stretched out and pulled his hat over his face, shielding him from the streetlamps.

Bill grinned.  If he lucked out, one of Jonah’s goons would do a drive-by and Salem would see how harmless his punches were, after all.

 

_cant tell you details but something big happened tonight.  stay inside today if you can. carry if you cant._

It was an ominous message to wake up to, no way around that.

 _Will do.  You stay safe_ , she’d texted back, praying that Bill wasn’t putting himself in danger.

Sarah had entertained the thought of calling into work, but the siren call of the gossip chain proved to be too much.  Bill might not be able to tell her anything, but Sarah knew Jennifer would.

She wasn’t disappointed, but she _was_ confused.  There was a hushed pall over the library and it seemed like everyone who came in brought a new story.

Someone shot a bigwig in town.  No, the bigwig went crazy and robbed his neighbors.  No, Jericho was about to get attacked by some nearby gang.  No, a gang member committed suicide. No, someone big was missing.  No…

It was enough to make Sarah’s head spin.  She might have been better off waiting to hear from Bill.

God, she hoped he was okay.

Bill fought to keep from dozing off.  He’d parked the patrol car, ostensibly to watch for speeders, but in reality he and Jimmy were taking turns catnapping and hoping nothing else happened.  Neither of them had gotten any real sleep yet and all the adrenaline had worn off hours ago.

His phone started buzzing.

Bill eyed his cell phone.  Everyone who had his number knew better than to call him during work hours.  Text, sure, but if they needed to talk to him, they had to go through the office.

Jimmy stirred.  “Whozzat?” he mumbled blearily.

“Sheriff Dawes?” Bill said questioningly, staring at the number.  With a shrug, he answered. “Hello?”

“Bill, I need you and Jimmy to go pick someone up for questioning.  Mitchell’s told us about a third party involved last night.”

It was definitely Sheriff Dawes, but requests like this usually came over the radio.  “Yes, sir. Why didn’t you radio us? Is there a problem with our equipment?”

“I didn’t want to tip off the suspect.  I need you to pick up Jake Green.”

“Ja–?  No, of course.  Yes, sir. We’ll go get him right now.”  Bill had the car in gear before he hung up the phone.

Jimmy rubbed his face, trying to wake up.  “What’s going on? Something happen at the station?”

“Mitchell talked.  Jake was there last night, too.”

“And he called in case Jake was listening to our radios.”

“Yup.”  Bill nodded solemnly.  “I would be, if I were him.”

Gail Green met them at the door with red-rimmed eyes.  “You’re here for Jake,” she stated bleakly.

“Yes, ma’am,” Jimmy said gently.  “Is he here?”

“He’s not here.”  Gail stepped aside to let them in anyway.  “I haven’t seen him since last night and his things are gone.”

Bill nodded at Gail as he passed her.  “Do you know where he might be?”

She shook her head.  “I’ve already looked for him in his usual places:  the ranch, his grandfather’s, Stanley’s. I didn’t go to the hunting cabins, though.”

Bill made a mental note to get the locations of the cabins.  He’d been to a couple of them as a teen, but not all.

“Johnston told me what happened,” Gail said.  “Have you checked on Emily yet?”

“No, ma’am,” Jimmy answered as Bill huffed.  When did Gail think they’d had time to check on anyone else?  They were doing well to all still be awake at this point.

“Was Jake part of it?” she asked desperately.

“We can’t say right now.”  Bill wasn’t going to be the one to tell her, at least.

Gail looked imploringly at them both.  “Find him.”

“We’ll do our best,” Jimmy promised.

“If you don’t mind, Mrs. Green, I’ll go check out Jake’s room and you can tell Jimmy where to find all the hunting cabins.”

Gail nodded.  “Let me get coffee for you boys, too.”

Oh, Bill could kiss Gail right now.

 

Patrol cars were sturdy, but they weren’t designed for off-roading comfortably, Bill noted as they bumped slowly down the road – more of a rough trail, really – from the last of the hunting cabins.

“So where next?” Jimmy asked.

“Let’s double check the Richmonds’ while we’re out here,” Bill suggested, “but I think the next step is to go to Jonah’s.”

Jimmy grimaced.  “I was afraid you were gonna say that.”

“Jonah ain’t here.  You wanna go the fuck away now.”  The guard glared menacingly at Bill and Jimmy through the chain-link fence.

Bill’s hand went instinctively to his holster.  “We told you we’re not here for Jonah.”

“Yeah, you’re looking for Jake Green.  Who ain’t?”

“So Jake isn’t here?” Jimmy asked.

“I didn’t say that.”

“So then he’s here?” Bill countered.  “We need to talk to him.”

“I didn’t say that, either.”

Bill rolled his eyes.  “You gotta say _something_.  Like maybe, ‘Sure, Jake’s here; let me go get him.’  Or maybe, ‘Jake’s not here, but I’ll tell you where he’s hiding.’  Else we’re gonna be standing here staring at each other’s mugs for a long time.”

“Jake isn’t here,” said a gravelly voice from inside the compound.  Jonah Prowse, looking worse than Bill had ever seen him, stepped out into the light.  “If he was, I’d have strung his guts over the fence for you.”

The hair on Bill’s neck stood on end.  “We’re sorry for what you’ve gone through today, Jonah, but don’t go making threats in front of us.”

Jonah glanced dismissively at Bill, which just made him try to stand up a little taller.  “Deputy Taylor, you won’t find Jake Green here. My men are looking for him, too. You should leave before this conversation takes an unpleasant turn.”

Jimmy nodded.  “We have to ask you to let us know if you find him.”

“Leave,” growled Jonah.

“Uh, sorry for your loss,” Jimmy stammered.  He reached out and grabbed Bill’s elbow, making sure Bill followed him.

“’Jonah ain’t here,’ my ass.  As if we’d believe Jonah ain’t at his own compound,” Bill snapped as he slammed the car door shut behind him.  “I think we need to go talk to the sheriff now.”

Connor was manning the office when Bill and Jimmy got back.  His face had blossomed into livid black and purple bruises.

Bill whistled.  “Lookin’ good, man.”

Connor flipped him off, moving slowly enough Bill could tell he was still in pain.

Sheriff Dawes waved them into his office.

“We didn’t find Jake,” Jimmy said right away.

“I guessed that when you didn’t bring him in with you,” the sheriff said drily.

“He cleaned out his bedroom at some point last night.  We put a BOLO alert on his car with the state troopers and checked any places he might have holed up,” Bill explained.

“How sure are you that you checked all his hiding spots?”

Bill and Jimmy looked at each other and shrugged.  “Relatively?” Jimmy offered.

“I’m not close to him anymore, but we went to all the places he used to hide out when we were in school.”

Sheriff Dawes sighed.  “If we were a larger department, I’d recuse you for your history with the Green boy, Koehler.  But I need all hands on deck for this. Did you learn anything else?”

“We did,” Jimmy confirmed.

“Jonah isn’t happy with Jake.  Said his guys are looking for him, too, and came close to saying he’d kill him if he found him.”  Bill thought back. “The compound was quiet, though. Everyone seemed on edge, as if they didn’t know what was going on, either.  If they’re planning anything, it’s being done inside and silently.”

“Cafferty made it sound like Green was the mastermind of the plot and then deserted them.  I’m not sure how much of that is bluffing, but he’s vehement that Green was supposed to be there.”  Sheriff Dawes poked at some papers on his desk. “He’s clammed up now, of course. Wants to get lawyered up.  I’m not sure what good that’ll do him, since he can’t afford anyone good, but he’s welcome to try.”

Bill frowned.  He hadn’t even thought of how big a trial could get, even in a seemingly open-and-shut case like this one.  Last night wasn’t going to be over for a long time.

“What’s your judgment on Jonah?  Is he planning anything?”

“He’s pissed as hell,” Bill said.  “But he didn’t seem histrionic. He made no threats against anyone but Jake.”

“Well, he told us to leave before things got heated,” Jimmy pointed out.

Bill nodded.  “Still, I didn’t get the impression he was doing anything but mourning today.”

The sheriff thought for a minute.  “Okay. I want you boys to do your paperwork and then go home and get some sleep.  Keep your radios on, but rest. We start fresh on this in the morning.”

There was an end in sight.  Bill thought longingly of his bed.  “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

 

Sarah was in the floor, flicking a ribbon for Jackson to chase, when the doorbell rang.

Bill looked dead on his feet: slouching, with puffy, red-rimmed eyes.  “Hey,” he said, grinning weakly.

“Babe!”  Sarah quickly stepped aside to let him in.  “What’re you doing here? Are you okay?”

Bill waved off her concern.  “I’m fine. Just wanted to check–  Wanted to let you know what happened.”

“I went to work today – I carried, like you asked – and it seemed pretty calm out there.  Lots of gossip, but no one really _knew_ anything.”

Bill didn’t resist when Sarah guided him to the couch and made him sit down.  “That’s ‘cause we didn’t let out a lot. There’s sort of an unofficial gang outside of town masquerading as a transport company.  Mostly they smuggle drugs through the county and skim off their customers’ profits. Old-time protection racket sort of thing,” he explained.  “A couple of them got greedy last night and tried to rob one of the guys who owns the mine.”

“Yikes.”  Sarah shook her head.  “Didn’t end well?”

“No.  The gang leader’s kid got his head blown off when the homeowner caught him.  The other beat up Connor pretty badly when he tried to arrest him.  And there’s a third guy involved who’s completely disappeared.”

That didn’t sound good.  “Well, dang. What’s going to happen?”

Bill shrugged.  “Dunno. We’re not sure if Jonah’s going to try and retaliate or if this’ll make him more cautious.”  He frowned.  “I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

“I’ll keep my mouth shut,” Sarah promised.  “I probably wouldn’t know these people even if you told me their names.”

“True.”  Bill grinned a little and yawned.

“When’s the last time you slept?” Sarah asked, studying Bill.

“Been working since midnight last night.  I’ll be fine,” he said dismissively.

Sarah wasn’t so sure.  “Have you had dinner?”

“I’ll grab something on the way home.”

“No, you won’t,” Sarah insisted.  “Let me heat something up for you.  It’ll make me feel better to know you’ve had something other than fast food today.”

Bill nodded gratefully.  Sarah hopped up and went to the kitchen, trying to figure out what she could cook that would be both quick and healthy – and that would suit Bill’s limited palate.

Fifteen minutes later, chicken and vegetables were roasting in the oven and Sarah peeked back into the living room.  She’d been talking to Bill off and on, but he’d quit responding.

Bill was wiped out asleep on her couch, sprawled where he’d been sitting.  His utility belt looked like it must be digging into his waist and his head was back at an uncomfortable angle; a testament to how exhausted he must be.  Jackson had crawled into his lap and was batting at the cord of his radio, still clipped to his shoulder.

Sarah stopped in the doorway and watched him for a minute.  Should she wake him? No, he obviously needed the sleep. Should she try to reposition him so he was lying down or would that wake him?  What about if she curled up with him on the couch?

No, better to let him stay where he was, at least while the food cooked.

Quietly, she plucked Jackson off of Bill’s lap, distracting the cat with a mouse toy, and curled up on a chair to wait and watch Bill sleep.

He looked so delicate in his sleep.  He wasn’t, she knew – he had to be tough and stubborn to do his job and put up with so much – but asleep like this, he had an air of vulnerability that made her heart swell.

She loved him, she knew.  She wasn’t sure if she was _in_ love yet, not entirely, but she cared deeply for him, and wanted to see him happy.

Sarah hoped she was part of that happiness.

 

Bill woke to soft pressure on his forehead and someone looming over him.

He started, reaching up and grabbing Sarah’s arm before he’d registered it was her.  He let go quickly and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry.”

Sarah pulled back.  “No, _I’m_ sorry.  I didn’t think about startling you.  I just, uh. Your food’s ready.”

Bill could smell the food now that he was awake and his mouth watered.  He took Sarah’s proffered hand and stood up. “You’re a lifesaver.”

She grinned.  “I try. I’m sorry I didn’t let you sleep longer.”

“No, I need to get up.  Got to get back home after I eat.”

Sarah bit her lip.  “You’re, uh. You’re welcome to stay here tonight if you want.”

Bill was tempted.  Oh God, was he tempted.  But he had work in the morning and he’d get better sleep if he was in his own bed.  “I can’t,” he said sadly.

Sarah nodded, as if she’d expected that answer.  “Well, you can eat here or I can put this in a container for you to eat when you get home,” she offered.

Bill pulled her into a hug.  “I’ll eat here. You make sure I don’t fall asleep face down in the food, okay?”

He felt her laugh.  “I’ll do that.”

~~~

 

It’d been a week since the home invasion and Bill finally seemed to be caught up on his sleep - and back to his normal mischief.  Today, he’d dragged her to Bonnie’s thirteenth birthday party.

The Pizza Parlor was loud and crowded.  Sarah flinched at the noise as they walked in.

Bill squeezed her hand reassuringly and pointed over at Stanley, who waved from across the room.  “We don’t have to stay the whole time. Bonnie probably doesn’t want us here too long anyway.”

Sarah smiled at him.  She still didn’t know how Bill figured out she liked having an escape route, but she was grateful for it.

Bonnie spotted them and ran up, tackling Bill in a hug.  “Happy birthday!” he said once she pulled back, signing as he spoke.  He took the present from Sarah and handed it to Bonnie.

Sarah tried to copy his hand motions and repeated the well-wishes.  She’d asked Bill to start working with her on sign language, but she hadn’t gotten much further than fingerspelling yet.

Bonnie beamed and grabbed Bill’s hand to lead him over to the party table and introduce him to her school friends.  Sarah trailed along, amused at how much those two seemed to enjoy each other. “This is Bill. He’s a deputy, but he’s cool anyway,” Bonnie told her friends.

Bill made a face at Sarah and then laughed.

Sarah made her way over to Stanley.  “Bonnie looks happy,” she commented.

“She’s thirteen now, so give it two minutes.  She’ll find something to be pissed about.” Stanley rolled his eyes.  “I’m not prepared to take care of a teenager.”

“Tough.  You’re stuck with her,” Bill pointed out, joining the adults again.

“She gets bratty, I’m calling you in.  You can threaten to arrest her.”

“You really think she’ll believe that?” Bill asked.

Stanley frowned.  “No, you’re right.  You’re too soft with her.  Hook me up with one of your manlier coworkers, will ya?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Bill promised wryly.  His expression turned serious. “Have you heard anything from Jake?”

Bill had been pretty tight-lipped about the home invasion after that first night, but Sarah had still picked up a lot from his comments and from the rumor mill.  Jake, she knew, was the mayor’s kid and had up and disappeared the night of the robbery. Bill didn’t think he was at the house, but thought he was still involved somehow.  She’d also picked up that Stanley and Bill had been friends with Jake at some point; she figured that added to Bill’s frustration.

“Nope, I haven’t,” Stanley said.  “You guys?”

Bill shook his head.

“You don’t think Jonah…”  Stanley trailed off, a worried expression on his face.

Did Jonah find Jake first and kill him?  Sarah mentally finished the question for Stanley.  If that was the case, would anyone ever know?

Bill frowned.  “I don’t know. I hope not.”

“What are you guys doing about it?”

Bill glanced around to make sure no one else was listening too closely.  “Right now, there’s not much we can do. Mitchell’s out on bail and we’ve handed the case over to the district attorney.  We’re hoping to get some clue about Jake, but we’ve done everything we can at this point. Jake’s the only wrinkle in the case.  It’s pretty open-and-shut against Mitchell.  He’ll get a couple years at least.”

Stanley straightened suddenly and gestured at the door.  “Greens are here.”

Sarah turned.  She’d heard a lot about the Greens – the Mayor and his wife, the elusive Jake’s parents – but hadn’t met them yet.  They weren’t quite as old as Bill’s parents, she didn’t think, but they looked worn and exhausted behind the smiles they greeted Bonnie with.  No wonder, with everything that had happened the past week.

“Stanley, honey.”  Mrs. Green greeted Stanley with a hug.  

Mayor Green followed with handshakes.  “Stanley.  Bill.”

Bill wrapped his arm around Sarah’s waist, the gun he always carried digging into her hip, and nudged her forward.  “This is my girlfriend, Sarah. She works at the library.”

Sarah tried not to be embarrassed at the attention and shook hands with the Greens.  “Nice to meet you,” she said shyly.

“How are you liking Jericho?” Mrs. Green asked.  Of course she knew Sarah wasn’t a native.

“Quite a lot, actually,” Sarah said earnestly.  “It’s very different from home, but I’ve really liked it here so far.”

“Good!  You let us know if you need anything,” Mrs. Green assured Sarah.

“Yes, ma’am.  I will.” Sarah knew she’d never take them up on their offer, but it was nice of them anyway.

Bill gave Sarah a light squeeze.  “The Greens watch out for everyone in Jericho.”

The mayor smiled.  “We try.”

Mrs. Green tapped her husband on the shoulder.  “Honey, tell them about the phone call.”

“Oh, yes.”  Mayor Green straightened and leaned into the group.  “We heard from Jake today.”

“What?  Where is he?” asked Bill, caught between curiosity and fury.

“Is he okay?” asked Stanley, looking relieved.

“He’s okay, but he wouldn’t tell me where he was,” Mrs. Green said.  “He said he’s not planning on coming back.”

Bill’s hand twitched a bit around her waist and Sarah knew he was holding back a smart comment.  “Have you told the Sheriff yet? We still have questions for him, you know.”

It was obvious that the Greens knew and equally obvious that they weren’t happy about the fact.

“Yes,” said Mayor Green simply.  “I called Sheriff Dawes as soon as Gail hung up.  He said it’s up to the District Attorney whether or not he gets called in for Mitchell’s trial.”

Sarah reached down and grabbed Bill’s hand, stopping him from squeezing her so tightly.  This conversation was obviously getting to him.  She didn’t know how to end it completely, but maybe she could deflect it.  “Jake’s your son, right? I bet you were relieved to hear from him.”

“I know _I_ am,” Stanley said, smiling.

“Oh yes,” Mrs. Green said, with obvious fervor.  “You always worry about your children, even when they’re grown.”

“For a given value of ‘grown’,” Mayor Green said, and Sarah wasn’t quite sure if he was serious or making a joke.  The rest of the group decided to play it off as a joke, so she grinned with them. Easy enough to try and fit in.

Sarah glanced over at Bill, meaning to check to see if he was less stressed over the conversation, but he must have seen something in her eyes.  

“Well, we’re going to get out of here,” Bill announced, letting go of Sarah and shaking Mayor Green’s hand.  “We just wanted to drop in and make sure Bonnie got her present.”

“Aw, you sure?”  Stanley asked. “I was counting on you keeping me sane during the party.”

“Too late for that,” Bill joked.  “We’ll catch up with you later, okay?”

Sarah grinned and bade farewell to the group and let Bill lead her out of the restaurant.

“You okay?” he asked, once they were outside.

“Yeah, I am now,” she admitted.  “It got a little loud and a little tense in there, but we didn’t have to leave on my account.”

“You think I really wanted to stay and hang out with a bunch of thirteen year olds?”  Bill laughed. “No, I was glad you wanted to leave, too.”

Bill held the door as she slid into his car.  Sarah closed her eyes and enjoyed the momentary silence before Bill got in on his side of the car.  “How about you?  You okay?” she asked.

Bill drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Sarah shrugged.  “You seemed tense when they brought up Jake.”

“Jake–  Uh. It’s work stuff,” he said, but Sarah stared at him until he relented.  “I’m just afraid that Jake won’t come back and we’ll never know how he was involved.   _Something_ happened to make him run, _something_ had him involved with Mitchell and Chris.  But his dad’s the Mayor and that means Jake tends to not get in trouble.  It’s… frustrating.”

Sarah had learned enough of Bill’s character by now to know he was downplaying just how much it would actually eat at him.  “You’re doing all you can to make sure it gets done right, though?”

Bill ran a hand through his hair and offered her a half-smile.  “Yeah. But it’s not my call what happens.”

“And you think it should be?”

Bill grinned.  “Maybe it oughta be.”

“Well, you’ve definitely got enough opinions on things!”  Sarah laughed. “You let me know when you want to run for political office and I’ll help you with your speeches.”

“Oh man,” Bill grimaced.  “I would hate being a politician.  I couldn’t even do the Sheriff’s job, with the campaigning he has to do to keep the position.”

“Is the race for Sheriff heated out here?  I wouldn’t have figured it was.”

Bill shrugged.  “Some years. He’s got to run every four years and most of the time there’s someone who wants his job.  You’ll probably start seeing signs up here soon; he’s up again this November. This year’s election is gonna be a big one.”

“Congressional and Senatorial seats, right?”  Sarah had looked at the congressional map and had been shocked that all of western Kansas was a single district.  She knew it was done by population, but that seemed like a huge area for just one representative to cover.  It was yet another reminder of how different Jericho was from home.

“Mayoral race, too.  The rumor is Gray Anderson’s thinking of entering that one.”

That name was familiar.  “Oh, he’s the one whose home got robbed, right?”

“That’s the one.  It’ll be interesting to see if he wins.  Johnston Green’s been the mayor since I was a kid and hasn’t had any real competition for it in all that time.  His dad was the mayor before that, too.”

That was a long time to hold _any_ political office.  “It’s a family thing, then, huh?”

“Yeah.  It’s hard to imagine anyone but a Green in charge of this town.  But it’ll have to be someone new at some point; Jake’s not cut out to run _anything_ and I don’t think Eric wants to.”

“But doesn’t Gray Anderson own the salt mine?  If he becomes mayor, then he’s got political _and_ economic control of the place.”

Bill frowned and Sarah realized he hadn’t thought of that.  “That would be a lot,” he said slowly, contemplatively.

“Well, there’s time to think about it,” Sarah said, trying to inject cheerfulness back into the conversation.  “See what everybody’s platforms are. I’ll be interested, since this is my first election as a– a Kansas citizen.”

“You’re still not used to saying that, are you?” Bill asked wryly.

“Of course not!  How long do you think it would take you to stop thinking of yourself as a Kansan and starting thinking of yourself as belonging somewhere else?” Sarah pointed out.

Bill thought for a moment.  “I don’t think I ever would.”

 

**August**

When insomnia hit, it hit like a ton of bricks.  Sarah tried dealing with it in all the usual ways: staying up and reading, cleaning, taking sleep aids.  Finally, she took to walking the neighborhoods.

Back in Chattanooga, it had never been an issue.  It wasn’t odd to see people out at all hours of the night and as long as she stuck to the sidewalks, no one questioned it.

Jericho was different.  The town was dead after Bailey’s closed at one.  Walking around town at two a.m. made her more than a bit conspicuous – even if she was just listening to music as she wandered through the quiet town.

It was venturing out of the town limits that got her into trouble, though.  Sarah was passing some crop fields just beyond the ‘Welcome to Jericho’ sign when the night briefly flashed red and blue around her and one of the deputies’ patrol cars pulled up next to her.

She stopped and pulled out her headphones, bending to see who it was.  Ah, Deputy Riley, who looked almost apologetic to have stopped her – maybe Bill _had_ made an impression when he reamed everyone out about the earlier harassment.

“Okay, what the hell are you doing out here?” Riley asked.

“Walking.  What’s it look like?”  Okay, Sarah could probably have phrased that more nicely, but she didn’t always feel kindly towards the other deputies.

“Yeah, got that.  But _why_ are you walking in the middle of the night?”  Riley leaned out the window, taking a second to glance down the road.

“Can’t sleep.  Hoped it would help.”  Sarah shrugged. “I used to do it all the time back home when insomnia hit.  Is it a problem?”

“Yeah, sorta.  People get nervous around here, they see someone wandering around at two-thirty.  We got a call about you thirty minutes ago; someone up for a drink of water and afraid of the hooligan out on her farm."  He motioned for her to walk around the car.  "Come on, I'll take you home."

 

Riley was waiting for Bill when the shifts swapped over.

“Quiet last night, Koehler,” he said, smirking.  “Except for one call around two.”

“Oh yeah?” Bill mused, nursing his coffee.  “What happened?”

“Old lady Murray called in, said there was a prowler by her fields.”

Bill picked up the reports from last night, shuffling through them as he listened.  “So?  You find the guy?  Was he causing problems?”

“ _She_ wasn’t, other than being out walking way too damn late.  Really, Koehler?  Can’t you tire your girlfriend out enough that she gets some sleep?  Do Harry and I have to sit you down and give you pointers?”

Coffee sprayed across the desk as Bill choked.  “Wha–? No, I mean, yes, I mean, no–” he stuttered.

Riley just laughed.

~~~

 

“Clear the table, will you, babe?” Sarah called from the kitchen.  “Food’s almost ready.”

Bill hopped up from the couch, eager to comply.  Sarah didn’t volunteer to cook for him all the time, but it was always delicious when she did.

He quickly piled up the mail strewn across her table, but stopped when a card caught his eye.  “Sarah?”

“Yeah?” she answered, leaning into the living room.

Bill held up the card.  “Is it your birthday?”

Sarah blushed.  “Uh. Tomorrow, yeah.”

Well, shit.  First birthday since they’d been dating and it had completely snuck up on him.  How had he missed something this big? How was he going to cover for this?

Sarah handed him a plate of pasta.  “Don’t worry about it.  I would have told you it was coming up if I expected you to do anything for me.”

Oh thank God, he hadn’t missed her telling him.  “What were you planning on doing?”

“Same thing we do every Sunday.”  Sarah shrugged. “We’ll eat dinner together, you’ll fuss at me for not joining a church here yet, then we’ll curl up on the couch and watch a silly movie.  Maybe I’ll even fall asleep on you this time.”

That seemed way too easy.  Bill felt sure there was a trap laid for him somewhere.  

~~~

 

Thank goodness for married friends.  Bill called Jimmy first thing in the morning, looking for advice.

Jimmy hemmed and hawed.  “You can always go with flowers,” he suggested eventually.

Bill jotted _flowers??_ on a notepad.  Of course. Why hadn’t he thought of that?  “Is that enough?”

Jimmy laughed.  “Of course not! You’d better have a gift, too.  My trick with Margaret is to give her flowers during the day and then give her a gift she wanted while we’re out doing something that night.  You hit all the bases that way. Can’t miss.”

Jesus.  Could Bill pull this together in time?  He’d better skip church and go gift shopping as soon as places opened.  But what should he get her?  What did Sarah want?  “I thought about taking her shopping for a shotgun sometime, so she would have her own to practice with.”

Jimmy inhaled quickly.  “Nice thought, but that’s really expensive when you’ve only been dating three months.  Don’t forget, she’s gonna feel like she has to reciprocate for you next month. You’re setting the standard here.”

Well, shit.  _That_ was a lot of pressure on him.  “Uh, jewelry?” He couldn’t remember seeing Sarah ever wear jewelry, but that was a standard gift, right?

“That could work,” Jimmy allowed.  “But don’t go overboard. Try for something she’d actually wear."

Oh, _that_ narrowed it down.  “So…?”

“So nothing huge.  KISS, remember? And maybe shop around a bit first.  You might find something better.”

Keep it simple, stupid.  Yeah, he could do that. Right?

Visiting the florist had been a clusterfuck, Bill thought.  He’d hoped it would be easy to walk in and pick up a bouquet to be delivered to Sarah’s that afternoon, but he was wrong.

There’d been questions from the florist: how long had they been dating, what did he want the flowers to say, did he have a particular color scheme that he wanted to follow, what sort of vase should they be delivered in, what sort of card did he want?

Bill hadn’t ever known flowers could be that complicated.  He’d always just bought pre-made bouquets from Gracie’s – and that was so much easier.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to venture into another flower shop ever again.

Still, the flowers would be delivered to Sarah’s in a couple hours.  Mission accomplished.

That just left a gift and plans for the evening, all planned in the next four hours.  He could pull off something romantic for Sarah’s birthday in that time. Bill was determined to get this right.

Just as soon as he figured out _what_ gift he was getting.

 

 _dress up.  i’m taking you out tonight_ , the text had read.

Sarah fiddled with the hem of her dress, waiting for Bill to show up.  Hopefully he hadn’t planned anything too exotic; she hadn’t been lying about wanting to spend the evening curled up on the couch with him.

He’d already sent her flowers which were, well, above and beyond.  None of her other boyfriends had ever sent Sarah flowers. She’d never considered herself the type of girl who wanted things like that, but she had to admit it was nice.

Bill’s car pulled up in the driveway.  Sarah met him at the door; he whistled and spun her around.  “You look beautiful.”

“No, I don–” Sarah blushed and cut off her instinctive denial.  “I mean, thank you.”

Bill pulled her back in for a quick kiss.  “Happy birthday.”

Sarah grinned.  “Thank you. I’m officially old enough to rent a car now.”

“And get a discount on your insurance,” Bill pointed out.

“That, too!”  Sarah knew it was sad that she was genuinely happy about those things, but at least Bill didn’t laugh at her for it.  He probably was just as excited when he turned twenty-five; no wonder they got along so well.

“So it’s a little bit of a drive,” Bill explained, “but I made reservations for us at an Italian place in New Bern.”

“Ooh, pasta sounds lovely.  You didn’t have to go to all this trouble, though.”

“It’s not trouble; it’s something that’ll make you happy.”  Bill held the door open for her and ushered her to his car.

“You’re being too nice to me,” Sarah warned.

“You want me to be mean on your birthday?” Bill asked, quirking an eyebrow at her.

Sarah bit her lip.  “That’s not what I meant.  I just… you don’t have to make a big deal out of this.  I appreciate it, but I don’t need all this attention.”

Bill paused before backing the car out and looked at Sarah quizzically.  “You’re uncomfortable, aren’t you?”

Damn him being perceptive right now.  “I just… I mean… Well…,” Sarah stammered.  “You’re already so nice to me on regular dates and that’s more than enough and I just don’t want you to ever feel like you have to make a bigger deal over me than I deserve.”

Bill seemed baffled.  “But I’m not,” he protested.

Sarah wanted to protest again, but decided better.  If she argued again, this might lead into a conversation that would really not be fun on her birthday.  Bill didn’t need to know yet that she was crazy and more messed up than she let on. He’d figure that out soon enough.

“Just promise me you won’t let the waiters sing to me,” she begged.

“Think I can manage that.”  Bill shot her a reassuring smile and pulled out of the driveway.

He stopped the car again at the end of her street.  “Oh! I was gonna go ahead and give you this now.” He reached into the backseat and grabbed a small bag.

A present.  Oh gosh.  “You didn’t have to.”

Bill grinned.  “I know.”

Sarah tugged at the single piece of tissue paper, impressed that Bill had gone to even that trouble, and peered inside.  “A book?” she asked, lifting it out of the bag.  “Oh, a hiking book!”

“It’s supposed to have all of the trails in western Kansas.  I thought we could pick some out to go try together,” Bill explained.

“That’s perfect!”  Sarah felt herself relax again.  The gift wasn’t overboard and didn’t make her feel uncomfortable, yet still fit her perfectly.  How’d she end up so lucky?

Sarah leaned across the console and kissed Bill, long and deep.  “Thank you, babe.”


	4. Autumn 2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill's birthday. Sarah finally 'fesses up and learns something about Bill. The relationship progresses...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING ON THIS CHAPTER. Severe depressive thoughts and suicidal ideation happen.
> 
> Also, the only explicit sex scene in this work happens here, if you need to watch for that, too.

**Autumn**

**September**

“Food.  Food is _always_ good,” Margaret pointed out, using her fork to gesture at their lunch.

Sarah laughed.  “Isn’t that a little cliché? ‘The way to a man’s heart’ and all?”

“Maybe,” Margaret conceded.  “But it’s true, especially when it comes to a man like Bill.  You want to make him happy, cook for him.”

“I _have_ cooked for him before,” Sarah pointed out.  “How do I make it special for his birthday?”

“Well, you could cook naked.”

“Margaret!”  Sarah sputtered at her friend’s suggestion.

“You have to admit, that _would_ be pretty special.”

“No.  No can do.  Probably ever.”  Sarah shook her head vehemently.  “Have you not figured out how shy I actually am?”

“Modest, maybe, but not shy,” Margaret countered.  “You’ve been dating for what?  Four months now?  Surely you’ve shown a little skin by now.”

Sarah blushed.  “We’re moving slower than you must think we are.”

“Poor you.”  Margaret shook her head in mock disappointment.

Sarah waited for the embarrassment to pass.  “So what else – that isn’t X-rated – can I do for him?” she asked gingerly.  “What does he need?”

“I told you, woman.  Food.  Just cook his favorites and he’ll be happy.”

Poking at her salad, Sarah frowned.  “I don’t think I know all his favorites yet.  He orders steak a lot but…”

“But what?” Margaret asked.  “Surely you’ve figured out he’s pretty much a meat and potatoes guy?”

“I didn’t know if there was anything more… well, _special_ than that.”

“There’s always carrot cake.”

“Carrot cake?  That’s his favorite?”

“Four months and you don’t know this?” Margaret asked in disbelief.

Blushing, Sarah stuttered.  “W…well, we usually skip dessert when we go out and I haven’t thought to make anything.  I’m not really great at baking.”

Margaret jokingly glanced at her watch.  “Well, you have a week and a half.  Better get practicing.”

~~~

 

Sarah practiced.  She didn’t even bother with Gracie Leigh’s little store for ingredients: she went straight to the Costco in New Bern.  Other than her first attempt, the cakes were all edible – all she had to do was perfect the taste.  For that she needed guinea pigs.

“ _Another_?” groaned Joanna.  “Sarah, you’ve made ten cakes in the last week.  Don’t you think you’ve got it down by now?”

Sarah plopped a Tupperware container on her friend’s desk.  “Gotta be perfect.  Plus, you’re the only one I have to shove these off on, so eat up or take it home to Brett.”

Joanna peered at the cake through the lid.  “It looks _fine_.  The last few have tasted great.  You’re stressing yourself out over this.”

“Yeah, but…”  Sarah spun her chair to face Joana.  “This is his first birthday while we’re dating and he was so nice to me on _my_ birthday.  I want this to be just right for him.”

“The cake is going to be fine, like I told you,” Joanna reassured.  “But what else are you getting him?”

Sarah bit her lip.  “I don’t know.  I’ve barely thought of anything except this damn dinner I’m going to cook.”

“Ohh, you gotta have something besides food,” Joanna insisted.  “Get him something small, like a mug.  Didn’t you say he’s a big coffee drinker?”

Sarah thought for a second.  “Maybe a nice travel one he can take in the car with him?”

“There you go!  Now you’re thinking!”

Sarah glanced around to make sure no library patrons were nearby before pulling up Amazon.  So many mugs and thermoses to look through – how could she decide which one was right?

She didn’t have to, as it turned out.

“ _Found it_!” Joanna hissed, reaching back to tap Sarah on the shoulder.  “You’re getting him this one or I’m sending it to him in your name.”

Sarah’s eyes widened when she saw the mug on Joanna’s screen.  “Oh no.  I couldn’t.”

“Oh yes, you can.  I’m ordering it now.  Totally worth two day shipping!”

~~~

 

Sarah finally went back inside, out of earshot.

Bill glared at the grill.  “Light, damn you,” he muttered.  The last thing he needed today was Sarah’s crappy grill acting up on him.

Damn lawyers.  Damn Jake Green.  Damn Mayor Green.  “Completely uninvolved, my ass.”  Bill knew better.

For once, the grill flickered to life without much complaint.  Someday Bill needed to talk Sarah into buying a better one.  Or maybe he should have just brought his own over, but he’d had enough to wrestle bringing Sadie along.

Sadie, who was currently barking incessantly up a tree in Sarah’s backyard.

“Damn it, Sadie, shut up!” he snapped and his dog backed down, whimpering.  Aw, hell, he hadn’t meant to yell at her.  Bill crouched down to her level and the beagle came creeping up to him apologetically.  “I’m sorry, girl.  You were just trying to hunt, I know.  That’s good, but you were being too loud,” he murmured, scratching her chin.

“Everything okay out here?”

Bill looked up and saw Sarah standing in the back doorway, a plate of steaks in her hand.  “Yeah, I just snapped at Sadie for barking.”

“My neighbors can stand it, I think,” Sarah said, grinning.  She pointed towards the back of the yard.  “There’s the dog back there that goes off until ten at night, remember?”

“True.”  Bill tried to surreptitiously compose himself and focus on Sarah and Sadie.  Two good things in his life.  Time spent with both was a good birthday gift and he needed to be with them, not stuck at work in his head.

Sarah handed him the plate gingerly.  “You okay?  Was this what you wanted to do tonight?  I can handle grilling too, if you’d rather wait inside or go play with Sadie.”

Damn, she’d caught on to his mood.  “This is fine,” he said, trying to reassure her.  “Just work stuff stuck in my head.”

“I saw on the news they convicted that Mitchell kid and dismissed the case against Mr. Anderson as self-defense.”  Sarah eased into a lawn chair, watching Bill carefully.  “I’d’ve thought that was good.”

“Yeah.”  Bill put the steaks on the grill and closed the lid.  “It is.”

“But…?” Sarah prompted.

Bill held his tongue for a minute, thinking.  Did he really want to get into what was bothering him?  Or did he want to keep faking a happy mood for Sarah’s benefit?

She’d already seen through that, though.

“Mitchell should’ve gotten more than two years,” Bill pointed out, using the grill fork for emphasis.  “And I won’t argue that Anderson killing Chris Sullivan was self-defense, but his lawyers would have gotten him off, no matter the circumstances.  That man has the money to buy anything.”  Bill saw Sarah frown and he quickly added, “Yes, I know the law worked here, but Anderson could’ve committed murder and still walked.”

Sarah reached down and petted Sadie lazily, letting the dog lick her hand.  “And that’s what upset you?  That Anderson has money and pull?”

“He’s not the only one,” Bill muttered grumpily.

“What else happened?”

“They decided not to track down Jake Green.  Said he was ‘obviously completely uninvolved’.”

“And you think he _was_ involved?”

“How could he not be?   _Something_ was going on with him that night – Cafferty says he was supposed to be there and instead he up and disappears!  If he weren’t the Mayor’s kid, he’d’ve been subpoenaed in a heartbeat.  But no, his daddy talked to the judge and now he gets off scot free.  Bet it doesn’t even cause a blip in the Mayor’s reelection campaign now!”

Sarah leaned forward, taking a minute to absorb all Bill said.  “So Mayor Green pulled rank, too?  And you wanted to see Jake brought back to town?”

Bill slammed a hand on the grill’s shelf, startling both Sadie and Sarah.  “I _wanted_ to see justice!  Something was up with Jake and we didn’t have the full story.”

“But Mitchell’s jury was satisfied, weren’t they?”

“I’m not!” Bill barked, making Sarah wince.  He paused, forcing himself to control his breathing.  “I know there was more to what happened than just Mitchell and Chris being idiots and robbing Anderson.  They should have known better than to go in alone – but now we’ll never know, because Mayor Green is protecting his son.”

“It’s got to be frustrating not being able to affect what happens once things go to trial,” Sarah mused sympathetically.

“You do your job and criminals still get off,” Bill muttered unhappily.  He tried to let his anger bleed out with every breath – Sarah didn’t deserve to be yelled at.

“But that first part is important,” Sarah pointed out.  “You _did your job_.  You did everything you could.  It sounds like things got political, but that was out of your hands.  It’s not like you missed some piece of evidence and Mitchell got set free – and you know _he_ was involved.”

Bill said nothing and checked the steaks – almost ready to flip.  Sarah was right, but he wasn’t ready to admit it.

Sarah sighed and stood up.  “Babe, I’ve got to go finish the rest of the meal.  Will you promise me you’ll try to calm down before we eat?  Play with Sadie or something while you’re waiting for the steaks to cook.”

Bill nodded.  “Yes’m,” he said softly.  Sarah kissed his cheek and lingered for a moment before he leaned in and kissed her back.  He regretted yelling in front of her.

Sarah paused before going back inside.  “Remember, you did your job and you always do your best.  I know you do.”

Bill sighed.  Somehow, Sarah knew what he needed to hear and she didn’t even know about his anxiety issues.  As frustrating as the day had been, spending his birthday evening with her had been the right choice.

 

Sarah wasn’t sure she could eat any more, but birthday protocol had to be followed.  “Okay, time for cake and your present!” she announced as she cleared the table.

“I told you not to get me anything,” Bill protested, stretching in his seat.

“I told you that, too, and see how well _you_ listened,” Sarah shot back.  “Anyhow, it’s just something little.”

Sarah checked the oven – she’d left the cake in there to stay warm and hopefully it hadn’t burned.  Opening the oven let out a delicious aroma.  Score!

“Carrot cake?” Bill asked hopefully from the dining room.

“I heard you might like it!”  Sarah grinned – thank you, Margaret.  While the cake cooled, she grabbed Bill’s present from the cabinet where she’d hidden it.  Please let him like it, she prayed.  If it ended up being too much, she was going to kill Joanna.

“Cake in a second, but present first,” she said, handing Bill the bag once she’d re-entered the dining room.

He eyed it suspiciously, as if it might contain a bomb.  Sarah grinned.  Sometimes his cop instincts were irritating, but a lot of the time she found them endearing.  Yeah, she was lost on this man.

Bill pulled the present out carefully, stared at it for a second, then burst out laughing.  “’I like big busts and I cannot lie’?”

Sarah broke into a laugh as he turned the mug towards her, showing the words surrounding a little police car.  “I couldn’t help it.  It made me giggle and I thought it’d make you laugh, too,” she explained.

“Jesus, that’s horrible and hilarious at the same time,” Bill said, staring at the mug.  “I’m gonna have to take it to work with me.”

“No!” Sarah cried.  “Oh, you can’t tell them it’s from me!  Just show it to Jimmy!”

“Nope, everyone’s gonna see it,” Bill teased.  “Gotta show off presents from the girlfriend.”

Sarah felt her face turn red and Bill grinned wider.  He got to his feet and gathered her in a hug.  “Thank you, darlin’.”  He kissed her forehead as she buried her head in his chest.

“I shouldn’t have gotten that,” she mumbled into his shirt.  “Should have just stuck with cake.  Now I’m embarrassed.”

Bill pulled her face up to him gently.  “Don’t be.  It’s silly, not embarrassing.  I like it.”

He leaned down and kissed her and Sarah couldn’t help but melt.  Every time they kissed, she was putty in his hands – he was forceful but not demanding, somehow…  Yup, whatever he wanted, he could have right now.

He stepped back, hands sliding down her arms to her hands.  “Now, about that cake…”

~~~

 

 _you sure you’re up for this?_ the text read.  Sarah blinked at the bright screen, wishing she could just go back to bed.

It was way too early to be up on a Sunday.  She wasn’t awake enough to be sure of many things, but she was absolutely sure of that.

 _Yes, I’m sure,_ she lied.

The doorbell rang soon after.  Sarah stumbled to answer it and there were Bill and his dad, both decked out in camo.

“Morning!” Bill said, way too perkily.

Hank eyed Sarah’s clothes and she felt a wash of embarrassment.  She didn’t own any camo, so she’d done her best with a dark green sweater and hiking pants.  “Is this okay to wear?” she asked cautiously.

Bill and his dad looked at each other and shook their heads.  “It’s not too bad,” Bill explained, “but we brought you extra coveralls just in case.  Come on, you can put them on at the trail.  Don’t want to be late!”

Sarah trundled herself in the backseat of Bill’s SUV, trying to ignore the musty smell coming from the trunk.  She glanced back and saw bows – more advanced than she’d used at the Scout camp – arrows, and a box that held more camo.  She guessed that was where the smell was coming from.

Why had she agreed to come along with Bill and Hank for the opening of deer season?  She wasn’t a hunter, never had been.  She didn’t have a problem with it – she’d grown up around people who hunted – yet it had never interested her.

But Bill had asked…  Well, of course she was going to try it if he asked.

 

An hour’s drive and thirty minute’s hike later, Sarah and Bill were nestled together in a deer blind way out in the woods west of Jericho.  It was supposed to be warm later that day, but for now the sun was just barely peeking over the edge of the horizon and creeping through the trees.  Snuggled in next to Bill was not a bad place to be, even if they both reeked of what Hank informed her was deer urine.

“Sun’s up,” Bill whispered.  “We can officially hunt now.”

“Great,” Sarah whispered back, trying to sound enthused.  She still wasn’t sure what she was going to do if a deer crossed their path.  She wasn’t an ace with a bow and she _definitely_ wasn’t sure she could actually shoot anything.

There wasn’t any talking for the next few hours.  Bill was intent on watching the woods around them and Sarah was doing her best to stay awake and watch too.  The quiet was nice, though – just her and Bill, out in the middle of nowhere, close and warm together.

 

Sarah jerked awake when Bill stood up.  Oops, she hadn’t meant to fall asleep!

She looked up at Bill guiltily, but he was laser focused on something outside the blind.  She stood as quietly as possible and looked, too:  there was a buck a few hundred feet from them.  Bill caught her eye and handed her a bow, pointing at the deer.

Oh crap, he wanted her to shoot it.

Sarah stared wide-eyed at the deer and nocked her arrow, trembling as she took aim.  The point of the arrow swam in her vision as she focused on the deer moving slowly through the woods, nibbling on grass and brush.

No, she couldn’t do this.  She couldn’t let go of the arrow and hurt anything.  She couldn’t be responsible for that.

Sarah looked pleadingly up at Bill and he seemed to understand.  Gently, he took the bow and arrow from her, took aim, and loosed the arrow.

There was a solid _thwock_ as the arrow hit the deer directly in the neck.  Sarah winced as the buck crumpled where he stood.

Bill set the bow down and squeezed Sarah’s hand.  “We got him,” he said in a normal tone.

Sarah’s eyes grew wide.  “No, that was all you,” she protested.

Bill shrugged.  “You tried.  It was more than I thought you’d do.”

Sarah’s jaw dropped.  “Then why did you ask me to come with you if you didn’t think I would shoot?”

“To see if you said yes?” Bill answered, almost questioningly.  “You like outdoorsy things; I didn’t know if you’d like this, too.”

Bill swung open the trap door and climbed down the ladder.  Sarah followed him after a moment.

“Did I disappoint you?” she asked quietly, following him to the fallen deer.

Bill crouched by the deer and retrieved his arrow before turning back to her.  “No, Sarah, of course not.”

“But I couldn’t shoot the deer and I don’t think I want to try again.”

“You won’t have to today,” Bill pointed out.  “This is all I can carry out of here, even with your help.”

“But what if I don’t want to come hunting again?” Sarah asked again.

Bill shook his head.  “That’s fine.  I’m impressed you tried it.  We don’t have to do _everything_ together, you know.”

Sarah felt a wash of relief, even though she still fought back some uncertainty.  “So maybe…  Maybe if you do the hunting and bring back venison, I can cook it for you.  Would that be a fair deal?”

“More than fair.”  Bill took his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back out of his face.  “First, though, we’ve got to get this guy back to the car.  I’ll text dad to meet us there.  You think you’re up to helping me carry him?”

No, she wasn’t sure, but Sarah nodded anyway.  She could at least try this, too.

~~~

 

As September flew by, Bill introduced Sarah to a fall tradition: ice cream with Stanley and Bonnie, followed by the high school football game.

Sarah was trying to learn ASL, but she still hadn’t gotten the hang of much past finger spelling.  It didn’t seem to matter, though, since Bonnie spent most of her time talking to Bill, who paid her rapt attention.

She’d heard the Richmonds’ story from Bill and was amazed at how well-adjusted both Stanley and Bonnie seemed, but nothing touched her more than how close Bill and Bonnie seemed to be.  Sarah watched them, smiling.  He really was taken with her, wasn’t he?

Bonnie was on a tear tonight, barely paying attention to the game and complaining about school projects so early in the year.  English papers, history research, art projects: they’d all been assigned, even if they weren’t due for months.

“We’ve got to do a report on a local veteran,” Bonnie groaned.

“Oh, that’s easy!” Stanley said, not even looking away from the field.  He waved a hand in Bill’s direction.  “Just write about–”

“–Mayor Green,” Bill interrupted.  “Or his dad.”

Stanley shot Bill an odd look and Sarah frowned.  What was that about?

She didn’t get to ask, though, because Jericho High scored a field goal.  The band broke into song and everyone in the stands got to their feet, stomping and cheering for the team.

When things calmed down, Bill continued talking to Bonnie casually, signing as he went.  “I’d go with Mr. Green, though.  He’s a sucker for pretty girls.”

Bonnie rolled her eyes.

“No, really,” Stanley added.  “He’ll do anything if you ask nicely.  He was a Ranger and D-Day veteran, so he’ll have good stories.  I loved going to Jake’s and listening to him.  The man knows how to get into trouble.”

Sarah perked up at the mention of D-Day, her interest piqued.  “The mayor’s father is a D-Day vet and he’s still alive?  Maybe I need to tag along with Bonnie; I’d love to hear his stories.”

Bill smiled fondly at her.  “Sarah’s a history buff, Stanley,” as if he didn’t already know that.  “Loves World War II stuff.  You should see her book collection and ask her how many times she’s seen _Band of Brothers_.”  While he spoke, Bill signed something to his friends.  Sarah couldn’t quite keep up, but it didn’t seem to be a direct translation of what he’d been saying.

Stanley burst into a shit-eating grin, while Bonnie frowned.  What had Bill said?  Obviously she was missing something.  Still, Bill had introduced a favorite topic of hers.  “Hey, now.  I have other interests, too.  _Band of Brothers_ is just my favorite miniseries.  You can’t deny it’s compelling!  What those men did – what all the soldiers did, really, but especially the 101 st – I can’t even imagine.  D-Day, Market Garden, Bastogne, Foy…  I think I’d be star-struck if I ever got the chance to meet any of them.”

“I’m not sure they’d agree with you about how special they are,” Bill commented lightly.

“I _know_!” Sarah exclaimed.  “And _that_ makes them even more amazing!  What did one of them say?  ‘Not many heroes came back from the way; they’re all still over there.’   _Come on,_ that sort of modesty?  From men who did so many badass things?  I’m in awe.  I could never do half of what they did.”

Stanley leaned back and laughed.  “Okay, Bonnie.  We just found you a new history tutor.  Ask nicely and she might even write your papers for you.”

“Not for free,” Sarah joked.  “I charged five dollars an essay back in school.  Fifteen for research papers.  Inflation probably means the value’s doubled by now.  I’m open to bartering, though.”

“I’ll pay you in pies if Bonnie gets As.”  Stanley pointed at his sister, who looked faintly uncomfortable at this turn of conversation.

“I’d rather have the fresh produce,” Sarah countered.

“Deal.  Congrats, Bonnie, you’re gonna pass history.”

 

**October**

Sarah lay there, listening to the alarm beep.

6:53.   The alarm had been going for twenty-three minutes now and she had another twenty-seven minutes before she absolutely had to get up and throw on clothes if she was going to make it to work on time.  It’d mean no shower or packed lunch, but she’d make it.  If she could bring herself to stand up.

Only seven minutes – oh, six now – if she was going to call out.

Aw, hell, that’s what was going to happen.  She’d thought it, her brain had latched on to the path of least resistance, and she was going to lie here and wallow.

Why did she have to get hit with a depressive downswing now?  Things had been going so well.  Maybe that was why; things were going _too_ well and it was time for the good people of Jericho to see the kind of person she _really_ was, deep inside.

It’d be so easy to just stay in bed and not show up.  But no, she had to actually call in.  That’d been the point of moving – the people here didn’t know they couldn’t count on her yet.  It’d be nice to keep that delusion up a little longer, even if she was bound to be discovered sooner or later.

Best come up with an excuse, then.

With a great mental push, Sarah grabbed her phone, swiping past the notifications – a text from Bill and another from her mother.  She’d look at those later.  Maybe.  Now, though, she had to muster the energy to hit the dial button and talk to her boss.

Surprisingly, she made the call with only a couple false starts, not even trying to fake a sick voice.  She said simply that she felt like crap and there was no way she’d be able to get anything done today.  Apparently she sounded miserable enough on her own because her boss just told her to take it easy and feel better after the weekend.

Oh yeah, it was Friday, the last work day for the week.  She couldn’t even make it through one more day to her scheduled off days.  What the hell kind of employee was she?

A supremely crappy one.  Sarah knew that.  And before too long, so would her coworkers at the Jericho library.  They’d figure it out and very politely ask her to leave town; she wasn’t their kind of people.  Maybe after this, she’d finally give up pretending she was some kind of decent human being.  She’d accept that she was a drain on society and only served to drag others down.  She’d do something about that.

Later.  Right now, keeping her eyes open was still difficult.  Only eighty-four minutes until the alarm gave up on beeping.

 

Sarah stared at the ceiling again.  The clock projection was hard to see in the daylight, but it was now 9:48.

Her phone, which had somehow wormed its way under her pillow, jangled to let her know about an incoming text.  The bright screen would hurt her eyes, but Sarah pulled the phone out from beneath her head anyway and looked at the lock screen.  The text was from Joanna, checking on her.  She’d read the whole thing later.

Jackson perked up at her movements and came prancing up the bed, chirruping hopefully.  Sarah tried to ignore him, but the cat was persistent.  He rubbed his face on Sarah’s exposed hands and batted fingers with soft paws and kept up that inquisitive chirp.

Fuck, she really did need to get up and feed the cat.  Also go to the bathroom.

Sarah rolled out of bed, landing on all fours, and pulled herself up.  She stumbled heavily into the bathroom, trying not to trip over Jackson’s eager leg-rubbing.  Once that was done, she followed the purring cat into the kitchen and gave him a can of wet food.  

Sarah stared at last night’s dishes as Jackson happily dug into his breakfast.  She should do those.  She’d feel better if the kitchen were clean.  She should also eat something.

Food took effort, though.  Filling a glass halfway with water and drinking most of it was about all she could manage.

Sarah shuffled back into the living room and flopped on the sofa, curling around a pillow and pulling the throw over her.  She’d just lie here for a minute while Jackson ate.  The cat would want out right after he finished; no sense going all the way back to the bedroom.

 

Her phone was ringing, but it was in the other side of the house.  Sarah stretched and got a squeak of protest from Jackson, who’d settled in by her feet.

She didn’t even try to get to it before it stopped ringing, but she did sit down on the bed and look at the missed call, wincing as the new voicemail tone sounded.  Two missed calls from Bill.

Well, there was no way she was going to be able to listen to a voicemail, but she should check her texts from him.

_good morning!  want to grab lunch today?_

_lunch yes no?_

_you left your phone at home again didn’t you_

_hey.  was a stalker and dropped by library to ask in person.  joanna said you’d called out.  you ok?_

_you’re probably sleeping.  text me when you wake up, ok?  let me know if you need anything_

She stared at the messages, only jumping slightly when a new one came in.

_seriously.  you ok?_

Sarah let the phone drop to the bed and she fell back atop the crumpled quilt.  Fuck, Bill was worried now and she couldn’t bring herself to text back.  She just wasn’t up to that.

Why’d she ever say yes to going out with him?  It wasn’t fair to him.  She’d known she’d end up screwing him over too; disappointing him.  She was just a selfish leech willing to take everything he was offering.  What had she given him?  She hadn’t even slept with him.  He deserved better.

Maybe he’d figure that out now and cut this off.  It’d be best.  It was only five months of wasted time for him.

Anyhow, she was going to end up losing her job because it wasn’t like she was stellar at it anyway and then she’d have to leave Jericho or sleep on the streets and maybe she could make it back down south a ways if she was going to do that because it was starting to get really cold here in Kansas already.  Although maybe freezing to death wasn’t a bad idea.  It was supposed to be painless at the end, right?

Aw, hell, she was crying again.  Now her throat hurt and her eyes would be puffy and she’d be even less attractive than usual.  Just what she needed.

 

Sarah spent the rest of the day lying there, alternately dozing and staring at the ceiling thinking nothing or crying while hating herself.  The phone buzzed a few more times – Bill trying to check in.  Sarah glanced at the phone when that happened, but didn’t bother leaving the lock screen.

She saw her mailman drive by through the gap in the blinds and thought idly that she should go get her mail, but going outside just seemed herculean and besides, what if a neighbor saw her?  They shouldn’t be subjected to how she looked.

Sometime around 6:30, it occurred to Sarah that she hadn’t eaten anything.  She probably should, but food just didn’t seem worth the effort.

About 9:00, Sarah finally felt like she could move.  She sent something noncommittal back to her mother and Joanna – enough that she’d said something relevant, but not actually engaging in conversation.  She looked at Bill’s texts again and just felt numb.  She was so ashamed for not answering him earlier that texting him now, trying to figure out how to explain why she hadn’t answered, was terrifying.

She’d just let that slide.

She managed to wash her face, pour a bowl of cereal, and heat water up for tea.  She sat on the couch and flipped channels on the TV; nothing quite grabbed her attention enough to actually care, but she wasn’t really motivated to do anything else.  A few times she got up to grab a soda or a bag of chips, but for the most part she zoned out.

The hamper was overflowing – Friday was usually her laundry day – and she let her dishes and trash pile up on the ground next to the couch.  It didn’t really matter, anyway.  Who gave a shit if she let the place get filthy?  Not like anyone really cared.  Or should.

 

Sunrise came and Sarah was still awake, mindlessly clicking the remote.  Her eyes burned, but at least it had kept her from thinking too much.

But sunrise.  Probably she should sleep again.  Maybe she’d sleep the whole day and not have to think at all.  Sarah hauled herself back to bed, stopping only to dump out another can of food for the cat before she crashed.

 

The phone woke her again around midafternoon.  Bill again.

Sarah let it ring through, watching her missed call and voicemail counters tick upwards.  Again.

She did check her texts, though.

_Sarah, are you ok?  do you need to go to a doctor?  i can take you_

_can you text me anything to let me know you’re ok?_

_sorry if i’m being pushy.  just worried about you_

_please let me know_

_time for bad cop.  if you don’t answer or text me back, i’m looking her up and calling your mother_

That last one had been sent right before the call that woke her.  Sarah closed her eyes and felt tears well again.   _I’m alive_ , she tapped out slowly.

_oh thank god.  do you need to go to the clinic?  medicine?  food?_

_I’m not sick.  Just having a bad couple of days.  Please don’t worry if I’m antisocial.  Sorry._  That hardly seem enough, but it was better than “Sorry to ignore you; I’m just lying here wishing I were somehow erased from the universe.”

Bill’s response didn’t come for a few minutes.   _i’m on my way over.  be there in five minutes_

Oh _fuck_.  Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.   _No it’s okay!_ Sarah texted back quickly, but she knew it was too late.

Five minutes was not enough warning.  She couldn’t be presentable in that time.  The house couldn’t be presentable.  Pajamas, greasy bed head, eyes probably still red, face probably still puffy, teeth not brushed…  Dishes and trash lying out, half eaten cat cans probably dry and hardening in the kitchen, pillows and blankets crumpled up on everything.  And she was frozen in place on the bed.

No, this couldn’t be happening.

Except it was and Bill was going to see her like this.

Teeth.  She could do her teeth.  Maybe even brush her hair and wash her face.  All she had to do was move.

That proved to be difficult, but she did it, heart pounding the whole time.  She wasn’t quick enough, though – the doorbell rang as she rinsed off her toothbrush.  She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to avoid her reflection in the mirror, and went to the door.

Sarah opened the front door but made no move to open the glass screen door.  Bill stood on the other side, looking very concerned, and she did her best to escape meeting his gaze.  He was in casual clothes, so he’d gone home and changed after work.  She hadn’t messed him up there, at least.

They stood there for a moment, then spoke simultaneously.

“Bill…”

“Can I come in?”

Sarah froze.  She really didn’t want to let him in.  She wanted Bill to leave her alone, to forget he ever saw her this way.  But some deep part of her was glad he was there.  That he apparently hadn’t given up on her just yet.

She opened the door.

Bill stepped in and looked around.  Sarah wanted to shrink back into the walls: she’d always cleaned before he came, he’d never seen the house this way.  At least it was only day two of a crash – a few days from now, she likely still wouldn’t have cleaned the dishes or picked up the trash.

Sarah wouldn’t meet his eyes when he looked at her again.  “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

God, she couldn’t answer that.  She just shook her head and dammit, the tears were welling in her eyes faster than she could blink them away.  Silent tears ran down her cheeks.

Bill reached towards her, as if to comfort, but Sarah flinched.  It was instinct – he shouldn’t _want_ to touch her, he should get to stay away – but she regretted it as soon as she saw how his face fell.  Oh, hell, she never should have gotten this close to him, she should have said no from the beginning; she’d been so cruel.

Sarah grabbed at his arm, steeling herself and hoping Bill could ignore the way her voice wavered.  “Bill, you should go.  I’m just having a bad few days, like I said.  You don’t want to be here.”

Bill stepped forward cautiously and bent to force her into eye contact, though she could only hold it for a second or two.  “Sarah…”  He hesitated.  “You’ve said things about having depression.  Is that what’s going on?”

Sorta…  Sarah nodded, biting her lip.

He studied her for a moment.  “Have you eaten today?  Anything other than that stuff?”  He inclined his head toward the trash by the couch.

“No,” Sarah managed in a whisper.  “Just got up.”

“Okay, then.”  Bill nodded decisively.  “You go shower and put on some clean clothes – pajamas or whatever, as long as you’re comfortable.  You’ll feel better and I can get food while you do that.  We can both eat.”

Sarah boggled at him.  Why wasn’t he leaving?  Why would he stick around?  She looked horrible, she was weepy, _she’d told him to leave_.  He should go.

Instead, Bill very gently guided her to the bathroom, even going so far as to start the water for her as she sat on the closed toilet, watching in disbelief.  He kissed the top of her head softly and closed the door behind him.

 

Bill walked slowly back into Sarah’s living room and looked around.  Food trash sat piled by the couch, while blankets and tea mugs littered the floor.  It reminded him of the time Sarah had been sick, back when they first met.

What to do while he waited?  What to do when Sarah got out of the shower, come to that?  He didn’t know what was going on.

At least she was alive.  Even after seeing her, his heart was still pounding from all the _what-if_ s.  Sometimes being a cop was detrimental to his calm.

Sarah’s cat came and batted lightheartedly at his leg.  He leaned over and petted the one-eyed cat.  “What should I do?  What’s wrong with your mom?” he asked quietly.

The cat only purred and ran off to the food bowl.

Food.  He’d promised food, so that was a good start.  And, like he had when she was sick, he could clean while he waited for both Sarah and the food.

 

The sound of water stopped, eventually, and Bill very consciously avoided glancing down the hall when he heard Sarah dash to her room.  Hopefully the shower had helped her feel better.

Bill shut the dishwasher and started it, unsure of what to do next.  He was having a little trouble processing this whole thing.  If Sarah was feeling depressed, she acted sick?  And didn’t talk?  He needed to know more, but he wasn’t sure how to get it from her.

There was a part of him that _needed_ to make this right for her, _needed_ to make her feel better.  He didn’t know if he could, but he had to try.

And that was a new thing for him.  Normally he’d stay away from problems like this but…  Sarah was different.  She was part of his life now.  He wanted to be involved in her problems, whatever they were.  Wasn’t that weird?  He knew he liked her, but… could he be in love with her, too?

The doorbell rang, breaking his train of thought.  The food he’d ordered was here.

Sarah was there, too, when Bill turned around after getting the food.  She looked skittish, as if the doorbell had terrified her.  Maybe it had.

“Hey,” he said, smiling, hoping to calm her down.  He held up the paper sacks of food.  “I ordered Chinese instead of cooking.  Figured it would taste better.”

Sarah seemed to calm a little when he spoke, but was still wide-eyed.  Bill carefully started unpacking the bags and opening the containers on the coffee table, where they usually sat and ate while watching movies together.  He hoped that was right.

Sarah slowly sat down in front of the couch while he set up the food and went for better utensils – he needed a real metal fork, thank you – and looked around the room.  Bill had picked up the trash, straightened the furniture, and gotten her mail from the mailbox.  He’d even opened the blinds and front door to let some of the late afternoon sun filter in.  He’d tried to set the house up like Sarah usually had it when he came over; maybe he’d gotten it right.

They ate in silence.  Bill wanted Sarah to talk, but he didn’t want to push her.  Right now, he was just glad to see her eating and being in the same room with him without acting like a scared kitten.  The progress was minuscule, but it was still there.  When they finished, Sarah curled up on the couch and Bill cleaned up their mess.

He sat down on the couch next to her when he was through.

Sarah seemed surprised.  “I thought you’d leave after dinner,” she said quietly, a little bit awed.

“Of course I’m not leaving.”  Bill looked at her incredulously.  “You’re trying to hide, but I don’t think you should be alone.  You shouldn’t _have_ to be alone.  When you feel better, you can tell me to leave, but until then, you’re stuck with me.”

Bill would have paid millions to know what was running through Sarah’s head just then as she stared at him.  He thought he could see tears welling in her eyes, but she nodded, biting her lip.  He could stay, then.

“Look,” he started, pausing.  “I get if you don’t want to talk.  We can watch TV or do nothing or you can sleep while I do laundry or something else you need.  I’m here for whatever.  But I’d really like it if you’d tell me what’s going on, because right now I don’t understand and I want to.”

“You don’t want to know, Bill,” she whispered.

Bill frowned.  “Yeah, I do.  The non-responsive thing kinda scared me, you know?  You’re sick and not up to chatting?  I understand.  You want a day or two to yourself?  I get that.  But _tell me_.”  Flashes of all his worries flitted across his mind.  “When you suddenly stopped talking, I thought – well, a lot of bad things.  Blame my job, maybe, but I can think of a lot of worst-case scenarios.  So please, will you tell me what’s going on?”

Sarah stared at Bill and he felt as if he were being evaluated.  He sort of got that: he didn’t like telling just anybody about his anxiety, but surely Sarah could trust him?  Then again, he hadn’t told her about his panic attacks in the past either.  Maybe he should tell her.

Before he could talk, Sarah spoke again.  “It’s not depression.  At least not regular depression,” she sighed.  “Bill, I’ve got a form of bipolar.  Bipolar II.  And anxiety and panic attacks and they’re all tied together in a huge mess.”  She went on to explain how her life had been a constant up and down cycle between hypomania and depression, how she’d cycled since being a teenager, how the anxiety and panic fueled the depression, how the fact that it was bipolar meant she’d deal with it the rest of her life.  She managed to hold off the tears until the last part, but once she started crying, Bill could tell she couldn’t stop.

He listened to every word.  What she was describing was beyond his experience, but he knew how his own anxiety messed with him.  This seemed worse.  Bill reached over and pulled her close, letting her sob into his shoulder.

It took a few minutes for Sarah to regain most of her composure.  Her voice hitched a time or two but she was able to continue.  “I’m messed up, Bill.  I’ll never get better.  I’ll never be okay.  I’ll never be normal.  I’ll never be able to make the world a better place.  I’ll never end up being anything but a constant failure.  All I can do is coast until I crash and screw everything up.  Again.  It’s what always happens.  This hasn’t even been a bad crash.  But a bad one will come and then I’ll end up losing my job; losing everything I’ve got here, including you.”

“Hey,” Bill protested.  “What makes you think you’d lose me?”

Sarah pulled back and tried to look him in the face, but she was tearing up again.  “Because I’m so useless!  And I’m telling you that as pathetic and disgusting as I was when you showed up today, I get worse.  You _should_ leave me.  Now, even.  I’ll just end up disappointing you, if I haven’t already.  I do everyone!”

Bill frowned.  It hurt to hear her say those things about herself.  He took her face in his hands lightly, forcing her to look at him.  “Listen to me, Sarah.  You haven’t disappointed me.  You’re not useless – and you’re not alone.  You’re not going to be.  This doesn’t make me want to leave you.  If anything, it makes me want to stay so that you see that you’re wrong.”

Sarah shook her head and he pulled her back into a hug.  “I’m not wrong, though,” she whispered, but she did snake her arms around him this time, clinging tightly.

“You’re smarter than me about a lot of things, but you’re completely wrong about this.”

She cried again and oh gosh, she was absolutely soaking the shoulder of his shirt.  Bill didn’t care, but it seemed to bother her.  Sarah shifted, turning so that she was leaning back against Bill instead.  He held her until she was breathing normally again, occasionally kissing the top of her head.

“So tell me,” he said softly.  “Do you try to deal with this on your own?”

Sarah shook her head.  “I got a referral when I moved here.  I see someone over in New Bern.  I’ve got medicine, though the new doctor wanted to adjust things and it hasn’t evened out yet.”

Bill chuckled, making Sarah frown.  “Wouldn’t it be funny if we were seeing the same person?”

She sat up and turned to face him, looking bewildered.  “You see someone?  Why?”

“Anxiety.  A few panic attacks over the years.  I’ve been on medicine for it since high school.”  He smiled sadly and shrugged.  “I was kinda hoping _you_ wouldn’t ever know or see _me_ when I got bad.  My bad’s different, but it’s still not pretty.  I get physically messed up and I fixate and worry and get caught up in all the things that could go wrong.  That’s why I had to come over and see for myself that you were okay.”

Sarah stared.  “Bill, I never knew.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve learned to hide it pretty well.  Probably no one other than Stanley, Jimmy, and my family knows it wasn’t something I grew out of.”  Bill reached out and picked up her hands.  “Sarah, I can’t really get your crashes.  I don’t know why you think those things about yourself when they aren’t true.  But I get why you wanted to hide it.  And it doesn’t scare me off like you seem to think it should.  I just hope _my_ crap doesn’t scare you.”

They looked at each other for a few moments.  Please let her believe I’m serious, Bill prayed.  He wanted nothing more than to be there every time she felt this bad, telling her how wrong her brain was.

Maybe this _was_ love, after all.

Sarah squeezed his hands.  “You’re not going anywhere right now?” she asked quietly.

Bill shook his head.  “Not unless you want me gone and really mean it.”

“No, please don’t.”

Bill smiled softly and pulled her back into a hug, kissing her cheek.  “Then I’m here.”

Whenever you need me, he added silently.

~~~

 

“Oh, _shoot_!”

Sarah’s eyes widened and she went rigid where she sat on the couch.  Across from her, Bill froze, bewildered at her sudden change of mood.  What just happened?

“My parents are coming to town in a couple weeks.  That ad for the ski resort reminded me,” she explained, waving a hand at the TV.  “We’re all going to the Rockies for Dad’s birthday.”

“Okay.”  Bill nodded and relaxed again.  “How long will you be gone?”

“About four days, but that’s not the problem.”

“There’s a problem?” he asked, arching an eyebrow at her.

“Yeah,” Sarah said apologetically, biting her lip.  “They’re coming to Jericho for a few days after.  And uh.  I’m not sure what’s gonna happen then.”

Oh.  Sarah’s parents hadn’t been to Jericho since they’d started seeing each other that summer.  He hadn’t heard anything from Sarah to make him wary of them, but she was acting like he should be.  “Do I need to make sure I wear my bulletproof gear that week?” he asked, only slightly anxious.

That got a short laugh out of her.  “No, you’re good there,” she admitted.  “But, uh.  It’d make things so much easier if you weren’t around that week.  Away for training or something.”

Well, now he was _definitely_ worried.  Bill leaned forward in his seat, frowning at Sarah.  “I’m through with all that for the year.  Why do you want me gone?”

Sarah flushed in embarrassment and stalled for time.  “I…  They…  Uh.  They don’t know we’re dating.  That I’m dating anyone, actually,” she stammered.

He couldn’t stop his frown deepening.  “You haven’t told them about us?”

“I didn’t not tell them on purpose!” she protested, hiding her face in her hands.  “I just… never got around to mentioning it.  Not for any bad reason, I swear!”

Bill nodded slowly, trying to think of a reason why she’d hide their relationship.  Well, trying to think of a _good_ reason; he was coming up with plenty of bad ones.  “Okay,” he said, speaking slowly.  “Why _haven’t_ you told them?”

“I just–” Sarah cut herself off and took a deep breath.  “I’m afraid they’ll run you off,” she explained after a moment.

“So I _do_ need my riot gear.”

Bill’s joke broke some of the tension and Sarah softened a bit.  “No, like I said, I think you’re good there.  But my parents – and all my family – can be… overbearing.”

Oh.  He understood that.  “So they want grandchildren as badly as my parents do?”

“Your parents aren’t _that_ bad,” Sarah pointed out, smiling again.

“In front of you they’re not,” Bill countered, rolling his eyes.  His mother had been hinting at him just yesterday that the holidays were a nice traditional time to propose.  He and Sarah were nowhere near that point, though.  Especially if she didn’t want him to meet her parents.

“Yeah, well.  My parents would be fine if they never had grandchildren, I think, but they _are_ really eager to see me get married.  They tend to get excited when I go on a date and I’m afraid it’ll be a bit much all at once.  I want to find a way to ease you into it.”

That at least made _some_ sense, even if Bill couldn’t see how it could be that bad.  “What do they do?”

Sarah collapsed back against the couch, counting things off on her fingers.  “They’ll want to get to know you right away, of course.  While they’re here, they’ll want you to join us for pretty much every meal or activity.  They’ll immediately invite you to join us on every family vacation and event – and they’ll insist on covering your costs, including food, whenever they’re around.  You’ll start getting cards and presents and they’ll want to buy us ‘couples’ things.  Basically, they’ll try to adopt you the second they meet you.  They’d probably even keep you if we break up.”

It was Bill’s turn to laugh.  “And that’s supposed to sound _bad_?”

“It’s overwhelming!” Sarah protested, waving her arms for emphasis.  “For me, at least.  I’m not sure I’m ready for them to pounce on you.  Or ask me the thousand questions Mom will inevitably have.”

Bill leaned forward, catching her eyes.  “Sarah.  If you’re worried about all the questions, those are only going to get worse the longer you wait.”

“I know,” she mumbled.

“If you’re worried about me, I’m sure I can handle meeting your parents.”

“I know.”

“Or…”  Bill paused, not sure he really wanted to know the answer.  “Are you avoiding saying anything to them because you think this – _us_ – isn’t going to last long enough to matter?”

“No!” Sarah cried, briefly animated again.  “Bill, no, I swear, I _don’t_ think that.  I just…”

“You just what?” he prompted quietly after she trailed off, staring down at her hands.

She sighed and shook her head.  “Like I said.  It’s overwhelming for me when they’re around.  I’ll tell them, I swear.  Just… just on my own time.”

Bill didn’t see why this was such a big issue, but Sarah was obviously worked up over it.  Then again, maybe he was the one who was wrong here.  Maybe he was pushing her.  This just made sense to him, though: either she was holding back because she thought he didn’t want to meet her parents, or she was holding back because she didn’t see a future where he needed to know them.  “You’ve got two weeks before they get here, right?”

“Yeah, I do.  But…”  Sarah bit her lip again.  “Look.  Can you just plan on not seeing me while they’re here this time?  And I’ll tell them before they leave.  And then we’ll be completely aboveboard.  I promise.”

“ _Before_ they leave,” Bill repeated.  “I’ll make myself scarce, but you need to tell them.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled miserably.  “I will.  I’m just a chicken.”

She sounded so upset that Bill thought maybe he _had_ pushed her too far.  “If it helps, _I’d_ like to meet them,” he tried, placatingly.

“I’ll let you know if I get up the nerve to tell them early,” she said, half dismissive.

Bill frowned slightly.  He needed to distract them both now; if she was upset, he was going to feel anxious about causing it; he could feel it starting to build up.  He grabbed a throw pillow from beside his chair and tossed it at her, catching her off guard.  “Hey.  It’s gonna go fine,” he assured her – assured them both.  “And unpause the TV.  You’re getting me hooked on this _Justified_ show; I wanna see the rest of it now!”

~~~

 

Sarah didn’t get around to telling her parents early.  And truthfully, she wasn’t sure how she was going to get around to telling them over their trip, either.

She peered out the front window anxiously.  Mom had texted that they were at the Jericho exit on I-70 just a few minutes ago, so there really wasn’t any way they could have made it this far already, but she couldn’t help checking.

Staring wasn’t going to get anything done.  Sarah forced herself to look around the house one more time.  It was as clean as she was going to get: dishes done, things put away, clutter hidden in her office closet, everything wiped down and vacuumed.  It wouldn’t _really_ pass inspection, but it was close enough to minimize commentary.

A second last look – this time to make sure she’d hidden away all signs of Bill.  She’d never gotten around to printing out pictures of the two of them to hang up (she didn’t look good in any of them, anyway), but there’d still been signs.  Notes on her calendar, silly little gifts, the remnants of that wildflower bouquet he’d given her last week:  she’d run through the house yesterday and cleaned all that up.  Nothing sitting out, all the evidence either hidden in a closet or bagged up in the outside trash can.

It was safe, Sarah told herself.  There weren’t any signs of Bill in her house.  Her parents weren’t going to find out about him until she told them herself.

Right before they left for home, maybe.

Yeah, that would be a good time.

 

Sarah’s parents arrived in a whirlwind of hugs and bags and chatter, all mostly coming from her mother.  Comments on the house and Sarah’s lack of earrings were expected, as were the anecdotes about the trip and updates on everyone she knew back home – and a few people she didn’t.  Even the request to immediately go back out for food was expected, although she’d been hoping her parents would be amenable to eating somewhere outside the city limits.  Like New Bern or Rogue River or Oakley or Hays.

“Of course not!” Nancy protested.  “We’ve been in the car all day and we ought to support the local economy where you’re living, right?”

Sarah sighed.  There really wasn’t any arguing with her right now.  She’d just have to try and mitigate the chances of running into Bill here in town.  Maybe if they stayed away from the south side of town, where his apartment was, she’d be safe.  Of course, Jericho was only five square miles, so it wasn’t like Sarah could take her parents that far away.  Maybe she should check with him…

“Who’re you talking to?” Nancy asked.

“Huh?  Oh!  Uh.  No one you know.  Just asking a question.  One of my friends.  It’s nothing.”  Way to be smooth there, woman.  “Sorry.”

Her mom shot her a look.  “Don’t be rude.”  Don’t be on your phone when you’re with people, in other words.

Sarah slid her phone back in her pocket apologetically.  At least there was a mount for her phone in the car.  She’d be able to see the text if Bill replied.  “What sounds good for dinner, Dad?  You’ve been quiet,” she asked as they piled into her little SUV.

Ken shrugged.  It was a bit of a crapshoot, asking his opinion on dinner: if he was hungry, he knew exactly what he wanted.  If he wasn’t hungry when you asked, he didn’t want to think about it.  Luckily he was hungry.  “You have Kansas City-style barbecue out here?”

Sarah grinned and started backing out of the driveway.  “We can do that that.  Doesn’t compare to the real thing, though.”

“Course it doesn’t.  Still good.”

Bill still hadn’t texted back.  Sarah decided to risk it and take her parents to the little hole-in-the-wall place to the north of town.  The one Bill introduced her to early on.  She gulped – hopefully inaudibly – and sent up another quick prayer.

Her prayer was heard: a text came through as she pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

_you said hide so im staying in.  youre safe_

Oh thank God.  Sarah breathed a sigh of relief, not even minding her parent’s comments on the gravel parking lot (her mom thought it was dirty, her dad thought it was a sign the restaurant was going to be great).  Then her phone buzzed again.

_tell them_

~~~

 

Thankfully, the trip to the Rockies went as smoothly as Sarah could have hoped.  Lots of walking in Colorado Springs, some hiking, delicious meals, plenty of griping from her dad about traffic, and comments from her mom about too much mud on the trails: all in all, a normal, enjoyable family vacation.

Now they were back in Jericho, though, and Sarah felt on high alert.  She’d texted with Bill surreptitiously throughout the weekend, so he knew they were back, but he’d ended each conversation by urging her to come clean.  Of course, Sarah hadn’t said anything when things were going so well, so now she felt crushed by the guilt.

Nothing for it.  She was going to have to tell them.

Not for the first time, she thought it would be so much easier if she’d just told her parents about Bill back when they first started dating.  If she hadn’t avoided every single pointed “met any guys?” question from her mother.  But she’d never believed that Bill would stick around long enough to go on a second date, much less be still putting up with her months down the road.  And now she’d upset him with the way she was handling her parents and he was going to wake up any moment and see her crazy and–

And he _had_ seen some of her crazy, she reminded herself.  And he stayed.  It was time for her to show him she was serious, too.

At dinner tonight, then, she resolved.  She’d tell them and face all the questions.

 

There weren’t many choices for dinner in Jericho, so they ended up at a chain restaurant out near the highway – one Sarah and Bill frequented together.

The hostess recognized Sarah and automatically got two menus ready, but Sarah corrected her.

“Oh, sorry!  I was on autopilot,” the hostess said.

Nancy shot Sarah a look, but said nothing.

Sarah relaxed a little once they were sat at a booth.  Maybe she could ease into the conversation, maybe she could use the hostess’s slip-up as an entry point, maybe–

Their waitress appeared and Sarah gulped.  It was a lady who’d waited on Bill and her frequently and was a bit of a chatterbox.  Hopefully she wouldn’t say anything.

The waitress greeted them with a little bit of a drawl, making Ken grin.  She took their drink order, then turned to Sarah.  “Oh hon, haven’t seen you in here in a while.  Your beau was in here at lunch looking lonely without you.  Everything okay with you two?”

Sarah’s stomach fell.  So much for easing into the conversation.  “Uh,” she stammered, blushing, “we’re f…fine.”  She sank in her seat and tried to hide behind the menu.

She didn’t get to hide long.  “’Your beau’?” Nancy asked, pointedly.

Sarah slowly set the menu down, barely meeting her mom’s eyes.  “Uh.  Yeah.  I’ve been dating a guy here.”

“You told me you weren’t seeing anyone,” Nancy said accusingly, and Sarah felt a crush of guilt for lying.

“I–” she started, needing a minute to compose herself.  “I wasn’t sure how serious it was, but we’ve been dating since the summer.”

“Through your birthday?” Ken asked.  When Sarah nodded, he added, “Sounds serious to me.”

Sarah almost laughed, remembering the stories of her dad dumping all his girlfriends before birthdays and Christmas so he wouldn’t have to buy gifts, but all that escaped was a short chuckle.  “Yeah.  Guess it is.”

“And when were you going to tell us?”

“Tonight, I promise,” Sarah whispered.  “I didn’t know I’d get outed first.”

“Well, you did.”  Nancy frowned.  “You should have told us earlier.  Who is he?  Would we approve?”

That was an easy answer, at least.  “I really think you’ll like him.  His name’s Bill and he’s a deputy sheriff here in town.”

“Then why didn’t you tell us before now if we’ll like him?”

Sarah didn’t have a good answer for them, just as she hadn’t had one for Bill.  She steeled herself, though – this is what the rest of the night was going to be like.

 

 _I told them_ , she texted Bill as soon as she was alone in her room.  Thank goodness Sarah’s parents went to bed early.

 _how’d it go?_  

 _Tough.  Lots of questions.  And I kinda might have signed us up for dinner with them tomorrow._  Sarah bit her lip, hoping the news would go over well.

_i can do that_

Of course he could.  Bill’d been pushing to meet her parents since she mentioned they were coming.  He was about to get his wish.

~~~

 

Bill paused in the car outside Sarah’s house.  Sarah had reassured him that her parents wouldn’t give him a hard time, but right now he was having a hard time believing that.  He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, remembering the process he and his therapist came up with.  “Even if they hate me, this is survivable,” he mumbled to himself.  “Even if they tease me, it will end eventually.  Sarah will still like me after this.”

He repeated his mantra a few more times before going to the door.  He picked at a seam while he waited to be let in; he hadn’t wanted to wear his uniform, but he’d been held up at work and didn’t have time to change.  Maybe that wouldn’t count against him.

Sarah answered the door, looking breathless and harried.  “Hey, babe.  I’m glad you’re here.  You ready for this?”

Bill nodded.  He stepped inside and was immediately greeted by a woman he assumed was Sarah’s mother – there was some family resemblance, though she was shorter and had darker hair.  He’d seen pictures of her parents, but seeing someone in person was always different.

“I’m Nancy,” the lady said, holding out a hand to shake.  “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise,” Bill replied.

“My dad’s outside with the grill, but he’ll be back in a minute.  Want to sit or want to go out back?” Sarah asked.

That put Bill on the spot, didn’t it?  He wasn’t sure what the correct answer was, but he guessed.  “Why don’t you introduce me to your dad?  I can help out there if needed.”

Sarah and Nancy both smiled, so Bill supposed it was the correct answer.

Bill didn’t know what to expect from Sarah’s dad.  She’d always described him as a mischief lover, but also a quiet, nerdy type – it seemed like an oxymoron to Bill.  When he went outside, he met a tall, thin, balding man who greeted him in a friendly manner, introducing himself as Ken.

“How do you like your steak, Bill?” Ken asked.

“Medium rare,” Bill replied.  Ken shook his head and Bill felt like he’d failed a test somehow.

“Raw like the womens’ steaks, then,” Ken joked.  “Do you want it actually bleeding?”

“Uh.  N-no, thank you,” Bill stammered and looked to Sarah for help.

Sarah wrapped a hand around his arm and smiled.  “It’s okay.  Dad is a medium well kind of guy and has always teased Mom and I about eating our steaks raw.  He doesn’t know that around here, it’s considered rude to the cow to cook it past medium.”

She let her hand slip down to hold Bill’s.  “Dad, we’re going to go back inside now.  Join us when you can.”

Bill tried not to sigh with relief as they stepped back in the house.

“You okay?” asked Sarah.  “You seem a little tense.”

“So do you,” Bill pointed out.

Sarah grinned.  “So we’re both a little stressed.  But it’s going well, I promise.”

Bill wasn’t so sure, but he was glad to rejoin Sarah’s mom in the kitchen.  The two of them sat at the table while Sarah ran vegetables and other foods to grill out to her dad then started mixing the mashed potatoes.

“Think that’s enough butter?” Nancy asked.

“Probably,” Sarah answered, almost nonplussed.  “If it were just me, there’d be more.”

“Well, at least your grandfather would approve.”  Nancy frowned.

 

The conversation with Sarah’s mom went better than Bill expected.  Aside from a few pointed comments to Sarah – mostly about hiding Bill from them – she was gracious and kind.  Bill thought he could like her as long as she wasn’t making Sarah uncomfortable.

To his surprise, when he brought the steaks in, Ken was also kind, if a bit quiet.  Bill wondered if Sarah had said anything to him or if this was normal.

This was almost reassuring and Bill started to relax.  Sarah talked about their trip in the Rockies and he could tell she got her love of the outdoors honestly.  Nancy and Ken added to Sarah’s story, but were much more interested in asking Bill about himself, which he’d expected.  He talked about growing up in Jericho, how he got interested in being a deputy, and a little of what that life was like.  Sarah joked about their meeting: said that he didn’t notice her until he saw her shoot, and everyone laughed, even Bill.

He could get used to spending time with these people, Bill thought.

He didn’t really have time to find out more, though.  Not a moment later, Bill’s radio squawked to life from where he’d draped his jacket over a chair back.  He froze, head cocked, listening to the broadcast.  He knew they were often incomprehensible to Sarah and figured he’d have to translate for everyone in a minute.

His heart sank as he listened.  “I’m sorry,” he apologized as soon as the broadcast was over.  “I just got called back in.”  He dug his microphone out of his jacket and radioed back a confirmation.

“What happened?” Sarah asked.

“There’s only one ravine in the entire county and some idiot drove straight into it.  Probably drunk.”

“And you’re on call for traffic this week, aren’t you?” Sarah looked crestfallen.

Oh, that hurt Bill’s heart.  “’Fraid so.”

“Should we put dinner on hold until you get back?” Nancy asked.

Bill paused while pulling his jacket back on.  “Oh, uh.  Shoot.  No, this will probably take a while.  Especially if the guy’s drunk or belligerent or injured.  Or all three.”  He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, feeling stricken.  “I’m so sorry.  I wish I didn’t have to run out on you all after you went to so much work.”

“No, it’s your job.  It’s important,” Sarah insisted, rising to walk him to the door.  “Besides, it means more steak for Mom and I.”

Bill stopped at the door, fiddling with his hat, unsure of what to say or do.  Could he kiss Sarah good-bye in front of her parents?  Was that too much?  “It was nice to meet you all,” he tried instead.

Both Nancy and Ken answered in the affirmative and promised to see him again soon.

Sarah stepped forward and hugged Bill.  “Wish you didn’t have to go,” she whispered.  “Bet you’re glad to escape, though.”

“No, I was enjoying it,” Bill whispered back.  “We’ll try again, okay?”

“Next time they’re here, I guess.”

That’s right, her parents left tomorrow.  Well, at least he’d gotten to meet them.  At least she’d finally told them about him.  Bill felt a lot more confident about how Sarah felt now, to be honest.  “Thank you for telling them,” he said, leaning his face down against her hair.

Sarah ignored the comment.  “Be careful out there, will you?”

Bill grinned and pulled away, taking a second to tip his hat at both Sarah and her parents.  “When am I not?” he joked.

With that, he was out the door.

~~~

 

Ice cream after the football game with the Richmonds every Friday night stayed a habit all through the fall, even after it turned cold enough they were wanting hot chocolate instead.  Sarah didn’t mind: Stanley could be a jerk sometimes, but he was funny most of the time, and Bonnie was as sweet as a 13-year-old could be – and Bill adored them both.  As far as she could tell, the feeling was mutual.

“So are you coming to the maze this year?” Stanley asked one night as they were getting ready to leave.  “I’m opening this week.”

“Maze?” Sarah asked, just as Bill said “Of course.”

They looked at each other and Sarah puzzled for a moment.  “Oh!  You do a corn maze?” she realized.

Stanley nodded.  “It’s a good money maker and easy enough to grow.  This one helps me plan out the maze.”  He rubbed the top of Bonnie’s head.  She tried to duck, but she couldn’t escape her brother.

 _Stop! I’m not a kid_ , she signed, and Sarah was impressed with herself for figuring that out.  She didn’t catch Stanley’s reply, although it made Bonnie stomp off ahead of them to wait by their truck.

“No, seriously, you two should come.  Let me know when and I’ll make sure you have a good time,” Stanley promised.

Coming from Stanley, that was almost ominous.

~~~

 

They were almost parked before Sarah noticed the people in costumes.

“Uh.  Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Stanley’s corn maze a _haunted_ corn maze?” Sarah asked tentatively.

“That’s the point of a corn maze, isn’t it?” asked Bill.  

It _was_ getting close to Halloween and Sarah probably should have thought of this before.  “I’m not sure I’m okay with this.  I don’t like haunted houses and stuff.”

Bill put the car in park and looked at her seriously.  “You want to head home?”

Sarah took a deep breath.  Yes, she really did, but Bill had seemed excited about the maze, and it was run by his friends and they should support them.  “No.  I’ll try this.”

“If you’re sure?”  Bill was still offering her a way out.

“I’m sure.”  She wasn’t.  “I may freak out on you, but I’ll do this.”

 

Bill was pretty sure Sarah was close to freaking out on him already and they weren’t even to the front of the line yet.  She was breathing heavily and her gaze darted between all the costumed performers – high school and college kids who needed the money, mostly, Bill knew.  

“You okay?” he asked, squeezing her hand reassuringly.  

“No, I’m good, I promise,” Sarah replied and Bill almost believed her.

Still, maybe she _wanted_ to go in, but was just nervous: like Bill facing a roller coaster, anxious up until the ride started.  Bill decided to take Sarah at her word.  They could always leave early, anyhow.

They were escorted in to the maze by a teen dressed as that voodoo guy from that Disney movie about the frogs – Bill couldn’t remember his name.  The start of the maze was tame, simply a spooky soundtrack guiding the way.

Sarah’s hand tightened around Bill’s as they rounded a corner and came face to face with a funhouse mirror.  “This one actually gives me curves,” she joked nervously.  “Let’s take it home.”

At that moment, an actor jumped out from behind the mirror, waving a chainsaw.  Sarah yelped and clung to Bill’s arm, half-dragging him down one of the paths.

They repeated this many times through the maze until Sarah was clinging to Bill’s shoulders and had her head buried in his back.  Bill seriously worried about her now.  Maybe the next actor could direct them out of the maze…

Luckily, the next actor turned out to be Stanley himself.  After a jump scare and a scream while holding a pitchfork, the hockey-masked man stopped.  “Oh hey, guys, how’s it going?”

Bill pried Sarah’s hands off his shoulders and pulled her up next to him.  “It’s just Stanley, Sarah, it’s okay.”

Sarah opened her eyes finally, but Bill noticed she was shaking.

“You okay, darlin’?” he asked, concerned.

“Hey, Sarah, it’s just me.”  Stanley took off his mask to prove to her.

Sarah’s breathing didn’t slow and Bill realized she was panicking.  “Shit.  Stanley, I think we need to get out of here.”

Stanley frowned but didn’t argue.  “Right through the corn here, man.  I stay here so I can sneak out if I need to.”  He held open a break in the stalks and Bill could see the farmhouse in the distance.  “Bonnie’s at the house.”

Bill wrapped an arm around Sarah while she clung to his shirt, white-knuckled, and ducked through the opening.  “It’s okay, Sarah.  Just breathe,” he tried to reassure.

He led her up to the farmhouse and let himself in, knowing Bonnie wouldn’t hear a knock.  He stomped on the floor, though, so she would feel the vibrations and know they were there.  A moment later Bonnie appeared at the top of the stairs, looking put out.

Sarah tried to turn away from Bonnie and into Bill’s chest.

“Hey Bonnie,” Bill said, unable to sign.  “We just need a minute.  The maze was too much.”

Bonnie rolled her eyes but nodded and flounced back to her room.

Bill let Sarah to the couch and crouched in front of her.  “You need to control your breathing.  You’re safe now.  The feelings are going to pass, I promise, you just have to let them,” he explained, repeating things his therapist told him.

Sarah held her breath for a second, then started breathing more deliberately – slowly in, hold, slowly out.  Bill couldn’t have coached her better himself.

“Good job, hon.  I’m going to get some water.”

Sarah nodded and let go of Bill’s coat so he could stand.  She seemed fine for the moment, but when he came back, her eyes were full of tears and she was shaking again.

“Sarah, it’s okay, you’re safe,” he said, sitting down next to her.

She nodded and took the glass of water, but it only seemed to bring her closer to crying.  “I know,” she choked out.  “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Bill insisted.  “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” Sarah said, tears coming freely now.  “You wanted to do this and I can’t even get through a simple maze without getting too scared.  I’m no good.”

“You weren’t just scared, though,” Bill pointed out.

“I know!”  Sarah wrung her hands in frustration.  “I’m still getting used to the idea that I have panic attacks and now it feels like I’m having them more frequently and they’re messing everything up.  I’m useless.”

Bill reached over and grabbed both Sarah’s hands, shocking her into looking up at him.  “You’re not useless.  Having a panic attack is just something that happens to people.  Remember, _I_ get them too.”

“Yeah…” Sarah agreed reluctantly.  “But you don’t let them mess you up like I do.”

“You haven’t seen _me_ have one yet.”  Yet.  Did he expect Sarah to see him on a bad day in the future?  Yeah, he did.  So, yet.

“I’m beginning to think you made that up,” Sarah attempted to joke through tears she was fighting to control.

Bill was almost offended.  Him, lie?  If Sarah weren’t in such a state right now, he’d be miffed at the suggestion.  “I didn’t.  I’ve just had longer to learn to live with it.”

Sarah hung her head.  “I don’t think I ever will.  I feel so out of control of myself.  The anxiety starts and it’s just inevitable.”

Bill stroked her hair, pushing it back out of her face.  “It’s not.  You’re just getting started.  You’ll learn.”

Sarah shook her head again.  “Take me home, Bill.  I’m no good for the rest of the night.”

Getting Sarah out of here might help, he thought.  It might not help much, but it was worth the shot.  Bill stomped on the floor again to wave good-bye to Bonnie.

 

Bill walked Sarah into her house and waited while she turned the kettle on for tea.  She seemed calmer now, but still unhappy.

“Thank you for putting up with me when I’m like this.  That’s twice now.”

“Are you okay now?”  Bill thought about offering to spend the night, but was afraid he’d sound too forward – at least after Sarah told him explicitly she wanted to wait for sex.  “I can stay if…”

“No, I’ll be okay,” Sarah promised.  “I’m going to have some tea and then try to sleep.”

Bill wasn’t sure, but he didn’t argue.  “Okay.  Call me if you need me.”

“I will,” Sarah said, coming over to hug him.  “I really mean it.  You’re a saint for putting up with me.  I promise I won’t be mad if you want to walk away.”

Bill huffed.  As if he was giving up on her now.  She was part of his life and he meant to keep it that way.  “I’m not ‘walking away.’”

Sarah hugged him a little tighter.  “Thank you, Bill.”

 

Later that night, Stanley called Bill while he was resting on his couch with Sadie, processing the night.

“What happened, dude?”

“Sarah got scared in the maze.  She warned me she didn’t like haunted stuff, but we tried it anyway.  Mistake.”

“She looked like you used to, Bill.  All panic attacky.  She okay?”

“She is now, I think.  She was going to bed when I left her.”

“You mean you didn’t stay with her?  You should’ve.”

Yeah, Bill had been telling himself the same thing.  “Well, she said go.”

“Missed your chance, man.”

Bill rolled his eyes, but Stanley’s comment had him doubting himself again.  Maybe he should text Sarah and check on her?  Or should he leave her alone?  He wished he knew.

His own anxiety was rising now, so he got off the phone with Stanley and decided Sadie needed one last walk before bed.  The dog always cheered him up and would provide a welcome distraction.

He couldn’t help but send a text, though.   _hope you’re doing better.  sleep well_

He didn’t get an answer back.

 

**November**

“Emily’s the one whose brother died in that home invasion, right?”

“Yup.”

“And I shouldn’t bring that up?”

Bill looked at Sarah like she was crazy and she laughed.

“Duh, I know better than that.  That would just be cruel of me.”

Bill shook his head.  “I didn’t think I’d have to worry about _you_ behaving in front of my friends.”

“Face it, Bill, we’re both kinda boring,” Sarah pointed out.  “Neither of us is likely to act up in front of each other’s friends.”

They walked hand-in-hand up to Stanley’s house, Sarah also carrying a tote full of food she’d made for the night.  Bill looked forward to the meal – there were definite perks to dating someone who cooked.

Stanley greeted them and let them in the farmhouse.  Emily Sullivan was already there, looking slightly downcast.  Bill hadn’t seen her since her brother’s funeral, but he’d heard she wasn’t taking it too well.

“Hey guys,” she greeted with a half-hearted wave.

Bill introduced Sarah, who gave Emily a genuine smile.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said.  “It’s nice to know Bill has friends outside Stanley and Jimmy.”

“Hey!” Bill protested.  “I know lots of people.”

“Yeah, but we don’t hang out with them.”

“Oooooh-kay,” interrupted Stanley.  “No fighting like an old married couple, you two.  The important thing tonight is food.  What’d you bring?”

 

Dinner was slow – with the exception of banter from Stanley – until the topic hit local politics.  With an election in a couple of days, it was nearly inevitable.

“I don’t think Gray Anderson has a chance, to be honest,” Stanley said.  “Who doesn’t love the Greens?”

“Not everyone knows them like we do,” Emily pointed out.

“Yeah,” Sarah added.  “I’ve only met them a time or two.  Not enough to form a lifetime loyalty.”

“Well you should!”  Stanley sloshed his wine glass in her direction.  “They’re like second parents to me.  You’re voting for Mayor Green, right, Bill?”

Bill was silent for a minute.  “I don’t think I’m going to tell you who I’m voting for,” he eventually said.

“C’mon, Bill, we’re all going to tell!  You know who I’m voting for.”

Bill shook his head.  “I’ll tell you that I’m voting to keep Sheriff Dawes in office,” he conceded, although the Sheriff was running unopposed.  “But I’m keeping my mayoral vote to myself.” 

“Don’t tell me you’re voting for Gray Anderson,” groaned Stanley.

Bill kept his mouth shut.  In truth, he thought he might skip that vote:  Mayor Green still had his enmity for pulling strings with Jake, but he wasn’t sure he wanted Gray Anderson to have the economic _and_ political power in the town either.

“I haven’t decided who to vote for,” Sarah said, distracting Stanley.  “Both have had good points in the debates.  Why should I vote for the Mayor, Stanley?”

Bill shot Sarah a grateful look as Stanley went off, extolling Mayor Green’s virtues – most of which had to do with his role as Stanley’s surrogate father and not his job as mayor.  “Thanks,” Bill whispered.

“It’s okay.  My dad doesn’t like to tell who he votes for, either,” she whispered back.

“–And he always got me and Jake out of trouble,” Stanley concluded.  He paused, looking sad and a little tipsy.  “Man, I miss Jake.”

“Jake better not come back,” Emily said, her first contribution to the conversation.  “Jonah blames him for what happened.”

 _That_ was news to Bill.  He knew Jonah blamed Jake initially; he didn’t know that he still blamed him, months down the road.  Then again, he didn’t know the last time Emily talked to her father, either.  Too bad it wasn’t the time to ask.

“I heard about that,” Sarah said softly.  Bill looked at her, alarmed, but she continued.  “I’m so sorry about your brother, Emily.  I know that hurts.”

Emily nodded and took another drink of wine.  “Every damn day.”

The table was silent for a minute before Emily continued.  “I’m leaving Jericho,” she announced.

Bill perked up.  Leaving Jericho?  “Why?”

“There’s no one here for me now except my aunt.”  Emily paused.  “And my father, but I don’t want anything to do with him.”

“Where are you going?” asked Sarah.

“I’ve been accepted at UC Denver to complete my degree.”

“That’s fantastic!” Sarah said.  “I never finished mine.  What are you studying?”

“Secondary education.  History.”  Emily seemed almost ashamed at that.

Sarah grinned hugely.  “I _love_ history and thought about studying the same.  That’s so great!  What made you decide on that?”

Bill smiled at Sarah’s enthusiasm.  He was grateful Sarah was pulling Emily out of her shell a little.  Sarah belittled her small talk skills, but she was better than she thought she was.

“Jake’s grandfather used to tell us stories of World War II and I thought they were interesting.”

“Oh, he’s the D-Day vet, right?  I bet that was wonderful listening to him!”

Bill and Stanley shared a look: Stanley knew Sarah didn’t know about Bill’s grandfather, but Emily didn’t.  Maybe she wouldn’t spill the secret here.  Bill was lucky – the two women kept talking about how they loved history, but Emily never mentioned Skip or Bill’s family, probably because Grandpa Skip had died before Bill got close with Emily.  E.J. Green was still alive, on the other hand, and flirting with any pretty girl who came close to him.  Bill thought maybe he shouldn’t ever introduce Sarah to him.  Not that Sarah would leave him for E.J., but the thought of her being flirted with…

Yeah, he’d never figured himself for the jealous type, but maybe he actually was.  He watched Sarah talking animatedly with Emily, marveling at this new realization.  This was love, he thought.

~~~

 

They got a little over-eager one night.

“Shit, Bill, I’m so sorry!”  Sarah rubbed her thumb over the hickey as if that would make it go away.

Bill reached up and grabbed her hand.  “It’s okay,” he reassured, leaning over to kiss the matching spots on her neck.  “Not like I didn’t do the same,” he murmured.

“Yeah, but I have longer hair.  I can hide it.  Yours’ll definitely show,” she protested, a bit half-heartedly in the wake of Bill’s caresses.  “I think I have some concealer.  Want to borrow it?”

“No.  It’s okay,” he insisted and then rather successfully distracted her for another few minutes, hands and lips and fingers exploring her collarbone.

Sarah pulled back mid-kiss.  “Seriously.  I keep thinking about it showing in your uniform.  Are you sure I can’t send the concealer with you?”

Bill shook his head emphatically and pushed her down on the couch before she could protest.  “No.  It’ll be _fine_ , Sarah, I swear.”

 

It wasn’t fine and he’d known it wouldn’t be.  But trying to cover it up with makeup would only have made things worse.

He _did_ keep his jacket on while he hurried through his morning tasks.  The quicker he could leave for patrol with Jimmy, the better things would be.   _Jimmy’s_ teasing he could take: it’d be good-natured and brief.  It was just everyone else in this damn department that seemed fascinated with his love life lately.  They meant well, he knew, but still…

Bill made it through fixing his coffee and sitting down at his desk before the comments started.  “Little warm in here for that coat, isn’t it?” and “You in a hurry to head out?” and then of course, “Wait, are you trying to hide something?”  He very pointedly ignored all of them, thankful Jimmy spoke up with a general question, changing the topic back to work.

His downfall was getting something from the supply closet: his coat shifted as he reached for the top shelf and Salem saw it.

“ _Damn_ , Koehler!”  Salem hightailed it over to the closet and yanked down his collar, baring the hickey for the world to see.  “Looks like you had fun last night!  What the hell were you two doing?  Necking like high schoolers?  How much did she mark you up where we can’t see?”

With that, all efforts at concealment were lost and all Bill could do was try not to get upset – at least not until he was in the car with Jimmy and could rant freely.

 

Sarah dropped by the station after lunch.  Bill wouldn’t be there, she knew, but… damn it, they’d had lunch catered at work today and there had been carrot cake and she might have stolen an extra piece to leave on his desk as a surprise when he came in from patrol in an hour or so.

Girlfriends were supposed to do stuff like that, right?

She waved to Connor, who was manning the phones before his shift started.  He grinned at her – but it wasn’t a friendly grin.  Sarah was suddenly wary, especially when he pulled out a pad and started writing.

“Just, uh, just dropping this off for Bill,” she said cautiously, holding up the small leftover container.  “Don’t touch it or I _will_ commit assault.”

“No touching.  Assault and battery.  Got it,” Connor said distractedly.  “Hang on a sec.”  He hurriedly scribbled something out while Sarah put the cake in a drawer and left a note for Bill.

Conner stood, looking very solemn, and handed her the paper he’d been writing on.  “Sarah, I’m afraid I have to issue this citation.”

What the hell?  Sarah looked down at the ticket.  “Dude, the assault thing was a joke, not an actual thre– Damage to county property?  The hell?”

He gestured down to the infraction detail.

She read it.  And then she balled up the ticket and threw it at him.  “Oh, you can fuck right the hell off, Lewis!  Leaving a hickey on a deputy’s neck does _not_ count as property destruction!”

Connor burst out laughing.  “That’s an official citation!  Can’t just ignore it; it’ll go on your record.”  He leered at her.  “Bring us all dessert next time and maybe I’ll throw it out.”

“Go to hell!” she yelled, stomping out of the station.

~~~

 

It’d been an unseasonably warm day for November, which worked out perfectly for Jimmy’s 30th birthday party.

It’d just been a small party at the Taylor’s house: family and some close friends.  Sheriff Dawes and Jimmy manned the grill while Bill had a couple beers, rolled up his sleeves, and played in the yard with the children.  Sarah sat and watched him, strangely warmed at the sight.

The Taylor children had finally warmed up to her, especially Sally, who spent a lot of time in Sarah’s lap.  It was a win; she knew she was slow to feel accepted, but Sally’s approval went a long way to helping Sarah feel like part of the group and not just Bill’s date.

Bill drove Sarah home after the party, lured by the promise of a movie and kisses to end the night.  Sarah waited for him in her tiny garage, sitting on the dryer to watch as he beat the Kansas dust from his boots before coming in.  A ray of sunlight caught the back of his neck and Sarah saw the slight sheen of sweat underneath his collar.

It hit her suddenly: a rush of blood and heat and _need_ through her body.  Sarah held out a hand.  “Bill,” she said, voice a tad strained.  “Come here.”

He complied, smiling fondly.  “Yes?”

“I need to kiss you.  Right now.”

“Right now?”  The smile turned cocksure.  “That urgent, huh?”

“Yes.  Absolutely that urgent.”  Sarah grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her, kissing him deeply.  And ah yes, there was that smell she expected – sunshine and exertion and fresh air, all overlying the familiar earthy tang of _Bill_ – and she desperately needed to taste it.  She pulled back and peppered his face and jaw with light kisses, making her way around to his ear.  His breath quickened and she found that sweet spot just behind his earlobe and – risk of coming on too strongly be damned – she _licked_.

Bill gasped, his whole body shuddering briefly, and gripped the edges of the dryer on either side of her.  “Sarah…”

“Bill,” she replied, whispering directly in his ear between kisses.  “You smell delicious.”  She started unbuttoning his plaid flannel.  Why did he always have to wear a t-shirt underneath?  She wanted to be touching _skin_.

So she did.  Sarah yanked Bill’s tee out of his pants and ran her hands underneath, pulling him to her by the waist with another quick motion.  And oh yes, he was half hard already; she could feel him between her legs and wondered if he could feel her own pulse pounding as she wrapped her feet around the back of his legs to keep him from pulling away.

Bill grunted and grabbed back at her; hands in her hair and up under her shirt and down her waist and anywhere else that was typically fair game.  His thumbs brushed down her stomach and belly button and it was her turn to gasp into his neck.

“God, you drive me crazy,” she admitted huskily.  “Do you even know how much I want you right now?”  Sarah ran her finger along the inside of his waistband, feeling muscles tensed beneath that slight softness she loved, and let her hands dance a little further down, dipping just inside his boxers.

Bill grabbed her face and kissed her again, breaking away to rest his forehead against hers.  He was breathing heavily – making a tangible effort to steady himself, however – and his eyes were closed.  “Sarah, tell me to stop.  I will.  If you don’t want–”

Sarah cut him off, cupping him through his pants and feeling him swell even more at her touch.  “Bedroom, now.  _Please_.”

Bill didn’t need to be asked twice.  With a low growl, he picked her up, attempting to carry her inside out of the view of the neighbors.  He lasted only a few steps, stumbling while trying to navigate the stairs into the kitchen.  Laughing quickly, Sarah grabbed his hand and let him pull her all the way to the bedroom.

Sarah’s request had given Bill permission to take charge, it seemed.  He barely paused in the bedroom before he was kissing her again and tugging at her clothes.  She struggled to keep up with the mutual undressing until Bill fumbled at her bra clasp.  Taking advantage of the momentary failure, she undid his belt and pants before reaching back and unsnapping the bra herself.

“Made for one-handed removal.  You’re at the wrong angle,” she joked between kisses.

“Fuck the angle.”  His voice had just a bit of rasp to it and oh, that made her shiver.

“I thought you were supposed to be fucking _me_ ,” Sarah taunted, pushing down the waistband of his pants.

That got another growl from Bill as he shoved her back onto the bed.  Oh yes, this was going to happen; they had waited so long and Sarah couldn’t believe how forceful he was being right now but _damn_ did she love it.  A moment more and they were both undressed and Bill was climbing on the bed above her, supporting himself with one hand while the other explored her body – and oh, she hadn’t been touched like this in far too long and she had to fight the tickling sensations as he kissed his way up her stomach and _yes_ he was touching her there now and she knew she was already wet and would he just _do_ this already?

He didn’t.  “I don’t have a condom.  At home, yes, but I didn’t think I’d need any,” he confessed, pressing his forehead into the mattress by her shoulder.

Sarah moaned in frustration.  Fuck, that hadn’t been thought through.  She was going out right after this and buying some, buying a damn diaphragm, _something_ , but for right now…  She did some quick mental math and shook her head.  “Wrong time of the month.  It’s okay, I swear.  _Please_ , Bill.”

Bill caught her eye, as if gauging her sincerity, and apparently decided the risk was worth it.  He moved decisively after that.  Ah, Sarah had _needed_ that feeling of fullness, but _oh_ , maybe she should have encouraged a little more foreplay or maybe it really had been too long because there was a bit of a painful stretch but _oh_ that didn’t matter as long as they kept going.  She grabbed as his back, his chest, his arms, his hair – never quite gaining purchase but always moving – and it occurred to her to wonder how quickly he’d be done; should she be helping herself along?  That would require her to stop touching him, though, and that didn’t seem like a plausible option right now so she tried to concentrate on the sensations and the way she angled her hips and coaxed things along that way.

She didn’t make it before Bill.  With a shuddering gasp, he collapsed on top of her and Sarah was caught between the intense desire for him to somehow keep moving and wanting to take in this moment when his guard was entirely down.

Well, presumably she’d have other chances to actually orgasm.  She ignored the blood pulsing through her body and focused on that wonderful feeling of his body weight atop her and his last twitches inside her and the shaky way he was breathing, running her hands all the way down his back to help steady herself.

“I thought you didn’t want to have sex.”  Bill’s voice trembled a bit in her ear.

“I didn’t want to _rush_ having sex,” Sarah clarified, panting.  “ _God_ , I have wanted to for so long now, but you never made a move.”

“I was waiting on you.”

Sarah laughed as best she could while pressed into the bed.  “Well, we’re both idiots, then.  We’ve been dating six months.  I don’t think it’s rushing to say we’ve probably got something to build on besides sex.”

Bill chuckled, his breath finally evening out and he pushed himself up on his elbows.  Sarah squirmed as he pulled away and he froze.  “Wait, you didn’t…?”

She bit her lip.  This was always tricky for her: tell the truth and possibly bruise his ego and enthusiasm or lie and possibly have him not bother to learn her body any better?  Okay, so she knew which one she _should_ go with; that didn’t make it any easier.  Only thing for it, though.  “No.  But, uh, it’s okay, I still _really_ enjo–”

“No.”  Bill cut her off sharply and started kissing his way back down her stomach.  “We aren’t done, then.”

Sarah half-heartedly tried to push him away.  “No, Bill, it’s okay; you don’t have to… _Oh_!”

Okay, so he didn’t have to, but she was glad he did.  And yeah, he was going to figure out how to get her off just fine.  The man was starting out on a damn good learning curve.

This was going to be fun.

~~~

 

Sarah liked Bill’s parents.  She liked going out to eat with them.  But this was different.

It was Thanksgiving and she’d chosen not to fly back home, saving her money and vacation days for Christmas.  The Koehlers had kindly invited her to join them – and this was the first time she’d been to their house.  For the holidays.

Yeah, no pressure.

Bill laughed at her fretting.  “It’ll be just like we went out to eat, except Dad’ll actually bitch about the food and Mom’ll show you as many embarrassing pictures of me as she can find.  You’ve got nothing to worry about,” he said as he helped her out of the car.

“Sure.”  Sarah shot him a look.  “You’re just glad my parents live far enough away that you don’t have to do this, too.”

He wrapped an arm around her, helping block the winter chill settling in.  “That _is_ a plus.  I do hate missing out on your embarrassing pictures, though.”

“I was an adorable child, thank you very much!” Sarah protested.  “You’re just not allowed to see anything from age 12 on.  It was pretty hit or miss after that.  Junior year was _definitely_ a miss.”

“Now I’ve got to see those!  Maybe I should email your mother and ask if she’ll send them.”

Sarah groaned.  “Oh, please don’t encourage her.  I’m hoping she’ll forget the photo albums for those years even exist.”

“Yup.  Emailing her tomorrow.”  Bill dodged Sarah’s poke, grinning wickedly.

God damn it, she couldn’t get mad at him when he flashed those dimples.

 

As usual, Bill ended up being right.  Dinner was painless, conversation was easy as ever, and pleasantries were exchanged aplenty.  For a first Thanksgiving with her boyfriend’s family, it was pretty much all Sarah could have hoped for.

He’d also been right about the embarrassing photo show.  Sarah was enjoying it, though: Bill had been a terribly cute kid.  His teenage years seemed as awkward as hers, but throughout all the pictures he still had the same mischievous grin.

“–And here’s the trip we took to Niagara when Bill was ten.  My family’s from near there, so my parents and brother’s family all went, too, and we met up with some of my cousins,” Pam said, turning to a new page in the album.  “Bill’s told you about his grandfather, of course.”

“No, actually, I haven’t heard anything about him.”  Sarah grinned at Bill, who rolled his eyes and went back to judiciously ignoring the conversation.  His leg was bouncing anxiously, though; Sarah guessed he was about at the end of his patience.

“Really?”  Pam sounded surprised.  “Oh, they were close as could be!  Bill loved his grandpa and followed him everywhere.  Dad adored him, too.  He’d tell Bill stories as long as he could manage to sit still and then the two of them would go off and play war in the backyard.”

She pointed to a picture of Bill and his sister with an older couple and Sarah peered closer, smiling at the mental image of young Bill being so enthusiastic.

Hey, wait.  There was something oddly familiar about this picture.

She didn’t get a chance to think about it, though.  Pam shut the album and started to get up.  “Bill loved Dad’s old war stuff.  I’ve got a picture somewhere of Bill in his old helmet and jump boots.  Let me see…”

Bill stood quickly.  “Okay, Mom, I think that’s enough for tonight.  Save some pictures for later, maybe?  I’ve got work tomorrow and it’s already eight; we should be leaving.”

It was tough, but Sarah managed not to laugh at his obvious discomfort.

 

“Thought you were gonna go home and get in bed right away,” Sarah teased when Bill walked her in.

He smiled and leaned over for a kiss.  “Someone’s gotta make sure you don’t slip on ice in the dark, right?”

“Sure.  We’ll go with that.”  Even though there was no ice just yet.  She tugged lightly on his coat.  “Are you staying for a while?”

“Nah, I actually should head home soon.  Wanted a few minutes with you.”

Sarah laughed, smiling.  “Or you wanted to thaw a bit since your car’s heater hasn’t kicked in yet!”

Bill shrugged.  “That, too.  Multitasking.”

“You’re incorrigible.”  Sarah paused, thinking.  That picture was still niggling at her.  If only she’d gotten a better look.  “Bill?  Got a question.”

“Hm?”

“I can’t quite figure out why, but in that last photo your mom showed, your grandparents looked familiar.  Your grandfather especially.  Do they live around here?  Would I have seen them around town?”  She thought he’d said they were both dead, but maybe she was thinking of the wrong grandparents.

Bill shook his head.  “They _used_ to live here.  Grandpa died when I was in high school and Grandma passed a couple years ago.  If you’re seeing them we’ve got a zombie problem the mayor needs to know about.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.  “You’re a jerk.  No, I feel like I _should_ know them.  Or that I’ve at least seen them before.”

In the dim light of her den, she could see Bill was trying to suppress a smile.  “I’m told I favor my grandfather.”

“That’s not it.  Seriously.  Is there some reason I would recognize them or am I just crazy?”

“I’d bet money you’ve seen pictures of them before.”  Bill fell silent, a grin slowly breaking through.

Sarah shoved at his chest.  “And you’re not going to tell me why?”

Bill grabbed her hands and asked, “Sarah, have you ever caught my mom’s maiden name?”

She thought.  “No, I don’t think I’ve heard it.”

“It’s Muck.”

What?  Muck.  Family from near Niagara.  Jump boots.  “…Bill.”

“Yes?”  He sounded far too amused.

“Are you telling me your grandfather was Warren Muck?  From Easy Company?” she asked slowly.

Bill burst into a huge grin.  “Well, I called him Grandpa Skip.”

It took a moment for that to sink in.  “ _Oh my God_ , Bill!” Sarah yelled, trying to pull away.  “All this time, you’ve let me go on about _Band of Brothers_ and the 101 st and you _never said anything_?!”

“It’s been hilarious listening to you have absolutely no idea!” he laughed, tugging her back to him.  “I’ve been waiting for you to figure it out.”

Sarah shook her head.  “Holy cow, man.  I kinda hate you right now.”

“No, you don’t,” Bill said confidently.  “You’re dying to hear me retell his stories and show you all his stuff.  We’ve got his old uniforms and medals, you know.  Pictures.  Letters he and Grandma Faye wrote.  Can’t geek out over it if you hate me.”

“Shoot, you’re right,” she muttered and let him pull her into a hug.  “You have got a _lot_ of making up to do before I forgive you, though.”

“I’ll let you wear his helmet.”

“Stop it, Bill.  You’re making it hard for me to stay angry at you.”

He kissed the top of her head.  “I know.  That was the plan.”

Sarah snorted and pushed him to the door.  “I’m kicking you out now.  I’ll let you know in the morning if I’m still talking to you.”

Bill laughed all the way to the car.

~~~

 

The next day, Sarah was listening to the morning news on the radio while she got ready when she heard the story.

“ _A deputy sheriff in Weld County, Colorado, was shot and killed over the holidays pursuing an offender.  Funeral arrangements are pending._ ”

 

The news stuck with her all day.  During her free time at work, she looked up an article on the death.

“Shit,” she whispered, just loud enough Joanna could hear her.  She didn’t usually curse unless she was depressed and even then, never at work.

“What’s wrong?” her friend asked, swiveling her chair to face Sarah.

“This guy.  This.  This deputy.  He was killed a couple days ago after a high speed chase.  The guy got his gun and shot him.  Shot him with his own gun.”

“Damn, that sucks,” Joanna said, studying Sarah and understanding just why she was bothered.  “You okay with that?”

“I…I don’t know,” Sarah stuttered.  She’d been trying hard not to picture Bill in this man’s position, but there he was in her imagination, sprawled out bloody in a ditch somewhere.  Dead.  She couldn’t shake the mental image.

“Jericho’s a pretty safe town,” Joanna reminded her gently.  “Stuff rarely happens here.”

“You say that, but what about that home invasion in August?” Sarah countered.  “And Bill says drugs get trafficked through here on the interstate.”

“Yeah, but that’s not Bill’s jurisdiction, is it?  That’s highway patrol.”

Joanna was being logical, but Sarah’s anxiety was up, so she wasn’t fully open to it.  They went back and forth a few more times before Sarah had to excuse herself to go calm down.

She secluded herself in the women’s bathroom and tried to control her breathing.  Bill was fine right now, as far as she knew, and there was no point in getting worked up about what ifs.

If only her brain would cooperate.

Sarah knew that hearing from Bill would calm her down, so she sent him a text.   _I’m still talking to you today.  Will you come over after work?_

Bill wouldn’t respond right away, she knew.  He might be driving or writing a ticket or any number of things.  She focused on her breathing and prayed she’d get a response soon.

 

It was a somber day at the Jericho sheriff’s department; it was any time there was a law enforcement death, but this one was only a few hours away, near Boulder.  It hit a little too close to home for some of them.

Bill and Jimmy chose to patrol together rather than separately that day, and Bill drove them slowly around the town and surrounding areas – their jurisdiction.  Neither one had much to say.

Sarah’s texts were welcome.  Bill was glad that today, at least, she wasn’t still mad at him – jokingly or not – and to tell the truth, he wanted to see her, too.

 

Bill was at Sarah’s house not long after her shift ended, a bottle of wine in hand – some stuff made in Hays sold at Gracie Leigh’s, cheap but tasty.

Sarah greeted him with a prolonged hug, squeezing him tight.

“You saw the news, huh?” he asked, but he already knew the answer.

Sarah nodded.  “I just needed to be sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine.  I’m here.  See?”  Bill kissed her forehead.

“Are you _sure_ you’re fine?

To his own surprise, Bill was.  He’d come to accept the risks of his job a while ago – the only real responsibilities he’d leave behind were Sadie, who’d be taken care of by his parents, and his grandparents’ house, which would revert back to his uncles and mom.  He would worry about Sarah, to be sure, but he trusted she’d end up dating someone else.

It didn’t look like _she_ was okay, though.  She had the same look Bill’s mom had the first time they heard of a law enforcement death after he went to the Academy: a hollow, scared expression on her face.

“Hey,” he murmured.  “It’s okay.   _I’m_ okay.  You don’t have to worry.”

“You’re safe today, but what about tomorrow?” Sarah asked.  “What if you get hurt or killed?”

“The worst that’s happened to me are some bruises,” Bill pointed out.  “It’s pretty safe in Jericho.”

“That’s what Joanna said, too,” Sarah mumbled.  “I’m just having trouble believing it tonight.”

Bill stroked her hair, tucking it behind her ears.  “You can believe it tonight.  C’mon.  Let’s get dinner.  Want to order in pizza?”

“Sounds good,” Sarah said softly, trying to smile.

 

One pizza and one bottle of wine later, Bill pushed the cat off his lap and stood to leave, just like he did after supper every night – he went to bed a lot sooner than Sarah usually did.

“Don’t go,” Sarah said plaintively.

Bill paused.  “You want me to stay longer?”

“I want you to stay the night.”

Bill thought for a minute.  His instinct was to say no – he had to get up early for work, he didn’t have a fresh uniform, people would see his car in her driveway….  But he wanted to stay.  And people – namely his coworkers – had already been gossiping about them aplenty.  What would it hurt to stay over when they were both a little sad, despite everything?

“Okay.”

Ignoring their dinner mess, Sarah took Bill’s hand and led him to the bedroom.

Slowly, she unbuttoned his flannel shirt and pushed it back.  He let it fall off his shoulders and to the ground.  Sarah took off her own shirt next and yanked his t-shirt out of his pants and over his head.

Bill reached behind Sarah and took out her clip, letting her brown hair tumble down past her shoulders.  With more skill than their first time, he unsnapped her bra and slid it off her.

She stood on her toes and kissed him while she undid his belt.  “I want you here every night,” she said softly.  “I want to know you’re okay.”

Bill walked her backwards towards the bed, pulling her pants off once she was lying down.  He shucked his own pants and crawled above her, kissing her as he went – gently.  Now was not the time for speed and force and hickeys.  Sarah wanted reassurances and he wanted to give them to her.

“I promise I’ll always come home,” he said.  The promise part was a lie, but it was what Sarah needed to hear.  He watched her relax beneath his words and his touch and knew he’d do his damndest  to keep that promise.

 

Bill woke early, tangled in Sarah’s sheets and Sarah’s limbs.  She was still asleep, not quite snoring, with her head nestled under his arm.  What a wonderful thing it was, to wake up next to her.  He’d swear he slept better, too.  What he would give to stretch out this moment with her, but alas, it was time for him to get up.

Bill tried to extricate himself from the bed without waking Sarah, but he roused her just enough that she rolled over and wrapped an arm around him.  “Babe, I’ve got to go,” he whispered, carefully moving her arm off him.

Sarah sat up sleepily.  “Don’t go,” she said.  “Call in today.  Stay in bed with me.”

Oh, how he wanted to.  “I can’t,” he pointed out.  “It’s Jimmy’s day off.  It’s just me and the Sheriff on patrol today.”

Sarah’s eyes widened and she perked up.  “You’ll be alone?”

“I’ll have the same backup I always do.  It’ll just be the Sheriff instead of Jimmy.”

Sarah laid her head on his arm and idly stroked his chest.  “I wish you could stay.  I don’t want to let you go.”

Bill wished he could, too, but it just wasn’t practical.  “I _have_ to go.  If you want, I can come back over tonight.  Or you could come to my place.”

Sarah rolled off him.  “I guess you do have to go.  But you’d better come back to me.  I’m holding you to that.”

Bill almost said _Of course I will.  I love you._  But somehow, it wasn’t the right time to say that.  Not yet, anyway.

 


	5. Winter 2010/2011

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, full of sweet. Snow and bitching and cider and hiking and hospitals, oh my!

**Winter**

**December**

Christmas hit Jericho almost as soon as Thanksgiving was over.  Lights went up all over town, light poles were decorated with greenery on the main thoroughfares, and town hall even got into the spirit, with classy looking wreaths up in every window and a tree out front.

From the outside, Sarah’s house was entirely unfestive: no lights or inflatables or other obvious decorations.  The only concession she’d made was a flag with an angel on it.

Inside was a different story.  She may not have had a tree, but she had a nativity set and multiple other family holiday heirlooms.

Somehow, this wasn’t enough for Bill.

“C’mon, you need a tree,” he implored.  “It’s Christmas!”

Sarah gestured around her small den.  “Where would I put one?”

Bill looked around and had to admit she had a point – there wasn’t much room left in her den for a tree.

“Do _you_ put one up?” she asked pointedly.

“Of course!” he retorted.  “When Sadie doesn’t pull it down, at least.”

“So that’s a no,” Sarah laughed.  “Why is it so important I have a tree?”

“It’s _Christmas_ ,” he repeated.

“Yeah, I got that.  But my parents and I haven’t done trees for years and it hasn’t messed up our enjoyment of the season.”

Bill huffed.  Christmas without a tree was just… _wrong_.

Sarah grinned at his irritation.  “Tell you what, babe.  We’ll go get a tree and set it up together at your place.  Would that work?”

Well, it was certainly a good excuse for an activity with Sarah.  Bill nodded.

 

They walked hand in hand through the Boy Scout tree lot, looking for that perfect tree.

Or at least Bill was.  Sarah was watching him a little more than the trees.  He was truly enjoying this and she – well, she found it a little silly.  But it was worth it to see Bill happy.

“What about that one?” she asked, pointing to a small tree about her own height.

“Needs to be bigger,” Bill insisted.

“Okay, Griswold,” Sarah joked.  “Just keep in mind it has to fit on the roof of your car _and_ through the door of your apartment.”

“I know, I know,” Bill grumbled.  They made their way down a few more rows before Bill was finally satisfied.  “There.  That’s the one.”

Sarah checked the tree out.  It was taller than either of them, but it was full and pretty.  She couldn’t fault his pick.  “Looks good, hon.”

Bill beamed.  “I’ll go get someone to wrap it up.  You guard it.”

Sarah grinned.  The lot was hardly busy, but it was cute that Bill was worried about their tree pick.  “Yes, sir,” she said, jokingly saluting.  “No one else will touch it.”

Bill bopped her nose with a finger.  “Good.  I’m counting on you.”

 

If the Scouts hadn’t wrapped the tree in mesh, they might never have gotten it into Bill’s apartment.  Together, they wrangled it into an empty corner – of which there were plenty: Bill wasn’t exactly a collector of stuff.

Bill dug in a closet and pulled out a plastic bin.  “Ornaments,” he explained, holding it up for Sarah to see.

Together, with only a little “help” from Sadie, they hung tinsel and strung lights.  Most of Bill’s ornaments seemed to be antiques and Sarah wondered about that.

“Where’d you get the ornaments?” she asked, studying a glass ball carefully.

“Grandparents.  Hand me downs when Grandma Faye died.”

Sarah marveled a bit at that.  She was holding ornaments that Skip and Faye Muck – people she’d read about – had owned and picked out, but they were also Bill’s ornaments, with a long history for him.  It was a conundrum – be amazed at their history, or treasure them simply because Bill treasured them?

Maybe she could do a little of both.

~~~

 

Bill _loved_ Christmas.  Sure, his job didn’t get any easier during the season, but he loved seeing Jericho transform and everyone get a little more cheerful and friendly with each other.  The food drives piling up, carols playing in every store, people wishing each other a joyous season – all these things made him happy to live in a place like Jericho.  Surely it wasn’t this wonderful in other towns.

It wasn’t in Chattanooga, apparently.  Sarah seemed stand-offish from most of the community activities, as if she couldn’t quite get why Bill would want to participate.

“You really don’t want to go caroling?” he asked, surprised.

“Bill, in all the time we’ve dated, have you ever heard me sing?” Sarah shot back.

“I might have if you’d go to church with me like I ask.  Every Sunday.”

Sarah bit her lip impatiently.  “I told you…  I just have to be ready for church again.  I’ll go someday.”

“Come tonight,” Bill implored.  “No one expects world-class singing from carolers.  It’ll be fun.”

“Singing in front of others is not my idea of fun.”

“How about hot chocolate and warming each other up after?”  

Sarah shot him a look and Bill grinned.  He was winning her over.

“Oh, okay.  Just this once.  But _only_ the once.”

Bill’s grin widened.

 

They joined the little caroling group from Bill’s church – the nondenominational one on the south side of town – and hit the trailer parks and lower income neighborhoods for caroling.

Sarah was right, Bill noticed – she wasn’t much of a singer, but she at least knew how to read music and match notes, which was really all you needed as long as you had someone who _could_ sing.  He hoped he wasn’t embarrassing himself with his own singing.

Sarah slipped her gloved hand into his, so apparently he wasn’t doing too badly.  She squeezed his hand and whispered between songs, “You were right.  I’m glad I came.”

“Told you so,” he whispered back before the leader started a round of ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ at the next house.

 

Warming up after caroling involved a lot more than just hot chocolate.  

After draining her mug, Sarah washed it in Bill’s sink, then walked into the bedroom.  Just before she disappeared from sight, she crooked her finger, gesturing for Bill to follow.

Bill burned his tongue hurrying up.  By the time he made it into the bedroom, Sarah was snuggled under the blankets on his bed.  He had a sneaking suspicion she wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

Stripping slowly, he enjoyed the look of appreciation on Sarah’s face.  He pulled back the blankets and found that he was right about her lack of dress.

“Wasn’t I supposed to be the one warming you up?” he asked, voice low.

She pulled him down into a kiss.  “Then warm me up.”

Some time later, Sarah lay there, head on Bill’s shoulder and one hand idly rubbing his bare chest.  He’d give anything to stretch out this moment: both of them quiet, sated, and still.  Too bad it was only a brief thing.

Sarah stirred, pulling a sheet over them and taking the edge off the oh-so-slight chill on his skin.

“Does that mean you’re staying?” he asked, voice rumbling in his chest.

“Maybe,” Sarah said, snuggling into his side a little more.  “If you ask nicely.”

“Please?” he asked jokingly.

Sarah propped herself up on his chest.  “Bill, are you sure it’s okay if I stay over?”

“What do you mean?”

“My car’s out there.  People see it.  Lord knows they talk.  I know it’s gotten to my coworkers already that we’re spending nights together at my place.”

Bill pulled out from under Sarah and propped himself up on his elbow.  “And they’ve talked since we met.  They’ll be talking long into the future.  Screw ‘em.  We’re adults.  Stay if you want to.”

“I want to,” she mumbled, burying her face in his pillow.  “I just…  I don’t want to make things awkward for you.  I mean, I’m a newcomer here.  You’ve got history.  Stuff gets back to your family and your work.”

Bill bumped her shoulder, making her look up at him, and huffed a laugh.  “We’ve been getting shit about sleeping together since we started dating.  Why should we start sneaking around now?”  He ran a hand down her side, making her shudder.

“Damn you, now I can’t remember my argument,” she laughed, but eyed him carefully.  “I’ll stay, but on one condition.  You can’t get out of bed at ass o’clock in the morning.  You’ve got to sleep in with me.  Agree?”

“I don’t guarantee sleeping,” he said wryly.  “But I’ll stay in bed with you.”

Sarah laughed and pulled him back down for a kiss.

Round two?  Bill was more than ready.

~~~

 

December slipped by in a haze of snow flurries, light shows, and school plays.  Sarah loved that Bill wanted her to go to every little activity, but she wasn’t sure if he was doing it because he wanted to, or because he was showing Jericho off to her.  She’d been there nearly a year and still hadn’t told him if she’d decided to stay or look for work back in Tennessee, like her original plan had been.

Right now, she was thinking she’d stay, but she still had a week in Tennessee to look forward to.  The South might call her home; she didn’t know yet.

Bill dropped her off at the airport in Hays, leaving her with a warm hug and a kiss that lingered on her lips longer than it probably should have.  She breezed through security still thinking about Bill’s touch.

Maybe her decision wasn’t going to be that hard, after all.

The week in Tennessee with her parents went quickly, as Christmas weeks always did – shopping and shows and hiking in the snow of the Smokies.

The only problem was that Bill wasn’t with her.

They texted every night and Nancy would give Sarah a knowing look every time her phone buzzed.  For once, she didn’t even fuss if it went off during dinner.

“You love him, don’t you?” Nancy asked Christmas Eve night, interrupting a text conversation.

“What?”  Sarah blushed, ashamed at being caught out.

“You love him,” Nancy repeated.  “And you want to stay out in Kansas for him, don’t you?”

Sarah blushed deeper.  Was she that transparent?  “Maybe,” she said carefully, not wanting to admit too much.

Nancy laughed.  “It’s okay.  We saw this coming as soon as we met him.”

“So you’re okay with me not moving back?”

“Looks like you have more reason to stay out there,” Nancy pointed out.

Sarah thought for a second and realized she did, indeed, have all the reasons in the world to stay in Jericho.  She couldn’t wait to get back and tell Bill.

~~~

 

Sarah couldn’t help it.  She ran into Bill’s arms as soon as she saw him at the airport.

“Merry belated Christmas, babe,” she said, kissing him deeply after.

“Merry Christmas to you, too,” he replied after they kissed, looking a little stunned.  “Missed you.”

“Missed you, too.”

“I could tell.”

“I have news for you.  I think you’ll like it.”

Bill looked taken aback for a second and Sarah realized he thought she was about to announce a pregnancy or something.  “Nothing to worry about, hon.  I’ve decided I’m staying in Jericho again this year.”

Bill almost looked hurt.  “That was in question?”

Sarah slipped her hand in his as they walked to baggage claim.  “You know it was, just a bit.  But when I was Tennessee, I thought about it and realized I couldn’t leave Jericho just yet.  I kind of like it here.”

“You do, huh?”  Bill grinned, cocksure.  “Wonder why?”

“It’s not just you, doofus,” Sarah grinned back.

“Sure it isn’t.”  Bill flashed her a dimpled smile and Sarah melted a bit.

“Okay, maybe you’re part of it.”

~~~

 

It was a crazy idea, but Jimmy had come up with it, so at least Bill had someone to blame if it all went wrong.  He knocked on Sarah’s door, bouncing on his heels as he waited.

He heard her plodding slowly to the door before the porch light switched on and Sarah blearily answered the door.  “What happened to working?” she asked, leaning against the door.

Bill grinned.  “Oh, I’m working.  And so are you.  Ride-alongs are a vital part of community outreach.  I had to attend a seminar on it and everything.  So c’mon, you’re coming with me tonight.”

Sarah gawked.  “Bill.  Hon.  It’s eleven o’clock at night.  I’m in my pajamas already.  I am _not_ going with you tonight.”

“Yes, you are.  It’s New Year’s Eve!  What were you going to do, sleep through it?”  Before Sarah could protest any more, Bill pushed his way inside and herded her to the bedroom.  “Come on, grab clothes.  We’ve got five minutes before the station gets a ping that my car’s stopped moving.”

 

Minutes later, Bill had Sarah bundled into the passenger seat of his patrol car, where she was trying really hard to glare at him – and he was trying not to laugh.

“Seriously, you were just going to bed like a normal night?” he asked, baffled, as he navigated out of her neighborhood.

“Of course I was!” Sarah protested.  “I am a boring person!  What else was I going to do while you were working – sit by myself and drink while I watched the ball drop?”

“Sure!” Bill laughed.  “You could have sent increasingly drunk texts to entertain me while I was working.  Or you could have gone to one of the celebrations downtown and watched the ball drop with a bunch of other people.   _Or_ you could have gone out to Stanley’s – I know he invited you – and watched him finally set his farm on fire.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.  “He invited me for your benefit, I’m pretty sure.”

Bill’s grin faltered.  He hated it when Sarah started being self-deprecating and it seemed like they were headed down that path.  “ _I’m_ pretty sure you’re wrong.  Stanley doesn’t invite people to his house unless he likes them.”

They sat in silence for a moment.  Bill wondered what Sarah was thinking.  Surely, after all this time, she didn’t still believe his friends only liked her for his sake?  He silently started thinking of all the things he could point out to her – that Margaret went to lunch with her, that the Taylors had left their kids with them, that Stanley let her around Bonnie – to prove that she was liked for herself, but Sarah changed the subject.

“So what do _you_ do, if you’re not partying?  Is there a wild black market fireworks trade you have to keep an eye on?”

Bill gave her a wry smile.  “If there is, I’m going to yell at Jimmy for hiding it from me.  He knows I’d want in on that.”

They both laughed and Bill knew they were on firmer territory then.  “Before midnight,” he went on, “it’s mostly responding to idiots who set themselves or their property on fire.  After, we set up roadblocks to discourage drunk driving.”

Sarah waved a hand at the town surrounding them and settled back into the passenger seat.  “We’ve got an hour, then.  Entertain me with idiots!”

 

Bill had been very deliberate in picking his roadblock assignment that year – he was pretty sure Sheriff Dawes was onto him, but at least he hadn’t said anything.  He pulled the patrol car off the road just on the west side of Tacoma Creek Bridge and turned off all but the car’s running lights.  Thirteen minutes until midnight: perfect timing.

He quickly radioed in his location to Sara back at the station and turned the volume down as low as he could get away with.

Sarah was grinning, twisted in her seat to face him.  “A roadblock here?  What are you hoping to catch?  Drunk cows?”

“Hey!”  Bill held up a cautionary finger.  “Tell me that _fascinating_ story your Mom told me about visiting great-grandparents when you were little?  What you looked forward to seeing?”

“Seeing the moo-cows,” Sarah muttered, sinking into her seat.

“Okay, then.”  Bill grinned.  “You wanna rethink that cow joke?”

“Oh, what?!” she cried.  “You get to make city girl jokes and I can’t make country jokes?”

“I only make the city girl jokes when you get whiny about missing shopping.”  Bill tried to keep a straight face, knowing he was about to really rile Sarah up.  “Which, I’m sorry, but how great could shopping be back home?  What’d you buy?  Confederate flags and banjos?”

Sarah looked ready to climb across the car’s console and pick a fight.  “I really hope you come visit Chattanooga some day and I will freaking _shove_ Confederate  flags and banjos up your ass!”

Bill burst out laughing and there was a brief moment he was afraid he’d pushed it too far but Sarah started laughing, too.

Her eyes flashed in mock anger and she shoved at his shoulder.  “You _asshole_!  See if I come on a ride-along with you ever again!”

Bill caught her hands, cutting off her tirade, and motioned off to the southeast where, yup, Stanley was right on time.

Sarah turned and saw the fireworks burst over the fields.  “Oh, hey…” she trailed off, softening.

“Ten minutes to midnight,” Bill pointed out.  “Stanley’ll set off a volley every minute between now and then - and then he’ll try to burn down the entire western half of the state when midnight hits.  Officially, I’m out here to catch drunk assholes sneaking back into town – since you asked earlier – but I thought you might also like seeing Stanley’s show.”  He gave her a light bump with his elbow.  “Since you weren’t going to go on your own.”

Sarah shook her head, smiling.  “How far ahead were you planning this whole thing?”

“Oh, a week or two.  Since I figured out you were serious about staying in tonight.”

“Is my antisocial nature a personal challenge to you?” Sarah wondered.

“Maybe?”  Bill shrugged and pointed out the nine-minute fireworks.  “Mostly just want to make sure you don’t miss out on all the good things Jericho has to offer.”

“You say that like I didn’t already decide to stick around.  Do you want me to stay or something?”  Sarah smiled and entwined their fingers.

Bill quirked an eyebrow.  “Can the cow jokes and maybe I do.”

Sarah laughed and hung her head.  “Do I really complain that much about not being able to shop?”

“You have a tendency to mention when you can’t find something in town.”  Eight minutes.

“Okay, so I do lament all the grocery stores you _don’t_ have around here.  And, oh, the restaurants!  But really – I was used to having six different groceries within three miles of my house.  It’s a bit of an adjustment!”

“And like I said, I just want to make sure you think the adjustment is worth it.  You’ve been here almost a year; whaddaya think so far?”

Sarah rolled her eyes.  “Ask me again when it’s actually been a year.”

Bill grinned.  He knew she was loving Jericho, but he wanted to hear her say it.  Soon.  “So you sure you don’t want to come watch football with me tomorrow?  What other plans could you have for New Year’s Day?”

“Sleeping in, now!”  Seven minutes.  “And probably cooking chili, peas, and greens.  The traditional stuff.  But mostly sleeping.”

“Those aren’t traditions I’m familiar with.”  Bill frowned slightly.  “Sleeping in, yes.  Football all day, yes.  And chili works for that, but peas and greens?”

“Oh!  Not a tradition around here, then?  Black eyed peas for luck and greens for prosperity.”  Sarah shrugged dismissively.  “It’s _supposed_ to be collard or turnip greens, but I am a poor excuse for a Southerner and dislike both, so I just make something with spinach or have a big salad.  It’s still an excess of green, so I figure it counts.  The chili is just a tradition from a family friend – he used to make a huge mess of chili and invite over everyone he knew that year to eat and watch the games.  It just seems wrong not to have chili on New Year’s now!”

“Huh.”  Six minutes.

“So what are you going to do without me?”

“Sleeping sounded like a pretty good start,” Bill said with a eyebrow waggle.  “You could come over for that part.”

Sarah grinned.  “We’ll just see how tonight goes, why don’t we?”

“Sure thing, darlin’.”  Bill gave her his best smile, the one he knew she couldn’t resist.  “I’ll also watch football with my parents or Jimmy or Stanley, depending on who’s awake and free.  If your chili’s any good, I may have to check that out.”

“Oh, I see how it is.”  Sarah rolled her eyes.  “Keep me around just for my cooking.  I feel so used!”

As the five minute fireworks went, Bill pulled his hands out of Sarah’s.  While she protested, he hopped out of the car and jogged around to open her door for her.  “I don’t have to start the roadblock until a few minutes after midnight.  Let’s watch out here.”

Sarah sat on the car hood and he leaned next to her, watching Stanley’s countdown fireworks in relative silence.  Four minutes, three minutes, two…

Sarah ran her fingers through his hair.  “I might be convinced, you know.”

He hummed.  “Of what?”

“That Jericho’s pretty great.”  Sarah grinned and leaned down to kiss him.

“Hey now,” he protested halfheartedly.  “You’re supposed to save that until it actually hits midnight.”

One minute.

“Well, sure, that’s the _tradition_ , but it strikes me as a pretty good way to end the old year, too.  Especially when it’s been such a good one.”

“Well, when you put it like that, how can I argue?”  Bill thought about what she said, freezing briefly before pulling back, grinning.  “Hey wait.  Were you saying _I’m_ a good thing?”

Sarah laughed and thumped his chest.  “Of course that’s what you picked up on.  Yes, you jerk, I’d say you’ve been a pretty good thing for me.  At least when you aren’t teasing me mercilessly and dragging me out of my perfectly warm bed in the middle of the night!”

“So I’m only a perk part of the time.”  Ten seconds.  Bill leaned in for another kiss.  “I can live with that.”

When midnight hit, the explosions from the Richmond farm shook the ground, but they barely noticed.

 

**January**

“I can’t decide if I’m happy to finally have a reason to wear all this snow gear I got while working at the outfitter or if I made a horrible, horrible choice moving to Kansas.”  Sarah stood on her porch, dressed in said gear and visibly shivering.  “Yesterday there was just a dusting and it was _so pretty_.  And then this morning, bam!  A blizzard.  What the hell happened?”

Bill leaned on the snow shovel and laughed.  “It’s one foot.  I don’t think that counts as a blizzard, Sarah.”

She hmphed in disbelief.  “That’s what _you_ think.  I haven’t seen this much snow since I was in the Alps as a kid.”

He chuckled and went back to digging out her garage door.  “Just be glad it hit late this year or your Christmas vacation might have been messed up.”

Sarah’s eyes widened.  “Really?  You usually get snow in December?”

“Yeah.  Week of Christmas is normally our coldest, but this has been an odd winter.”  Bill paused and gave Sarah a significant look.  “Now, are you gonna keep standing there watching me work or are you gonna come help shovel your own drive?”

Sarah groaned.  “Can’t I just… stay up here and offer encouragement?”

“Hell, no.  Get your ass down here.”

With an exaggerated sigh, Sarah picked her way down the stairs and along the walk to where Bill was working.  He handed her the shovel and she looked at it dumbly.  “Okay, you realize I have never ever shoveled snow in my life, right?”

“Gathered that.  But you know how a shovel works, don’t you?”  He pantomimed the motion, just in case.

Sarah rolled her eyes.  “Yes, thank you; I know how to shovel.  I just didn’t know if there’s any special trick to snow shoveling.”

Bill shook his head and pointed as he talked.  “General idea’s to get the snow from the driveway into the yard.  You wanna get fancy with it, go crazy.  I’m gonna take my turn standing on porch looking pretty.”

 

To be fair, Bill had only left her about five feet of driveway to shovel.  She also had to admit it’d been crazy nice of him to come over at all after she’d called him panicking – her garage door wasn’t wanting to open and how was she supposed to drive in all this snow and what, no, of course she didn’t own a snow shovel.  Why, did she need one?

Bill showed up half an hour later with a couple bags and a brand new shovel from the hardware store and got to work before Sarah even knew he was at her house.

It was worth a little teasing, she reminded herself.  The fact that he was standing there poking fun at her shoveling technique didn’t negate all that he had already done.

Then again, he disappeared inside with his bags before she was even on the last foot of snow.  Abandoning her _might_ be unforgivable.

 

Sarah found a spot to hang her new shovel in the garage and kicked the snow off her boots.  Where had Bill gotten to?  She opened the door to the kitchen, ready to fuss at him for being a jerk and–

“Whoa,” she boggled.  “Something smells wonderful.”

Bill grinned, leaning against the counter.  “Yup, sure does.”

Pulling off her gloves and hat, Sarah peered at the soup pot on the stove, breathing in the scent of apples and cinnamon and a few other things she couldn’t name.  “Mulled cider?” she asked, taking the opportunity to thaw her hands in the rising steam.

“Stanley’s cider and Grandma Faye’s recipe.”  Bill grabbed her hands, rubbing them between his own and kissing her cold fingertips.  “Thought it’d be a nice way to warm up.  Is it working?”

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t quite so much of a bastard for leaving her outside alone.  “Mm.  I’ll let you know once I can feel my face again.”

“Maybe I can help with that,” he mused, grinning wickedly.  He let go of her hands and held her face, tilting it upward and kissing her nose and oh yes, this was a very nice way to warm up indeed and–

Bill very quickly rubbed her cheeks, building up heat with the friction and absolutely squishing her face.

Sarah jumped back as he burst out laughing.  “God damn it, Bill!”

Nope, she took everything back.  He was definitely a bastard.

 

She’d stomped off to the bedroom, trading her coat and fleece-lined jeans for pajama pants and a soft hoodie.  He could deal with slouchy clothes; like she was going to dress up for him _now_.

Bill was waiting for her on the couch, two mugs of cider on the coffee table.  She slumped into the chair across from him and he grinned.  “Oh, come on!  Aren’t you going to sit with me?”

Sarah glared.  “I don’t know if I trust you not to dump the cider on me or not.”

He rolled his eyes.  “I’m not gonna do anything.  Come over here.”

She stayed put, keeping up the glare.

Bill sighed.  “I’m sorry.  Please quit looking at me like I kicked your cat.”

He gave her the puppy dog eyes and Sarah relented, sliding onto the couch next to him.  He handed her a mug and she settled in under his arm, curling her feet up on the cushions.

“Oh God,” she moaned, sipping the cider.  “This is amazing.  I may have to completely forgive you just for this.”

She could hear the grin in his voice.  “I’ll remember this trick, then.  Could come in handy.”

“Maybe I’ll even let you get away with it.”  Sarah turned to give him a quick kiss on the cheek but something outside caught her eye.  “Oh, _drat_.  It’s snowing again!”

 

**February**

Bill fidgeted as they waited outside the restaurant.

Sarah swatted at him.  “Act normal; you’ll give it away.”

“Pretty sure he already suspects something.  He’ll recognize a lot of the cars in the parking lot.”

Sarah looked thoughtful.  “Do we have time to ask a couple people to move to the next lot over?”

“No, here they come.”  Bill straightened up and grabbed Sarah’s hand as his parent drove into the parking lot.  His mom waved at them from the car.

“Happy birthday!”  Sarah greeted his dad cheerfully with a hug.  “And happy retirement, too!”

Hank grunted, but grinned.  “Thank you, sweetie.”

Bill hugged his mom and whispered, “Everyone’s inside.”

She nodded and laid a hand on Hank’s shoulder.  “Come on, honey, the kids are hungry.  Let’s go in.”

Hank stepped into the restaurant and was met with a resounding “ _Surprise_!” from most everyone there.

“Woah,” he said, taking a step back.  “I’m in the wrong place,” he joked.

“Here’s the big surprise, Dad,” Bill said, pointing into the crowd.  “Angie’s here, too.”

Hank looked shocked at the sight of his daughter and gave her a huge hug, almost coming to tears.  Bill smiled to himself – convincing his sister to take a couple days off work and come back home had been no mean feat.  He hadn’t been able to get her to bring Lisa, but at least Angie was here. 

Pam and Hank waded into the crowd, Hank dragging Angie along with him.

Sarah slipped her hand into Bill’s.  “Looks like you did good, hon.”

Bill shook his head.  “Nah, this was all Mom.”

Sarah gave him a knowing look.  “Hardly.”

Bill hung his head and grinned.  Okay, maybe he _had_ helped out more than a little.  It looked like his work getting Angie here was completely worth it, though.

 

Maybe it was Southern charm.  Maybe it was a natural gift.  Either way, Sarah worked the crowd amazingly, Bill thought.  She graciously put up with being called “Bill’s girl” by all his parent’s friends, and chatted easily with them after.  Maybe she knew them from the library, Bill thought, but he was still impressed – mostly that she was getting along with his sister.  Angie rarely opened up to anyone from Jericho; maybe Sarah’s outsider status was why Angie seemed to like her.

Could he really ask for more?  Sarah fit in with his family and their friends like she belonged there.

Maybe she did.

He slid in the seat next to her and across from Angie.  “Hope you’re not telling stories on me,” he quipped.

Angie grinned wickedly.  “Well, I wasn’t, but now that you mention it…  Has Bill told you about playing dress up with our grandfather’s stuff?  Or his baseball days?”

Sarah glanced at Bill and grinned back.  “He did say he was on the high school team.”

Bill groaned.  “Do we have to do this?”

“Of course!  You started it!”

“Oh gosh,” Sarah said, putting a hand to her mouth.  “Did he single-handedly lose the State Championship or something?”

Bill shook his head.  “Not that bad.”

Angie pointed at him.  “Pretty damn close, little bro.  You were kind of horrible the few games I saw you in.   _If_ you even played.  They never even got close to the State Championship with him on the team.”

“Wait, if you weren’t a good player, how’d you make the team?”

“You’ve got to remember Jericho is _tiny_ ,” Angie pointed out.  “The coach was short on players and this dork hung around so much anyway, they just put his name on the list.”

“Aw, that’s kind of cute,” Sarah cooed.

Bill grimaced.  “I did have to make it through tryouts,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, it was between you and another kid that sucked.  You just sucked slightly less.”  Angie looked up and smiled as Hank joined them at the table.  “Heya, Pops.”

“Hey, kiddo,” Hank replied, squeezing her shoulder.  “Your mom tells me you’re staying through Sunday.”

“If you’ll have me.  But then I got to get back to Lisa and the dogs.”

Hank rolled his eyes.  “You and those dogs.”

“Hey now, you said last year they were as good as grandchildren!” protested Angie.

“Yeah, but that was before your brother met this girl.”  Hank pointed at Sarah.  “Now I might get real grandchildren.”

Sarah’s eyes widened – she obviously hadn’t been expecting that.  “Um.”

“Don’t say anything,” Angie advised, laughing.  “He’s trying to rile you up.”

“No, I’m trying to get grandchildren before I get too sick to enjoy them.  The mine was rough on this old fella.”

Bill rolled his eyes and grabbed Sarah’s hand under the chair for reassurance.  “You’re doing fine right now, Dad.”

“You say that, but soon.  The mine comes for us all.”

“Always doom and gloom with you, Dad.  Come off it, it’s your retirement party.  No more mine for you!” Angie pointed out.

Hank grinned and stood again.  “Remember, grandchildren,” he said, wagging his finger at Bill and Sarah.

Angie just laughed at their embarrassed faces.

~~~

 

Sarah caught herself staring at the map on the library wall yet again.  Fourth time that day, actually.

Forty-eight contiguous states stared back at her, crisscrossed with highways and interstates and back roads and all sorts of unexplored places – and she was stuck right there under the green thumbtack in the middle.

Okay, not _stuck_.  Jericho was becoming her home and she liked it.  She just… needed to get out for a bit and then she’d be good for a while.  There was practically a tangible itch under her skin when she thought of all the places within a day’s drive of Jericho she hadn’t been – this was a whole new part of the country; still a frontier to her.

Sarah shook herself from her reverie and tried to get back to work.  Her gaze kept drifting to the map, however, and as soon as she thought Bill would be getting off patrol, she snuck her phone out.

 _Let’s go somewhere for Valentine’s,_ she texted.   _Out of town_.

The phone buzzed in her pocket ten minutes later.   _dinner down in oakley?_

Sarah sighed.  Bill was such a homebody; of course he’d figure she was talking about somewhere within an hour’s drive.

 _No_ , she replied.   _A weekend away, just you and me.  We can leave on Saturday after you work and come back Monday.  Anywhere works – the mountains, a city, whatever._

Bill didn’t respond for a while – Sarah was half afraid she’d somehow messed up and tried to push the thought of a trip together out of her mind.  She was grabbing her purse to leave before another text came in. 

_you pick where, we’ll go_

~~~

 

They left town late Saturday afternoon and Sarah relaxed almost immediately.  The open road, a full tank of gas, the radio playing all the good songs to jam to, and the best part – Bill in the seat beside her.  How could she _not_ be happy?

She’d picked Colorado Springs as their getaway destination; it was relatively close – just three hours away – and while she’d been there before, it hadn’t been long enough to really sight-see.  Bill hadn’t been there since a middle school field trip to Pike’s Peak and the mountains would be a welcome change from pancake-flat Kansas, at least for her.

Still, Sarah was the tiniest bit afraid she’d pushed Bill into this weekend on such short notice – he’d assured her he really wanted to travel with her and even insisted on covering the hotel room, but she couldn’t help feeling he wasn’t as excited as she was.  She didn’t want to push things if he was anxious, so she resigned herself to cruise-controlling the exact speed limit the entire drive.  No sense poking at Bill’s lawful good side today.

She reached over and grabbed his hand.  He smiled back at her and gave it a squeeze.

Okay, so maybe this trip would go well after all.

~~~

 

Sunday turned out to be a gorgeous winter day:  sunny and crisp and absolutely perfect for Sarah’s plans.

They had a fairly lazy start at the hotel – well, lazy for Bill’s usual schedule – and went to a morning service at the Cadet Chapel, wandering the rest of the Air Force Academy campus after.  Lunch downtown was managed with only a few instances of Bill white-knuckling through tricky traffic on the way.  Getting to feed giraffes at the zoo ended up being way more fun than Sarah had imagined, especially after one tried to make a snack of Bill’s hair.  He groused about the cowlick, but he was laughing.

It wasn’t quite dinner time when they left the zoo and there were still a couple more hours of sunlight, so Sarah suggested a quick hike through the Garden of the Gods.  It seemed ideal: a pretty, relatively compact park with a few miles of trails and rocks she could clamber on.

It was that last bit that got Sarah in trouble.

For her, hiking meant hills and mountain sides and going off-trail to explore (sometimes ignoring trails altogether) and free-climbing rock formations to find the best views.  It was the way she’d always hiked with her family, from the local ridges to seaside cliffs in Portugal; any other way was simply boring.

For Bill, though, hiking was less of an adventure: sticking to the marked paths and enjoying the views from there.  He didn’t have problems with the inclines and drop-offs of the short trail they picked, though he approached them with more trepidation than Sarah.

When Sarah started scaling the red rock formations, Bill _did_ have a problem.

 

“Bill, hon, c’mon.  It’s easy to get up here,” Sarah called from her perch on a ledge fifteen feet up.  The rock face beneath her wasn’t a vertical one – more of a scramble than a true climb.  It really _would_ be simple for him to follow her, if he’d just make the attempt.

“Hell, no.”  Bill watched her with a concerned expression.  “Darlin’, you should come down.”

“Nope, I absolutely shouldn’t,” she chirped cheerfully as she inspected the rocks around her.  Aha, that pillar to the left looked sturdy and wide enough to sit on top of; it would only take a jump of about three feet.  Completely doable.  She’d done plenty worse down in Sedona and back in Tennessee.

“Sarah…,” Bill cautioned as she stood.  “What are you doing?”

She pointed to the pillar.  “I’m gonna sit on that and take some pictures.  Particularly some of you way down there instead of up here with me.”  Without waiting for a response, she made the leap and landed deftly on the pillar.  She kept her promise and snapped a picture of Bill looking stressed below.

Actually, that wasn’t a bad shot.  She opened the camera again and texted another photo to Joanna and Margaret, this time of Bill glaring at her.   _He won’t come up and play :(,_ she added to the text.

Sarah grinned as she sent the photo and then leaned back to take in the view.  It wasn’t nearly as impressive as it would have been in the morning sunlight, but it was still beautiful.  The sun was starting to meet the mountaintops behind her – a pretty clear sign they should head back to the car before it got dark.  She stood again, preparing to jump back across the break, and her foot slipped just the tiniest bit – not enough to make her lose her balance, but she could practically _hear_ Bill’s stress levels rise.

“Damn it, Sarah!” he pled, voice strained.  “ _Please_ be careful.  I love you; I don’t want you to get hurt!”

 _Love_.  Sarah’s breath caught; that was the first time either of them had said it.  It distracted her, just for a heartbeat, and she faltered.  This time, she _did_ lose her balance and slid off the pillar.

She grabbed at the rock face slipping by, trying to find purchase on any handhold, but all she managed to do was catch her wrist on a jagged edge.  Her foot hit a crevice, causing a sharp pain.  Thankfully, it didn’t get stuck, but it did make her land flat on her back and knocked the wind from her lungs.

Bill was there before she even had a chance to process that she’d stopped falling, reaching to help her up.  She forced herself to breathe again and whispered, “No.”  He froze.

Sarah lay there, ignoring his panicked look, and tried to assess what hurt.  Her right leg and ankle a little, her left hand a lot.  She was able to turn he head painlessly to look at it – oh thank goodness, she didn’t seem to have a neck injury – and saw a long gash across her wrist and palm.  It was bleeding too heavily for her to see how deep it was; that was worrisome.

She quickly pressed her hand into her pant leg and reached for Bill to help her sit up.  “Gonna need your shirt,” Sarah hissed, tensed muscles protesting the movement.

He stared at her, bewildered.

“I need to staunch the bleeding.  My pants aren’t gonna be enough,” she tried to explain.

Bill’s eyes widened in comprehension and he quickly tore off his shirts to get to his cotton undershirt.

She nodded gratefully and pressed the wadded-up tee into her wrist, slowly testing her range of motion.  Each finger flexed, albeit painfully.  Okay, that was the immediate concern taken care of.

“Do I need to call for help?”  Bill asked, already pulling out his phone.  He’d zipped his coat closed over his bare chest and the panic seemed to have passed: his no-nonsense cop side was now coming out.

“No!  My back’s okay; I don’t need an ambulance,” Sarah protested quickly.  She was mostly sure of that at least – and definitely sure she couldn’t afford one out-of-state.  It was stupid of her to have moved so much already without being examined, but she’d always been foolhardy about that.  Or willfully idiotic, depending on how you looked at it.

She _did_ , however, need to get her wrist wrapped up before they tried to leave, so she nodded towards where she’d laid her jacket before climbing.  “Bill, there’s a first aid kit under the passenger seat.  Can you get it?  Keys are in the right pocket.”

He grabbed them and took off running.

Sarah supposed she should be grateful it was a smaller park and they had only gone about a third of a mile from the parking lot.  It shouldn’t take Bill long to make it back with the kit.

Now that she was sitting up, she could see that her arms and fingertips were scraped and bleeding, but it all appeared to be superficial.  Unfortunately, once she was aware of them, all the scrapes began to sting.  Grimacing, she tested other areas for injury.

Everything went fine until she tried to flex her right ankle.  The dull ache in her lower leg burst into intense pain as soon as she moved her foot.  She stifled a cry, but her eyes still watered.

Oh, _fuck_.  That must have been what happened when her foot caught.  She could only hope the bone was bruised, not broken.  Either way, she was glad she’d kept her kit stocked with backcountry gear from her Scouting days; she was going to need that splint.

Sarah laid back and stared at the sky while she waited for Bill to return.  Wasn’t like she was going anywhere without him.

 

With the splint and help from Bill, Sarah made it back to her car.  He drove to the hospital as carefully as he could, apologizing every time a bump or speed change jostled her.  Sarah just kept pressure on her wrist wrap and tried not to wince.

Bill filled out all the paperwork for her and she was taken back to a room within fifteen minutes – remarkably fast for a city emergency room.  They cleaned and dressed her scrapes and her wrist was examined, stitched up, and immobilized in a brace almost before the anesthetic set in.  That seen to, she was bumped back down the triage list and they began the waiting game for someone to look at her leg.

Thirty minutes in, a nurse came by to finally get her signature on her forms and a more detailed account of what happened.  Sarah leaned back on the inclined cot and recounted the story with only a few interjections from Bill – at least until she got to the actual fall.  She glanced at Bill and admitted, “I, uh, was surprised by something right as I was getting ready to jump back and that’s when I lost my balance.”

Bill blanched and stood quickly, surprising both Sarah and the nurse.  “I’m gonna go find something to eat,” he said gruffly.  The nurse reminded him not to bring anything back into the treatment area; Bill nodded and left.

The nurse gave her a look.  “Your boyfriend what surprised you?” he asked.

Sarah nodded, frowning.  “Yeah…  He said something that I wasn’t expecting.  I think he may have just realized that.”  She sighed and rubbed her face.  “It’s not his fault; it was bad timing.  Not sure he believes that now, though.”

The nurse nodded, promising “I’ll send him back if I see him.”  He wrote down the last bits of Sarah’s story, assured her someone would be by soon to take her for an x-ray, and left her alone.

Thinking Bill would be back shortly, Sarah tried to entertain herself.  Her phone, which had been in her front pocket, miraculously escaped with only cosmetic damage, so she took advantage of the hospital wifi.  She sent another photo text to her friends – a picture of her splinted leg with the words _OOPS I FELL_ accompanying it.

Bill didn’t come back quickly.  In fact, he still wasn’t back an hour later when Sarah was wheeled off to the x-ray.  Or thirty minutes after that when they sent her to the MRI.  She looked for him in the halls each time, but didn’t see him.  Damn it, where was he?

 

Why had he said that?  Surely there was a better time to tell Sarah he loved her, but no – he had to go and distract her and get her hurt.  This was all his fault.

Bill drove faster than he normally would have, caught up in his thoughts.  Somehow, with the day he was having, it didn’t surprise him when red and blue lights lit up behind him.  Damn it, he berated himself as he pulled over.

He could pull out his badge and see if the other guy would let him off, but he didn’t feel very officer-of-the-peace-ish right now.  He decided to just take the ticket if he got one.  He placed his hands on the steering wheel, in plain sight, while he waited for the officer to come up to the window.

She knocked on the passenger window, just as Bill would have.  He rolled down the window and opened with an apology.  “I’m sorry, officer.  I know I was speeding.”

She gave him a look.  “If you know it, why were you doing it?  And why are your clothes bloody?”

He was afraid the truth would sound like a sob story, but he had nothing else.  “My girlfriend got hurt hiking.  She’s in the ER at Penrose Hospital and I’m headed back to our hotel while she’s being x-rayed and tested.”

“Why’d you leave her?” the officer asked accusingly.

Bill shrunk a little, stung.  “I was hoping to get fresh clothes for us both.”

“What’s her name?  I’m going to call Penrose ER and verify that she’s there.  If so, I’ll let you go with a warning, but if you’re lying to me…”

Bill shook his head.  “I’m not.  She’s Sarah Morgan from Jericho, Kansas.  Checked in a few hours ago.”

The officer nodded and headed back to her car.

Bill leaned back in the seat and found himself fighting back tears.  First he’d messed up Sarah’s day – and potentially more, if she’d broken that leg – and now he might get a ticket.  The guys at home would _never_ let him hear the end of it.

But oh gosh, what _if_ Sarah had broken her leg?  That wasn’t an easy heal.  He might have hurt her forever.  He might have messed up her future of hiking – and she loved that so much.  What if he’d just ruined her life?  All because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

 

Bill was there when she returned.  He looked tired and sad and a little shrunken, but he’d showered and changed out of the clothes she’d gotten bloody.  A small pile of folded clothes – hers – sat on the chair beside him.

“I went back to the hotel,” he explained sheepishly.  “Thought you might like something clean to put on when you can.”

Sarah was grateful for that but even more so to see him back.  “You needed to get away for a bit, huh?” she asked.  A hurt expression crossed his face and she immediately regretted the question.  Of course he’d take that as an accusation right now.  “Shit, babe, no.  It’s okay; I get it.  I’m glad you took a break.  I just didn’t know where you were.”

She held out a hand, fussing when he tried to pass her the clothes.  “No, silly.  _You_ come here.”  He didn’t react right away, so Sarah pressed on.  “I can’t get over there, so you have to be the one to move.  Please, Bill?”

He came up beside the cot and lightly picked up her good hand, examining it instead of looking at her face.  “Sarah, I’m so sorry,” he said earnestly.  “I shouldn’t have said anything.  I never meant to make you fall.  I should have trusted you to get down safely.  And when you said it was me that distracted you, I just…”

Sarah pulled her hand from his grasp and grabbed his arm, cutting him off.  “Bill…  Did you mean it?”  She studied his face, searching for some clue.  “You did, didn’t you?”

Bill finally caught her eye and stilled.  “Of course I did,” he said a few heartbeats later.  “I love you.  I have for months.  I haven’t known how or when to say it, though.  It just slipped out.”

A smile burst across her face involuntarily and she yanked on his shirt, pulling him down into a kiss.  “I love you, too,” she whispered.  “So much.  I’m just horrible at actually saying it and I was afraid you didn’t feel the same.”

He shook his head.  “Yeah.  I do.  I never meant for it to hurt you, though.”

Sarah’s smile softened.  “Not how we pictured spending Valentine’s night, but I’m glad you finally said it.  I’ve been holding it in too long myself.”

Bill just kissed her forehead in reply.

 

They were there until after midnight; waiting first for the doctor to tell them the x-ray and MRI results – a bruised tibia, which really meant the inner bone was broken while the outside was just cracked – and then to hear the probably treatment – two weeks in a full-leg splint with crutches and then using the splint as needed afterwards.  Thankfully, they were able to set her up with an orthopedist much closer to home for follow-up appointments.

It was another long wait for someone to actually put on the splint.  Bill dozed in the chair by the bed and Sarah pulled her phone out again.

She had a few messages waiting for her, asking if she was okay, but her favorite was a picture from Margaret of Sally’s most disapproving face.

Sarah looked over at Bill sleeping and grinned.  She took a quick picture and sent it back to Margaret.

_He said he loves me.  Of course I fell._


	6. Year Two - 2011

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where is all this leading up to? Perhaps it's inevitable.

**Year Two**

**March**

He loved her.  He’d said it once and now it was like he didn’t want to quit saying it.  In fact, he said it every day now.

She said it back.  And she meant it, wholeheartedly, but it bugged her for some reason.

Well, not just ‘some reason’.  Sarah knew exactly why.

She wasn’t good enough for Bill.  She knew it deep in her heart and knew there wasn’t a way to change things.

For whatever reason, he loved her anyway.  It wasn’t fair to him and sometimes she thought about breaking things off for his own good, or pushing him away in some other manner.  Anything so that maybe he’d go find someone better, more deserving.

She tried to be a good girlfriend, but it seemed Bill was always one step ahead of her.  She made him carrot cake; he bought her flowers.  She planned an outing; he took her out of town for dinner.

Joanna pointed out that this was normal and quite sweet, but Sarah didn’t believe it.

What she did believe was this: someday, Bill would realize he deserved better than Sarah and he would leave her.

Maybe it would be better to leave him first.

~~~

 

In retrospect, Sarah should have known the crash was coming.  All the signs were there. 

In reality, it hit her like a ton of bricks.

One day she woke up and couldn’t move.  It wasn’t paralysis, just that her limbs and her body felt so heavy that she didn’t have the energy to move.  The feeling didn’t pass in a couple hours like normal, either.  She missed two days of work and held Bill at bay by texting him she needed some alone time.

She knew something was wrong.  She knew what she should do about it – call her doctor and reach out to Bill and her friends – but that felt impossible.  Like she’d be letting them down showing this side of her.

Joanna called on the third day and suggested filing for some time off, FMLA leave if she needed it.  “I just don’t want you to lose your job.  I don’t want to lose my favorite coworker.”

“You’re right,” Sarah said, her brain completely skipping over Joanna’s last sentence.  “I don’t know that I’ve got the energy to do that, though.”

“I’ll bring you by the forms after work.  I’m serious.  I want you to stay.”

Sarah’s eyes welled up with tears.  Joanna was a better friend than she deserved.  “Can you stick them in the mailbox?  I’m not sure I’m up to people yet.”

“How about I leave them on your front porch, with some dinner?”

The tears started falling then.  This was way more than she deserved.  “Thank you.”

~~~

 

Sarah mailed the papers in the next day, hoping against hope her leave would be approved.  Of course, if the library was smart, they’d fire her instead.

It was day four of her crash and she couldn’t hold Bill back any longer.  He showed up unannounced that afternoon, fresh from his shift.

He guessed what was going on as soon as she opened the door.  “Bipolar?”

Sarah nodded and let him in.  Maybe he would see the mess she was and leave.  He didn’t before, but this was worse.  She hadn’t left the house in four days.  She hadn’t bathed in two.  Trash was piled up and a few flies buzzed in the kitchen – flying toys for the cat to chase.

At least she’d managed to keep Jackson fed and watered, even if his litter box was a little overfull.

Bill didn’t seem to notice any of that.  He pulled her into a hug and just held her for a few minutes.

Once again, this touch of compassion was too much and Sarah started crying.  Why were people so nice to her?

Bill just hugged her tighter, rubbing a hand up and down her back.  “It’s okay,” he whispered.

“No, it’s not,” sobbed Sarah.  “I told you I got worse.”

“You did,” Bill acknowledged.  “And I told you I’d stay.”

“You don’t have to.  You can leave.  You _should_ leave.  I’m not worth this.”

Bill pulled back from Sarah and cupped her chin so that she had to look at him.  “Yes.  You are.”

She tried to shake her head, but Bill wouldn’t let her.

“Yes.  You are,” he repeated.  “I love you and you are worth me staying when you feel bad.”

Sarah didn’t know what to say to convince him otherwise.

Bill turned her around and directed her towards the bathroom.  “Go.  Shower.  Feel better.  I’ll be here when you get out.”

 

It was déjà vu all over again, Bill thought.  Hadn’t they been through this six months ago?  Hadn’t Sarah listened all these time he told her he loved her?  What more could he do?

 _Jesus_ , he hated seeing her like this.  Was this really going to be the cycle the rest of their liv– their relationship?  No, he corrected himself, ‘lives’ was right.  As much as he hated the idea of Sarah feeling so badly, it didn’t offset the fact that he was committed to her – and as far as he was concerned, that meant forever.

It was the first time he’d ever felt that way.  Not even with Amanda – and he’d considered proposing to her.  Now he knew just how much of a mistake that would have been.  He’d have missed out on all the wonderful times he’d had with Sarah and, just maybe, helping her through some hard times.  _She_ was helping _him_ , even if she didn’t realize it.  Just having someone to talk to when he was feeling anxious helped – and she understood him, unlike Jimmy, who tried.

But how could he help her?  Bill looked around.  He could start by cleaning.  That was always a solid plan.  Sarah was normally so neat, it could only help her mood to come back to a clean room.

 

Sarah emerged from the shower in pajamas, just like last time, although this time Bill hadn’t ordered food.  He thought he might try and talk her into leaving the house for dinner.

She still looked miserable as she collapsed on the couch, followed by the cat.  “Bill…,” she started.

He came over and sat next to her.  “What is it, darlin’?”

She looked down, as if ashamed.  “Bill, hon.  I want you to know this is always going to be part of my life.  I’m going to have crashes and I don’t ever know when or how bad or for how long.  I just know they’ll come.”

He nodded.  “You said that before.”

Sarah shook her head.  “ _No_.  I need you to _really_ understand that.  This isn’t some problem you can fix for me by swooping in to save the day.  Even if we find a magic medication that helps, it’ll still only lessen the swings.  I’m _always_ going to be a problem.  I need you to know I’m broken.  I need you to think about whether it’s worth it to stick around, knowing all that.”

Bill cocked his head to the side, trying to understand what Sarah wanted.  Was she trying to get him to break up with her…?  “I already told you I’m staying.  You haven’t seen me with a panic attack yet, but I’ll eventually have one.  You’ll see it’s not just you.”

“Bill, I’m giving you an out.  You can leave now and not feel guilty.  I won’t hold it against you.”

Bill pulled her chin up so she was looking at him.  “Sarah, do _you_ want to break up?”

Her lip quivered as she took a moment.  Tears came to her eyes again and she shook her head.  “No.  I’m selfish and want you here with me.  But if I really loved you, I’d break up with you so you could be with someone better.”

Bill pulled her into his arms and let her cry into his shoulder.  “I know something is wrong with your brain right now if it’s telling you that.  There _isn’t_ anyone better for me.  I _want_ to stay, even when you’re getting snot all over my shirt.  I need you to trust me when you’re like this, not your brain.”

She laughed amid the sobs and pulled back, wiping away tears.  “I don’t know how to do that.”

“Well, we’ll try it and see, okay, hon?  For right now, I need you to listen to me and do a few things.”

She sagged.  “I don’t know if I can do anything right now.”

“Yes, you can.  I know it.”  Bill picked her hands up and rubbed the backs with his thumbs.  “First thing, you need to call your doctor and ask about changing to a new med.  This one didn’t work.  Second thing, I need you to get dressed.  You need to leave the house with me.  We’ll pick up food and go to my place if you don’t want to go to a restaurant, but you need to get out of here for a bit.  It’ll be good for you.”

Sarah boggled.  “That’s a lot.  I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Yes, you can,” he repeated emphatically.  “I can’t do these things for you, but I can help walk you through them.  Please, just try.”

 

Sarah did those things, with encouragement from Bill the whole way.  It was like cheering a child on, he thought, but it was worth it to see her get a little bit more confident with every move she made – as if having someone there while she did those things helped.  At least he hoped it helped.

They were curled up on his couch now, pizza box on the floor and Sadie watching jealously from her bed by the TV.  He rubbed a hand up and down her arm lazily, basking in the feeling of having someone so close.

“Thank you,” Sarah whispered suddenly.

“Mhm.  For what?”

“For not leaving.  For trying to help me.”

“I told you before that I wouldn’t.  You need to learn to believe me when I tell you something.”

“I’ll work on that.”

 

**April**

“Is Sarah on a new medication?  She seemed different last night,” asked Jimmy out of the blue one day when they were out on patrol.

“Different good, right?” Bill asked. 

“Yeah,” agreed Jimmy.  “Like she had more energy.  She kept up with the kids pretty well.”

Bill smiled.  “Yeah, it’s a new medication.  After her crash last month, the doctor changed up her regimen and this new stuff seems to work.”

“That’s good,” Jimmy said.  “Things can be normal again.”

Bill nodded, but really, was this normal?  He’d thought a lot about what Sarah had said during her crash – that she would always cycle, even with medication.

“Jimmy?” he asked, a few minutes later.

“Yeah?”

“How’d you know when to propose?”

Jimmy shot him a surprised look.  “You gonna ask Sarah?”

“I’m thinking about it,” Bill admitted, pointedly looking out the window instead of at his friend.  “But how’d you know when it was right?”

“I, uh, I dunno.  You just do?  Why are you asking me?  I’m not sure it ever occurred to me to _not_ marry Margaret.”

Bill sighed.  “I’m sure Sarah’s the one.  But I don’t know when to ask.”

Jimmy was quiet for minute.  “Her crash last month is still bothering you, isn’t it?”

“Yeah…”  Bill trailed off.  He told Jimmy most everything – the man could talk your ears off, but he would also take a secret to the grave – but he hadn’t told him everything Sarah had said.  Or all that he thought.  Maybe he should.  “We’ve talked about it since then.  She said she thinks she’ll always feel like she’s not good enough to love and maybe…  Maybe this would be a way to show her she is?”

“You don’t want to propose just because of that, do you?”  Jimmy sounded worried.

“No!” Bill protested.  “No, before all that happened I was thinking I wanted to ask someday.  But I wonder if I should go ahead and ask now before she has another panic about it.  Tell her I’m certain she’s what I want.”

“Okay, Bill, but what if that doesn’t convince her?  What if, in a couple of years, she has another depression episode and wants a divorce because of those same reasons?”

Bill eyed Jimmy carefully.  “Are you trying to talk me out of this?”

Jimmy shook his head emphatically.  “No!  I’m not.  Sarah’s good for you.  She makes you happy and you seem to do the same for her.  But I know you, Bill: once you make those vows, you’re gonna keep them come hell or high water.  I just want to make sure you’ve thought this all through.  Marriage isn’t easy.  You know I love Margaret, but it still takes work.”

“Yeah, I know.”  Bill watched out the window for a few minutes.  Was he really hoping this would fix all of Sarah’s self-worth issues?  Yeah, okay, maybe a little.  If it didn’t, would it still be worth it?

Yeah, he thought so.

Okay, then.  He had to do this the proper way.  Ask her father, find a ring, find a time.  Easy-peasy, right?

 

**May**

“So, this is a long shot, but do you think you can get off for the weekend of the twenty-second?”  Sarah asked over dinner.

Bill glanced at the calendar on his phone.  “I’m already off the twenty-second and twenty-third.  That’s Sunday and Monday, like usual.”

“Yeah, I know.  But the day before, I mean.  An extra day off.”

Bill eyed Sarah cautiously.  “Why do I need to take off?”

Sarah sighed.  “It’s my parent’s anniversary and there’s a party and they’ve requested I bring you.”

“’They’ve requested’?” Bill repeated jokingly.  “So you don’t want me there?”

“Bill, no!  Of course I’d like you there.  It’s just a lot to ask, with the travel.  Either we drive and you take two days off, or we fly and that’s expensive.  And whichever we do, you’ve given up your time off to come meet my crazy family.”

Bill grinned; Sarah kept trying to tell him her family was weird, but he hadn’t gotten that vibe from her parents.  Plus… he just might get a chance to talk to her dad if he went.  He’d have to call in favors and beg Sheriff Dawes, but he could probably get the time off.  “Let me check tomorrow, but I bet I can do it.”

“Babe, are you serious?  You’d do this for me?”

“Lewis and Paul owe me a few shifts.  I bet I can strong arm them into covering for me for a couple days.  It won’t be that bad.”

Sarah bit her lip.  “If my family gets to be too much,” she said nervously, “we can always come back early.  Maybe save some of your weekend.”

Bill reached over and grabbed Sarah’s hand.  “It’ll be okay.  You’ve put up with my parent’s friends.  I’ll come down with you and you can show me off to your family.  No blaming me when they like me better, though.”

“They probably will,” Sarah muttered, laughing.

~~~

 

“You can still back out, you know.  You really don’t have to come.  Grab your bags and run.”

Bill looked up, amused.  “I said I’d come.  Already taken off work, anyway.  What else am I going to do?  Sit around here and do nothing?”  He finished loading his things into the trunk and grinned.  “Well, I guess I could start by going back to bed.”

Sarah laughed.  “Yeah, well, leaving at the crack of dawn gets us to Chattanooga in a single day.  We can always stop somewhere and tell my parents we won’t get there until tomorrow  if we need to.”  She glanced over the packed baggage before closing the trunk.  “And I’m serious.  Don’t do this just because you think you should.  My family can be overwhelming.”

“You’ve mentioned that.  It was fine when your parents visited, though.  And they didn’t go overboard sending gifts at Christmas like you were afraid of.  They’re friendly,” Bill said, climbing into the driver’s seat.

Sarah shot him a withering look from the passenger side.  “That’s them visiting _me_ and you staying at your place.  This is a weekend of concentrated Morgan family crazy.”

“And?”

“Bill!” Sarah groaned.  “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Being so God damned perfect.  I can’t keep up.”  Sarah slumped down in her seat as they hit the edge of town and turned on the interstate.

 

Two hours later, things weren’t going so well.  Sarah was tense, staring at the corn fields and trying not to explode.  “Hon?” she asked tersely.

“Hm?”

“Are you going to drive the exact speed limit the whole way?”

“There’s a reason it’s called the limit,” he said, never taking his eyes off the road.  Damn him.

“ _Bill_!  We’re in the middle of Kansas.  It’s so damn flat you can see actual nothing for miles.  The road is straight and traffic is nil.  There is literally nowhere safer to drive at speed.  Can you _please_ go a little faster?  Ten miles per hour would cut a lot off our driving time.”

“Sarah.”

“Bill.”

“That’s illegal.”

Sarah slumped in her seat again, closed her eyes, and tried to ignore both the cars passing on the left and the vein pulsing in her temple. 

Didn’t work.  Just for that, she switched the music to a mashups playlist Bill hated.

 

They stopped for lunch in the eastern half of Missouri: not a moment too soon.  Sarah’s skin crawled with how slow they’d been going and the chance to walk was a welcome one.

“I’m driving next,” she informed Bill over McNuggets.

“I’m doing fine,” he said mildly.

“I’m not.  Besides, I’ve driven through St. Louis before.  You haven’t.  Makes sense for me to do it.”

Bill eyed her cautiously.  He obviously wasn’t completely buying her excuse.  “We’re on the interstate and traveling straight through.  How difficult can it be?”

Sarah laughed.  Little did he know…  “Traffic is usually pretty bad when I go through there.  Besides, you’ll want to look out the window at the Arch and the Mississippi River.  Landmarks of the American Road Trip Experience, right?  We can even stop and read the historical markers if you want.”

Bill munched his fries, seeming to consider the proposal.

“Also, it’s my car.  Gimme the keys.”

 

Bill _did_ gawk out the window in St. Louis, both at the landmarks and at the traffic in the downtown interchanges.  It certainly was different from what he was used to – usually, the biggest city he traveled to was Lawrence for training classes.

Sarah was much calmer now that she was behind the wheel.  She chatted constantly, both to ward off road fatigue and to tell Bill the history of the areas they passed through, pointing out things as they went.

“And we’re just driving by, but the Native American city of Cahokia was near here.  It was a legitimate metropolis; the only one we know of in North America.  Really, before the ruins were discovered, we didn’t think any of the North American civilizations were that complex.”

“Mmhmm,” Bill hummed in response.  Sarah glanced over to see he was white-knuckling the armrest.

“You okay there, babe?”

“Sarah, the speed limit is 65 here,” he said, voice strained.

“And?”

“You’re going 75.”

“74, according to cruise control.  Not quite ten over.  _You_ wouldn’t write a ticket for that,” she pointed out.

“Sarah, that’s still speeding.”

“Shut up, Bill.  You’re out of your jurisdiction anyway.”

 

Crossing the state line from Illinois into Kentucky, Sarah breathed a sigh of relief.  She was back in her part of the world and she’d avoided all the Illinois speed traps:  Bill would have never let her hear the end of it if she’d been pulled over after her grandstanding.

“We’re stopping here,” she said, pointing out a familiar truck stop.

“Why?”

“We’re in Kentucky now and I need some sweet tea.  Also they cure fantastic country ham in-store.”

Bill looked confused.  “We have sweet tea in Kansas.”

“No, you have iced tea that’s been sweetened.  This is _sweet tea_ ,” she insisted, putting a twang into the words.  “There’s a difference.”

Bill was not impressed by the drinks Sarah ordered.  “Tastes the same to me.”

“That’s because you’re a godless heathen from the Great Plains,” Sarah remarked matter-of-factly and pulled a ham biscuit out of its wrapper to snack on as they hit the road again.  “Eat up.  This is dinner.”

 

Entering Tennessee was even more of a relief, mostly because at some point in the middle of Kentucky, Bill had stopped making speeding comments and limited himself to using the imaginary passenger brakes.  Sarah knew she’d probably pay for ignoring his backseat driving, but cutting time off the fifteen hour drive was worth it.

They whizzed through Nashville well after dark.  Sarah pointed out what landmarks could still be seen, like the Batman building, as well as the parts of town she had family living in – most of whom Bill would meet in a couple days.  She hated that he was missing the rolling hills of middle Tennessee, but they’d be back through on Monday.

Then again, maybe not.  She was pretty sure Bill was going to insist on flying himself back, even if he had to have Jimmy pick him up in Hays.

 

They hit the Chattanooga city limits at ten o’clock.  The Aquarium dominated the downtown skyline.

Sarah grinned.  “We’ll get to go there this weekend.  Dad can give us the good tour.”

“He can?”

“Yeah, he’s one of the scientists there.  I thought I told you he worked at the Aquarium.”

“I guess I didn’t realize that actually meant marine biologist.  He seems so _normal_.”

Sarah laughed bitterly.  “That’s because he’s been on good behavior around you.  Dad’s a troll who masquerades as a mild-mannered scientist.”

 

Bill seemed relieved when they pulled into Sarah’s parent’s driveway; he breathed an exaggerated sigh as he shut the car door, making Sarah roll her eyes.

“You made it!” came a happy cry from the front walk.

“Showtime,” Sarah muttered.

Bill gave her a quick look of consternation and turned to greet her parents, already hurrying down to them.  “Ken, Nancy – good to see you again!”

Hugs and handshakes were exchanged and Sarah’s mom hustled Bill inside before he could even think of helping unload the car.  Sarah popped the trunk and started grabbing bags, handing one to her dad.

“I thought you’d be here sooner.  Did you stop along the way?” he asked.

“Well, we took more bathroom breaks than you would approve of.”  Sarah shrugged.  “Bill’s also a stickler for the speed limit.  _I_ drove like a normal person, but he got us started slowly this morning.”

Inside, Nancy was already shoving food at Bill, despite his protests that he wasn’t hungry.  She paused to give instructions for sleeping arrangements.  “Bill, you’ll have the upstairs guest bedroom.  Sarah, your old room is now my craft room, so you’re stuck on the couch down here or on the fold out in the office.”

Sarah grinned.  Of course her mom had reclaimed her old bedroom.  She was just surprised her dad hadn’t turned it into extra garage space.  “I’ll take the office.  C’mon, Bill, let me give you the tour.”

~~~

 

Sarah was woken up at five thirty the next morning, when the cat decided it was time to round everyone up for breakfast.  Once both the cat and her parents were up and moving around, there was no way she was getting back to sleep, so she gave in and got dressed.

She leaned on the counter and nibbled bacon as her mom scrambled eggs.  “Gee.  Wish I rated this spread when it’s just me.”

“You never ask,” explained Nancy before peering at her.  “Where are your earrings?  Do you need to borrow some?”

“Jeez, no, I’m fine on earrings.  I packed some; I just hadn’t put them in yet.”

“Good.  Don’t want to be half naked.  Go see if Bill’s up yet.  Breakfast is almost ready.”

Sarah wandered upstairs to find that Bill was already awake and dressed, lounging on the bed and flipping through one of the many magazines her mom left out for guests.  Of course.  He’d probably been up for a couple hours already, the early bird.

“Hey, you,” she said softly, leaning in the doorway.  “Sleep well?”

“The cat came and checked me out around midnight, but other than that, it was a quiet night.”

“Good.”  Sarah smiled.  “Breakfast is ready, if you want to come face the rabid hounds.”

Bill shot her an irritated look and Sarah’s stomach dropped.  Oh, shoot, he was pissed about something.  Was it her driving yesterday?  He hadn’t seemed _all_ that upset last night but maybe she’d misread.  Or maybe he was already regretting his decision to come with her.  Maybe–

He grabbed her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze as he passed her and headed down the stairs.  So maybe things weren’t quite so bad.  Sarah could only hope.

 

It turned out to be a very good thing Bill was interested in the Aquarium – Sarah always blanked when it came to showing off her hometown.  What was interesting to her wasn’t always interesting to others, she’d learned.

Luckily, Ken took his morning and showed them around the Aquarium.  Sarah trailed idly behind, listening to his stories of starting up the Aquarium, the growth to the second building, and future plans.  Her dad had always kept his home and work lives very compartmentalized, so he sometimes still came out with stories she’d never heard.

They lunched with her mom out by the mall and then Sarah took Bill on a driving tour of the city, pointing out all the places they’d lived, things that had been important growing up, and bits of local history.

Bill got stuck on one particular fact.  “Really?  You stayed in the same city but moved every five years?”

Sarah shrugged.  “At least that often, sometimes more.  Blame Dad.  He saw it as an opportunity to clean out – every move, there would be boxes ‘mysteriously’ missing that he threw out.  We’d move into a place, he’d fix it up, and then they’d sell it.”

Bill shook his head.  “I can’t imagine moving that much.”

“You moved from your parents to Stanley’s to your apartment in about that length of time,” Sarah pointed out.

“Yeah, but that was out of necessity,” Bill countered.  “I can’t imagine _choosing_ to do that.”

Sarah shrugged again.  “It worked for us.  Although I’m starting to get tired of moving.  I know I’ve been there over a year now, but it still feels like I just moved to Jericho.”

Bill reached over and squeezed her hand.  “I’m glad you’re not tired of Jericho.”

“Yet,” Sarah joked.

~~~

 

Sunday – her parents’ actual anniversary – was stressful for everyone.  Thankfully, Sarah hadn’t had to help plan the party, but she still felt responsible for it going off well.

Her parents’ friends had rented out a room in the church for the party and another friend was catering the party with barbecue.  Sarah was in charge of greeting all the guests and making sure they mingled well – both sides of the family _and_ family friends.  Truthfully, it was probably going to go smoothly, but that didn’t stop Sarah from fretting.

Her parents had gone for a walk before the party and Sarah paced the house restlessly.  Bill finally came up and physically stopped her.

“What’s wrong?  You worried about the party?”

Sarah nodded, biting her lip.  “I’m worried about _you_ at the party.  I’m worried that it won’t go right and I’ll get the blame even though I didn’t plan it.  I’m worried I _should_ have planned it even though I’m living fifteen hours away in another part of the country.”

Bill cocked his head.  “Why would you be worried about me?”

“My family–”

Bill interrupted Sarah before she could continue, and there was a flash of irritation in his voice.  “I’m trying to figure it out.  You talk so fondly of your family when we’re at home, but now that we’re here, you keep telling me how horrible they’re going to be.  What’s the problem?  Is it that I’m here?  I can find a flight back to Kansas if you don’t want me here.”

“No!  Absolutely not, Bill.  I’m glad you’re here.  No, it’s just…  They’re family.  They’re supposed to make you miserable even while you love them, right?”

“…No.  Not really.”

“It’s not that I _don’t_ love them.  I really do and they’re good people.  They can be overwhelming, though, and I’m nervous about you meeting them.”

“Do you think they won’t like me, then?”

“Oh, God no!  They’re going to love you, no question.  Honestly, is the past is anything to judge by, they’ll love _you_ more than they love me.  I’m just afraid you’ll take one look at the lot of us and decide that the last thing you want to do is stick around with someone from this basket of crazy.”

“…you’ve met my dad’s cousin Oliver,” Bill pointed out.  “The one who thinks aliens are gonna invade.”

Sarah laughed.  “Point.  I don’t think any of my relatives think aliens are going to invade.”

“See, then, you’re already ahead of me.”  Bill kissed her forehead.  “This party is going to be fine.”

 

Bill was nervous for his own reasons.  He was hoping to use the party as cover to talk to Ken one-on-one, but he wasn’t sure if he’d get the chance.  If not now, when?  He didn’t know when the Morgans were coming to Jericho again.

Sarah and Bill left early to go help set up the church activity room.  Bill got assigned the job of helping set up tables and getting the kitchen ready, so he didn’t see Sarah again until guests started arriving.

She came into the kitchen looking a little harried.  “Need to grab Bill, Mr. Short, if that’s okay?”

The friend who was cooking gave Sarah a salute with a spatula and Bill followed her out.  As soon as they entered the room, Sarah’s whole demeanor changed – it was like his father’s party all over again.  Sarah seemed at ease, all earlier stress forgotten now that the party had started.

How did she do it?  He knew she wasn’t a fan of parties or crowds, yet she masked it wonderfully.

 

Sometime after the food was eaten, Bill found himself alone at a table with Sarah’s aunts and uncles.  Some of the conversation focused on him, but they were also keen on catching up with each other, trading stories of Sarah’s cousins.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ken excuse himself from his table and head out into the church.  Bill knew he was probably in search of a bathroom, but this might be his only chance.  He carefully excused himself and followed.

Ken beat him to the bathroom, leaving Bill with the choice of following him in there – awkward – or waiting to ambush him outside – also awkward.  To calm his own anxiety, he barged forward with action and followed Ken in.

Ken nodded in acknowledgement at Bill, but said nothing.  Bill went and washed his hands while Ken finished his business and joined him at the sink.

It was now or never.  “I…I’d like to talk to you, sir,” he stammered.

Ken looked at him, amused, as if he knew what was coming.  “Yes?”

Bill steeled himself.  “I’d like to get your permission to ask Sarah to marry me.”

Ken was quiet for a moment, a wry smile on his lips.  “And if I said no?”

Bill froze.  He hadn’t wanted to consider that possibility.  “I, well, I, uh…”

Ken clapped him on the shoulder.  “Just kidding.  You’re a good kid, Bill.  If she says yes, you can have her.”  Ken turned and left the bathroom.

Bill slumped against the counter.  It took a moment for it to really sink in that Sarah’s dad had given him permission.  He was one step closer to proposing to Sarah.  Now he just had to find a ring…

Jesus.

 

**June**

**July**

It was supposed to be a lazy Saturday afternoon spent with Sarah, but Bill felt the attack coming out of the blue.

It started with a dull ache in the back of his head and the growing realization that his muscles were tensed.  He shifted on the couch and tried to force himself to relax, but the moment he lost focus, the muscles were tense again.

What should he do?  Should he get up and leave?  No, what if this fully hit while he was driving?  He was going to have to ride this one out with Sarah.

Jeez, he hated for her to see this.

“You okay, babe?”  Sarah rubbed a hand up his arm, obviously feeling the tension in his shoulders.

Bill bit back his instinct to hide it and shook his head.  “Panic attack coming,” he said tersely.

His mind was already racing.  He’d been holding in so many questions about the coming proposal – how to do it, when to do it, where to do it, what if Sarah said no, and now his brain threw other options at him.  What if she saw the panic attack and decided she couldn’t deal with his problems too?  What if this was a bad one and didn’t quit?  What if he hurt Sarah somehow during the attack?  So many variables and he was about to be out of control.

No, he knew better.  He went through similar feelings every time.  He knew how to handle these.

Problem was, all that certainty was going out the window.

 

Sarah watched with wide eyes as Bill’s breath quickened.  She couldn’t think of anything she’d done to set him off.  He’d said sometimes he got them with little or no provocation: was this one of them?

Sarah tried to massage his shoulders, but he brushed her away.  “Babe…” she started, but it was obvious Bill was already lost in his own mind.

She tried to think of the things her own therapist had told her to handle a panic attack, but it was different when it was another person.  She couldn’t get into his mind to convince him things would be okay.

“Bill, babe, listen to me,” she tried, turning his head to face her.  She slid both hands down his neck and arms, trying to anchor him in the physical world, before slipping her hands into hers.  He squeezed so tightly it almost hurt.  “Babe, you’ve got to control your breathing before anything else.”

Still no response, but Sarah didn’t give up.  “I’ll do it with you, okay, hon?  In for four, hold four, and then out for four, okay?”  She squeezed his hands with each beat as she counted aloud. 

Slowly, Bill matched his breathing to hers and Sarah slowly stopped counting – instead, she whispered platitudes on the exhales:  “It’s going to be okay, Bill.  You’re going to get through this.  This is going to end,” and other such things.

It took a long time, but finally he met her eyes – a huge step, Sarah knew from her own experience.  She smiled softly at him.  “Hey there, babe.”

 

Bill’s thoughts were still racing and he was still terrified that he’d lose control completely and somehow hurt Sarah, but his breathing was under control and that made it easier to reason with himself.

Except he didn’t have to reason with just himself.  He had Sarah there, looking worriedly at him.

“What if,” he asked hoarsely, “I had lashed out when you touched me?”

Sarah shook her head.  “You’re not a violent man, Bill.  You wouldn’t have hurt me.”

“But I might have.”

“You’re still you in a panic attack.  I’m sure your therapist has told you that, too.”

Bill looked away.  It was true, but it didn’t _feel_ true, not yet.  Still, the adrenaline had started to leave his system and he felt too exhausted to argue.  “How long was I out?”

Sarah shrugged slightly.  “About half an hour, give or take, before you started talking again.  Is that normal?”

Bill nodded.  “Felt longer.”

“Always does, doesn’t it?”  Sarah stood and Bill startled in his seat until he realized she was holding a hand out to him.  “Come on.  If you’re like me, you’re starting to get tired.  Let’s go lie down.”

Sarah led him by the hand to bed, although there was nothing sexy about this trip.  In the time it took Bill to take off his shoes, Sarah had the bed turned down on both sides and was waiting for him.  She pulled him down and curled up around him, big spoon-style.  “You’re safe.  You’re safe for _me_.  It’s okay, hon,” she said, as she hugged him tight.

Bill began to believe her.

 

**August**

Bill finally figured out what to do for a ring.  He wanted the proposal to be a surprise, so he didn’t want to take Sarah ring-shopping – at least not yet.

He waited until he was having dinner with his parents one night.  While his dad snored in front of the TV after the meal, Bill climbed into the attic and dug out the bins that held Grandma Faye’s things.  He took his time going through them; he hadn’t seen much of this in years, if ever.

He didn’t find what he was looking for, though.

“What’s kept you up here so long?” his mom asked, poking her head up through the opening.

Bill frowned.  “Looking for something.  Didn’t you keep a bunch of Grandma’s jewelry?  I can’t find it.”

“It’s all down in my jewelry boxes,” Pat said, looking thoughtful.  “Did you want anything in particular?”

Of _course_ it was with his mom’s stuff.  Bill started packing things away again.  “Yeah, uh.  Her ring,” he said hesitantly.  His mom didn’t tend toward histrionics, but this was a brand new topic.

She broke into a smile.  “Oh, Bill.  Please tell me you’re proposing with it.”

“I, uh.  Yeah.  I was gonna.”

“I’ll go get it for you.”  She climbed back down the ladder, chattering the whole way.  “Oh, this is exciting.  Sarah will love the ring, I know.  I’ve got their whole wedding set, too, if you two want to use them.”

So much for not making a big deal of this.  Bill closed the attic up and followed her to the bedroom.  “Jesus, Mom, I haven’t asked yet!”

“But she’ll say yes.  Doesn’t hurt to go ahead and think about these things.  Do you have a box?”  She opened a small chest on the dresser and picked through it.  “When are you asking?  Have you talked to her parents?  Oh, here it is.”

Bill took the ring, carefully tucking it in his shirt pocket, trying not to reel from the onslaught of questions.  “I talked to her dad when I went out there in May.  I don’t have a plan for asking yet; I just now figured out I’d use this ring to ask.  I’ll figure something out, but it may take me a while.”

His mom patted his cheek.  “Yes, you’ll have it all figured out and it will be lovely and you’re going to tell me all about it.  Unless you want to propose here on my birthday.  I give you permission for that.”

Jesus, why did it feel like this whole thing was running away from him?

 

**September**

“I’m gonna propose,” Bill confessed over a beer one night in Bailey’s.

Stanley grinned.  “I’m surprised you haven’t already.”

“Thought about it,” he mused.  “Thought maybe her birthday, but that’s cliché.  Mom wanted me to propose on _her_ birthday, but that didn’t seem right.  Thought about proposing on _my_ birthday, but that seemed like it was a lot of pressure on her.”

“So when you going to do it?”

“No freaking clue.”  Bill pointed out to the street where his car was parked.  “Ring’s in the car, so I have it close just in case.”

“You’re a fucking sap.  You want it to be perfect.”  Stanley laughed.

Bill swatted at his friend.  “Shaddup.  You would, too, if you’d ever date anyone.”

Stanley preened.  “I am _fine_ being a bachelor, thank you very much.  Already got a teenager, don’t need a girlfriend too.”

“Someday you’ll change your mind, Stanley,” Bill warned.  “I thought _I_ was okay being a bachelor.”

“And now you can’t imagine life without Sarah.  Ain’t that sweet?” Stanley cooed sarcastically.

“Hey,” Bill protested, “you seem to think she’s okay, too.”

“Yeah, but I’m not the one gonna marry her.”

Bill looked wistfully out toward the street again.  “Yeah.  That’s gonna be me.  I just gotta nut up and ask.”

Stanley clapped Bill on the back.  “You’ll do it.  She’ll say yes.  You two’ll be all lovey-dovey and I won’t be able to stand you anymore.  It’ll be great.”

“I hope so,” Bill said, suddenly morose.  He stared into his beer.  Good God, he hoped she said yes.

 

**October**

 

**November**

Bill trudged back up the hill while Sarah watched.  She almost felt guilty for sending him back to the car for an extra blanket.  _Almost_ : the night had turned chilly, she was shivering, and he _had_ offered.

He wrapped the blanket around her and settled in, pulling her back against his chest.  “Stanley says hey, by the way.”

Sarah grinned.  “Did you tell him thanks for letting us borrow his farm to watch the shower?”

Bill’s chest rumbled as he laughed.  “Yeah.  He said we’re idiots for being out here in the cold and not to wake him if we get frostbite.”

“He’s probably not wrong about the idiot part,” she quipped.  “Thank _you_ for indulging me, though.  I love being able to actually see all the meteor showers.  Couldn’t always do that in Chattanooga.”

Sarah turned to kiss his cheek.  Bill smiled at her, but it was brief.  Huh, he seemed a little tense.

“What’d you say this one was called again?” he asked, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“Leonids, since they show up near the constellation Leo.  Dad said they’re expected to be particularly fantastic this year.”

“How does he know?” Bill mused.

“He doesn’t.  He gets an email about this stuff from the people that _do_ know.”  Sarah grinned.  “He’s a horrible cheat.”

Bill gave her another quick smile, hesitating before he spoke.  “So where’s the constellation?”

“Oh God,” Sarah groaned.  “Like I know.  The only one I can reliably find is Orion.  I can use that to find Taurus, Ursa Major, the Hyades, and the Pleiades, but that’s it.  I’m a horrible excuse for a NASA fan.”

“So do we even know where we’re supposed to be watching?”

“Straight up!”  Sarah pointed.  “They’re supposed to be everywhere.  And, oh!  Look, there’s one!”

 

Ten minutes later, the shower picked up considerably and Sarah scooted down, using Bill’s legs as pillows so that she could see the meteors better.

“Is it against the rules to wish on shooting stars you know are gonna happen?” she wondered aloud.

“Hm?”  Bill looked down at her, distracted.  “Oh, uh.  I don’t know.  What are you wishing for?”

Sarah gave him a look.  “I may not be up on all the technicalities, but I’m pretty sure wishes are negated if you tell.”

There was that half smile again.  Yeah, something was up.

“Okay, I give.  What’s got you all wound up tonight?”

“I’m not wound up,” Bill said, frowning.

Sarah sat up.  “You’re acting like it.”  Struck with sudden worry, she asked, “Did you not want to come out tonight?  Is there a panic attack coming?”

“No!  And I did,” Bill protested.  “I mean, it’s cold, but this is neat to watch.”

“Something else then?”  She reached over and turned his head to look at her.

“I’m just thinking.  There’s nothing wrong, I promise,” he reassured, though his face clearly said otherwise.

Sarah shot him a skeptical look.  “If you say so.  Maybe I should be wishing that you stop thinking,” she muttered, lying back down in his lap.

“Right now I’m thinking you just jinxed yourself.  No telling wishes, remember?”

She thumped his stomach, making him grunt.  “Shut up, you.  Watch the pretties.”

 

“Hey, wake up.  I’m not carrying you to the car.”

“I wasn’t asleep,” Sarah mumbled.  “Promise.”

Bill snorted.  “You were snoring.”

They were both lying between the blankets now, theoretically watching the sky.  Sarah snuggled into Bill’s side.  “Okay, maybe I was sleeping a little.  Whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?”

“I’ll leave you out here for Stanley to find frozen in the morning,” he threatened.

“No, you won’t.”  She grinned up at him.

He looked at her for a moment.  “No, you’re right.  I wouldn’t,” he admitted softly, kissing the top of her head.

Well, that was a bit of a mood change, albeit a nice one.  Sarah rolled onto her back, stretching.  “Okay, I’m awake again.  Happy?”

Bill paused, holding his breath for a few moments.  “Yeah, I think I am.”  He got up, moving so he was on his knees in front of Sarah and helped her sit up.

“Ready to go home?” she asked.

“Not quite.”

Bill didn’t move, though, looking off behind her.  Sarah watched him, head cocked.  Was he still worried about whatever it was he didn’t want to talk about?  After an awkward minute, he fumbled with his shirt pocket and took a deep breath.  He held something out to her and it glinted in the moonlight like a–

Like a ring.

Sarah gasped, wide-eyed.  Holy _shit_ , Bill had a ring.

He swallowed nervously.  “I…I was gonna have a whole thing, but everything I came up with seemed cheesy and I didn’t want that, so, um.  I just decided to go ahead.  Forgive me if this is a little unrehearsed.”

Oh God, this was really happening.

Bill continued, haltingly.  “You’re right.  I _am_ happy.  You make me happy.  You’re absolutely worth it and I don’t want you to ever think you’re not.  I love you.  I want– I’d like it– I, uh.  Will you marry me?”

It felt like her lungs froze and she couldn’t respond for a second, though it seemed more like an eternity.  As soon as she could move again, Sarah launched herself at Bill, pushing him back to the ground.  “Yes!  Oh my God, yes, absolutely!”

He returned her kiss, but broke it off suddenly, shoving her off him.  “ _Shit_!” he cried, looking at the ground.

Sarah sat up, confused.  “…Was that the wrong answer?” she asked tentatively.

“No!” he said, panicked.  “I dropped it.  You knocked me back and I dropped the ring.”

She couldn’t help it.  Sarah broke out laughing in relief.  “Jeez, Bill, you scared me there.”

He looked embarrassed.  “It’s in the grass.  Can I use your phone flashlight?”

 

It took nearly ten minutes – ten very frantic minutes on Bill’s part – but they found the ring.  With the flashlight, Sarah finally got a good look at it.  Was that a sapphire?

“God, Bill, this is gorgeous.  How did you pick it out?”

“I didn’t,” he admitted.  “It’s a family one.  My grandpa bought it when he came home from the war.  I thought you’d like it, too.  But if you don’t, we can go pick out a new one.”

“Wait, your mom’s parents?”  Sarah tore her eyes away to look at him and Bill nodded.  “This was Faye’s ring?  Oh my God, hon, I can’t…  I don’t know what to say.  This is too perfect.”

Bill carefully took the ring back from her and held her hand.  “Can we try this again?” he asked, catching her eye.

Sarah bit her lip and nodded, once again unsure if she could form words.

Bill took another deep breath and spoke more surely this time.  “I love you, Sarah.  Marry me.  Spend your life with me.”

“Yes,” she whispered.  “Of course I will.”

Sarah pinned him to the ground again, but only _after_ Bill put the ring on her finger.

~~~

 

“What about engagement pictures?”  Nancy asked, after they picked Sarah up at the Chattanooga airport.

“Mom, no,” Sarah covered her face with her hands.  “We’re not doing that.”

“Yes, you are.  What else are you going to put on Save the Dates?”

“No!” Sarah protested.  “We don’t need Save the Dates.  We don’t need engagement photos.  This _just happened a few days ago._ We haven’t got anything planned!”

Sarah could hear the exasperation in her mother’s voice.  “Your grandmother wants to pay for them.”

“Then I’ll tell Nana thanks, but we’re fine.”

“Sarah, she’s nearly eighty years old.  If she wants to have pictures of you and Bill, you can damn well take a few pictures for her.  Stephanie and Josh took them,” Nancy chastised.

Sarah sighed.  There was the guilt trip and the mention of her more perfect cousin.  She’d just lost this argument.  “Fine.  But it can at least wait until spring, right?  The trees are bare and everything’s harvested out there.”

“Can’t Bill come here for Christmas?  We can get some done in a studio then.”

“I doubt he can get away that long.  All the other deputies want Christmas off, too, and he’s one of the few without a family.”

“Not for much longer.”

“Mom!  We haven’t even discussed dates yet!”

“Just don’t do it on Iron Bowl weekend,” Ken piped up.  “You won’t have anyone from the Alabama side show up.”

“Don’t do it in the summer,” Nancy warned.  “It’ll be too hot for me to attend.”

Sarah buried her head in her hands again.  This was going to be a long Thanksgiving.

 

“I’m ready to come home already,” Sarah complained as soon as Bill answered the phone that night.

“That crazy, huh?” he asked, relaxing on his couch.  “What all happened?”

“My family is what happened!  They’re wedding-crazy now.  My grandmother is insisting we take engagement photos.  She’s going to pay for them.”

Bill shrugged, even though Sarah couldn’t see him.  “If she’s paying, what’s the problem?”

Sarah barked a laugh.  “All of this is a problem!  We’ve been engaged a week and everyone’s already wanting us to have things all planned!  Did anyone even ask if we _wanted_ to take engagement photos?  Nope.  We’re just supposed to do them.  And knowing my grandmother, it’ll be one of those super-expensive things where it takes all day and we’re supposed to do all these cheesy poses with flowers and shit.”

Bill suppressed a laugh.  “I thought all girls had their weddings planned before they graduated high school.”

Sarah sighed.  “Not me.  I mean, I wanted to get married, but the wedding part always sounded like a nightmare.  All the planning?  All the pictures?  Everyone looking at me?  Dancing?  No thanks.”

“It won’t be all that bad, I’m sure.”  Bill scratched the top of Sadie’s head, thinking that he might agree with Sarah a little bit, after all.

“Says you.”  Sarah was quiet for a moment.  “Babe?  Let’s just elope.”

“What?”  Bill sat up straight.  “We can’t do that.”

“Why can’t we?  When I get back, let’s just drive up to the courthouse in Fielding and do this.  Let’s get married right away.  Forget all this wedding crap; it doesn’t matter,” she begged.

Bill was taken aback.  “Sarah, no.  It _does_ matter.  We’re not sneaking off to be married in secret like we’re ashamed.  We should have an actual wedding with an actual preacher and actual people there.”

He could hear the defeat in Sarah’s voice.  “Fine.  Promise me we’ll keep it small and simple, though.”

“Promise,” Bill said, hoping he could keep it.

“Now that you’ve nixed my eloping idea, Mom and Nana and the rest of the family want to know if you can make it out here for Christmas.  They talked doing photos in a studio then, but I think the rest of the family really just wants to meet you.”

Bill frowned.  “I don’t know if I can get off very long.  I’m off tomorrow, so I’m supposed to work Christmas Day.”

“Well, maybe a few days in the week before and then you can fly back for Christmas.  Better yet, we’ll both fly back and have a quiet Christmas together?”

“You should spend Christmas with your family, Sarah,” Bill chastised.  “This is their last chance to have you to themselves.”

Sarah sighed again, put out.  “Why are you always right on that stuff?”

“Because family is important.”

“Fine.  But check and see if you can get some time off, please?”

“I will.”  Bill wasn’t sure he could get it, but maybe the Sheriff would be understanding.

“I’ve got to go.  It’s late here.  I love you.”

“Love you, too, darlin’.” 

Bill hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment.  “Sadie, what have we gotten ourselves into?” he asked the dog.

~~~

 

It took some serious finagling and begging, but Bill was able to arrange four days off in the week before Christmas.  If he hadn’t had the “need to meet and placate the in-laws” excuse, he might never have gotten them.

Lord, he was going to have in-laws.

Bill flopped on his couch after work Friday and thought about that fact.  It was a little overwhelming.

Granted, it’d been a bit of an overwhelming day – there might not be many places to shop in Jericho, but Wal-Mart was still a war zone on Black Friday.  Bill was just glad he hadn’t had to work the overnight shift and deal with the midnight customers.

 _got the time off.  18th through the 23rd.  gotta be back to work both Christmas eve and day though,_ he texted.

A moment later his phone rang.

“You really got the time off?” Sarah asked.

“I really did.  It includes my regular days off, but that’s most of the week.”

“Holy crap, hon, I didn’t think they’d let you do that.”

“Well, I have to work New Year’s again, too, but I made it work.”

“You’re amazing,” Sarah said, sounding awed.  “You sure you’re up to this?”

“I met most of your family in May, remember?”  Bill snapped his fingers to call Sadie to him.  The dog came trotting up happily for pets.

“Yeah, but we were just dating.”

Bill frowned.  “Don’t start that again.  Your family was fine and I can handle them.  You handled telling _my_ parents, remember?”

“Yeah, but–“

“I said don’t,” Bill cut her off.  “Your family will be _fine_.  We’ll fly out, pose for pictures, eat with everyone, let them ooh and aah over us, and then I’ll fly back.”

“You sure I can’t come back with you?  I’d like to spend Christmas with you this year.”

Bill smiled softly.  “Honey, we’re going to have the rest of our Christmases together.  You spend this one in Tennessee.  I know you love it.”

“Darn you for being right all the time.”  Bill could hear the smile in her voice, too.

 

**December**

“So what’s this early Christmas surprise?” Sarah asked, watching out the window as they drove through one of the older Jericho neighborhoods.

“You’ll see,” Bill replied, sounding just the tiniest big smug.

After a few minutes they turned into a driveway and stopped.  “Where are we?” Sarah asked.

“You’ll see,” Bill replied, _definitely_ sounding smug.

He pulled out his keys and led Sarah to the door of the house and let her inside.  The house looked like it was built in the sixties but decorated in the eighties and hadn’t been touched since, except to keep the place up.

“Again, where are we?” Sarah asked, looking around the living room.  There was some furniture, but the place looked uninhabited.

“This was my grandparents’ house,” Bill explained.  “And if you want it, it can be our house, too.”

“It’s for sale?  I thought your grandparents died years ago?” Sarah wondered, peeking into the kitchen.

“After Grandma Faye died, I started making payments on the house to my mom and uncles.  I didn’t want to see it go just yet.  I almost own it now.”  Bill paused.  “If you don’t like it, we can put it on the market and buy something else, but…”

But it would break his heart, Sarah knew.  “Bill, that’s wonderful.  Show me around.”

“It needs some updating, I know,” Bill said as he led her around the house – three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a finished basement.

“Would you be okay with updating it?  Or do you want to keep it like your grandparents had it?” Sarah asked cautiously.

“I’m fine with it,” Bill said firmly.  “It needs it, like I said.  But I just hated to see the house go.  I thought one day I might live here after I paid it off.  And depending on when we have the wedding, I just might have that done.”

“How much more do you have?”

“A few thousand dollars left.  Not much, considering.”

Sarah thought for a moment.  “I think my parents are going to pay for the wedding, as is traditional.  How long will it take you to pay it off?”

“The summer, I think.”

Sarah nodded, still looking around.  “Then if we get married next fall, that gives us some time to prep the house before we move in.  Maybe I can talk my dad into helping us remodel a little – bathrooms or something – as a wedding present.”

Bill looked hopeful.  “Does this mean you like the house?”

Sarah came back over and gave Bill a hug.  “I love it.  It’s cute and cozy and I can see us living here together.  And you love the place, which means I’m destined to love it, too.”

Bill kissed her on the top of the head.  “Good.  I wasn’t ever sure I could see myself living alone here, but I do see myself here with you.  I think my grandparents would be happy about that.”

“Then I’m happy, too.”  Sarah wandered over to look out the front windows.  “How have you had a house this whole time and I never knew?”

Bill shrugged.  “The neighbors have a kid I pay to mow the lawn and Dad and I come over some weekends to keep up the place.”

“Oh, so those weekends you were helping your dad during the day…?”

“Yeah.  And I don’t tell many people about the house because then they want to know why I live in an apartment when I could live here.”

“And you didn’t want to live here alone.  You’re a sentimental man, Bill Koehler.”  Sarah grinned.  She loved that about him.

Bill just blushed.

Sarah ran a hand down his cheek, still smiling.  “I love you, you know that?”

Bill leaned in to kiss her forehead.  “If it’s half as much as I love you, I’m a lucky man.”

 

~~~

 

Flying to Tennessee surprised Sarah a little.  She’d half-expected Bill to be scared of planes, but he was fine – it was the large airport in Chicago that threw him for a loop.  He got turned around in the crowd in a way he’d never get lost back home or in the woods.  Thankfully, she was used to crowds and navigated for the both of them.

Travel certainly was a lot calmer than their last drive down south – but the family visit wasn’t.

Sarah’s family was agog with news:  Bill and Sarah’s engagement, certainly, but Sarah’s cousin Stephanie also announced her first pregnancy, which thrilled Sarah’s grandmother Dot.  It seemed like she was having the best Christmas of her life– a new grandson in law and a new great-grandbaby.

Sarah felt overwhelmed by it all, though.  Everyone wanted to know when the wedding would be, where it would be, and what they needed to plan for it.  She and Bill had talked about this, but decided nothing.  And they had to go over it all twice: once with her dad’s family and again with her mom’s.

“Um.  We were thinking next fall.  Maybe October?” she said cautiously, looking at Bill for confirmation.  Bill just shrugged.

Sarah’s uncle Barney groaned.  “Football season.”

“Surely you can take one weekend off from watching football.”

“Maybe we can find a weekend Tennessee isn’t playing,” Sarah suggested.

“That still leaves Alabama, Auburn, and Vanderbilt,” Nancy pointed out.

Sarah slumped in her seat and Bill patted her knee.  “We’ll just pick a date and whoever shows up will show up.  We don’t want this to be a big thing anyway,” he said.

“Well, where are you having it?  Who’s going to have to travel?”

Sarah looked at Bill again, stricken.  He shrugged again.  Some help he was.

“I really don’t know yet,” she admitted.  “Jericho is the most convenient for us, but then you all have to travel.  We could do here, but then Bill’s side has to travel.  I’m half tempted to pick a destination spot and make _everyone_ travel.”

“You mean you don’t want to get married at my church?  Where your parents married?” Dot said, sounding hurt.

Sarah closed her eyes for a second.  “I don’t know, Nana.  Like I said, we haven’t decided on a place yet.”  At least there was no chance of her fitting into her grandmother’s tiny wedding dress, so they wouldn’t have to argue about that, too.

Oh God, wedding dresses.  She didn’t want to think about those at _all_ right now.  Too bad Bill wouldn’t elope with her.

“Where are you going to live after the wedding?” Sarah’s aunt Gina asked.

Ah, firmer ground.  “That we actually have figured out,” Sarah answered, nudging Bill so he’d elaborate.

“I have a house in Jericho that we think we’re going to move into.  It was my grandparents’ and I’ve been making payments on it for a few years now.”

“It’s a cute house in a nice part of town.  Just needs updating,” Sarah added, smiling.  “I think it’ll be great.”

“You’ll need furniture,” Dot stated.  “Do you want my parents’ bedroom suite?”

Sarah gulped.  “There’s furniture in the house already and I think we both already have enough hand-me-downs to fill it twice over.”

Bill cleared his throat.  “I thought we might actually go buy something new and use the old furniture in the other bedrooms.”

Sarah looked at him and grinned.  He hadn’t mentioned that before, but she liked the idea.  Something of their own, not just handed down.

Not that she minded the handed down furniture – it all came with love and a story – but it would be nice to have something that was just theirs, too.

Sarah squeezed Bill’s hand.  “Yeah.  I think that’s what we’re going to do.”


	7. Year 3 - 2012

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The serious stuff. The wedding stuff. The figuring out married life stuff.

**Year Three**

**January**

“You know you’re going to have to talk to Sarah about the serious stuff,” Jimmy said.

Bill gripped the steering wheel of the patrol car tight.  He knew what Jimmy meant, but still…  “What stuff?”

“You’re getting married now.  You’ve got to change your insurance and she’s got to know all that stuff too.  What to do if you get hurt.  Or…  Or something else.  She’s got to know it all now.”

Bill knew Jimmy was right, but that didn’t mean he wanted to have that conversation.  “How did you and Margaret discuss that?”

Jimmy shrugged.  “She’s the one who brought it up to me, man.  I hadn’t thought of it, but since Sheriff Dawes is her uncle, she knew.  But you should go into it knowing what you’re going to say.  Sarah might get emotional.”

 _I_ might get emotional, Bill thought.  Now that they were engaged, it seemed like his life was suddenly more important to him.  There was more to think about than just Sadie, at least – Sarah was going to be depending on him from here on out.

How did you bring up the fact that it might all change?  That something might keep him from being there for her?

~~~

 

Bill had a pile of paperwork on the table waiting for Sarah.

She kissed him hello and looked at the table quizzically.  “What’s all this?”

“Stuff we need to talk about before we get married,” he said solemnly.

Sarah groaned.  “If this is about the wedding, I’m already tired of it.”

Bill grinned a bit.  “No, hon, it’s not.  Its– Well, it’s more serious stuff.  For after the wedding.  Paperwork stuff.”

Bill led her to a seat and handed her a sheaf of paper.  He watched her eyes grow wide as she scanned it.  “Insurance?” she asked.

“Yeah.  That’s my life insurance policy from the union.  I’m changing it so you’re the beneficiary.”

“Jeez.”  Sarah dropped the papers, recoiling for a moment.  She rubbed her hands over her face as if to calm herself down.  “Okay.  That makes sense, I guess.”

Bill reached over and grabbed Sarah’s hand.  “I know you already know this, but my job can be dangerous.  Jericho’s pretty safe and quiet, but there’s always a chance something will happen to me.  I’ll get hurt and be unable to work or I’ll get killed.  And we need to talk about that.”

Sarah flinched from his touch, but recovered.  “I know,” she said sadly, placing her other hand on top of Bill’s.  “Do we have to talk about it, though?”

“Yeah, we do,” Bill said soberly.  He didn’t want to, but they needed to.  “I need to know you’ll know what to do.”

“What _am_ I supposed to do?”

Bill pulled his hands away from Sarah and leafed through the paperwork again.  “I’m going to have all this in a file for you.  But I’ve got a living will here, and I’m going to update my regular will to include you.  And I haven’t yet, but I need to prepay for a funeral plot just in case–”

“Babe!” Sarah interrupted.  “Do you really have to plan all that out?”

He looked at her sadly.  “It’ll be for the best.  If something happens to me, I want it to be as easy on you as possible.  We need to plan for the worst case scenarios because they might happen.”

Sarah slumped in her seat and bit her lip.  “Yeah,” she said after a moment’s contemplation.  “You’re right.  What all do we need to have straight?”

Bill pulled out a checklist he’d gotten from the Friends of Police union website.  “What we do if I get disabled and can’t work.  What happens if there’s a lawsuit against me.  What happens to you if I die – you’ll be my beneficiary, but you’ll still need to plan on what to do.  Where to live, for example – can you keep the house with the property taxes or will you need to move?”

Sarah leaned against the table and rubbed her temples.  “This is a lot, Bill.”

He sighed.  “I know.  But I’d rather be sure you know these things.  The last thing I want to do is leave you with a mess to figure out.”

“I’d rather you didn’t leave me.”

“Sarah,” Bill said seriously, and touched her face so that she looked at him.  “I don’t plan on leaving you.  But it _might_ happen.  And we need to be on the same page if it does.  It’s okay to be upset.  I’m anxious as hell right now,” he admitted, “but this is important.  _You_ are important to me and I want you to be okay.”

“Okay,” Sarah said softly.  “Tell me what I need to know.”

 

**February**

It was a routine stop – letting someone know they had a taillight out.  Bill sat in the car, running the license number while Jimmy talked to the guy – the way they worked best together.

Bill drummed his fingers on the steering wheel while he waited for dispatch – Sara today, working her second job.  Bill didn’t know how she managed a shift of dispatch and a shift of patrol almost every day; he knew he was exhausted after just the patrol shift.

It was Valentine’s Day and his shift was almost over.  He couldn’t wait – he and Sarah were going to their favorite steakhouse in New Bern and he could already practically taste the ribeye melting in his mouth.  It was _definitely_ worth the drive for a special occasion. 

Bill surreptitiously checked his phone while he waited: both to check the time and to see if Sarah had gotten the flowers he sent to her at work.  In his locker back at the station, he’d also picked out a sapphire necklace to match her engagement ring.  She didn’t wear jewelry much, he knew, but he figured he couldn’t go wrong with traditional gifts.

Brakes squealed behind him and there was the crunch of metal as the patrol car lurched forward, slamming into the stopped car in front of them.  Bill barely had time to process what was happening before his head started swimming – he’d hit it on the steering wheel, then been thrown back when the airbag inflated.

He thought he was pinned to his seat by the airbag, but the world sure was spinning.  He heard his name being called – Jimmy, it had to be – and he tried to raise a hand to let him know he was okay.  Bill wasn’t sure if he achieved this or not before he blacked out.

 

Bill came to as he was being loaded into an ambulance.  A paramedic shone a bright pen light in his eyes.

“Looks like you had a pretty bad concussion there, sir.”

Sir?  Bill looked at the paramedic through his pounding headache and realized she was just a kid.  Probably a college student still. 

Enough of that.  He tried to sit up, but strong hands pressed down on his chest.  “Bill,” came Jimmy’s calming voice.  “You’ve got a dislocated shoulder and possibly a broken arm, too.  Stay.”

Once Jimmy said it, Bill felt the pain in his left arm.  “W...what happened?”

“Some son of a bitch didn’t see the car and rammed us.  I just barely jumped out of the way.  Sheriff’s got him, though.”

Jimmy cursing.  He really was worried, then. 

“We’re taking you to the Jericho clinic, sir, unless you’d rather go somewhere else.”

He couldn’t go to the clinic; he was supposed to go to New Bern tonight with– “Sarah?” he asked.

“I called her.  She’s meeting us at the clinic,” Jimmy said.

Shit, there was no way she wasn’t worried.  They’d just talked about this and he’d said he was safe, but then this came out of the blue and Jesus, how could Bill be so irresponsible?  His job _was_ dangerous and he was going to die young and leave Sarah behind or worse, be left crippled and she’d have to take care of him the rest of his life and how could he do this to her?  He needed to cut off the engagement, but that left her stranded too – how could he fix this?  How–

“Heart rate and respiration are rising.”

“He gets panic attacks.  Bill, breathe.”

Bill’s vision was swimming again, head pounding and blood pulsing painfully through his arm and shoulder.  He couldn’t stop thinking about Sarah and what he was doing to her; how could he concentrate on his breathing?

The paramedic slammed a respirator on his face and turned it on.  Air came in regular pulses and slowly, Bill’s breathing matched the machine.

“We’re at the clinic, Bill.  Just hold on and they’ll get you set up.  I see Sarah’s car in the parking lot, so she’s here for you, too.”

Bill tried to still his racing thoughts and the calm sound of Jimmy’s voice helped.  What would he do without Jimmy Taylor?

 

Jimmy met her in the lobby with a hug.  He looked stressed, but it didn’t stop him from trying to comfort her first.

Good old Jimmy.

“How is he?” Sarah asked

“Fine for now.  They’re taking him to x-ray his arm and then they’ll set it and his shoulder.”  Jimmy looked down at his feet.  “But he hit his head pretty hard.  He passed out a couple of times and had a panic attack on the way here.  They’re gonna want to keep him overnight to monitor that.”

Sarah’s heart sunk.  She’d hoped it was just his arm, but a head injury?  That could be serious.  “How did this happen, Jimmy?”

He shook his head sadly.  “I don’t know yet if the guy who hit him was day drunk, not paying attention, or just hated cops.  People _do_ try to sideswipe us from time to time.”

Sarah clutched her hands to her heart involuntarily.  “This might have been on purpose?”

Jimmy reached out and hugged her again.  “Probably not.  But the Sheriff will find out and we’ll prosecute the guy.  He won’t get out of this, I promise.”

 

It took an hour before they let Sarah back to see him.  Oh, what a pitiful sight he was: arm and shoulder immobilized, lurid bruise blossoming on his forehead, and monitors hooked up to his head.

She hoped she never saw him like this again.

“Hey, babe,” she greeted, coming in close so he could see her without moving.

He tried to give her a wry smile, but she could tell he was on some heavy duty pain medications, slowing his speech and actions.  “Happy Valentine’s Day, darlin’.”

Sarah laughed sadly.  “We’ve really got to stop spending Valentine’s in hospitals, hon.”

“It was my turn.”  Bill tried to shrug but winced from the pain instead.  “Kinda sleepy.”

Sarah very carefully brushed hair back from his face, trying not to touch his bruise or the monitors.  “Then sleep, babe.  I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

“Promise?”  Bill looked up at her pleadingly.

“Promise.”

“Still want steak,” he murmured as his eyes fluttered closed.  This time, Sarah couldn’t help but really laugh.

 

Bill didn’t get as much sleep as he wanted – between the nurses coming in to check on him and the pain, he was up and down all night.  They gave him a pain medication pump to use, but he hated feeling loopy, so he tried not to use it until the pain got to be too much.

Sarah stayed at his side all night, fetching ice chips and chiding him to use the painkillers. 

By about six a.m., they were both tired and a little grumpy from lack of sleep.

By nine a.m., when Dr. Pearson stopped in to see them, Bill was antsy and ready to move.  Susan was doing her best to keep him still, especially with his left arm in a sling.

“There doesn’t seem to be any excess swelling in your brain.  You’re a lucky guy,” Dr. Pearson said, reading off Bill’s chart.  “Looks like we can let you go home today.”

Sarah squeezed Bill’s good hand in celebration.  “How long will that take?”

“Oh, another couple hours to process,” the doctor said.  “Your floor nurse will be by with the paperwork.”

“Thank God I can get out of here,” Bill said, aware that his voice was still a little shaky.  He blamed the painkillers; Sarah tried to tell him it was normal for the amount of pain he was in – and would he please just take another shot of morphine so he could rest?

This time, Bill complied and let the medicine help him relax into another short nap.

 

Sarah helped Bill up the stairs to his apartment, shoulder under his right arm and trying not to drop the medications they’d picked up from the pharmacy.  She didn’t know if Bill realized he was putting nearly his entire weight on her or not, but she wasn’t about to say anything.

He collapsed in his recliner, looking exhausted just from the two flights of stairs.  “Okay.  I’m good now,” he said, sounding anything but.

Sarah laughed.  “Oh no, babe.  You’re not rid of me yet.  You still need observation.”

Bill flung his good arm out theatrically.  “Observe me!  I’m gonna sleep without any damn nurses waking me up.”

Sadie slunk out of the back room, sniffing Bill curiously.

“Hey girl,” he cooed.  “I smell funny, don’t I?”

Sarah thought for a moment.  “If you promise to stay right there, I’ll go take Sadie for her walk.  But you better not have moved when we get back.”

“Yes’m” Bill said.  “Gonna sleep, like I said.”  He pulled the lever and flopped the recliner back almost horizontally.

 

When Sarah came back, she slipped in quietly; Bill was a man of his word and already snoring.

She unclipped Sadie’s leash and found the dog’s food in the kitchen, then went back into the den to sit and watch Bill.  Perhaps it was a little creepy, but she loved to watch him sleep.

Unfortunately, his sleep seemed labored.  She checked her watch and it was about time to take the first of the pain pills the hospital prescribed.  That meant waking Bill, though.

She softly stepped up to his side and ran a hand down his good shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.  “Babe?  I need you to wake up.”

Bill just turned his head, which at least interrupted his snoring.

“Babe,” she said, a little more forcefully, tapping his nose lightly.  “You need to wake up and take your meds.”

Blearily, Bill blinked awake.  “Whassat?” he mumbled, wincing as he tried to move his left arm.

Sarah reached out and held his arm down.  “Remember, Bill, you got hurt in a car accident.  You can’t use that arm right now.”

“Oh.  Right,” he slurred.  “What is it?”

“Meds,” she explained again, holding up the pharmacy bag.

“No,” he protested weakly.  “Don’t wan’ ‘em.”

“Bill,” Sarah said firmly.  “Remember when I hurt my leg and didn’t think I needed my pain meds?”

“‘S differen’,” Bill argued.  “Don’ need ‘em.”

Sarah laughed bitterly.  “Oh yes you do.  Just think of this as payback.”

 

It took a short argument more, but Bill took his medications and drifted back off to sleep.

Sarah got her brush out of her purse and started brushing Bill’s hair, trying to calm the cowlicks and shaved spots where the monitors had been.  She loved running her fingers through his hair normally, but this time there were uneven and sticky spots throughout.  She’d have to wrangle him into the bath next time he was awake for more than a few minutes.

She leaned down and kissed his forehead as he dozed.  “I love you,” she whispered.  “Thank you for not leaving me yesterday.  You had me scared.”

Sarah jumped when Bill muttered a response.  “Tol’ you I’m not leavin’.”

 

**March**

**April**

They had a date set, finally – October sixth.  Unfortunately that just opened up a whole new set of troubles: invitations, locations, decorations…

For some reason, Sarah had nixed all the photos they’d taken at Christmastime, so they’d arranged for yet another photo session, this time outside among the blooming farmlands.  Bill was supposed to meet her at Stanley’s, but he got away from work a little late.

And oh shit.  Sarah was waiting by the parked cars and she looked irritated.  He must be running later than he thought – and yeah, there was the photographer, waiting too.  Damn it.

Bill pulled off onto the side of the drive and hopped out of his car, already apologizing.  “I’m sorry!  I got away as fast as I could!”

Sarah glared daggers as he walked up.  Not terribly surprising: she’d been grumpy about this whole thing.  Bill couldn’t say he was too enthusiastic either, but it was an easy way to make both their families happy.

Jesus, she looked pretty today, though.  She’d complained bitterly about having to try on new dresses and get her hair styled, but… wow.  The long dress flowed around her legs in the breeze and there were tiny blossoms woven into her hair.  He’d never seen her this dressed up.

“You’re not staying in your uniform for this, are you?” she fussed as he walked over.  “Don’t you have to wear something supremely uncomfortable, too?”

Bill held up his hands in mock surrender.  “I’ve got a suit in the car.  Didn’t have the chance to change before I headed over.  Promise you aren’t the only one dressing up.”

Sarah stared at him for a moment, tense and looking like she wanted a fight.  Suddenly her shoulders drooped.  “I’m sorry, babe, I shouldn’t nag you.  You were at work, doing what you’re supposed to be doing.  I’m just stressed.”

“I know you are.  We’ll get through this, though.  This’ll take what?  An hour, tops?  And then we’ll go change into pajamas or something comfortable and be lazy the rest of the day.”

She laughed cynically.  “Oh, hon, no.  He’s already been walking around, picking out angles and poses.  We’ll be lucky if we get out of here before sunset.  To top it off, Stanley’s hanging out on the porch with popcorn.”

Bill looked over and sure enough, there was his best friend with his feet propped up and a large bowl in his lap.  Stanley waved, obviously enjoying this way too much.

“Hell,” he muttered.  “Okay, well.  We can’t get rid of the audience since he’s letting us use his farm for this.  Here, use this as a disguise.  Maybe you can at least hide from the paparazzi.”  Bill reached up and plopped his hat onto Sarah’s head.

That got a true smile and she grabbed his face for a kiss.

They heard a shutter click.  “Fantastic, guys!  Can you do that again a few feet to the right?  I think the light’ll be better.”

Sarah groaned and Bill squeezed her hand.  “Come on, we’ll get through this.  Smile pretty and maybe he’ll let us go before we starve.”

~~~

 

Sarah waited until they had a lull in patrons and spun in her chair.  “Joanna, can I talk to you?”

Joanna turned, looking bemused.  “Of course.  More wedding stuff?”

Sarah grinned guiltily.  “Yeah, afraid so.  Where did you guys get married?  How did you pick the place?”

“We got married in Lawrence, on campus,” Joanna explained.  “It was equally out of the way for both our families and it was where we met.”

Sarah nodded grimly.  “Yeah, that makes sense.  I’m just… trying to decide on a place and there’s not anywhere super convenient for both our families.”

“You could split the difference and do St. Louis?” Joanna suggested.

“But there’s no meaning there for either of us.  I’d always pictured getting married in Tennessee, but that means the Jericho contingent has to travel further than mine would.”

“Well, it _is_ your wedding and if Bill’s okay with it, Tennessee is fine.  Did you have a place picked out?”

“Yeah,” Sarah said shyly, turning back to her computer and pulling up a website.  “There’s this church in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park that I’ve always loved.  We’d be limited to 50 people total, though.”

“Which you like because you want it small.”

Sarah grinned.  “Definitely.  Plus there’s elk in the area usually hanging around and that’s something different and neat.  They’re used to people and cars so they just chill.”

“So what’s your hangup?”

Joanna knew her so well, Sarah thought.  “Well, my family would have to travel, too, which is fair, but I worry about Bill’s friends affording the weekend trip.  I know most of his family would be traveling from New York, so they’re traveling no matter what, but I worry about Stanley and Jimmy and Margaret and you guys.  I don’t want to be a burden on everyone.  I wonder if we should get married here instead.”

Joanna stopped and thought a moment.  “You know, I appreciate you thinking about us like that.  But if you get the invitations out quickly, maybe that’ll give everyone enough time to plan and save?”

“Yeah, maybe.”  Sarah wasn’t totally convinced.

“Look, it’s your wedding.  Traditionally the bride picks the location, but you should be discussing this with Bill.  If he’s okay with it, then go for it.  You won’t be inviting many people anyway – mostly family with that limit on attendees.  Plus, you can always have a reception party back here if you like, once you get home from the honeymoon.”

“Oh Lord, the honeymoon,” Sarah groaned.  “We haven’t even talked about that seriously yet.”

Joanna laughed.  “You guys need to _get_ serious about this.  You only have what?  Six months left.  That’s not that much time!”

 

“Bill, hon?”  Sarah asked that night over dinner.  “Are you _sure_ about not eloping?”

Bill put his fork down and frowned.  “Are you going to keep asking me that?”

Sarah nodded sheepishly.  “Anytime I have to work on wedding planning.”

Bill rolled his eyes.  “What’d you work on today?”

“Where to have the wedding.  I think I have a location figured out, but…  I’m not sure.  I want your input.”  Sarah pulled out her phone and looked up the National Parks website again.  She handed Bill the phone once the site was loaded.  “It’s cheap – only a $50 reservation fee – and it’s open our weekend.”

“This looks nice.  What’s wrong with it?”

“I just… I worry because it’s so far away from here.  I worry you wanted to be married here, in Jericho, while I always imagined Tennessee.  And I worry about our friends here affording the trip.  And yet I still want to have the wedding there.”  She looked Bill in the eyes.  “Am I selfish for picking this spot?”

Bill set the phone down and held Sarah’s hands.  “Darlin’, we’re marrying each other, not the place.  If it’ll make you happy, then it’ll make me happy.  Book the church.”

 

**May**

Jimmy and Margaret threw a small barbecue for their anniversary – mostly neighbors, thankfully, and not the other deputies, Bill thought.  They were still likely to give him and Sarah crap for being engaged.  He was used to it at work now – the stupid “ball and chain” jokes that he gave no credence to – but he didn’t want Sarah exposed to that.

After the meal, all the men sat outside with beer to shoot the shit while the women congregated inside, out of the spring heat.

The crickets were coming out as the sun dipped lower and the kids played tag in the backyard.  Slowly the neighbors gathered up their families and headed home.  It was peaceful, if only Bill didn’t have stuff on his mind.

“Jimmy,” he said quietly, once they were alone.  “Need you to be honest with me.  You guys gonna be able to make the wedding or will you need some help?”

“We’ll manage.  I think we’ll leave the kids here, though,” Jimmy admitted.

Bill grimaced.  “That’s the problem.  Sarah wants the kids there.  I think she’s asking Margaret tonight if they can be in the wedding party.”

Jimmy made a face.  “That’ll be harder.  But I think we can do it, if we just stay a couple days.”

Bill shook his head.  “I’m sorry to be a problem for you, man, but I told Sarah the wedding location was fine.  I just want to make sure you guys are there.  You let me know if you need help with the room or anything, okay?”

Jimmy laughed.  “Bill, you’re gonna need all your savings; you just don’t realize it yet.  Don’t worry about us.”

“It’s important that you’re there, though.  I want you to be my groomsman.”

Jimmy looked over at Bill and smiled.  “I’d be honored.”

Bill looked guilty.  “I’d ask you to be my best man, but I’ve gotten the lecture from my mom about how the best man is supposed to be unmarried, so that pretty much leaves Stanley.  But I want you there at my back, too.”

“Ah, wedding traditions.”  Jimmy took a swig of his beer.  “I promise if someone comes to steal Sarah away, I will fight for your honor and get her back.”

Bill laughed, a little tipsily.  “I’m serious, man.  I need you there.”

“You said that already,” Jimmy pointed out.

“I mean it.  You and Stanley – you’re my best friends.  I wouldn’t be here without you.”

Jimmy snorted.  “Yeah, you’d’ve never asked Sarah out if I hadn’t made you.”

“I’d’ve gotten there eventually!” Bill protested.

Jimmy just gave him a look.

“Eventually,” Bill reiterated.  “Just… a long eventually.”

There was a lull in the conversation as sunset loomed closer and the crickets grew louder.

“You’re happy you got married, right?”

Jimmy smiled sappily.  “Best thing I did.  Tough.  But good.  Don’t listen to those guys at work.  What do they know about good marriages, except for the Sheriff?”

“Connor’s married,” Bill pointed out.

“Yes, but Connor is still teasing the hell out of you.”

“Yeah…”  Bill took another drink, finishing off the bottle.  “I think they want me to regret this.”

“They’re shitheads, Bill.  You’ll be glad you did this, even if it’s hard at first.”

“Is it gonna be hard?” Bill asked, looking at his friend earnestly.

“At first, yeah,” Jimmy admitted.  “You haven’t lived together yet.  There’s still stuff you don’t know about each other.  I mean, heck.  Have you pooped in front of her?”

Bill looked horrified.  “No!”

“See?  You still got stuff to learn.  You’ll get there.  Just… commun–  comm–  talk with each other.  Be honest.”  Jimmy nodded sagely and finished off his own beer.  He looked at it sadly.  “Do we get another one or go see what the women are doing?”

Bill glanced at his watch.  “Sarah should drive me home now if I’m gonna be at work in the morning.”

Jimmy nodded.  “And it _is_ the kids’ bedtime.  Okay, I guess we better call it quits.”

Bill couldn’t help but ask once more.  “Swear you’ll tell me if you need help coming to this wedding.”

Jimmy clapped Bill on the shoulder.  “Man, we’re not going to miss it for the world.”

 

**June**

**July**

**August**

Sarah came into work floating.  “My cousin had her baby last night,” she announced to Joanna happily.

“Congrats?” Joanna said questioningly.  “I mean, congrats to your cousin.  Boy or girl?”

“Girl.  Rosaline.  Rosie.  Gosh, I haven’t met this baby and I’m already in love with her.”

Joanna laughed.  “You’re a sucker for kids.”

“Especially my relatives and especially the ones who live closest to me.  Stephanie and Josh are in Kentucky and literally on the way from Jericho to Chattanooga.”  Sarah grinned happily.  “I can’t wait to meet this baby.”

“When do you get to?”

“The wedding, I guess.”  Sarah frowned.  “I’d better text Stephanie and tell her Rosie’s welcome at the wedding.  I better get to hold her at the rehearsal dinner.”

“You’re not even married and you’re baby crazy.”

“Joanna, I’ve _always_ been baby crazy.  But mostly for other people’s babies.”

Joanna frowned at her.  “You and Bill don’t want kids?”

“We do,” Sarah corrected.  “Just not right away, or at least that’s what we’ve discussed.”  She paused for a minute.  “I, uh, want to be sure my mental problems don’t mess up the marriage first.  I want to be sure I’d be a good mother.”

Joanna nodded knowingly.  “We’re waiting, too, but I think not for much longer.”

“Oh good!” Sarah grinned.  “I can live vicariously through you for a while!”

 

“Um, excuse me?”

Sarah looked up and there was a smiling, youthful brunette.  She was pretty enough to make Sarah almost jealous.  “Can I help you?”

The woman smiled.  “I’m Heather, the new third grade teacher.  I was wondering if you could show me the children’s section and what you have appropriate for that age group.  Don’t want to assign something you don’t have.”

Sarah smiled back.  She’d known there was a new teacher coming in and it was great to have her come by the library before school started.  She’d been trying to liaise with all the schools to encourage library usage.  “Sure thing!  Give me a second to close this out and I’ll be right with you.”

Sarah saved her current project – a proposal for a local history event – and showed Heather to the children’s section, a small room filled with short bookshelves and stuffed animals.  “Here it is.  I wish we had more, but funding, you know.  If you see stuff we need, I’ll add it to our purchase list.”

Heather poked around, exclaiming happily every time she found books she approved of.  “You’ve got a decent selection here.  I wasn’t expecting that.”

“You a transplant, too?” Sarah asked cautiously, unsure if Heather’s comment was good or bad.

“Sorta.  I’m from New Bern.”

“And Jericho’s a lot smaller,” Sarah confirmed.  “I’m from out of town myself, but from further away.  You’ll adjust quickly, I bet.”

The two chit-chatted and Sarah realized she really liked Heather.  She could see them becoming friends.

“Hey,” she said, before Heather left.  “Sometime if you want to meet people here, my fiancé and I get together with friends for a dinner party.  We lost one person to Denver last year; you’d be welcome to join us.  No pressure, just getting to know some good people here.”

Heather grinned.  “Yeah, that sounds great.  I definitely appreciate adult company after spending the day with eight year olds.  Call me when you get together next!”

~~~

 

“Guys, this is Heather Lisinski.  She’s the new teacher at the elementary school.  Heather, this is Stanley, who’s trouble; Bill, my fiancé; and Jimmy and Margaret, who are practically perfect.”

Everyone laughed at Sarah’s introduction.  Stanley looked a little proud and Jimmy looked embarrassed. 

“We’re hardly perfect,” Margaret pointed out, gesturing for Heather to come sit next to her.  “Don’t listen to Sarah, she exaggerates.  Well, except about Stanley.”

They were meeting at Bailey’s tonight – Sarah thought it might put Heather more at ease than if they’d met at someone’s house.  There was plenty of booze and casual food and hopefully that was the right way to go.

It seemed to be.  Heather fit into the group right away, snarking back at Stanley when he made a comment about wrangling ankle-biters all day.  Mary Bailey, who’d recently taken over the bar from her uncle, even came and joined them for a little while.

“Hey Mary, I need another beer,” Stanley whined.

“I should tell you to get it yourself, but you’d just make a mess,” Mary joked, getting up.  “I’ll be right back.  Anyone else want anything?”

Hands went up around the table and Mary needed a tray to bring everyone’s drinks back.  “I’ve _got_ to hire another bartender,” she complained.  “Any of you need a second job?”

“I’d do it, but I don’t think it’d look good for the third grade teacher to moonlight at the bar,” Heather joked.

“I’ve got enough to do at the farm,” Stanley said.

Sarah held up her hands in surrender.  “I haven’t got any time with wedding planning going on.”

Bill just shook his head.

“Ah well, figured as much.”  Mary shrugged.  “I’ve got to get back to the bar.  Let me know when you need more.”

Stanley raised his glass in acknowledgement before downing it.  “Me!” he slurred.

Sarah rolled her eyes.  She definitely hadn’t been wrong in her introductions.

 

**September**

Sarah hemmed and hawed outside the security line.  “Tell me again why I’m spending two weeks with my family looking at flowers and fabrics and dresses instead of saying ‘screw it’ and running off with you?”

“Because it makes them happy.”  Bill grabbed her hand and forced her to quit pacing.  “Hey.  We’re getting married no matter how the place is decorated or what everyone wears.  You’ve just gotta make sure they don’t go overboard with it all.”

“You _have_ met my grandmother, right?  You really think I stand a chance against her _and_ my mother?”  Sarah snorted.  “I’m begging you again: let’s elope and forget the rest of them.”

“No,” Bill said firmly, giving her a quick forehead kiss.  “Now go catch your flight.  Call me when you reach Chattanooga and I’ll see you in two weeks.  I love you.”

“I love you too, even though you make me do all the wedding crap.”  With one last hug, Sarah left.

 

Bill may have had a drink or two too many.  He could blame Stanley but there wasn’t anyone else around to fuss at him, so who the hell cared?

He’d ended up at Stanley’s for dinner; Bonnie was spending the night with a friend, so the two of them settled in with pizza, beer, and the first Jayhawks game of the season on TV.

Man, he’d really needed a break from all that wedding stuff.

Sometime in the third quarter – and way past any semblance of sobriety – the topic came up: why didn’t Bill look like a real cop?

“Whaddaya mean?  I’m a cop.  Cops look like me.”

“No!” Stanley protested.  “Like in th’ movies!  With th’ sunglasses an’ th’ mustaches.  You know!”

“Don’ need a ‘stache to be a cop,” Bill grumped, staring into his bottle.  He could have sworn it was full just a minute ago.  What happened?  It was a defective beer, obviously.  He needed a new one.

“You shoul’.  Re… re… require it.  Hat, glasses, mustache, gun.”  Stanley mimed each item and laughed at his own wit.  “Do it, Bill.  Be a real cop.”

“I’m a real cop!”  Bill waved a finger at Stanley.  “’M gonna write you up.  Disrespectin’ an officer.  Tellin’ him he ain’t a real cop.”

Stanley cackled at that, laughing until he started coughing, which was funny enough to set Bill off, too.  But then some idiot fumbled on the three yard line and they had to yell at him through the screen, all other thoughts forgotten.

 

It was already late morning when Bill woke, stretched out on the Richmonds’ couch, to someone poking his shoulder.

He blinked against that damned bright light coming in the windows and saw Bonnie standing over him, glaring.

 _Thought you guys were adults,_ she signed, indicating the stacks of bottles and paper plates left out on the coffee table.

Jesus, he had too much of a headache to think about signing right now.  “Thought you were gone for the night,” he said, hoping he wasn’t slurring too badly for her to lip read.

 _I did.  Home now.  Looks like I should have been here babysitting you._   Bonnie’s glare did not let up.  Yeah, she definitely took after her mom; Bill remembered many stern talkings-to from Mrs. Richmond as a young teen.  Somehow, he didn’t think Bonnie would appreciate hearing about the similarity just now.

Bill forced himself to sit up and look around.  “I’ll clean up and get out of here.  Where’s Stanley?”

 _Eating breakfast.  Outside._   Bonnie pointed towards the side porch.  _You, too.  Go._

If the sun had been bright through the windows, it was even worse on the porch.  At least Stanley looked as bad as Bill felt.

“What idiot decided to put the table on the east side of the house?” Stanley grumbled in greeting.

“I think that was you,” Bill commented, dropping into the seat opposite.

“Oh.  Yeah.”  Stanley chewed on his cereal.  “I think it was.  I should fire myself as a decorator.”

Bill managed a brief laugh before the headache kicked back in.  “And I was just about to ask you to do the house for me and Sarah.”

Bonnie stomped over to their table and plopped a bowl of cereal in front of Bill.  He looked up to sign thanks, but she was already storming off.

“She thinks we made a mess last night, it’s probably good she was too little to remember what we got up to as teenagers,” Stanley muttered.

“Yeah,” Bill said, still feeling guilty.  “Probably best.”

Stanley shrugged.  “So anyway, how long’s Sarah gone for?”

“Two weeks.  It’s her last trip out before the wedding.  There’s a shower and she’s finalizing all the decorations and such.”  Bill poked at his bowl.  Bonnie must be really put out: she’d given him the bran stuff Gracie always had on discount.

“Perfect!”  Stanley pointed at him with his spoon.  “You’ve got time to grow it.”

“Grow what?” Bill asked, puzzled.

“A cop mustache!  Like we decided last night!”

Leaning back, Bill racked his brain.  Cop mustache?  Decided?  When did they – oh.  Oh yeah.  “I don’t know, Stanley.”

“No!  You gotta, man!  You’ve got two whole weeks of bachelor time.  Grow a mustache.  See if it makes you feel more badass.  Surprise Sarah with it when she gets home.  You can always shave it off.”

Huh.  Stanley had a point.  Wasn’t like it was permanent.  Maybe he _could_ try out some facial hair – within department regulations, at least.  Who knew?  Maybe Sarah would like it.

~~~

 

Thank God, she was in Kansas again.

What had happened to her, Sarah wondered, that meant she’d rather be in Kansas than Tennessee?

She would have sworn that was impossible.  Here she was, though, ready to see Bill and get out of this airport, head home to Jericho, and go straight to bed for the night.  Preferably with Bill.

Of course, that assumed he was waiting for her like he said.  Sarah wandered down the terminal, quickly scanning the crowd past the security gate.  No Bill.

Maybe he was outside with the car?  Or already at baggage claim?  Or just running late?

She pushed on past everyone waiting, yawning tiredly.

“Sarah!”

She pulled up short.  That was Bill’s voice.  She looked over and oh hey, there was Stanley – with a shit-eating grin on his face and why was he here?  Where was–

“What the ever-loving hell is that?” Sarah cried.

The smile drained from Bill’s face and Stanley doubled over laughing.

“No, seriously,” Sarah said, gaping.  “Bill, what did you do?”

He frowned.  “Tried some facial hair.  You don’t like it?”

Sarah stared at his face for a minute.  “Bill.  Honey.  That isn’t facial hair.  That’s a full-blown pornstache.”

“Pornstache!” Stanley crowed.  “That’s the perfect word for it!”

Sarah spun on him, glaring.  “You put him up to this, didn’t you?  That’s why you’re here with him to pick me up; you wanted to see what I’d do.  Dang it, Stanley!  You’re off the babysitting list forever!”

That just set Stanley off again, confirming Sarah’s suspicions.  Not that she’d really needed to verify.

The wait for luggage was fairly silent, broken only by Stanley’s joking.  Sarah mulled quietly, trying to figure out what to say.

Yes, she was glad to see Bill.  Yes, she was surprised.  No, she wouldn’t mind him growing a beard or something, but that mustache looked like a bad costume piece from a seventies movie.  Or Mario.  Yeah, he could definitely be Mario for Halloween with that thing.

Please, oh please, don’t let him want to keep it for the wedding.  She didn’t want to be a bridezilla, but she just might have to put her foot down on that point.

Bill carried her suitcase out to his car and leaned against the trunk.  “You really don’t like it, do you?”

Sarah reached out cautiously to his face, brushing a thumb over the mustache.  It was softer than she expected.  “Jesus.  I can’t…  Bill, are you planning on keeping it?”

He grabbed her wrist lightly, grinning.  “Oh, I don’t know.  I’m pretty fond of it now.  Makes me feel like a real cop.  Even bought some aviators to wear at work.  I think I’ll wear them for all the wedding photos.  What do you think?”

“Damn it!”  Sarah turned away, shuddering, and stuck a finger in Stanley’s face.  “If you were angling to get kicked out of the wedding party, you just got your wish!”

And now they were both laughing at her.  Damn them.  She climbed into the passenger seat and sulked.

 

“I _was_ gonna see if you wanted to stay over tonight, but I think I’m sending you home instead,” Sarah said, flipping the lights on in her house.

Bill just stood in the doorway, smiling with that horrible mustache and God, it was even worse in the light.  How was that even possible?

“Aw, come on.  Not even a good night kiss?”

“No!”  She pushed his chest lightly.  “Not until you shave.”

“You’re not gonna let a little thing like this come between us, are you?  What about ‘for better or for worse’?”  Darn him, Bill was enjoying this.

“Bill, our wedding vows do _not_ say anything about staying together through times of horrible facial hair.  We haven’t taken them yet, either,” Sarah grumped.

He just laughed and grabbed her arm, pulling her close.  “We’ve still got time to add that in.”

Sarah squealed as Bill tried to kiss her cheek.  “No, you jerk, I’m not kissing you!  Get out of here!”  She broke free from his grasp, running to the bedroom and holding a pillow up as a shield.

“You haven’t even given it a chance!  You may decide you like it!”  He pinned her onto the bed and tried to pull the pillow away.  “It might even tickle in all the right places!”

She squealed again and attempted to beat him back with the pillow.  “Ew, ew, no!  I don’t ever want to find out!  Jeez, I can’t even look at you with that on your face!”

Bill played dirty.  He tickled her and used the momentary distraction to grab the pillow and throw it across the room, finally trapping her into a kiss.

Oh _God_ , that felt _so weird_.  Not as bad as she thought, but still weird.  Sarah shoved him back and wiped her mouth.  “You’re evil and I hate you and I hate that mustache.”

He flopped on the bed beside her, laughing.  “I thought you said a while ago you didn’t mind facial hair.  Change your mind?”

“I don’t mind _beards_ ,” she clarified.  “But Bill.  That’s the Abominable Caterpillar.”

His laughter turned to wheezing and Sarah rolled over, burying her face in his chest so she didn’t have to actually look at his face.

“Please tell me you’ll shave before the wedding,” she begged.  “If you love me, you’ll shave.”

“Isn’t that being a bit manipulative?’

“Yes.  Is it working?”  Sarah poked his side – retribution for the earlier tickling.  “Shave it tonight and I’ll let you stay.”

“How about I shave for my birthday? That’s just a few days”

“Now?”

“Next month.”

Sarah groaned.  “Okay, for your birthday.  Promise?”

Bill snorted.  “Promise.  But you have to give it a chance tonight.”

Oh Lord.  What had she gotten into?

~~~

 

_Happy 30 th!  Time to celebrate – it’s shaving day!_

Bill laughed at the text Sarah sent him that morning.  He was waiting for tonight to shave the mustache off – he figured Sarah would get a kick out of helping him.

But man, thirty years old.  He felt… well, he felt like he _should_ feel different, but he didn’t really feel that much different from twenty-nine.  At least not yet.  Thirty was going to be a big year: it wasn’t just shaving the mustache, it was getting married in less than a month.  Moving into a house with his actual wife.  Gaining in-laws.  Learning to live with someone else.

Yeah, it was gonna be a year of changes.  Good ones, but major ones.

 _come over when you get off work_ , he texted her back.  He’d let her watch him shave before they headed to New Bern with his parents.

Was that lame, spending his birthday night with his parents and fiancée, having a nice dinner, instead of having a party?  Or was it simply part of growing up?  Was he boring now?

 

“Bill!  You haven’t shaved yet!”  Sarah met him at the door, aghast.

He laughed at her horror.  “I’m about to.  Come on in and help.”

Sarah sat on the bathroom counter while he got his razor ready, first to trim and then to shave.  She let out a cheer as the first hair fell into the sink, startling Sadie, who’d trundled in to watch them.

As soon as the mustache was gone, she grabbed his face and peppered him with kisses.  “There’s the Bill I know and love again!” she said jokingly.  “Good riddance to the pornstache!”

Bill laughed.  He’d had to admit in the end, he looked kind of ridiculous with the mustache.  Maybe someday he’d try again – sideburns, perhaps, if the department ever changed their rules.

“Happy now?” he asked, rhetorically.

“Oh yes.  I can kiss you properly again.”  Sarah proceeded to do so.

Bill pushed her back.  “Better stop before we’re late for dinner.  We’re supposed to pick up my parents soon.”

Sarah fake pouted, but hopped off the counter and started helping him clean up.

 

Maybe boring wasn’t so bad, Bill thought at dinner. 

His parents toasted him with wine, he finally got that good ribeye he’d been wanting since February, and he had people he loved around him.  Boring was turning out to be pretty enjoyable.

Hank and Pam teased the couple about plans for grandbabies.  Bill tried to pass it off as a joke, but Sarah answered them seriously.  “We want kids, but we want to have a marriage first.  Give us a few years.”  Bill was taken aback at her frankness, but appreciative.  Maybe his parents would back off for a bit.

Thankfully, that exchange didn’t dull the conversation, though it inevitably turned to the wedding and the honeymoon.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to Europe?” Pam asked for the thousandth time.

“Mom, I could only get a week off and that includes the days before the wedding,” Bill reminded her.  “We couldn’t see much in that time.”

“With only three days, it makes sense to stick around Pigeon Forge,” Sarah said.  “There’s lots to do there and plenty of good food.  Plus it’s cheaper for y’all.”

“You don’t have to pay for us,” Bill reminded them again.

“It’s traditional!  Sarah’s parents are getting the wedding and reception; it’s the least we can do,” Hank said.  Bill realized this was a matter of pride for him – he didn’t want to be shown up by Sarah’s family.

“Well, we’re grateful,” Sarah said genuinely.  “I love it up there and I can’t wait to share it with Bill.  Plus being in the States, it might be somewhere we can visit again and again on anniversaries.”

Pam nodded, but didn’t look convinced.  “I know you both talked about Europe, though.  And the idea of following Dad’s path…  I just love that idea.  You can still change your mind.”

“Bill’s promised me we’ll go for our fifth anniversary,” Sarah said.  “I _am_ eager to go, but I want to do it properly and not rush.”

“Mom, it’s really all right.  We’ll make it there eventually.”

Pam didn’t look reassured.  “Just don’t keep pushing it down the line.  Especially once you have kids.”

“Oh, I’d love to take kids with us if we have any by then,” Sarah said.  “My parents took me to Europe when I was little and I’ve never forgotten it.”

Bill smiled.  He’d heard her stories of Germany, Spain, Portugal, and Morocco.  He also knew how much she wanted to go back as an adult.  She’d said she almost went on a vacation instead of moving – and how grateful was he that she didn’t choose the trip over Jericho?

The conversation was interrupted by the waitress bringing Bill an ice cream sundae – thankfully without singing – and plenty of spoons for everyone to share.

Bill realized in that moment that he _was_ becoming boring and it was the best feeling in the world.

~~~

 

“Jackson!” Sarah called for her cat.  “C’mon, boy, I’m taking you to check out the new house today!”

No pitter-patter of paws on hardwood in response.  That was odd; the cat usually came the second she started talking.

Sarah started poking around in all his usual hiding places, but was brought up short when she saw a tail and a foot peeking out from behind the toilet.  “What are you doing there, boy?”

Jackson was lying, barely breathing, alongside the toilet.  His ears didn’t even twitch when she talked to him.

Shit.

She immediately dialed the vet’s office and let them know she was coming in with an emergency.  Very carefully, she picked up the near-comatose cat and put him in his carrier.  She started crying almost as soon as she shut the carrier gate.  What was wrong with him?  Did he eat something?  Was he going to die?  What would she do?  He was fine earlier that morning.  This was so sudden.

The vet tech wasn’t reassuring.  “He was hit by a car when he was a kitten, right?  Sometimes there’s issues that don’t show up until years later.”

“He’s only two,” Sarah said, tears spilling down her cheeks, as if somehow that meant everything would be better.

“We’re going to take him for an x-ray, see what we can find.  I’m also going to run a blood test,” the vet explained, once he got there.

Sarah nodded.  This would be costly, but it would be worth it if it saved her cat – her baby.

 

The news that came back was grim.  The blood tests and x-rays showed Jackson’s organs shutting down. 

“It’s as if he’s an elderly cat,” the vet explained.  “Something in his brain just switched and told everything to shut off.  I don’t think he’ll wake back up.”

Sarah started crying again.  “Are you sure?”

The vet nodded grimly.  “I’m afraid so.”

“Do you–” Sarah paused.  “Do you need to keep him overnight to be sure or should I… should I say goodbye?”

The vet looked solemn.  “My best suggestion is that we go ahead and put him to sleep.  He’s not feeling anything anymore.”

Sarah tried to wipe her tears away and be stoic, but she was only half successful.  She nodded.  “Okay, then.  If it’s what’s best for him.”

“Give us a few minutes to get things ready and then you can come be with him.”

“Please.”  Sarah couldn’t imagine letting Jackson die alone.

She pulled out her phone to text Bill the news.  _Jackson is dying.  We’re at the vets.  Will you help me bury him tonight?_

Bill called her almost immediately, something that almost never happened when he was at work.  “Are you okay?”

She sniffled.  “Not really.  I called for him and he’d just collapsed.  He’s in a coma and they said his organs were shutting down.  Probably something related to the car when he was a kitten.”

“Babe, I’m so sorry.  Of course I’ll help you bury him.”

“At the new house?  I don’t want to leave him behind.”

“Of course.  Look, I have to go, but I love you.  Be strong.  I’ll come over as soon as I get free.”

 

Sarah stood in the back room, petting Jackson.  They told her he couldn’t feel anything anymore, but she couldn’t help but try and comfort the comatose cat.  She’d nursed him back to health as a baby and now she was losing him so soon after.  It wasn’t fair.

The vet tech came in the room.  “I’m going to give him two shots.  One is a pain medication, just in case.  The other will put him to sleep.”

Will kill him, in other words.  Sarah nodded, tears back in her eyes.

She leaned down to whisper to the cat, “I love you, boy.  I’m so sorry we don’t have more time.  I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you more.  I hope you were happy.”

The vet tech gave the shots.

 

As soon as he got there, Bill wrapped Sarah in a hug.  He couldn’t imagine losing Sadie and he knew how much Sarah had loved her cat.  “Babe, are you okay?”

She buried her head in his shoulder and cried.  There was his answer.

After a minute, she pulled away and wiped her eyes.  “I just can’t believe he’s gone.  It was so sudden.  This morning he was fine; this afternoon he was dying.”

“Where is he?” Bill asked.

“In his crate.  I wrapped him in towels.  He’s… he’s stiff already.”

Bill hugged her again.  “Let’s get him and go to the house.  We can bury him in the backyard.”

She nodded.  “Thank you.”

“Of course.  Jackson was going to be part of our family,” Bill pointed out.  They’d done a lot already to introduce Sadie and Jackson, assuming the two would have to live together.  He felt a little bit guilty that his was the only pet they would have going into the marriage now.

Solemnly, Bill put Jackson and his carrier in the back of his SUV and helped Sarah into the front seat.  They drove in silence to the new house.  He let Sarah carry the wrapped towels while he got a shovel.

“Where would you like to bury him?” he asked, looking for a good spot.

Sarah nodded towards the back corner.  “There.  Between the trees and the fence.  It’ll be quiet there.”

Bill found a spot free from roots and started digging.  Sarah sat and watched him, idly petting the cat through the towels.  It was a bit macabre, he thought, but if it helped her say goodbye…

Finally he had a hole big enough and deep enough.  “Do you want me to or do you want to put him in there?”

Sarah shook her head and stood, carefully placing Jackson’s wrapped body into the hole.  She stood there for a minute, crying.  “I can’t think of anything to say except ‘I’m sorry’.”

Bill rubbed her shoulder.  “It’s okay.  He was a happy cat.  Even I could tell that.”

“I hope so,” she sniffled.  Sarah turned away.  “Can you–?  I don’t think I can actually bury him.”

Bill nodded, even though she couldn’t see, and started shoveling dirt back into the hole.  Sarah wandered off, sobbing and unable to look back.

When the deed was done, he found her sitting on the patio chairs, staring off into space, tears dried on her cheeks.

“It’s done,” he said quietly.  “He’s buried.”

“Maybe,” she said hollowly, “we can get a stone and place over him?  Doesn’t have to be a headstone, just a block of river rock would do.”

Bill sat down with her.  “Yeah.  We could do that.”

She leaned against him.  “Babe?  Will you stay with me tonight?  I don’t wanna be alone.”

Bill wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.  “Of course.”

 

**October**

Today was the day.

Sarah couldn’t believe she’d made it this far.  All the stress and planning and fighting had led to this day.

Now she just had to get through it.

Nancy knocked on the door of her room.  “You up?”

Sarah threw the bedcovers off and stared at the white dress in the closet.  “Yeah, I’m up.”

“Your dad’s got breakfast ready, so come eat first.  Got a lot to get done today.”

Her side of the family was decorating the church this morning – and she was supposed to help before it was time to sneak off and get ready.  Long before Bill got there, of course.  Wedding traditions had to be kept.

Of course, since her parents had gotten the entire wedding party condos in the same time share, there was always a chance they might run into each other this morning.

Wouldn’t that be nice, to see Bill one last time before the wedding?

 

It wasn’t to happen.  Bill’s family was prepping the reception area at the nearby conference center and Sarah’s mom shuffled her out of the building and into the car before she could even look towards Bill’s room.

They met the florist and her cousins at the church – a good long drive into the National Park and on some dirt roads.  It was hard to get to, but worth it.  Elk lounged in the fields in the morning sun, braying at them as they drove by.

The little white church was surrounded by bursts of color from the trees and green from the fields.  Once again, Sarah was glad she chose this place.

Working together, her family set up flowers and candles and drapery alongside the pews and behind the pulpit – white flowers and dark blue ribbons.  Sarah took a moment to make sure the antique Bible on the pulpit was turned to their wedding verse: “A cord of three strands is not easily broken,” from Ecclesiastes.  They’d decided on this verse because they knew they would have to rely on each other so much in their coming lives.

Halfway through the work, her maid of honor, Emily – a friend since elementary school – called to say it was time to get ready.  Sarah, Karen, and Sarah’s female cousins piled into the car and headed back to the time share.

Sarah could barely keep up with what was happening then; she just stood there and let everyone fuss about her.  There was hair being done, there was makeup, and then there was the dress and an argument about the best way to put it on without messing up the hair or the makeup.  With the dress on, Sarah looked in the mirror and barely recognized herself.  She _never_ wore this much makeup or took this much time with her hair.  Or the jewelry her mother was handing her.  Karen had wanted her in the family pearls, but Sarah insisted on the simple sapphire necklace Bill had given her earlier this year, with matching earrings being a gift from her parents. 

Her friend Emily and her cousin Lily got dressed in dark blue dresses.  Their dresses couldn’t be more different, but Sarah liked that.  She’d given each a color swatch and asked them to find something flattering in that color – and they had.  It warmed her heart to see both dressed up and lovely.

And then it was time to head back.

 

Nine of their allowed ten cars filled the parking lot of the church as they drove up – most people had met at the Visitor’s Center and carpooled.  The wedding party waited for them outside the church.

“You look lovely, dear,” Pam said, hugging her carefully.  She looked like she was already close to tears.

“Frances got confused, so we went ahead and sat the grandparents,” Ken said, referring to Sarah’s grandmother with Alzheimer’s.  They almost hadn’t brought her to the wedding, but Sarah insisted.

Music from the piano already filled the air – they’d asked the pianist from their church in Jericho to play, to offset Sarah’s old pastor being the one performing the ceremony.  Sarah hadn’t wanted Bill to feel underrepresented in his own wedding and so far he hadn’t complained.

They heard Reverend Orton inside giving a prayer, which meant it was almost time for the processional. 

The ushers led each set of parents in and the groomsmen and bridesmaids followed – Stanley with her friend Emily, Jimmy with her cousin Lily.

Woody and Sally Taylor walked down the aisle hand in hand.  Sally didn’t drop the petals like she was supposed to – waiting until she reached the front of the church and dumping the basket over in one go – but it made everyone laugh.  Woody looked disgusted with his sister and held the pillow with the rings solemnly.

And then it was time.

Sarah looked at her dad as the music started, suddenly nervous.  What if she forgot all the words and what she was supposed to do?  They’d had a rehearsal, but was that enough?

Jeff patted her arm and led her to the door.

The church was transformed from a lonely, abandoned country church to one filled with color and people.  And there, at the front, back to her, was Bill.  She’d recognize the back of his head anywhere.  It was all she could do not to stumble as she went down the aisle.

Then Bill turned to her and she had to catch her breath.  She’d seen him so many times, but today felt like the first time.  He seemed just as surprised to see her, but the smile that broke out on his face told her it was a good surprise.

The ceremony was a blur.  She repeated what she was supposed to repeat, Bill did the same, they kissed, and before she knew it, the preacher was pronouncing them husband and wife.

 

Stanley and drove them to the reception after all the pictures were taken.  “Dance time!” he announced in the car.

Sarah paused from wiping all the makeup off her face.  “Dance all you want, Stanley.  Just remember my little cousin is too young for you.”

Stanley laughed.  “There’ll be a cute caterer, I’m sure.  One with a Tennessee twang.”

Bill touched Sarah’s chin and turned her to him.  “Hey, it’s you under there,” he said before kissing her again.

“Keep it PG until tonight, kids,” Stanley stated.  “No hanky-panky in my nice rental car.”

Sarah ignored Stanley and kissed Bill again.  “I’m putting some more on, but just the bare minimum.  I felt like I had a cake on my face the whole time.”

“It was a pretty cake, but not as beautiful as you usually are.”

Sarah laughed and swatted Bill’s arm.  “You’re a sap.”

“So are you,” Bill pointed out.  “I saw you tear up during the vows.”

Sarah hadn’t realized she’d cried, but she wasn’t surprised.  “Guilty as charged, I guess.”

Bill kissed her again while Stanley groaned.

 

The reception was in full swing by the time they arrived – dance music was playing, although the only ones on the dance floor were Woody and Sally.  Sarah supposed her family was much too Baptist to be dancing to this sort of music.

The DJ switched to the wedding march as they walked in to applause.  “Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Bill Koehler!” he announced.

It hit Sarah then, a bittersweet notion that she’d never be a Morgan again, but always a Koehler.  Good thing she’d gotten the name from a good man.

“And now for the couple’s first dance.”

Sarah looked at Bill, slightly panicked.  “We didn’t plan this!” she hissed.

“I did,” he said, and nodded at the DJ.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, because I don’t.”

“I do,” Bill said smugly.

A slow, sweet country song began to play as Bill led Sarah onto the dance floor.  She recognized it quickly.  “Keith Urban?”

“’Only You Can Love Me This Way’,” Bill confirmed. 

Sarah relaxed.  They’d never really had a couples’ song, but if Bill was going to pick one, he did a good job.

She let Bill lead on the dance floor – nothing special, just slow circles.  A few kisses were exchanged during the song, and Sarah spent much of the time with her head against Bill’s shoulder.

The song ended and Sarah was grateful to get out of the spotlight – except then Bill informed her she also was dancing with her father.

 _That_ was a surprise.  Her father liked dancing just as much as she did.  But the song was Heartland’s “I Loved Her First,” and Sarah couldn’t refuse.

Finally the official dances were over, and others joined them on the dance floor.  Sarah was happy to see her cousin Colton asking Bonnie to dance; she’d been afraid the teenager would feel left out.

She and Bill slipped off to a table and sat down.  Sarah kicked off her shoes and mock glared at Bill.  “I can’t believe you put me on the spot like that.”

Bill shrugged.  “It was the only way to get you to dance.  And aren’t you glad you have that memory now?”

“Starting our marriage with trickery.  What a good sign.”  She laughed.  “You’re right, though.  I’m glad we did that.  Good job with the song, too.”

“I may have had a look at your romantic songs playlist,” Bill admitted.  “You’ll probably hear a few more as the reception goes on.”

Sarah shook her head.  When had Bill had time to plan all this?  He was more of a romantic than he professed to be – or at least he was good at faking it.

“You’re amazing, babe.”  Sarah looked over at the catering table.  “Think we can start eating, or do we have to wait for the cake?”

Bill looked relieved.  “Nope, let’s eat.  I’m famished.  Cake can wait.”

~~~

 

They drove up to their house for the first time as a married couple.  Even though Bill had grown up coming to this house every day, it felt new now.  It wasn’t his grandparent’s house anymore, it was _his_ and _Sarah’s_.  He hoped they’d be just as happy in it.

They had a welcoming committee, it seemed.  Stanley’s truck was parked on the street, along with the Taylor’s van and a couple other cars he didn’t recognize.

“Oh gosh, I didn’t know people would be here,” Sarah said.  “I look awful from traveling all day.”

“You look _fine_ ,” Bill said reflexively, as he pulled into the garage.  “I didn’t know they’d be here, either.”

“They’ll be waiting for us in the kitchen,” Sarah pointed out.  “Let’s confuse them and go in the front door.”

Bill grinned.  “Exactly what I was thinking.”

They ducked under the shutting garage door and walked hand-in-hand to the front door.  Bill checked the door – unlocked.  “You ready for this?” he asked.

“Guess I am.”

Bill knew she wasn’t, because she didn’t know what he had planned.  He reached over and grabbed her, sweeping her off her feet.  He nudged the door open with his foot while he carried her over the threshold.

Sarah laughed.  “You softie,” she joked, grinning as he set her down.

“Tradition,” was his only reply.

Sadie came running up to them, followed by their unexpected guests: Stanley and Bonnie, both adult Taylors, Heather, and –

“Emily Sullivan!” Sarah cried happily, giving her a hug while Bill pet his dog.  “I thought you were supposed to be in Denver!”

“I’m on break from school.  I couldn’t _not_ come see you guys,” Emily explained. 

“Welcome home,” Stanley said.

“We’ve got dinner ready for you guys,” Margaret said, pointing to the kitchen.  “Figured you’d be hungry.”

“And we finished moving the last of your boxes over here.  They’re all in the guest bedroom for you.”  Jimmy beamed.

“Wow, guys,” Sarah said in awe.  “You did too much.”

Jimmy shook Bill’s hand and pulled him into a hug.  “Congrats, man.  This was the least we could do.”

“It was all Jimmy and Margaret’s idea,” admitted Stanley.

Bonnie signed a quick _congratulations_ and both of them signed _thank you_ back _._   Bill was impressed every day with how much more sign language Sarah understood, even if she felt she couldn’t sign it just yet.

Margaret bustled them into the kitchen.  “Now, there’s plenty for everyone if you want us to stay, or plenty for leftovers if you two want your privacy.”

Bill looked at Sarah, who shrugged.  He’d been imagining the night with just the two of them, but with all their friends already there…  “Stay and join us.  It’s the least we can do to say thanks for all you’ve done.”

They pulled chairs up to the kitchen table; it was crowded, but everyone fit. 

“Real barbecue!” Bill exclaimed happily.  He liked the stuff they got in the South, but nothing was like the barbecue here in Kansas, in his opinion.

“And homemade cornbread.  You can thank Jimmy for that,” Margaret pointed out.  She leaned over to Heather and stage whispered, “It’s the one thing that man can cook, but he can do it well.”

Food was passed around and the table fell silent as soon as all the plates were full and everyone was eating – the sign of a good meal.

After a bit, Stanley piped up.  “So do we dare ask how the honeymoon went?”

Bill and Sarah looked at each other and Sarah blushed a bit before recovering.  “It was good.  We went hiking and ate at a lot of good restaurants.  I got to show Bill some of my favorite places.”

“I bet you did,” Stanley said suggestively.

“Stanley!” said Bonnie, embarrassed.

“There was lots of shopping, too,” Bill said, rolling his eyes.

“Outlet malls can be favorite places,” Sarah protested.  “And you got some good stuff too.”

He squeezed her hand under the table to let her know he was teasing.  “Yeah, I did.”

It was obvious Stanley was about to make another risqué remark when Bonnie swatted him on the arm.

“So when do the pictures come in?” Emily asked.  “I can’t wait to see since I didn’t get to go.”

Sarah looked apologetic.  “We were so limited on space, I’m sorry.  You, too, Heather.”

Heather waved her hand dismissively.  “Couldn’t have gotten a sub for those days anyway.”

“But yeah, pictures should be in next week.  They emailed us the proofs yesterday and we’re supposed to get hard copies in the mail.”

“Ooh, exciting!”  Emily said.  “I can’t wait ‘til my own wedding.”

“Oh?” asked Margaret.  “Is there one in the future?”

“Maybe,” Emily admitted.  “I’m dating a guy named Roger.  He’s a grad student in finance now; wants to be an investment banker.”

“Ooh, snazzy,” Sarah said appreciatively.  “So is he going to steal you away from all of us for a big city?”

Emily blushed.  “Maybe.  I’d wanted to come back here, but…”

“But you’ll follow where he goes,” Heather finished.  “Not bad.”

After dinner, Bill and Sarah were pushed out of the kitchen while everyone else cleaned up. 

“I feel so awkward letting them do that on our first night here,” Sarah admitted.  “I feel like I should have cooked for you.”

Bill gave her a hug.  “No, it was perfect.  Celebrating with our friends, who did so much for us?  Can’t think of a better way to come home.”

“Well…” Sarah said suggestively.  “Maybe a way or two.”

“Ah, really?”  Bill leaned down and kissed her.  “I think I can come up with something, too.”

“Oooh-kay, guys, it’s time for us to leave,” announced Stanley, looking scandalized in the kitchen door.

Everyone laughed, but Margaret started shuffling everyone out the door.  There were hugs and promises to get together again soon, but it was obvious their guest were trying to leave quickly.

That suited Bill just fine.  He knew exactly how he wanted to spend the first night in their new home – and it involved Sarah naked in their new bed.  Stanley and the rest didn’t figure anywhere in his plan.

 

**November**

She’d _always_ wanted to be a housewife.  It was really the only thing Sarah had _ever_ wanted. 

So why was she failing so bad at it?

The dishes were still piled up from last night, which meant she’d have to scrub them before putting them in the old dishwasher, the bedsheets stunk faintly, and the laundry…

Well, she’d just have to hope Bill forgave her.

No sense hiding that she’d shrunk his uniform pants – it was too obvious.  Sarah laid them out across the bed.  He’d see them as soon as he came in after work.

Maybe by then, she’d have chores done and a decent house waiting for him.  Maybe that would help.

 

“What the hell happened to my pants?”  Bill yelled, holding them up. 

Sarah showed up in the doorway to the bedroom, cowed.  The pants might fit an elementary school kid now, but there was no way they’d fit him anymore.  “I washed them,” she said softly.  “I did it wrong, I’m sorry.”

“Wrong?  This is beyond _wrong_!  Do you know how expensive these are?”

Sarah flinched, but steeled herself to talk.  “I don’t, actually, because you haven’t bought any since we combined finances.”

Bill’s face was red and he threw the pants at her.  “We can’t afford new uniforms all the time!”

That finally made Sarah angry.  She tossed the pants at his face.  “Then _you_ fucking do the laundry, if I’m so bad at it!”

Bill balled up the ruined pants and dropped them on the floor.  “I think I will.”

“Fine!”  Sarah turned and stalked out of the room.

“Fine!” he called after her lamely.

 

The door slammed loud enough to start Sadie barking in the backyard as Sarah stormed out of the house.

Sure, she’d messed up but Bill hadn’t needed to _yell_ at her about it.  It wasn’t like he’d told her they needed to be washed specially.

She should have known, she thought – and just like that, all her anger turned inward.  Of _course_ Bill was right to be mad.  She’d promised to take care of him at home and she’d already messed that up, just a few weeks in.  How long until he regretted marrying her?

Sarah forced herself to stop at the corner of their street and breathe.  No, she didn’t need to go down that mental route.  She tried to remember what her therapist suggested she do.

She was cooking for them most nights, planning actual meals instead of just an entrée for one.  She was working her job at the library and still keeping the house mostly neat, although her standards were higher than most.  She’d done the laundry right for nearly a month before making one mistake – and laundry was a chore she hated. 

Maybe it _would_ be okay to ask Bill to take over that as a chore.

 

After a short walk to clear her thoughts, Sarah came back to find Bill in the garage, changing the oil on his car.  She had to leave the scene to calm down after a fight; Bill had to fix something.  Hopefully he was calm enough to talk to by now.

“I’m sorry I ruined your uniform pants,” she started.  “It was honestly a mistake.”

Bill sighed and wriggled out from underneath the SUV.  “It was an expensive mistake.  Those pants can run seventy-five dollars or more depending on if they have to be ordered.  And then I have to have them hemmed,” he pointed out, just a little bitterness left in his voice.

“Babe, you’ve known I hate laundry since nearly day one.  I try, but I’m not great at it.”  She paused, moving so she was directly in his line of sight.  “I really want to be the perfect wife for you.  I want to have everything taken care of at home so you can relax while you’re here.  I want to be the type of wife who takes care of the inside stuff while you take care of the outside stuff.”

Bill didn’t respond, but he didn’t look like he was getting angry again.

“I’m just not that person, apparently,” Sarah sighed.  “I need help and it looks like laundry is that area.  You were meticulous with laundry before we married; could you take over that chore?  If I promise to keep up the rest of the house?”

“’If you promise...’”  Bill gave her a look, eyebrow quirked.  “Do you think you don’t do enough around here already?”

She looked at him guiltily.

Bill shook his head.  “Hon, as long as you cook and I handle the cars, I think everything else is negotiable.  We’re both working full time jobs, remember?”

“Yeah, but…”

Bill started to grab her by the shoulders, but stopped last minute when he realized he was covered in grease.  “No buts, Sarah.  I’ll take over the laundry.  We’re just going to have a tight couple of weeks until new clothes fit into the budget.”

Sarah grinned slightly.  “A couple weeks of tight pants?” she asked hopefully.

Bill laughed.  “I may be small, but I don’t think I could fit into those anymore.  Maybe Bonnie or Woody.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Sarah said, hoping she sounded seductive and not just stupid.

It must have worked because something sparked in Bill’s eyes.  “That sounds like a challenge.”

Sarah paused on her way back into the house.  “I think it was.  I’ll meet you in the bedroom when you’re through.”

“Ohhhh, babe,” Bill groaned.  “You are gonna be the death of me.”

~~~

 

Bill drummed his fingers on the steering wheel tersely, keeping a sharp eye on the radar Jimmy was holding.  Maybe focusing on his work would help ease the tension creeping up on him.

Apparently it was too obvious.  Jimmy put down the radar and turned to him.  “Okay, man.  What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Bill lied.

Jimmy just stared at him in silence.

“Okay, fine!”  Bill blurted out.  “You said learning to live together would be hard, and it is.  Happy?”

Jimmy chuckled.  “Not happy, but not surprised.  What’s going on?”

Bill forced himself to breathe and relax a little before he went off.  “I don’t know.  I mean.  I love Sarah.  I love falling asleep with her.  I love waking up to her.  I love going home to her.  But… it almost feels like too much, now.  I’m starting to get irritated with little things, like how she doesn’t always clear off the microwave timer when she’s through.  And I don’t want to be mad at her for that stuff, but I kinda am.”

Jimmy nodded knowingly.  “You guys are still getting used to each other.  I bet you do stuff that drives her crazy, too.”

“Probably,” Bill agreed.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you haven’t had a guys’ night with Stanley since the wedding, have you?”

Bill frowned.  “Well, no, I spend my evenings with Sarah.”

“Which also means she hasn’t had a girls’ night.”

“I guess not.”

Jimmy seemed to revel in his role of giving sage advice.  “You have to live like you’re dating a little.  See other people, too.  Have friends together and apart.”

“You really think having a guys’ night at Stanley’s will fix everything?”

“It won’t fix it, but it’ll help.  You get a break.  Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to spend all your time with someone.  Even hosting the next dinner party would help – it helps Margaret and me when you guys come over.”

Bill went back to drumming his fingers.  “A night away from each other might be good.”

“It _will_ be.  You should suggest it.  Sarah’s not the clingy type; she’ll probably appreciate it.”

Bill gave Jimmy a look.  “Are you saying _I’m_ the clingy one in this relationship?”

Jimmy shrugged innocently.

 

Jimmy was right, Bill knew, but he didn’t know quite how to bring it up.  He piddled around in the garage for an hour or so after dinner, trying to think, but came up with nothing.

He found Sarah flopped out on the couch with the Kindle he’d gotten her for her birthday a couple months ago.

“Hey babe,” he started, sitting at the foot of the couch next to her. 

Sarah curled her feet up and looked at him, interested.

Bill bit the inside of his lip for a moment as he formulated his words.  “I think…  I mean, I’m happy, but…  I guess what I’m trying to say is…”

Sarah grinned just a little.  “If what you’re trying to say is that we spend too much time together now, I agree.”

Bill boggled.  How did she know?

Sarah put down the book.  “I talked to Joanna about it today.  I love spending time with you, but I also want to spend time with Joanna and with Margaret.  Or even have a night out by myself.  Do you feel the same?”

Sarah was too smart, Bill thought.  “I do.  Jimmy told me it’d be better for us both if I had guys’ nights to look forward to and you had girls’ nights.”

“Even going out to dinner with Jimmy and Margaret would be great,” Sarah pointed out.  She reached out and Bill put his hand in hers.  “I’m glad we’re on the same page here.”

Bill shook his head.  “I was so afraid you’d feel I was upset with you.”

“You have been, I think,” Sarah said cautiously.  “I know this hasn’t been the easiest transition, but I think we’re doing okay so far.  I’m sorry for what I do to mess up your routine.”

Bill squeezed her hand.  “I have, but it’s stupid stuff I need to learn to live with.  I’ll let you know when it’s something big.”

“Like the laundry?” Sarah tested.

“Like the laundry.”

 

**December**

It started with a cough.

It wasn’t a particularly noticeable cough, just a brief spasm while Sarah was at work.  But it happened again over dinner and once more before bed.

When she woke at three a.m. with that heavy, fuzzy feeling in her lungs, she knew exactly what was happening.

“Wha’s wron’?” asked Bill muzzily, rolling over and feeling for her, hand flopping haphazardly in her lap as she sat up.

Sarah reached down and eased his arm off her legs, maneuvering carefully out of bed.  “Just can’t sleep.  I’m gonna go to the couch, okay?  You’ve still got almost two hours before the alarm.”  Instinctively, she leaned down to kiss him as she left, but stopped herself – last thing she needed was to get Bill sick too, if she hadn’t already.  Luckily, he seemed to have drifted off enough not to notice.

She wandered to the kitchen and hit the button on the kettle, setting the water to boil.  Tea was desperately called for – something sweet and syrupy and soothing – and one of those fizzy vitamin tablets.  Once the tea was steeped and the vitamin C bomb downed, Sarah snuggled in on the couch in the den.  Sure, she could have grabbed the guest bed, but there was something comforting about having the couch against her back.  Not quite as nice as having Bill curled up against her, but it would do in a pinch.

Maybe this cough was nothing.  Maybe it’d go away if she nursed it with tea and vitamins.  Maybe.

 

The cough didn’t go away.

Bill woke her in the morning, concerned.  “You’re breathing funny.  Are you getting sick?”

Sarah waved a hand dismissively from under her blankets.  “I’m good.  Just a bit worn down.  Don’t worry about me.”  Through half-lidded eyes, she saw him frown, but he kissed her forehead and tucked her back in before he left.

It was good he left so quickly because she needed to cough again and she didn’t want him to hear it.  No need for him to fret, at least not yet.  This time, though, the cough was productive and painful, inducing headache pangs and she wheezed between fits.

Well, dang.  That meant the fever wasn’t far behind.

She should call into work and see if she could get in at the clinic, but if she did that, Bill would invariably hear before she could tell him she was sick; no one in Jericho knew when to keep their mouths shut.

The only other option was going into work, though, and that would just be irresponsible at this point; she knew she was contagious now.

Sighing, she made the calls.

 

Sarah dragged herself to the clinic around midday, where she was poked and prodded and tested and x-rayed.  They confirmed what she’d feared: yes, it was bronchitis.  Yes, it was likely viral.  Yes, it would probably develop into pneumonia if she didn’t take it easy, especially considering she’d had pneumonia before.  She was given medicine for fever, cough, and pain, with instructions to stay away from the public for at least a week.

Her phone buzzed a few times while she waited at the pharmacy – texts from Bill, most likely – but she ignored them; the fever was kicking in and she didn’t want to think.  By the time she got home, took a dose of each medication, and crawled into bed, she had forgotten all about the texts.

 

Sarah woke a few hours later: shivering, sweating, and aware she wasn’t alone.  Bill sat on the bed next to her, silently carding fingers through her hair.  As gentle as his touch was, he was glaring daggers.

“Don’t worry about you, huh?” he asked, a bit tritely.

Great, he was pissed.  Sarah grunted, not wanted to attempt talking just yet.

“Jennifer called the station to ask how you were feeling and if we needed her to bring us dinner while you’re off work.”

“Oh God,” Sarah croaked – and yes, that was exactly as painful as she feared.  “That woman has no sense of privacy.”

Bill hummed.  They both knew Sarah’s distaste for her coworker’s gossipy nature; there really wasn’t a reason to go over it again.  “You left your discharge papers on the kitchen counter.  Bronchitis _and_ pneumonia?  You don’t do anything halfway, that’s for sure.”

“Not pneumonia yet,” Sarah explained.  “But probably.”

“Jesus, Sarah.”  Bill sighed in exasperation and ran a hand through his own hair.  “Why do you do this?  You hit a downswing, you hide it from me.  You get sick, you hide it from me.  You tell me you’re fine and next thing I know, you’re bedridden and looking like death warmed over.”

“Feeling like it, too.”  Sarah rolled onto her back, clenched muscles protesting every motion.

“You don’t even answer my texts when I _do_ find out.  I could’ve driven you to the clinic or picked up your prescriptions or _at least_ known my wife is sick without having to hear it from the biggest mouth in Jericho.  Why do you do this?”  Bill was back to glaring.

Damn, she’d really hurt his feelings.  If only she had the energy to deal with this properly.  Sarah sat up, very slowly, grabbing Bill’s arm for support.

“Bill, babe…”  Sarah was interrupted by a coughing fit that shook her whole body.  “I just don’t want you to worry over me until there’s a reason to worry.  I’m a big girl; I can take care of myself.”

He looked at her sadly, still tense.  “But you don’t have to.  And I worry a lot more because you _don’t_ tell me these things.  I can’t trust that you’ll tell me if something really bad happens.”

Sarah shrunk in on herself.  “I’m sorry.  It’s just instinct to try to hide it; I feel like I should be able to handle it all myself or I’m failing.  I’m all sorts of screwed up: you know that.  I _am_ trying, I promise.  I just…”  Before she could formulate her next words, she started coughing again, chest rattling painfully.

Bill stood quickly, pulling away.  “I’m going to put on some soup for you.  Come down in a few minutes.”

Sarah watched him stalk out of the bedroom and slumped back, finally noticing the time.  2:50. Shit.  That meant Bill left work right after patrol.  Jimmy probably offered to do their paperwork so Bill could come on home, which meant _he_ was going to be getting home late.  Sarah felt tears begin to well: now she had screwed up Jimmy’s day, too.  She was miserable – in pain, feverish, and exhausted – and Bill was mad at her because she hadn’t even _thought_ about just telling him she felt sick.  And he was absolutely right.  How _could_ she be trusted?  It always came back to this, didn’t it?  She was just destined to disappoint everyone.

Sarah lay there, trying to will the energy to move – to go down and face Bill.  It took a minute, but she rolled out of bed.  This wasn’t something she could avoid and she _did_ need to eat.

 

Bill clanged the pots and pans just a bit louder than he probably needed to.  Why couldn’t Sarah just tell him when she needed something?  Why did he always have to find out late – sometimes too late?

He tried to be understanding when it came to her depression; she couldn’t always control that.  But being sick?  All she had to do was say so when he asked her this morning!  And what if it were something really wrong?  What if she got cancer or another serious disease?  Would she tell him?

Sarah slunk into the kitchen and leaned against the door jamb.  Bill glared at her and she flinched.

Damn.  He was scaring her right now.  She was acting like she was in a downswing.  Maybe she was, in addition to being sick.

He made himself stop looking in the pantry for the chicken noodle soup and breathe.  “Come on in and sit down,” he said calmly.  “I won’t yell.  Or…  I’ll try not to.”

He heard Sarah shuffle across the floor and pull out a chair.  He turned around and really looked at her: she seemed miserable.  Flushed, sweaty face from the fever, half lidded eyes, hunched shoulders – from pain or from shame, he wasn’t sure.  He didn’t want to see her this way.

Bill quietly started the soup heating and joined Sarah at the table.  “Do you need to take more medication yet?”

She glanced at the clock and nodded.  “It’s been four hours,” she whispered.

Bill nodded and reached over to the counter for the prescription bag.  He handed it to her, letting her get the right pills out.  He filled a glass of water for her.

Once Sarah took her medication, Bill sat back down across from her.  “You know we have to talk about this, right?”

She nodded, tears filling her eyes.

“You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?”

She nodded again.  “Should tell you.  Shouldn’t hide from you.  Should trust you.”

“That’s right.”  Bill reached a hand across the table and she tentatively put hers in it.  “I need you to try to remember those things.  I’m not ever going to be mad at you for getting sick or for feeling bad.  I might even be able to help.  It _does_ make me mad when you don’t trust me, though.”

Sarah was silent and Bill knew she was mentally castigating herself.

“Look, focus on feeling better right now or you’ll be sick for Christmas.  But promise me that no matter how hard it seems, you’ll talk to me about stuff like this.  Please?”

“I will,” she said hoarsely, tears falling down her cheek.  “I’m so sorry.  I _do_ trust you.  I just don’t want to worry you.  I’m not worth it.”

Bill barked a laugh.  “Not worth it?  Of course you are!  I wouldn’t have married you if you weren’t worth it.”  He leaned forward.  “I need you to believe that, Sarah.  Remember, your brain lies to you sometimes.  I won’t.  Believe _me_ instead.  You do that for me, too, right?”

“Yeah, but rarely.”

“Babe, it took me years to figure out the medication combination that worked for my anxiety.  You’re only three years in.  These medicines work slowly.  You’ll get there someday, too.”  He stroked his thumb across the back of her hand, feeling how warm and feverish she was, even there.

“I don’t know that I’ll ever get there.”

“I believe you will,” Bill said.  “And I’ll be right there with you, just as you are with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all I have pre-written, but should have the next chapter up within the week!
> 
> Come this Christmas, when I'm in the mood, there may be a Christmas addendum to this chapter.


	8. Years 4-6 - 2013-1015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh. Marriage isn't always easy. Sometimes it's sweet, though.
> 
> The end... almost.

**Year Four**

**January**

“You okay?”  Bill looked at her, concerned, as soon as she walked in the door.

“I’m fi–” Sarah bit off her instinctual reply, closing her eyes.  No.  She needed to make the effort to tell Bill how she was really feeling.  “I’m having a down day.  I’ll get through it, though.  I always do.”

He reached out to her and Sarah leaned into his embrace, soaking up the warmth of his body.  God, she loved being held by him.

“What’s going on?”

She shook her head a little.  “I think it’s just the season and the cold weather.  I’m out of energy and feeling guilty about not having more energy.  I’ve gotten some things done today that I said I would, but I still feel guilty for not doing more today – or in my life in general, really.”  She gave a hollow laugh.  “It’s the same shit it always is.  You don’t want to hear about it.  I don’t know why it’s hitting today.”

“Hey, just ‘cause it’s the same shit doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear it or that it isn’t worth talking about.”

Sarah cracked a small smile, resting her head on his shoulder.  “Yeah it does.  It’s not anything you can logically talk me out of, so talking about it is just dwelling on it.  That doesn’t do either of us any good.”

Bill chuckled.  “You and your insistence on logic when you’re down.”

“Hey,” she protested weakly.  “If you can’t reason it logically, how do you know it’s truth?”

“I’m not even going to try to argue that.  Even off your game, you can out-debate me.”  He squeezed her a little tighter.  “So what can I do to help?”

Sarah thought for a moment.  “Get me out of here?” she asked tentatively.  “I mean, I know you’ve been in the car all day with Jimmy, but…”

“But it’s much nicer with you there.  Better view, too.”

Sarah laughed.  “Flatterer.”

“Yup.”  Bill rubbed her back.  “So where do you want to go?”

“Dinner in Goodland?  That home-style place?  That’d be a good distraction,” Sarah suggested.

“Distraction?”  Bill pulled back and waggled his eyebrows.  “If it’s distraction you want, I can find you some closer to home.”

She managed a smile.  “Not like _that_ , at least not right now.  Just… take me out.  Talk with me.  Get my mind out of this cycle.  Tell me about your day.”

Bill feigned offence.  “Are you saying sex with me isn’t distracting enough?  I’m hurt!”

“Bill, no!” Sarah cried.  “That’s not what I meant!  Please don’t think–”

Bill cut off her apologies with a kiss.  “I _know_.  I was joking.  Let me change clothes and then we’ll head out.”

Sarah held on to his hand for a second before he headed to the bedroom.  “Thank you for taking care of me,” she said.

“You’d do the same for me,” Bill shrugged.  “And I want to.”

What’d she do to deserve him? Sarah wondered yet again.

 

**February**

It’d been a quiet day and Bill was almost dozing in the car.  So far, it was much better than last Valentine’s Day.

Jimmy woke himself with a snore, jolting Bill awake too.  It was good timing, because a call came over the radio.  ”There’s a Code 16 in the south trailer park.  Jimmy, Bill, you got it?”

“10-4. We got it,” Jimmy replied.

Code 16. That was a domestic disturbance.  Never knew what you were walking into with them, Bill mused.  Could be music playing too loudly.  Could be one spouse beating another senseless – and Bill had seen enough not to guess at genders.

“You ready for this?” he asked as Jimmy pulled the patrol car back onto the road, heading south.

“Guess we gotta be.”

 

Bill rolled down his window as they entered the trailer park.  It was pretty obvious which trailer they were going to – only one had shouting and loud barking coming from it.

Barking.  Great.  Dogs were always a wild card – their owners’ emotions were high and then strangers come barging into the situation, trying to take charge.  It didn’t always end well.

Bill looked at Jimmy and they both pulled their service weapons as they got out of the car, just to be on the safe side.

“Sheriff’s deputies,” Jimmy yelled as they approached the house.  “We’ve just come to check on you guys!”

The yelling stopped for a second, then started up again before the door slammed open.  A man – Bill recognized him from previous calls, but couldn’t recall his name – stood in the doorway, large dog barking behind him and trying to escape the house.

“Whaddaya want?” the man asked grumpily.

“We got a call, sir,” Jimmy said.  Bill let him talk – that was his forté – and kept his eyes on the man’s hands and the dog.  “Sir, can you secure your dog?  We just want to make sure everything’s okay here.”

“ _Tanya_!” the man yelled into the house.  “Git the dog before they shoot ‘im.”

A timid woman came into view and Bill’s heart sank – he could see the bruises on her arms from where he stood.  He steadied himself, resisting the urge to raise his gun and shoot the man already.

“Ma’am, are you all right?” Jimmy asked cautiously.  This was the most important moment – if the woman didn’t claim to be hurt by the man, there wasn’t anything they could do.

Suddenly, the dog broke from the woman’s grip and escaped into the yard.  It went straight for Bill, who dropped his gun and held up his arms defensively. 

Jimmy was close behind the dog, reaching for its collar as it snapped at Bill, catching his uniform sleeves, but thankfully not breaking skin.  The dog turned on Jimmy and Bill took the chance to grapple with the dog, even though it was almost as big as he was.

“ _Sir, restrain your dog_!” yelled Jimmy, regaining his hold on the dog’s collar with one hand, and gun pointed at the dog in the other.  Bill knew it’d kill Jimmy to shoot the dog, but he’d do it if Bill were in any real trouble.  He grabbed a hold of the collar also, pulling the dog tight between them.

Almost lackadaisically, the man sauntered out with a leash.  “God damn, you guys don’t have to act like you’re gonna shoot my dog.”

“Listen when we ask you to do something and we won’t have to,” snapped Bill, heart still racing as the man took the dog – snarling and growling – back inside.

Jimmy carefully approached the woman, who was cowering by the trailer door.  “Tanya, is it?,” he asked softly.  “Are you okay, ma’am?  Can we help you?  Do you need a ride to the doctor for those bruises?”

Tanya did her best to cover the bruises with her hand.  “No, I’m good.”

Bill wanted to punch something out of frustration.  It was obvious what had been going on – even if Tanya had been giving as good as she got – but now there wasn’t anything they could do about it.

“Okay,” said Jimmy, backing off.  “We’re just a phone call away if you change your mind.  In the meantime, keep the noise down or we will be back.  And if we come back, we will have to issue you citations for disturbance or take you downtown with us.”

“You okay, Bill?” Jimmy asked as soon as they were back in the car.

Bill looked at his shredded sleeves and rubbed his arms.  Thankfully, nothing stung or seemed to be bleeding.  “That was close, but I think I’m good.”

“Good.”  Jimmy shook his head.  “If only we’d been able to help them.”

“Some people you can’t help,” Bill said sadly.  “At least neither of us got hurt.”

 

“Here’s to our first Valentine’s not spent in a hospital,” Sarah said that night at dinner, holding up her glass to toast.

Bill clinked his beer glass against hers.  It’d been close, but they made it.  Replacing a shirt was a low cost compared to a hospital stay.  “I’m especially grateful because I have plans for you tonight,” he said, cocking an eyebrow at her.

Sarah’s eyes widened for just a second before she grinned.  “That’s assuming _I_ didn’t have plans for you, hon.”

Well, now.  Bill wanted to find out what those plans were.  They had two years of missed Valentine’s to make up for.

He was barely in from the garage when Sarah started yanking his shirt out of his pants.  He turned and walked backwards, noticing she had a particularly determined expression on her face.

Sarah grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him to her, kissing him and definitely establishing dominance for the night.  Bill was more than ready for this and so was his body.

Unbuttoning his shirt, Sarah hissed, “You’re going to do what I say tonight, okay?  And we’re going to start with you getting undressed.  Only then can you undress me.”

Bill’s eyes dilated with lust.  “Oh, yes, ma’am,” he said, shucking off his shirt.  Sarah undid his pants and pulled them down, leaving him straining against his boxers. 

“Shoes and socks,” she instructed, rubbing him teasingly through the boxers.

Bill struggled a bit, but he complied.

Sarah slid to her knees, pulling his boxers down.  He stepped out of them, watching Sarah carefully.  Did she plan to–?

Oh God, yes she did.

Best Valentine’s yet.

 

**March**

Bill opened the refrigerator and gaped.  “Jesus, Sarah, how much did you spend?”

She shrugged.  “I went shopping in New Bern, so I hit up the Costco and the Dillon’s.  Figured I’d stock up.”  She pointed to the table.  “Receipts are there if you wanna look.”

Bill picked up the receipts and did some quick mental math.  “Sarah, this is more than our food budget for the next two weeks.  What were you thinking?”

Sarah flinched almost imperceptibly, but Bill saw it.  “I was just trying to stock up on things we’d use and need.  I wasn’t thinking about the budget.”

Bill knew she was sensitive to criticism, but he felt he had to say _something_.  “Babe.  You can’t do that.  Now I’m going to have to figure out where that money’s coming from.  You can’t just go and spend what you want, even if you think we need it.”

Sarah bit her lip, as if holding back her real emotions.  “Yes, Bill,” she said blankly.  “I’ll do better next time.”

She was trying to shut down, Bill knew.  He didn’t feel like letting her do that tonight – this was _not_ the first time she’d busted the budget.  He’d been easy on her before, but not tonight.

Bill grabbed Sarah lightly by the arm and led her to the second bedroom, where they’d set up their computers.  “Look,” he said, pulling up the spreadsheet that had their budget on it.  “Do you need a printout to keep in your purse?  Do we need to go to using cash?  What would help you remember?”

Sarah shook his hand off.  “I’ll _remember_ , okay.  I was just trying–”

“Don’t just try!  You’ve got to stick to this or we’re both in trouble.”

Sarah stood and stormed off.  “I’ll _remember_ , Bill.”

 

She slept in the guest bed that night, still sensitive from before.

Sarah tossed and turned, wondering if Bill was having trouble sleeping without her, too.  She wasn’t about to admit defeat and go sleep with him, though.

She _knew_ she was bad with money.  She’d been told that her whole life.  She’d survived paycheck to paycheck before marriage.  Spending a little extra on things they would use – food, toilet paper, paper towels, dish detergent – didn’t seem wrong to her.  Bill was so disciplined when it came to money, though – it made no sense to her how he did it.

Or how he expected her to do it.

She rolled over grumpily, pulling the covers up to her chin.  She’d just deal with him tomorrow.

~~~

 

_I’m about to spend $7.25 on lunch.  Is that okay?_

_Filled up the car for $25.  Is that okay?_

_Neighbor kids are selling lemonade for $.50.  Is it okay if I get some?_

“I’m about to order a meal that’s $9.95.  Is that okay?” Sarah asked over dinner.

Bill put his menu down and rubbed his temples.  Ever since he’d fussed at Sarah over money, she’d started texting or asking him about every little transaction and it was more than irritating.

“Stop it!” he fumed.  “You don’t have to ask me for every little thing!”

Sarah put her own menu down and stared at him.  “Seems like I do or you get upset.  It’s not like the other night was the first time.  I’m just trying to make sure it’s the last time.”

Bill huffed.  “You don’t have to ask for the little things.  You don’t have to ask at all, unless you want to go over budget.”

“Because you’re in control of the money.  I get it.”

“ _No!_ ” Bill hissed.  “It’s _our_ money.  I just want to make sure we spend it right and have enough for savings.”

“So you want me to spend it how _you_ want to.  I know.”  Sarah picked her menu up again.  “So like I said, is it okay to spend $10 on the salad?”

Bill had to take a second to calm himself down.  How could he explain this to Sarah?  “Look, would it help if you made the budget or helped me with it?”

Sarah peered over the menu.  “…maybe,” she muttered.

“I want us to stick to a budget because I want to be saving money for emergencies and for us to retire on.  I know that’s a long way off, but if we start now, it’ll be better.”

Sarah frowned.  “I know that.  Don’t patronize me.”

Bill looked away in frustration.  “I’m not trying to.  I’m just trying to explain why this is important to me.  I want it to be important to you, too.  Obviously I’ve done it wrong, so maybe if you help me, we’ll find a good compromise.”

“I know how to budget,” Sarah pointed out.  “I’ve done it before.  I’m just not great at sticking to them.  I don’t know if that’ll help.”

“Maybe if we just have a category just for you?  An overage category for if you bust the grocery budget or the eating out budget?”

“Hmph.”  Sarah thought for a minute.  “Maybe.”

Maybe.  That was something, at least.  “Want to look at it after dinner?  I don’t have anything to do when we get home.”

“I’ve got some cleaning to do, but after that, sure,” Sarah conceded. 

Bill could have cried in relief.  This argument was finally turning a corner.  “Great, babe.  We’ll get this worked out.”

 

**April**

**May**

**June**

“Sarah, have you seen my pills?” Bill called from the bathroom, frantically looking through the medicine cabinet.

“Are they not where they usually are?”

Bill rolled his eyes and bit back a smart remark.  If his pills were where they were supposed to be, _he wouldn’t be asking._   “No.  I don’t see them anywhere.  Just last month’s empty bottle.”

Sarah showed up in the doorway, frowning.  “I don’t know where they’d be, then.  Did you accidently toss the new bottle instead of the old?”

Shit.  That must have been what happened.  Bill banged a fist on the bathroom counter in frustration.  “I’ve got to have them,” he said, stress showing in his voice.  “Has the garbage gone out?”

“Yesterday was garbage day, remember?  If they’re not in the bin now, you must have taken them out,” Sarah pointed out.  Bill hated her a little for how calm she was being.

Shit.  Shit shit shit.  He tore through the garbage bin – snotty tissues and used pads wouldn’t stand between him and his medicine.

Except it wasn’t there.

“Fuck,” he muttered.  “What do I do?  I’ve got to go to work and my pills aren’t here.”

Sarah stepped into the room and carefully laid a hand on his back, rubbing softly.  “Go on to work.  I’ll call the pharmacy and see if they can do an emergency refill for you.”

Bill relaxed with a sigh.  Yeah.  That would work.  Sarah would fix this for him.

 

The pharmacist was just not cooperating with her, Sarah fumed.  Again, she explained the situation.  Again, the pharmacist pointed out that Bill’s meds were controlled substances and he couldn’t just refill them without a new prescription from the doctor.

“So if I have the doctor call in a one month prescription, you’ll fill it?” she asked, hopefully.

“Yes, but insurance won’t cover it,” the pharmacist warned.

Damn.  “How much is a month’s supply without insurance?” she asked.

The pharmacist tapped on the keyboard, searching through his database.  “Since he can’t tolerate the generic, it’ll come to $673.95.”

Sarah boggled.  There was no way they could pull that out of their budget this month, at least none that she knew of.

“Let me talk to my husband and see what he wants to do,” she said cautiously.  “Thank you.”  She turned to leave, almost haunted by the price.

 

_Insurance won’t cover replacement meds.  We’re looking at $675 for the month._

Bill slumped in his seat at the station, fidgeting already, just thinking about not having his medication.  How the hell could they afford that?

 _We can dip into your 401k,_ Sarah texted.  _There’ll be a penalty, but if you need this…_

Bill closed his eyes, trying to focus on calming himself already.  They _could_ use his retirement fund, but that would be irresponsible.

_there’s no other way to get the meds?_

_Sorry, hon.  I tried, but the pharmacist wouldn’t work with me._

There was only one thing for it.  _i’ll go without meds this month.  we don’t need to spend that money.  i can manage._

There was a pause before Sarah texted back.  _If you’re sure.  Let’s keep looking around the house tonight just in case._

Damn.  If only Bill wasn’t religious about taking his pills every day, he might have extras.  At least he still had his mood stabilizer pill – he was just missing his anti-anxiety medication.

Maybe he could make this work.

~~~

 

It killed Sarah to watch Bill go through this.  Every night, he came in all wound up and every morning he left jittery.  Worries overwhelmed his mind and took over his thoughts when he tried to sleep.

And there wasn't a thing she could do for him.

She never knew when he’d be caught up in a panic attack.  She texted daily with Jimmy to keep up with how he was doing at work.

According to Jimmy, it wasn’t good.  He was more combative and paranoid during traffic stops and domestic visits and Jimmy was afraid he was going to pick a physical fight with Salem.

What could she do for him?

~~~

 

Sarah could _see_ the anxiety building as soon as Bill walked in the door that night.  She’d been warned in a text by Jimmy that it’d been a bad day, but she wasn’t prepared for just _how_ bad it was.

Bill tried to hang his hat and coat by the door like always, but his hands were trembling so bad he dropped his hat.  “Fuck,” he mumbled before bending down to get it.

“Babe,” Sarah said, approaching him slowly and putting a hand on his back.  “C’mon with me.  Let’s go lay down for a bit.”

Bill looked at her, but it was like he saw straight through her.  Sarah cupped both her hands on his cheeks until he looked her in the eyes.  “Breathe,” she reminded him.  “This will pass.  You just gotta breathe and you can handle it.  I know you can.”

She wasn’t sure how much of her patter was getting through to Bill, but she figured it was better than silence, so she kept talking to him, reassuring and encouraging him.

The trembling didn’t stop, but Bill’s breathing came under control.

“Good, babe, just like that.”  Sarah smiled sweetly at him, then kissed his nose on impulse.  Bill jumped, but didn’t start breathing hard again.

Sarah let her hands slide down Bill’s neck, shoulders, and arms, taking his hands lightly.  “Keep breathing like that and follow me,” she instructed, leading Bill to the bedroom.

She sat him down on the bed and slowly unbuttoned his uniform shirt, took off his duty belt, and removed his boots.  Under other circumstances, this might have been sexy, but right now it was simply as gentle as she could be.

Once he was down to pants and undershirt, Sarah pushed Bill back on the bed and curled up next to him, rubbing one hand up and down his exposed arm.

“What are you thinking, hon?” she asked softly.

He shook his head.  He wasn’t ready to talk yet.

Sarah got that.

She curled up tighter against him until he responded by wrapping his arms around her.  “We’ll just stay here, then, until you’re ready.”

Thank God she only had to deal with two more weeks of this and thank God he had his mood stabilizer still.  No wonder Bill was so meticulous about his meds.  He might seem okay, but he needed them just as dearly as she did.

Sarah laid her head against Bill’s chest and started up her calming patter again.  “I love you, Bill.  You’ll get through this.  This doesn’t last.  The feelings don’t last.  You’re home with me.  You’re safe.  I love you.”

 

**July**

**August**

They were a little drunk at Bailey’s.

Granted, that’s what Bailey’s was _for_ , but Bill rarely got drunk in public.  He blamed Sarah, who’d goaded him into finishing her frilly pink drink that turned out to be stronger than he realized.  It’d only taken half of it to get Sarah drunk, so maybe he should have known better.

“Dance with me,” he said, speaking loudly over the music.

“What?  No!”  Susan shook her head, grinning anyway.

“Yes!”  Bill reached for her hand.  “I’ll lead, you follow”

Sarah tried – not very hard – to squirm away.  He took her hand and led her to a clear spot in the floor.  He didn’t know the music, but it didn’t matter – he could still find the beat.

Bill knew Sarah had taken swing dancing lessons at one time.  She always protested she didn’t remember anything, but he was about to test that.

He held his arms up in what he hoped was the right stance and Sarah followed suit.  He gripped her hand, sweaty from the booze and August heat, and started dancing.

Sarah kept up with him with only a few stumbles, even letting him dip and twirl her.  Her hair fell in her face and Bill couldn’t help but notice how blue her eyes were peeking through the strands.

She laughed and he remembered exactly why he’d married her.  He couldn’t imagine life without this woman.

He twirled her again, kissing her when she spun back to him.

“See, I told you you could dance,” he said, looking at her lustily.

“It’s not all I can do,” she replied, stopping dancing and pulling him close.

Bill rolled his head backwards, trying to hold back the waves of desire that rushed over him when Sarah did that.  “We’d better get home, babe.  And quick.”

 

**September**

**October**

“Hey, Sarah, are you gonna get the trash or should I?”  Bill called from the kitchen.

“I’ll _get it_ ,” Sarah called back exasperatedly.

“Oooh-kay,” Bill said, backing away from the trash bin.  Every time he’d asked something lately, Sarah had gotten upset and he didn’t know why.  It was lasting too long to be PMS – and hers mostly made her weepy, not angry.

It wasn’t how he wanted to spend their first anniversary, but if things didn’t change by tomorrow…

Well, looked like he’d be stuck.

 

An hour later, he heard Sarah lugging the bedroom trash bag through the house, collecting all the smaller trash.  “You need help with that?” Bill asked, trying to be helpful.

“No,” Sarah bit out.  “I said I’d get it.”

“What’s your problem?” Bill asked, knowing he was being too blunt.  “I offer to help and you bite my head off!”

Sarah dropped the trash bag and stared at Bill.  “I _said_ I’d get the trash.  You don’t have to keep bugging me about it.”

Bill cocked his head in confusion.  Bugging her?  He was trying to help, not bug her!  “I’m not–”

“Yes, you are!” Sarah argued.  “I know what needs to be done around here; I don’t need you reminding me every few minutes.  And if I’m not quick enough for you, just do it your own damn self.”  She left the garbage bag and stormed off towards their bedroom.

Bill was left staring at the half-full trash bag, wondering whether he should finish taking out the trash or follow Sarah.  She usually benefited from some time to cool down, but… somehow he thought she’d be mad if he took the trash out for her.  He didn’t know what he’d done wrong, but he felt like he’d done something.

“C’mon Sadie,” he said to the dog curled up on the couch.  “Let’s go for a walk and then see if your mom feels better.”

 

Sarah collapsed in the corner of their bedroom:  mad at Bill, mad at herself, mad at the world.

Some part of her thought Bill was trying to help, but it sounded too much like her parents – disappointment with every reminder because she was never quick enough getting things done.  Tears filled her eyes.  She thought she was through with that when she moved away – but her parents visited and she heard it from them then.  And then again, when she got married, but now it was Bill who was disappointed with her.

She’d worked so hard to stick to his budget and he was finally happy there, but now she was failing him again.  It’d been a year and she still wasn’t a good housewife to him.  He did everything he said he would – from car repairs to laundry to fixing the sink when she clogged it up.  She couldn’t even get the trash out before he started asking about it.

She heard Sadie barking and running into the bedroom before she heard Bill’s footsteps.  Great.  They were here to chide her more.

Sadie came running up to her and tried to lick her face.  Sarah blocked the dog and let her lick her hands instead – she’d learned to love having a dog, but face licks were still something she avoided.  “Hey, girl,” she whispered.  “You doing all right?”

Bill crouched in front of her, catching Sarah’s eye.  “I should be asking you that,” he said.

Sarah sniffled.  “No.  I can’t even get stuff like the garbage done in time for you.  I can’t make you happy.”

Bill shook his head, looking mystified.  “What are you talking about?”

“You have to keep reminding me.  And I know it needs to get done, but I’m not fast enough for you.”

“I’m not reminding you,” Bill pointed out.  “I’m offering to help you.”

“Because I can’t get it done,” Sarah said, tearfully.

Bill carefully reached for her hands.  “Because I know you can, but I want to help.”

“You’re disappointed I’m not quicker or better at chores.”

“You think I’m disappointed in you?”

“I’m not as good as you.  I tried to tell you before we got married.”

Bill squeezed Sarah’s hands.  “Darlin’, you’re plenty good enough.  I’m really just offering to help.  It’s not because I don’t think you’ve done enough.”

“But if you have to offer, I _haven’t_ done enough.  I _haven’t_ kept up my part of the house.”

“If I offer, it’s because I think you’ve done enough already,” Bill explained.

“Really?” asked Sarah after a bit.

“Really.”

“So you’re not mad at me for not getting the garbage out sooner?  You’re not disappointed?”

“No,” Bill said.  “And I’m not upset if you don’t make the bed or vacuum every day or cook me a meat with three sides or any of these things you think you need to.  I think you’ve been working yourself to death this year.”

“I wanted to make you happy.”

“ _You_ do.  _You_.  Not the things you do.  But you as a person.”

“Are you sure?” Sarah asked timidly.

Bill pulled her out of the corner and into a hug.  “Of course I am.  I said so a year ago, didn’t I?”

Sarah leaned against him.  “I love you,” she said, at a loss for other words.

“I love you, too, babe.  You just need to remember that I _like_ you a whole lot, too.”

 

**November**

**December**

**Year Five**

**January**

**February**

“I’ve been feeling very blah the past few weeks,” Sarah confessed to Bill one night as they lay in bed.

Bill rolled to look at her.  “I could tell.  You haven’t been yourself.  You should call your doctor tomorrow and tell her.  Something isn’t working.”

Sarah reached out and grabbed Bill’s hand, playing with his fingers for a moment.  “You’re right.  I will.  At some point tomorrow.”

“Good.”  Bill kissed her forehead and pulled her closer.  “I want you back to where you’re happy.  I’m glad you want that, too.”

Sarah snuggled into his chest and lay there, absorbing his warmth and listening to his heartbeat.  She tried to match her breathing to his, but he always breathed deeper and slower than she did.  This was one of her favorite places – safe in Bill’s arms, surrounded completely by his calming presence.

Unfortunately, she knew she couldn’t stay here forever, but she could at least stay long enough to fall asleep.

 

 _so what’d the doctor say?_   Bill took a moment from work to text.  Hopefully Sarah had already called the doctor and she didn’t interpret this as him bugging her.  He was honestly curious – and hopeful the doctor had a solution.

_She said my antidepressant is probably not working any more and that they can do that after a few years.  She upped my mood stabilizers and took me off the antidepressant so it’ll get out of my system.  Hopefully this works._

Bill made a face and Jimmy saw.  “What’s going on?”

“The doctor’s messing with Sarah’s medicine again.  Something needed to change, but she’s going off her antidepressant and not getting a replacement for now,” Bill explained. 

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“No, it doesn’t.  But she’s been a good doctor so far, so I guess we trust her on this one.”

 

**March**

Sarah lay in bed, not wanting to move.  She’d called into work that day and barely moved from the bed.  She wasn’t sure if this was the new dose of her medicine – it could make her sleepy – or just plain laziness.

It felt like laziness. 

It felt like she was being a burden on Bill lately.  She’d called out of work a few times, she hadn’t kept the house as clean as she usually did, and they’d been ordering out food rather than her cooking.

So basically, she was failing at everything she was supposed to do.

Sarah used a push of energy and rolled over, pulling the covers over her head and trying not to cry.  She hadn’t told Bill yet, but the last couple weeks had brought back her suicidal thoughts.  It seemed too easy and too right to remove herself from his life, to take away the problems that she caused.

Sadie hopped up on the bed with her and Sarah reached out for the dog.  She still wasn’t completely a dog person, but Sadie was a comfort: warm and breathing and loving.  She hugged her close and let the dog lick her arm happily while wagging her tail.

At least she hadn’t let down Sadie.

 

The house was quiet when Bill walked in from the garage.  Sarah’s car was there, so either she’d gone for a walk or…  Bill crept down the hall to check.

Yeah, she was still in bed.  Asleep this time, with Sadie on the bed next to her.

She’d been like this too many days in a row.  He tried to reassure her every day, but she still had no energy and fought her brain every night.  She wouldn’t tell him how bad it was, but he could tell it was a battle every day.

Jesus, he wished he could fix this for her.  This was beyond his skills at calming panic attacks.

Bill took off his work clothes as quietly as he could and crawled into bed behind Sarah, just holding her as she started to cry.

 

Sarah tried to bite back the tears, but it physically hurt not to cry.  “I’m sorry,” she sobbed out.  “I’m sorry I’m no good lately.  I’m afraid it’s never going to get better.”

Bill squeezed her tighter.  “Your brain is lying to you.  You’re just going through another cycle – it _will_ get better.  We’ve dealt with this before and you survived it.”

“Yeah, but…  I’ll always do this; I’ll always cycle.  Doesn’t that make me useless?”

Bill brushed her hair out of the way and kissed her neck, sending shivers down her spine.  “No.  It makes you someone who fights every time and wins.  I’m proud of you for surviving this.”  He paused.  “I want to fight it for you, but I can’t.  All I can do is tell you the truth when your brain lies to you.”

Sarah rolled over to look at Bill, knowing her face was red, puffy, and tear-stained.  “I want to believe you,” she said.

Bill moved a hand up to cup her cheek.  “Then do.  Trust me.  Let me tell you the truth.”

Sarah nodded tearfully.

“You’ve only got two weeks until you get on a new antidepressant.  You can last two weeks – I know you can.  You’ve lasted this long already and you’ve been so strong.  Just have to do it a little bit longer.”

Sarah leaned her head forward into his chest and wrapped her arms around Bill.  “You make it sound so easy.”

“Well, you’ve got me if it’s not.”

 

**April**

Thankfully, the new medication seemed to work, at least during the first week.  Sarah knew it usually took a while for the antidepressants to build up, so maybe this was just the placebo effect.  She’d take it, though.  Life was much better now than a few weeks ago.

Now if only she could sleep.  Sarah was beginning to suspect she was in a hypomanic period: she had energy, she kept being tempted to spend money, and she was having trouble falling asleep at night.

Having energy was always good and the threat of another fight with Bill kept her spending in check, but her insomnia was bothering both of them.

Bill slept light enough that Sarah moving around the house woke him up and kept him up, worrying about her.  She couldn’t watch TV or do chores for the same reason: if she was up, Bill was up.  And Bill, bless his soul, needed his sleep or he was a bear to deal with.  Sarah almost felt like she needed to write Jimmy an apology note each morning she sent Bill out sleep-deprived.

 

“Do you have any tips to beat insomnia?” she asked Joanna one morning.

Joanna leaned back in her chair and thought.  “There’s always the advice to not use phones, computers, or the TV for a couple hours before bedtime.”

Sarah nodded.  “I try that one.  I try to read.  On my Kindle, but it’s not the same as a backlit screen.”

“No, that shouldn’t be a problem,” Joanna agreed.  “What _do_ you do to try to sleep now?”

“Lots of melatonin – probably more than I should take,” Sarah admitted, “and Sleepytime tea with valerian.  So far it works to mostly relax me, but I still end up tossing and turning.”

“Have you tried exercising?  You could get up with Bill and go walking when he leaves and still have plenty of time to get ready for work.”

Sarah nodded.  “Yeah, I haven’t tried that.  I’ll see what I can do.”

Joanna winked at her.  “Of course, you could always take exercise in bed.  That’s supposed to help you sleep.”

Sarah laughed.  “Oh, Bill’s going to like that one!”

 

Bill did.

And miraculously, it helped Sarah sleep.

As far as Bill was concerned, this was a perfect solution.  Sex every night?  With the wife he adored?  Definitely not a hardship.

She’d fallen asleep in his arms tonight.  He held her close enough to feel her heart beating and kissed her hair, falling every which way in her face.  Damn, she was so beautiful when she slept.

Bill snuggled his head in next to her and closed his eyes.  Sleep came quickly for him, too.

He dreamed of the next night, helping Sarah sleep.

 

**May**

**June**

**July**

**August**

**September**

**October**

The cell phone rang early Sunday morning: after Bill was up, but before Sarah was properly awake.

She thought about not answering, but caller ID said it was her father.  Probably important – he rarely called.

“Hello?” she asked groggily.

“Good morning.  I’m sorry I have to wake you.”

Have to?  “What’s up?”

“Your Oma died last night.  We just got the call from Greg.”

“Oh.”  Sarah didn’t know what to say for a minute.  Her Oma had been in the final stages of Alzheimer’s, so she knew this was coming and, to an extent, already made peace with losing her.  “Is Mom okay?”

“Your mother’s fine.  We just have to make all the plans now.”

Sarah could hear her mom in the background.  “Mother went ahead and made her plans.  We just have to get it together.”

“Oh, I’m sorry–“

“It’s okay, Dad, I heard.  I’ll see if I can get the time off to drive down for the services.”

“Your mother and I will pay for plane tickets if Bill comes, too.”

Sarah frowned.  “If he can get the time off, we’ll take you up on that.”

Bill came in the room, munching on cereal.  “What’s up?”

Sarah waved him off until she hung up with her dad.  “My grandmother died.  The one with Alzheimer’s, not Dad’s mom that you like.  Mom and Dad want us both there for the funeral.”

Bill made a face.  “Can we afford the trip?”

“My parents are offering to pay,” Sarah pointed out.  That usually cheered Bill up – free vacations.  Not that this would be a vacation.  “Here’s the bad part, though:  we’d have to travel tomorrow.”

“Our anniversary.”  Bill didn’t look happy.

“Yeah.”  Sarah wasn’t very happy either.

“Well, at least the funeral’s not tomorrow,” Bill said, looking for the upside.  “I’ll make some calls.”

~~~

 

“How are you feeling?”  Bill asked, once they got on the plane.  Sarah hadn’t said much yesterday about her grandmother, except to ask for prayer for her family at church.

Sarah shrugged.  “I… don’t know?  I’m sort of okay, because I knew this was coming.  The Alzheimer’s took her from me years before I met you, so I’ve already mourned her.”

“But?”  He gave her a knowing look.  There had to be more.

Sarah sighed.  “But this is the grandmother who also had bipolar.  She’s the one who abused my mother as a child, even though she was great with me.  She’s the one held up to me as an exemplar of who _not_ to become, and yet I ended up with her problems anyway.”

“Your bipolar is different from hers.  And you’re not the least bit violent,” Bill pointed out.

“Yeah, but…  She ended up being a burden on my Opa because he had to take care of her.  I worry I’ll do the same to you,” Sarah said sadly.

Bill nodded.  He’d heard this before: Sarah’s grandparents were high school sweethearts and everything went perfect until they lost a baby.  After that, her grandmother snapped and had to be hospitalized frequently, and she abused her mother – but not her uncle – after that.  Her grandfather put his career on hold to take care of her and the kids and worked himself into an early grave.

“You’re not your grandmother, Sarah.  You’re not going to become her.  For one, we’ve got better medications and therapy than she ever had access to.  For another, you’re nothing like what I’ve heard her described as.”

Sarah looked at Bill gratefully, but he wasn’t sure she was convinced.

~~~

The visitation was a whirlwind for Bill.  There were so many people to meet.  Most of them were interested in Sarah, who handled them graciously, but many of her extended family were more interested in him.  Some he’d met at the wedding, but most of these people he’d only heard of through Christmas cards and offhand comments.

Half of her family was highly educated and well off – that made Bill feel a little awkward – but the other half was solidly blue collar and Bill knew they’d probably fit well in Jericho, too.  No wonder Sarah didn’t have any qualms about his working-class background.  She’d told him this, of course, but it hadn’t really sunk in for Bill until he met her second cousins.

The other confusing thing was that there were people from both sides of Sarah’s family there – they’d been friends for generations back.  That was something Bill certainly wasn’t used to – he didn’t think his Jericho relatives had ever met the Tonawanda ones.

Still, he was there for Sarah, so he kept a hand at the small of her back for support, shook hands with everyone, and put up with constant introductions as “Sarah’s husband and the reason she moved to Kansas.”  It was what he was there for.

 

After the visitation, Sarah’s aunt, uncle, and first cousins joined them for a quick dinner at Chick-fil-A.  Sarah’s youngest cousin had to get back to a university class, so they didn’t have time for more.  Still, it was nice to hear good reminiscences of her grandmother from Sarah for her cousins.  They’d been too young to really remember when both grandparents had been healthy, so Sarah talked about trips they took and visits they made, how her grandmother always made birthday cakes and Christmas cookies. 

“I wish Opa had lived to see you guys grow up,” she said.  “He’d’ve loved coming to all your sports games.  He didn’t know what to do with me as a band kid.”

“He’d’ve loved to be at your wedding,” Sarah’s Uncle Greg pointed out.  “He’d’ve approved of you, Bill.”

Bill nodded gratefully, unsure of what else to add to the conversation.  This seemed like one he should stay out of.  It seemed to be healing for Sarah, though.

~~~

 

They stood at the gravesite after the service, wind whipping around them on top of the small hill where the family plot was.  The family was milling around, but most were headed to their cars so the funeral home could finish burying her.

Sarah twirled a pink rose from the casket spray in one hand and slipped the other into Bill’s.  “She wasn’t all bad.”

Bill gave her a surprised look.  “No.  But you knew that before.  Just look at all you told your cousins last night.”

“And things are better now for people like us.  We have more resources.”

“We do.”

“And I have you.  And you won’t let me work you to death, right?”

Bill huffed a soft laugh.  “No, I won’t.”

“Bill?”  Sarah looked at him finally.

“Yes, darlin’?”

“Let’s have a baby.”

Bill was taken aback.  He hadn’t expected that.  They’d agreed when they got married that they wanted kids, but Sarah had been the one to want to wait.

“Let’s start trying, at least.  While I believe I can be a good parent despite...”

Bill dropped Sarah’s hand and pulled her into a side hug.  “You’ll make a wonderful mother, Sarah.  I know that.”

She tried to smile.  “So you want to?”

“Yeah, babe.  I want kids with you.”

Sarah leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder.  “Then let’s have a baby.”

“Let’s have a baby,” he repeated softly, still trying to wrap his head around this change of attitude.  He was grateful for it, but it was sudden.  He hoped Sarah didn’t change her mind when they got back to Jericho.

 

**November**

**December**

**Year Six**

**January**

It’d take at least a month for her birth control to get out of her system, the gynecologist told her.  Don’t look to get pregnant until at least after that.

It’d been at least a month and Sarah was now fidgeting in line at the Dollar General, hoping she didn’t run into anyone they knew.  They hadn’t told anyone, even family, that they were trying, and the box of pregnancy tests she was holding would give it away.

Her period was only a day late and she knew stress – such as worrying whether or not she was pregnant – often made it unpredictable.  Still, there was a part of her hoping.

There was another part of her hoping she _wasn’t_ pregnant.  They really weren’t ready, at least not yet.

But then again, would there ever be a perfect time?

 

Bill was waiting for her when she got home, just as antsy as she was.

“Should we check now or wait?” he asked nervously.

“I guess now is as good a time as any,” Sarah said, trying to sound calmer than she was

A quick trip to the bathroom and Sarah came out clutching the test.  Bill looked at her expectantly. 

“It takes a few minutes, remember?” she reminded him.

“Oh.”  Bill looked disappointed.  “Yeah.”

They sat there together in silence, waiting for the three minutes to be up.

Sarah unclenched her hand, revealing the test.  One line.

She and Bill both sighed, shrinking in on themselves.  Sarah was caught between relief and disappointment; she didn’t know whether to cry or be thankful.

As it was, she just tossed the test in the trash and turned to hug Bill.

“We’ll keep trying.”

 

**February**

“Prost!” Bill announced, holding up his wine glass to the group.  “Congrats on your new house, Emily.”

“And congrats on the engagement,” Sarah added, clinking her glass with Roger’s.

“Roger, you know what you’re getting into with Emily here?” asked Stanley.

“Stanley!” said Emily, laughing.

“Well, we _have_ been dating three years now,” Roger pointed out.

“And she’s only brought you home a couple of times,” Stanley argued.  “You don’t know; she might be a totally different person here in Jericho.”

“Nah,” Roger said, staring into Emily’s eyes, “She’s who she is all the time.  It’s what I love about her.”

Emily blushed and Sarah grinned.  They didn’t know Roger much, but he’d been friendly the two times they’d met him so far – and he definitely made Emily happy.  This was not the quiet, broken Emily Sarah met before she left for Denver.

Sarah gave her friend a second, quiet toast.  “Hope you’re as happy as we are,” she said quietly, just so Emily could hear.

“Of course we’re gonna be,” Emily said.  “We’ve got a house, I’m going to teach at the high school, Roger’s going to work remotely out of Chicago: what could go wrong?”

“Welcome to the group then, Roger!” roared Stanley, arms wide.  “You’re stuck with us all now!”

 

**March**

**April**

“Bill?  Jimmy?  What’s your twenty?”  Sara’s voice came cautiously over the radio.

Bill gave the radio an odd look.  Sara didn’t sound quite right.  He looked at Jimmy and shrugged.

“West edge of town,” Jimmy answered.

“Head out towards Alex Bell before you get to Lidell Five Points.  There’s a hog farm there that called in for assistance.”

“What kind of assistance?” asked Jimmy, shooting Bill a questioning look.

There was a pause.  “You’ll see when you get there.”

 

Bill and Jimmy approached the intersection slowly, with their windows down, listening for signs of distress.  The air was heavy with the smell of manure and the sound of hogs snorting.

“I don’t know about you, but my nose is about to die,” Bill complained, rolling up his window.

Jimmy nodded in agreement.  “Let’s see if we can get this done quickly.”

They knocked on the door of the farm and a disgruntled looking woman answered. 

“I called for animal control,” she said, glaring at the deputies.

“Well, ma’am, you got us,” Jimmy replied cheerfully.  “What can we do for you?”

“You can find my damn hog, is what you can do.”

Bill glanced at Jimmy.  This really _was_ a job for animal control.

 

“How are we going to do this?”  Bill stood at the car, already sweating in the bright spring sunlight.  “Do you know anything about hogs?”

“Only that they’re tasty,” Jimmy joked.  “I guess we check the farm’s perimeter to see where it got out.”

The patrol car bounced and jostled them the whole way on the dirt road following the fence line.  Even with his seatbelt on, Bill felt beat up.

“There!” he called, spotting a break in the fence.  “That must be where it got out!”

Jimmy looked over the flat brush on the far side of the fence.  “Think we can drive it or should we walk it?”

Bill shook his head.  “Jim, buddy, do you know how much pigs weigh?  I’m not fighting that thing all the way by hand.”

 

About ten minutes of creeping slowly off the fence line towards the nearest creek, they heard the hog snorting.

“There, by the trees,” Jimmy pointed out.  “I think I see him.”

“Get as close to him as you can,” Bill said, even though Jimmy was already maneuvering that way.

They got about a hundred feet from the hog before it started snorting nervously and moving back into the woods.

“Great.”  Bill rolled his eyes.  “We get to chase him.  Just what I wanted.”

“You really thought we weren’t going to have to?” Jimmy asked.  “Idiot.  Get the rope from the trunk, will you?”

“You think our tasers will work on him or just make him mad?”

“Probably just make him mad,” Jimmy said.  “Think about it.  Ours are set for humans.  He weighs a lot more than we do; they won’t actually stun him.”

It was a good point, but Bill was still disappointed.  Every easy way of catching this hog was slipping from his grip.  They were really going to have to wrestle this hog.

“I’ll go around back,” Bill suggested.  “You approach him from the front.”

Jimmy nodded and Bill entered the copse of trees from the side, lasso in one hand, coming up behind the hog as silently as he could.

Jimmy walked straight toward the hog, speaking calmly to it.  He made it to within ten feet before the hog ran.

Bill leapt and tried to throw the rope around the hog, but he landed in a slick of mud instead.  At least he hoped it was mud.

Jimmy ran after the pig, shouting as if he was calling a dog.  “Here, pig!  Come here, boy!”

Bill shook his head – Jimmy was his best friend but sometimes he wasn’t the sharpest.  He got up and tried to run around the hog, corralling him back towards the patrol car, sitting there with the back door open.

The hog tried to veer off to the left, but Jimmy was there to block him and Bill was coming up behind him.  It did the only thing left – jumped into the back of the patrol car, squealing loudly when Jimmy slammed the door shut on it.

The car rocked as the hog tried to get out, but Bill leaned against it anyway: exhausted, muddy, and sweaty.  They’d gotten their pig, though.

Thankful for the plexiglass divider between them and the hog, they drove carefully back to the farmhouse.

If they expected thanks for their endeavours, they were sorely disappointed.  The woman just pointed them to a small pen and told them to put the hog there.  They drove up close to the gate and let the hog directly into the pen.

Exhausted and glad it was done, they collapsed in the seats of patrol car and gave each other a congratulatory fistbump.

That’s when they noticed the smell. 

It wasn’t Bill; he smelled of mud, thank goodness.

It was the backseat.  The hog had left them a great big shit right in the floorboard behind Jimmy.

“Poor guy was probably scared,” Jimmy said, using his undershirt to cover his nose.

“Poor guy?!” Bill asked incredulously.  “Damn pig probably knew exactly what he was doing.  Let’s go to the car wash and see if we can get it out.”

 

The smell didn’t come out.  It’d sunk into the car and their uniforms and for two weeks straight, Sarah made Bill undress in the garage before coming inside and going straight to the shower.

Sometimes, at least, she joined him.  She’d wash his hair – and other parts – for him and then they’d test their flexibility in the small shower.  He was almost disappointed two weeks later when the smell finally went away.

 

**May**

**June**

**July**

**August**

Bill came up behind Sarah and wrapped her in a hug.  He kissed her neck, working his way up to her ear.

Sarah waved him away.  “Stop, Bill, I’m not in the mood.”

Bill pulled away, pouting.  “But we’re trying to make a baby and we’ve got the evening free.”

Sarah turned around to look at him, frowning.  “I think I need a break this month.”

“A break?  What do you mean?”  Bill looked baffled.

Sarah bit her lip, thinking.  How to put this?  “I’m just not… turned on right now.  Too much sex ‘because we have to’ and not because we want to.”

“But _I_ want to.”

“And _I_ don’t.  At least not right now.”  Sarah sighed.  “Just…  Let’s take a break this month, okay.  See if next month isn’t better.”

“But…”  Bill pouted.  “ _I’m_ interested this month.”

“Bill!” Sarah fussed.  “You’re not listening to me.”

Bill reached out for her hands, but Sarah jerked them away.  “Babe, I’m trying to be romantic with you.”

Sarah took a deep breath.  “I know you are, Bill.  But I’m just not in the mood and probably won’t be for a while.  Sex has become too rote to be fun right now.  And it’s not you; it’s all the damned pressure to have a baby.”

Bill stuck his lip out like a little kid, but finally nodded.  “Got it.  Sex is no fun.  I need to up my game.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.  She could swear Bill was a teenager when it came to sex these days.  She wasn’t sure if he was that excited about the prospect of a baby or if he was just enjoying the excuses for sex.  Either way, _she_ wasn’t enjoying it the same way.

“Tell you what,” she offered.  “Let’s plan a date night and then see where it goes.  Show me this romantic side.”

Bill grinned slyly.  “Challenge accepted.”

~~~

 

Thirty years old.  Wow.  That was a big one, Sarah thought.  What was she going to do when she was no longer a twenty-something? 

Sarah sipped her mug of tea thoughtfully. Well, be a wife, she knew.  And for that, she was grateful.  Somewhere deep inside her, she’d always felt that no one would stick with her – but Bill had, and seemed like he was going to.

As for more, she wasn’t sure.  There was still a lot life could throw at them.

Sarah was shaken out of her reverie by the sound of the garage door – Bill coming home from work, finally.

“Finish what you’re doing,” he announced as soon as he got in the door.  “We’re going to the range tonight.”

“Spending my birthday at the range?  Who said I’d like that?” Sarah asked jokingly – Bill knew she always loved range time with him.

“Well, me,” Bill said, grinning cockily.  “C’mon, pack the ammo bag for .22s and let’s go.”

 

Thankfully, the sheriff’s department range was empty when they got there.  It was always so much less awkward without the machismo of Bill’s coworkers.

Bill pulled an unfamiliar gun bag out of the trunk of his SUV.  “Happy birthday, darlin’.  I thought you needed something newer than your great-grandfather’s rifle,” he said happily, handing the bag to her.

Sarah lit up.  She _had_ mentioned wanting a new rifle.  “Bill, that’s wonderful!”   She pulled the wooden rifle out of the bag.  It was beautifully polished and Bill had had her name etched into the stock.  Carefully holding the gun, she hugged her husband.  “This is perfect, thank you.”

Bill grinned as large as the Cheshire Cat.  “Want to test it out?”

“Of course!”

Sarah let Bill start prepping the rifles while she grabbed the targets and clothespins.  “You want paper or the pling-plings?” she asked, gesturing to the fair-like stand with rows of brightly-colored animal silhouettes.  Sometimes it was nice to hear the bullets hit metal and see something fall over.

“Paper’s good.  Sitting, standing, prone, bench?”

“Oh, benchrest, I think.  I don’t need a workout today.”  Sarah grinned and stepped up to the marked line in front of the stands.  “Range is cold?”

“Range is cold,” Bill replied matter-of factly.  Sure, with no one here but the two of them, she probably didn’t have to ask – the guns weren’t loaded yet and she trusted Bill not to accidentally shoot her – but it _was_ protocol and a good habit to keep.

Sarah headed downrange, spent casings crunching under her boots, and set up two rows of targets: one at fifty yards for herself and another at a hundred yards for Bill, who was going to shoot standing as usual.  Once she was back behind the range line, they both kitted up with glasses and earplugs.

Sarah smiled to see Bill had set her table up with three sandbags – he knew exactly how many she’d need to prop the rifle on – and two ammo trays.  She got settled in, but hung back from picking up her brand new rifle as Bill called for the range to go hot.  She watched him carefully as he slid in the magazine, shouldered his rifle, and started the routine.

 _Breathe.  Can’t be distracted, have to focus and be in control.  Fix stance, line up the sights – target center sitting atop the rear sight.  Deep breaths:  out, in, halfway out, hold and squeeze._ BANG.  _Hold position for follow-through, repeat from the breathing four times, relax, check the shots.  Reset stance and repeat until out of bullets, targets, or stress._

Each round Bill fired was a little steadier than the last, by the look of his targets – his shot groups were starting at quarter sized and would be the size of a dime by the time they left.  It was an accuracy Sarah knew she’d never develop.

Each time he relaxed between shot groups, his muscles contracted under his shirt and Sarah had to bite her lip.  God, he was hot when they were at the range.

She felt a shiver run down her and her pulse quicken.  Maybe…  She looked around to be sure they were the only ones there.

Very carefully, Sarah got up and walked to stand behind Bill.  When he paused to switch magazines, she rested a hand on his bicep.  “Range is cold now,” she said, just loudly enough to be heard through the earplugs.

Bill must have seen something in her eyes, because he slowly put down his rifle and stood there, breathing heavily already, as Sarah took off his safety glasses.  She set her own down on his table and pulled him down for a kiss.

He smelled of gunpowder and sweat – one of Sarah’s favorite combinations on him.  She kissed him deeply before taking her time exploring his neck.

“I thought…” Bill said, stammering, “I thought you weren’t in the mood.”

Sarah ran her hands under his t-shirt, feeling him flex his ab muscles.  “I’m in the mood now.”

“Well then.”  Bill slowly worked her shirt up.  “Better not pass up this opportunity.”  He knelt and kissed her stomach, making her laugh.

Sarah undid her pants and Bill slid them down before slipping his fingers under her panties.  She tried to hold in a moan, but was unsuccessful.

Stopping for a minute, Bill took off his own pants and underwear.  Picking up Sarah, he sat her on an empty bench and worked her panties down.  She spread her legs willingly for him.

Sarah was grateful the range was remote, because the two of them were not very quiet.

God, she loved this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued... 
> 
> There is a possibility that come the holidays, I might add in festive scenes once I am in the mood, if people are interested.
> 
> Tumblrs: hixystix/ihaveallthesefeelsokay
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did writing it and sharing it!


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